Pokemon Redneck - A Pokemon Red Parody!
by Trainer Ed
Summary: Look people. When you turn 20, it's possible you let yourself go. Pokemon turned 20. Do the math! Join Red (neck) on his drunken, Alcohol-filled rampage through Kanto, in a story rehashed so many times in the other games, except with different enemies! It's Gen 1, but not as you remember it! (I do not own any of the video games or properties mentioned in this fanfic.)
1. Pallet Town-A drunken origin!

**Chapter 1: Pallet Town- A drunken beginning!**

* * *

 ** _…_**

 ** _…_** ** _Hello there!_**

 ** _Welcome to the world of Pokemon!_**

 _My name is_ _ **Professor Oak**_ _. I am often referred to as the-_

 ** _"_** ** _Blah blah blah. Go on, mate!"_**

 _…_ _Excuse me?_

 ** _"_** ** _Skip the bloody song and dance! I know where this is! Y'know, everyone from here to 'Nova does! This world is populated by creatures called Pokemon, some use them to beat the crap outta other chaps, all that. Now, just git on with it! Don't have all Blardy day."_**

 _Ah. Alright._

 _Let's start with your name._

 ** _"…"_**

 _Your name?_

 ** _"…_** ** _Red. It's short for Redneck."_**

 _O…Okay. Moving on…_

 _This is my grandson. He's been your rival since you were both babies._

 ** _"_** ** _Babies, eh? Guess we fought in the womb a lot."_**

 _…_ _Sure. His name is-_

 ** _"_** ** _BOGAN! BOGAN!"_**

 _…_ _ **Blue**_ _…_

 _What, did you honestly think that I, a Pokemon professor, would forget the name of my grandson?_

 ** _"_** ** _Aww… But Bogan was the perfect name for him… Darn you being so smart!"_**

 _Now, are you a boy or a girl?_

 ** _"…_** ** _Wot, mate?"_**

 _Are you a boy or a girl?_

 ** _"…_** ** _Bloody hell. You can already tell, can't you?"_**

 _…_ _A girl?_

 ** _"_** ** _Oh, son of a- you dirty son of a Fennekin."_**

 _Wait, what are you-_ _ **SWEET ARCEUS, DON'T DO THAT! PULL YOUR PANTS BACK UP, DIRTY BOY!**_

 ** _"_** ** _Bloody hell. Well, guess this is where I leave. See you later, Oak!"_**

 _…_ _Why did I choose to do the introductions in the first place…_

* * *

 _This is_ _ **Pallet Town.**_ _A town where many budding trainers begin their journey. Where legends begin. Where our story shall begin. Where our hero shall set off from._ _ **What makes a hero? Courage? Wisdom? Power?**_ _Will this hero have the power to change the world as we know it? Is he strong enough to defeat all the vile hostilities that lie in the land of Kanto? Maybe he'll even change Kanto itself, forcing himself into legend…_

 **No.**

That's dumb.

You're dumb.

…

I'm dumb!

THREE CHEERS FOR **EQUALITY!**

* * *

The sun shone down on the small red roofed house, where our hero currently slept. All was well in the world…

 **"** **BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP! WAKE YO LAZY ASS UP, MOFO! BEEP BEEP!"**

Spoke too soon, methinks.

An alarm clock, followed by three shotgun blasts, sounded. Red sat up in bed, screaming, **"DIE DEMON CHARMANDER! KILL IT WITH BLOODY FIRE! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"**

* * *

 _This is_ _ **Red**_ _, an 18 year old redneck. His life/world may be completely screwed up, but dammit, let's leave that to the fan theorists to sort out! Red may be 18, but that's not gonna stop him from beginning a crazy, M-rated rampage through Kanto, is it?_ _ **IS IT?**_

* * *

Anyway…

Red looked at the smoking remains of his alarm clock, before shrugging, "Eh, I'll buy a new one later. Not that I'll need one." Nursing his small hangover, he pulled on his pants, his shotgun strapped on the side of his yellow hiking pack. He grabbed his hat off the nightstand, grabbed the last few bottles of VB out of the fridge, still slightly hung over, "Ah… Well, I need sufficient alcoholic supplies to make this journey."

And so, the insanity began.

 **CUE THE TITLE THEME!**

* * *

 _Trainer Ed productions present…_

 **POKèMON REDNECK VERSION**

 _ **THE PARODY!**_

* * *

The garage doors slowly opened, as two bright lights lit up the darkness. The loud rumbling of a powerful V8 engine filled Red's garage, as the smoke from the modified nitrous vents slowly seeped out from under the vehicle…

Red adjusted his shotgun's straps… **AND HE DROVE OUT! WE ARE OFF, PEOPLE! PLACE YOUR BETS!**

The modified red ATV carefully drove out of the garage, as Red donned his sunglasses. The wind blew through his hair, as he slammed the accelerator down.

He skidded down the small road, heading out of town. I mean, c'mon. He's not one to stick around. He's got a bloody mission!

"I'm running out of booze! Need to go get me some from that liquor store in Viridian City…" Red mumbled to himself, taking another swig of his moonshine out of the pouch he kept on his belt.

"Oh, yeah… I should also probably pick up my starter, but… _Alcohol first, important life decisions later!_ I mean, come **ON!** _Who's gonna stop me?_ "

Never have such falser words been spoken.

 **"** **STOP! WAIT! DON'T GO! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! PLUS, YOUR FOLKS WOULD SUE MY ASS OFF IF YOU LEFT TO DIE!"**

A Random Old Guy Wearing A Lab Coat appeared!

Now, Red may have had several felonies once, but he didn't intend to add homicide via drunk driving to the already long list.

 **"** **HOLY SHIZBUCKETS!"** Red screamed, skidding to a stop on his ATV, but not before accidentally running over a random Caterpie.

The old dude glared at Red, who chuckled nervously, _"Heh…Oops."_

"It's dangerous to go alone! Take- Wait." the Old Guy stared down at his script, "I got the wrong script again! **BOB!** "

* * *

 _Meanwhile…_

 _"_ _Wait! It's unsafe to go out in tall grass! Wild Pokemon live there!"_

 _Link raised an eyebrow, "Uh…"_

* * *

 _Back with the plot…_

"Oh, here's my spare copy. Ahem…"

" _It's unsafe! Wild Pokemon live in tall grass!"_ Oak explained, running his fingers over the front of Red's vehicle. In response, Red pumped his shotgun, "Hasn't stopped me before."

Professor Oak nodded, noting the ATV Red was riding on, "Yes. But maybe it's because you are running over everything in your way in that dirty great ATV? How about you walk through the grass, or use a Bike?" "Bikes R 4 Scrubs. Ya don't diss ma pimp ride, Y'hear! **Y'DON'T DO IT!** **IT HURTS SASHA'S FEELINGS!** " Red cried, windmilling his arms in the air for emphasis.

 _(A.N. The only female who would get within 1 metre of Red at this point in time was his twin sister,_ _ **Leaf**_ _. But then again, she was a Nurse Joy, meaning they didn't meet often…_ _ **He was lonely, OK?!**_ _)_

Oak sighed, "I know! Let's head to my lab! There, I shall give you your first Pokemon! Follow me."

The boy in red raised his hand, "Hold up. One statement and two questions. Firstly, it isn't really my first Pokemon. I mean, there was that time when I was ten and I had a pet Goldeen, but I accidentally left it in the freezer because I was an idiot, and it died of hypothermia."

 _(A.N. True story. Except it was a goldfish. Geez, I sure was stupid.)_

Oak blinked. At this point in time, he began reconsidering all of his life choices, "Uh, I see…" "Which brings me to my first question: Are we quite sure this Pokemon is suited for me?" Red asked, twiddling his fingers.

"Uh, well… The **Squirtle** has a **Bold** nature…"

"Boring."

"The **Bulbasaur** has a **Lonely** nature…"

"Uh huh…"

"And the **Charmander** …He has the extremely rare **Drunken Maverick** nature."

Red had a Joygasm! Red's Mental State rose sharply!

 **"** **DIBS!"** he whooped, dunking his fist multiple times. "Alright!" Oak chuckled, folding his arms, "But we need to head to my lab first to pick him up. Follow me."

"Waaaaiiiiittt. I haven't asked my second question: Are you sure you are actually a professor?"

"Yes."

"Then you'd be smart, right?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because your hand is smoking."

Oak looked down at his Hand! Hot Engine used Heat! It was Super Effective! Oak's Hand was Burned!

 **"** **YAGH! PUT IT OUT! PUTITOUT PUTITOUTPUTITOUTPUTITOUTPUTITOUTPUTITOUT!"** the professor screamed, dancing around screaming like a wuss. Our hero calmly squirted Burn Heal on the hand, " _For goodness sakes…_ Look, just give me my drunken companion so I can drink this all into oblivion."

"Alright." Oak whimpered, blowing out his smoking hand.

The duo entered the lab, Red's ATV carefully parked outside. Red was just walking along happily, whistling the Pokemon Theme Song. Finally! After all the things people had said about him, all the (drunken) criminal offences, 20 years after his journey logically **should** have started, he was finally going to be something! Something new! Someone who would fight for justice! Someone who would be the very best, like no one ever was! To catch them was his real test, and training his caus-

 **"** **Oi! Dumbass!"**

Red stopped whistling, _"You…"_

* * *

 _His eyes narrowed. He slowly turned behind him, as a sudden sandstorm struck up. A random tumbleweed blew past, as an equally random mariachi band (Consisting entirely of Abras wearing sombreros) played a few notes on a banjo._

 _The boy in green with orange hair glared back. He turned to face Red. Our hero slowly held his hand over his left thigh, where his Desert Eagle .50 lay, clipped in its holster._

 ** _"_** ** _This town ain't big enough for the two of us…"_** _the boy rasped, spitting on the sand. Red looked down, eyes shut…_

 _He opened his eyes, filled with strength, as he said in McCree's voice,_ _ **"It's high noon."**_

 **"** **STOP! BOTH OF YOU!"**

* * *

Oak stood between the two rivals, as a needle scratched a record.

"Aww! But I wanted to kick his ass!" both boys whined.

"Sorry, but we are on quite the tight schedule here." Oak explained, looking at his watch, "We need this story to be complete before 2016 is out, otherwise it won't be symbolic anymore!"

The duo exchanged looks, before Red asked a very important question, "Uh, did he forget to take his pills?"

 **Blue** rolled his eyes, "High…possibility…"

* * *

 ** _Blue_** _is Red's rival. Hey, you could already tell from the game's title; Pokemon Red and Blue/Green. Now, I'm not just saying this because I don't play the Japanese version, but this Blue is male._

 _…_ _Sorry, forgot this was an adaptation of the_ _ **game**_ _, not the_ _ **manga**_ _. Simple mistake. Both are similarly epic._

* * *

Oak shook his head, "Anyway, _step into my lair…_ I, uh, mean, lab."

Red rolled his eyes, walking in.

In the background, the Abra Band started playing 'Far Cry 4- The Clash'.

* * *

 _(A.N. This story is 100% orchestrated by The Abra Mariachi Band. That essentially means that there is a musical backing for most parts of this fanfic, so Red's adventure can have the awesome soundtrack it deserves! Each song belongs to their respective owners, but I might change some lyrics to fit the story. Other than that, I don't own any songs. Now that's outta the way, let's get on with it. Hit it!)_

* * *

 **"** **Here, there are 3 Pokemon. They are inside these Pokeballs."** Oak explained, motioning to the three balls, "Now, Red, please pick your starter."

Red walked up to the table, reaching out for Charmander's ball. Here it was. The first Pokemon he would get on his crazy adventure…

 _"_ _Ladies first!"_ he screamed, slamming Squirtle's ball into Blue's hand, before picking up Charmander's. Blue blinked, "Wait, wha- **HEY!** "

Red chortled madly, dashing out of the room, leaving a dust cloud in his wake, "Later, MOFOS! **WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** "

 _Repent, for the end of the world is near…_


	2. Viridian City-Advancing the Plot!

**Chapter 2: Viridian City- A GameBoy Advances, as does the plot!**

* * *

(Come and Get Your Love- Redbone [Guardians of The Galaxy Opening song])

 **"** **When we last left our mentally unstable 'hero', he was on his way to Viridian City on the first leg of his journey. His quest for alcohol, the fuel for his quest, began here. Little does he know, he'll run into a familiar friend…"**

 **"** **Ok, maybe not really a friend…"**

* * *

Red drove into the city, bobbing his head to the music, "Gotta love these sweet tunes. Hey, when I beat the league, how 'bout we all go drink at a pub or somethin'?" The lead Abra chuckled, nodding. This was because he was an alcoholic. Darn, and this was rated E…?

Charmander sat on his new trainer's shoulder, attempting to reach for the booze clipped on Red's belt. Red noticed this, rubbing his starter's small belly, "I know, **Char**. However, we can't afford to waste any more alcohol until we get to Viridian City. Geez, and this road's a lot longer than I remember…"

(FireRed- Route 1 theme)

Suddenly, Red spotted a man on the side of the road. He jumped off his vehicle, "Oh, Arceus. Finally! **Finally!** _How much further is it to Viridian City?_ "

The small man smiled, "I work at Viridian City PokeMart!" "That's nice." Red deadpanned, "How-" "We sell all kinds of items for budding trainers!" the man continued, paying no heed to Red. "That's _kinda_ what stores do." Red yawned impatiently, "But how-" "I know! I'll give you a free sample! Here!"

The random dude handed Red a Potion, still smiling. He didn't seem to notice Red becoming slowly more and more agitated, his face becoming the same colour as his name, **"How. Much. Further. To. Viridian. City?!"**

"We hope you buy from us soon!" the man smiled, as Red's left eye twitched.

(Music stops)

Red sent out Char! Char used Ember! Red used BitchSlap! The idiot advertiser fainted!

Red flew into a blind rage, punching a tree several times, **"LISTEN, MOFO! I NEED MAH BOOZE TO WORK, AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW FAR IT IS TO VIRIDIAN CITY BECAUSE I TAKE THE BUS THERE, SO YOU GONNA TELL ME HOW FREAKING FAR IT IS!"**

(DeathBattle Theme)

Char sweatdropped, sighing. He watched with great confusion as his trainer singlehandedly demolished a tree with his bare fists, before firing his shotgun wildly at an unfortunate Ho-oh who happened to be flying overhead, as well as pretty much anything that moved.

(Needle scratches record)

Suddenly, Red stopped, looked down, and realized where he was. The redneck's eyes shrunk, _"Oh, son of a goat."_

 _For he was standing in a patch of tall grass._

 _And a gang of pissed Pidgeys were glaring at him with various shotgun wounds._

Our hero hopped back on his ATV, picking up Char in a hurry and strapping his shotgun back on his back, **"ARCEUS IS A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTCCCCCCHHHH!"**

* * *

(Metal Gear Solid- Encounter)

 ** _And so, they drove!_** _The flock of Pidgeys were hot on our protagonist's tail, as Char sent some falling to the ground smoking like he was a freaking AA Gunner! Some even exploded when they hit the ground like fighter jets! As for Red…Well?_

 **"** **Alright, THAT'S IT!"** the bogan snapped, skidding to a stop, **"I'm no Ash!"**

(Pokemon Theme (Gotta Catch Them All!)- Season 1)

He stood up, shotgun raised, **"Listen, do you know who I am?! I'M RED, AND I WILL BE THE GREATEST TRAINER IN THE WORLD! AND YOU! ARE! DEAD! MEAT!"**

Taking no heed to the small, cheesy speech Red just ripped off from Ash, the Pidgeys dove at him, looking and sounding like a squadron of aircraft diving at their target. Said target glared at them, **"So be it!"**

 **"** **I Don't Know Fire Arms! IDKFA!"**

 **Very Happy Ammo was added.**

(Doom (The movie) - First Person Shooter)

All of a sudden, the trainer pulled out a _BFG 9000_ , as the lead Pidgey's eyes shrunk. The cheater's mouth blossomed into an evil grin.

 _ **"**_ _ **Surprise, Motherfucker."**_

* * *

Several massive explosions flashed through the woods, tearing trees out of the ground and launching them into the air. A flock of Pidgeys flew away, as blood and body parts from their fallen allies who were unlucky enough to get in the blast radius of Red's plasma fury.

 _On this day, the Pidgey population of Route 1 suffered a great blow._

Somewhere in Microsoft, a small tear of joy fell from a certain space marine's eye.

* * *

 **"** **DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Red marched through the forest, forgoing his ATV (Now safely stowed in a Pokeball) and blasting a path across the route with his plasma cannon. Behind him, his Charmander took care of any stragglers with his own, smaller version of the BFG.

Truly, it was a sight to behold.

* * *

(FireRed- Viridian City)

Finally, leaving a burning trail of destruction in his wake, Red marched into the city. Absolutely nobody seemed fazed by the fact that the entire of Route 1 was on fire, nor the fact Red was wielding a Big Fragging Gun. With a small shrug, Red loaded it back into hammerspace, "Now that was easy."

He wiped blood off his face, before entering the Pokemon Centre to chat up the Nurse Joy. Well, what else was a lonely, still slightly hung over man gonna do?

* * *

(SSBB- Pokemon Centre)

Red walked up to the nurse, handing her Char's ball, "Heal please. Hey, have you noticed that Pidgey populations have been decreasing rapidly recently? Maybe it is because of the _heat_ here… If you know what I mean?"

The nurse cocked her head slightly, "Really? Is that how you talk to _your sister?_ "

Red froze, mid-alcohol swig. Then he choked. It was a really bad idea to freeze mid-swig. Spitting out the moonshine, Red looked up at the Nurse. He was promptly met with a pair of brown eyes staring into his. They belonged to the nurse, who had long brown hair instead of the pink hair associated with the organisation.

"… **Leaf?!** "

* * *

 ** _Leaf_** _is Red's twin sister, and is similar to Red, but only a little. Think Bonnie and Clyde, except Leaf would slap Red every time he suggested they rob a bank (Which he has. It didn't even get started…). While she is slightly less alcoholic than him, she still finds herself enjoying the occasional bottle of Sake every now and again._

 _Hold on a second. This fic is a retelling of Pokemon Red. Leaf only appeared in Pokemon Leaf Green!_ _ **WHAT THE HECK IS SHE DOING HERE?!**_

* * *

Leaf shook her head, placing the ball on the Team Healer, "Red, did you just start your journey?" Red smiled, nodding, " _Hell fucking yeah._ Ran into a random guy on the way. I think he's dead." Leaf shook her head, "Nah, we just can't find the cash for hiring that sort of guy these days. We just got these really lifelike robots from Hoenn and advertise using them."

The trainer sighed, "Damn. Now I need to satiate my bloodlust some other way…"

Leaf slapped him, " **No!** Red, listen. I know I'm your sister, but I won't follow you with this! You need to justify what you do, or at least grow a sense of justice. Like… Like…"

A siren sounded. All the random patrons in the centre looked at the PA. Leaf looked up, " **Alright. It's game time."**

She reached into her uniform's pocket, pulling out a pokeball and a pistol, "Red, watch."

Several people wearing a black uniform with a red R on the front stormed in, "PREPARE FOR TROUBL-" They froze, as Leaf calmly flicked the Pokeball onto the ground with her middle finger.

 ** _"_** ** _Get off mah lawn."_** she growled, as her Ivysaur came out and she aimed her gun.

(Attack on Titan- Opening 2)

The Ivysaur fired a SolarBeam, as Leaf opened fire with her pistol. The grunts gasped, ducking and running, as Leaf blasted two full clips from her gun into the attacking party, "That's right, you lot! You chose the wrong Nurse Joy to mess with! Not that I'm worried, mind you!"

Inspired, Red grabbed his own shotgun, blasting wildly away, "Of course! How could I have been so blind?! I'll fight Team Rocket!" Leaf smiled, "See, now you get my drift! It is clearly more worthwhile, not to mention enjoyable, to fight against those who want to see our world burn."

The brother and sister finally sent out their Pokemon, Ivysaur blasting out SolarBeam once more, and Charmander launching several Embers at the screaming goons.

Leaf stormed outside, **"ALL YOU WOUNDED AND ALL YOU DYING TELL YOUR BOSS YOU'RE GONNA NEED MOAR THAN THAT TO STOP** **_LEAF BUDWEINER!_** " Red gasped, clamping a hand over her mouth, "Leaf! Do you want the bad guys to know our last names?!"

A grunt giggled, "Bud…WEINER?! Heh…"

Leaf's eyes flashed red for a few seconds, as flames gathered around her fist, _"Well, time to kill the witness."_

The grunt gasped, "Oh, motherfuckin-"

* * *

(F-Zero Anime: The Meaning of Love (FALCON PAWNCH!))

There was a massive explosion from the Pokemon Centre, as an incredible red light radiated out of every single window and the doorway…

 _Then_ it exploded!

 _ **"**_ _ **LLLLEEEEEEAAAAAAAFFFFFFFF PUNCH!"**_

* * *

Red stood back up, dusting off his shirt, "Wow. _What the hell just happened?_ "

Leaf's nurse uniform had not survived her punch, and all that remained was her trusty old blue singlet, a red miniskirt and her white bucket hat with a pink semicircle and hem. She blew on her smoking fist, retrieving Ivysaur and kicking a grunt's comatose figure, "As you can see, I'm _fighting_ fit. We hope to see you _again…_ _ **If you dare!**_ "

The terrorists who had miraculously survived the punch gaped, before one came up with a logical idea in his little noggin, **_"CHEESE IT!"_**

The entire squad ran away, screaming for their mommies, as Leaf tossed the unconscious grunt on a pile of other enemies in a similar state, "That'll teach them to post _inflation_ pictures of me on _Deviantart!_ "

Red nervously deleted half of his entire camera roll on his phone, breaking out into a cold sweat. _"Ah! The sacrifices I have to make on my adventure are all too great… But I must make them…"_ he sadly thought.

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed: Pokemon Centre)

Leaf jumped back over the counter, dusted off her hands, and resumed service, "Alright. Ahem… _Welcome to our Pokemon Centre! Do you want me to heal your Pokemon?_ "

Red blinked, "How did you manage to pull that off-" Leaf grabbed the scruff of his shirt, becoming deadly serious, _"It's a yes or no question, buster._ _ **Answer.**_ " Our hero yelped, " **Okay! I'll heal them! Please don't shank meeee!"**

The girl placed him back on the ground, dusting off her hands, "Alright. _Allow me to take your Pokemon for a second._ " The redneck raised a single finger, "Now hold on a second. Char is _my_ pokemon. I can't just hand it over to-" The nurse cracked her knuckles, collecting blue energy between her palms, **_"Hadooouuuu-"_**

The trainer tossed Char over the counter, screaming, **"I DON'T WANNA DIE!"**

Leaf calmly placed the ball onto the Team Healer, restoring the Charmander to full health, before handing it back to Red, now curled up into a ball in the foetal position, _"Thank you! Your Pokemon are fighting fit!_ "

Leaf bowed, " _We hope to see you again!"_

Red froze, slamming a fist on the table, "Wait! **YOU WANT MY POKEMON TO GET HURT?!** "

Leaf pulled out her glasses, a blackboard appearing out of nowhere behind her, "Well, no. You see, the line 'Your Pokemon are fighting fit, we hope to see you again!' is actually a shortened version of a little ditty us Nurse Joys used to sing. Want me to sing the full song?"

If there's something you should know about Leaf's singing, it's that she has the voice of a few thousand angels. But Red can't stand it. He preferred the drunken singing in the local pub, to be honest. Insensitive bitch.

Red back-flipped out the door quickly, **"Nothanksnotimetolistengottarunokaybye!"**

* * *

(Pokken Tournament- Main Theme)

Leaf placed a hand on her chin, "Hmm…" She turned to the Clefairy standing next to her, "Cancel…all my appointments for the next months. _I have someone to help out…_ " Leaf tore off her uniform, clipped on her gun onto her belt, picked up her yellow messenger bag with purple VS seeker, and leaped over the desk.

 _"_ _Let's-a-go!"_

 _With that, Red's second companion joined his crazy team!_

* * *

The Clefairy blinked, as a girl wearing a red headband and white gloves walked in. May blinked, picking up the uniform, "Alright. Looks like I'm going to do this, then…"

* * *

(The Legend of Zelda, Twilight Princess- Malo Mart Theme)

 ** _"_** ** _WHAT THE FREAKING HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE NO GODDAMN ALCOHOL?!"_**

The bartender shook his head, "Sorry, Red. I'm just afraid we have not much time these days to brew moonshine." The scarlet trainer sighed, rubbing the back of his head, "Fine, what is the next strongest thing?" "We only have some of this **South Orran Tequila**. It's so strong, only **one** person is known in its **entire history** to have been able to drink an entire bottle in one sitting, and she was a **commando**."

That would do nicely.

Red handed the man his cash, "Thanks. I was worried I wouldn't be able to find something of my calibre." "We hope to see you again!" the clerk smiled, handing him the iron flask with the brand engraved.

Suddenly, Leaf dashed in, "Red! I changed my mind!" Her brother gasped, "Leaf?!"

* * *

(Roll's Theme- Where the Wind Blows.)

Leaf nervously kicked the ground, "Red… I think that maybe… **We should go together.** I always wanted to travel, ever since I was born. And… Well, I have way too much free time on my hands." Red blinked, "Waaaiittt. I need to check something."

Leaf gave a small smirk, pulling a solar-powered Team Healer out of her skirt, "It's true; **Nurse Joys DO carry Team Healers tucked up their dresses!** "

 **"** **SCORE!"** The protagonist whooped, dunking his fist and hugging Leaf, " **YAY HEALER GET!** Hey, you don't suppose you can talk to Pokemon and speak Mexican too, right?" Leaf rolled her eyes, "I'm not _that kind_ of healer, bro. Plus, its Spanish."

The clerk looked at the rejoicing duo, "Hey, you came from Pallet Town, right? Can you deliver this package to Professor Oak?"

A needle scratched a record.

* * *

Red turned to face the band, one of which was holding a record player. He shrugged, before joining in staring at the clerk like he was crazy with Leaf, "Wait. What?"

(The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword- Groose's Theme)

"Yes. Listen, random hung over stranger and his female companion. I need to get this vital package over to Oak A.S.A.P! Please help me." The shop keeper explained. Leaf pounded the table, "Whatever happened to sending it to him via mail?!" "It's not an attachment!" the clerk shot back, "Besides, I don't even know his Email!"

The annoyed nurse stared at the camera, "Give me a second."

* * *

 _We apologize for the censorship of this scene. It was incredibly violent and bloody, making this fic rated XXXXXXXXX if it was shown. As such, Leaf summoning Chuck Norris to completely and utterly decimate an innocent civilian shall never be seen. We apologise._

* * *

Leaf climbed out of the crater, holding the parcel, "Alright, let's get this to Oak. I bet it's full of his crap, like _Pokeboy_ or something." Red sighed, pulling out his BFG, "Allow me."

Leaf yawned, "Really?"

Blue was busy bitching around the front of Oak's lab with his Squirtle, when a loud rumbling sound shook Pallet Town. In terror, several villagers started running and jumping into Route 21 to escape almost-certain burning firey death. Not Blue, though. Why?

Because he was listening to his PokePod. Duh.

(It's a long way to the top- ACDC)

 ** _"_** ** _Ridin' on the highway!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Going to a show!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Stopping on the byways!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Playin Rock 'n Roll!"_**

Red burst in through Route 1, BFG smoking, "Whazzap, Bogan?"

Blue stared at Red for a few seconds, "You still play Doom?" The scarlet trainer shrugged. Leaf ran up, the package firmly clipped on her bag, "Red, the package."

 _Blue's eyes widened when he caught sight of Leaf. His eyes widened…_

Leaf stared back, "What 'cha lookin' at?"

 _In seconds, the love struck boy ran over…_

 _And began feeling up the package strapped on her back. "How did they manage to wrap it up so elegantly?" Blue swooned, kissing the cardboard, "Such beauty… How is it I can fall in love with this…"_

Leaf looked at Red in shock. The redneck shrugged, "You get used to it."

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed- Route 25)

"Hello, Red!" Oak smiled, "How is Char coming along?" Red yawned, "In the exact time space of 10 minutes, I beat 8 gyms, kicked all the asses of terrorists, and moved to Mt Silver. Of course I haven't done anything!"

Leaf shoved the parcel into Oak's hands, "Here's the Pokeboy. Do you thang, perv."

Oak opened the box eagerly, "Oh, yes! The **BS Ball** arrived!" The two siblings looked confused, "Isn't it… The **GS Ball**?"

The professor chuckled, "Well, it used to be, but these days, us professors send it between each other and purposely get it lost in the mail for other professors who expect an important parcel, but get this shit instead! It's **BS!** "

Both of them facepalmed.

Oak wrapped it up again, "I'm sending it to Birch. He's been a real dick to me recently… Anyway, I guess you needed something…Soo… Here!"

A trio of red devices. Red picked one up, "A Nintendo DS? Wait, they won't be invented for another few decades!" Oak sighed, "Red, this is 2016. You're playing this on a _3DS_. This isn't freaking 1996."

Red shrugged, "Then I guess this is my high-tech encyclopaedia, which automatically records information on Pokemon I've caught." Oak slapped him, "Hey, look here. I'm the boss; I do introductions. Anyway…"

"This is the **Pokedex**. It automatically records information on Pokemon you've caught. It's a high-tech encyclopaedia!"

"But that's what I just said!"

 **"** **SCIENCE IS SO MOTHERFUCKING AMAZING!"**

Oak stared at Leaf. Red stared at Leaf. Blue stared at Leaf. Char stared at Leaf. Squirt stared at Leaf. Ivy stared at Leaf. The Abra Mariachi band stared at Leaf. Ed stared at the screen. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

Leaf shrunk, "It was in the script, okay? It's not that impressive, anyway. Seriously, why couldn't you get us a hologram, like Calem or Serena have, or a monoset like those guys in Pokken have? I love those things!" Oak shrugged, "I'm a poor man, sue me. Anyway, to create a guide on all the Pokemon in the world… **That was my dream!** "

Red looked at him silently, thinking silently to himself, _'His… Dream?... I wish I had a goal… Too bad I'm just a drunken bastard…'_

"But, I'm too old to do it myself! So, go, brave heroes! Travel across Hyrule! Collect the 3 sacred stone- Oh, wrong script. I mean… Red, go! Spread amongst the land, and complete the Pokedex!"

* * *

 _And so it began…_

(Ocarina of Time- The Master Sword's Theme)

 _Red held the device in his hands, a beam of heavenly light shining down upon it. In an instant, the legend was born, the memories imbued in the red box before him. The memories of a hero… The regrets of an orphan… The fury of a warrior… and the lost love of the hero's loved one… And a new duo of souls, one of a wearied soldier, and another of a brave everyman, his soul hidden beneath iron and steel…_

 _It shone, before clamping shut, and declaring in its female synthetic voice, "Hello,_ _ **Red.**_ _"_

 _Red couldn't help but smile._

* * *

 _(A.N: Did you spot the nods to Red, Green, Blue and Yellow in that scene? But those last two… Hmm…)_

Red held up the Dex, "I'll do as you say! Just like every single other Trainer did! Let's go, Leaf!" Leaf smiled, "That's the spirit! Smell you later!"

(Pokemon Origins- Title Theme)

The duo marched out, ready to take on the world, throwing open the doors of the lab. Oak smiled. These were moments he was glad to be live for. His grandson saluted, "You can count on me, Gramps! Just watch! I bet that I'll complete it before Red does!"

Red poked his head in, "I dare you to try!"

* * *

 _5 minutes later…_

(Record player slows, then stops)

Red slumped over the bed, " **GAAAAHH! 151 FREAKING POKEMON! TOO…MUCH…EFFORT!"** Leaf tiredly nodded, slumping on the bench on top of Red, "Agreed… How about we go and upload all the information off Bulbapedia."

Red stopped. Cheating on such a momentous tale would be immoral, and it would disgrace the clothes he wore. The fanbase saw Red as a hero. One who would stand for justice, take the hard path to glory and all that was true. Cheating flew against all he stood for…

Then again…

He **did** make a bet.

 **And Redneck never loses a bet.**

He shrugged, "Whatever. I'm good with that."


	3. Viridian Forest-Redneck de Pueblo Paleta

**Chapter 3: Viridian Forest: Redneck de Pueblo Paleta strikes!**

* * *

(Pokemon Red: Gym)

 _ **"**_ _ **When we last left our 'heroes', they were completing the Pokedex! And… Cheating… apparently… Huh… They left Pallet Town for their next victim- I mean, Gym! With Char by his side, Pokeballs in his bag, and booze in his flask, Red's story has just begun… Or something. Don't ask me. I'm just the announcer. Anyway, today, Red finally stops stalling and actually starts doing all the shit he was gonna do in the first place! YAY! What challenges await him? What more cheesy overused music will fit the current situation? Find out now!"**_

* * *

 ** _Viridian Forest._**

A long, dark place, full of bugs, trainers, grass, trees, Spanish psychic girls with The Force who cross-dress, dirt and… more dirt.

 ** _People say that those born in the Viridian are imbued with a power. The power of the forest itself, bestowed upon an incredible individual. Some use it for their own, twisted purposes…_**

 ** _Some people use it to change the world as we know it…_**

Uh, Yellow, I'm doing the narrating here.

 _ **Sorry! I'll just sit back here, then!**_

…Right. Let's cut to the chase!

* * *

A Pidgey pecked at the ground, pulling up a worm. It smiled to itself, gobbling it up happily before letting out a soft burp. Nothing could ruin this perfect day…

An ATV roared past, narrowly avoiding turning the flying-type into roadkill. From the ATV came obscene lyrics, as its partially tipsy driver sang along to his MP3 player.

 _ **So much for that…**_

* * *

(Ridin' Dirty- Chamillionaire)

 **"** **THEY SEE ME ROLLIN'!"**

 **"** **THEY HATIN'!"**

 **"** **PATROLLIN',"**

 **"** **THEY TRY TO CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY!"**

Our 'hero' rode along, Leaf clinging onto the back of his ATV for dear life. Red's driving was terrible, and his singing wasn't making it any better. Plus, he decided to drink all his VB at Viridian City, so…

Leaf tapped her brother's shoulder,"Red."

 **"** **TRY TO CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY!"**

 _"_ _Red."_

 **"** **TRY TO CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY!"**

 ** _"_** ** _RED!"_**

(Needle scratches record)

Red froze. The Abra Mariachi Band froze. Sasha froze. The narrator froze. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

Leaf folded her arms, "Red, do you know where we're heading?" "Sure… We're on a one way trip to hell, and I'm driving the bus…" Red muttered, suddenly depressed. Char sweatdropped.

Our protagonist perked up, "I know! I'm gonna catch a Pokemon! It'll be fun, **AND** advance the plot!"

"But that was last chapt-" Leaf began, before realising Red was pulling a white device out of his bag, "What are you doing?"

Red smirked, tossing the device on the ground and tapping a button, "Easy! I'm putting down **incense** , so Pokemon will get attracted to our location!" "Uh, this isn't Pokemon Go."

Red blinked, as the purple smoke swirled around him, "Wha-"

* * *

(Mario 64- Title theme)

 **"** **GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF! THEY'RE EATING MAH BRAINS!"**

Well, that ended well.

Red was now on the ground, firing his shotgun around him wildly, as hundreds of Rattatas, Pidgeys, Caterpies and even Kakunas swarmed him. Leaf's eyes bugged out, **"HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL! WHAT IS IN THIS SHIT?!"**

She picked up the incense, inspecting it:

* * *

 **WARNING!**

This **Incense** uses pheromones to attract wild Pokemon to your location. It should not be used to attract Pokemon for catching, especially if you are an idiot. My god, what do you think this is, damn **Pokemon Go**? Idiot. Now you're gonna sue us because it made hundreds of Rattatas, Pidgeys, Caterpies and even Kakunas swarm you! **GODDAMMIT IT WAS YOUR OWN FREAKING FAULT FOR NOT READING THE FUCKING FINE PRINT, AND IF YOU DO SUE US, WE'LL GET OUR DITTO TO RIP OFF YOUR DAMN TESTICLES AND MAKE YOU EAT THEM!**

Thank you for buying this product of Team Rock- I mean, uh, Silph Co.

* * *

Leaf sighed, tossing the device over her shoulder, "Damn Silph Co. They suck. Unless they come up with something cool, like a scope that can see ghosts or a Pokeball that can catch anything, I hate them."

Char finally stopped taking incriminating photos and began to set each and every Pokemon on fire. This caused them all to fall off Red, screaming as they set the nearby vegetation on fire. Unfortunately, this also had the side effect of burning Red's skin.

Red weakly looked up at Leaf, "Wh…What happened…?"

"I think parts of your face are gone." she observed, "Huh. Maybe throwing pheromones was a bad idea."

Red screamed skywards, " **RAAAAAAACCCCHHHHHEEEEELLLLL!"**

* * *

"Well, that was hairy." Red commented, looking good-as-new as he kept on riding. Leaf nodded, "I still don't know how you did that.""Meh."

(Metal Gear Solid- Alert (!) Sound Effect)

Suddenly, a girl with blond hair with a ponytail tucked into her straw hat ran up, "Hey! You have Pokemon! Let's battle!" Red scoffed, "Kid, I don't have time for games. I got a league to beat-"

The girl glared at Red, growling, "I'm no kid…"

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

(Pokemon Red- Trainer Battle!)

 **[** ** _Trainer Red_** **was challenged by** ** _Viridian Girl Yellow!_** **]**

(A.N. **HOLY SHIT YELLOW'S HERE!11!11!11!11111!1!** )

Red blinked, "Wait! I never agreed to this! We can't just fight!"Yellow shrugged, "Yeah, that's how this world works. I know it's weird, but hey, what are you gonna do. Hey, you look familiar…" Our protagonist shrugged, "In another life, maybe. But not today!"

Yellow pulled out a Pokeball on a fishing rod, "GO! **_CHUCHU!_** "

 _Viridian Girl Yellow sent out Pikachu!_

Leaf sniggered, " **Chuchu**? Really? That sounds like a name a 4 year old would call a train!" Yellow pouted, "Hey!"

"It's true, though! It's not like a Pokemon with a name like that would do something cool, like _save the world when a hidden power within all the Gym Badges united tried todetonate an active volcano_ , or _save me when I'm frozen in ice_!" Red chuckled, "Heck, can you imagine that? I wouldn't be seen dead saved by Yellow!"

* * *

 _Meanwhile, in the manga…_

Red sneezed.

* * *

 _"_ _GO FOR IT!_ _ **CHAR!**_ _"_

Red swung his fist, taunting Yellow, "Alright! Let's do this! _BATTLE ROUTINE, SET!_ _ **EXECUTE!**_ "

 _Trainer Red used Taunt! It… Wasn't exactly 'effective'…_

 _Char used A Random Fire Attack! Chuchu fainted!_

Yellow gritted her teeth, "You wanna be that way? Alright, let's dance! **_KITTY!_** "

(Super Smash Bros 4- Ryu's Stage (Street Fighter))

 _Viridian Girl Yellow sent out Butterfree!_

Red held up some flash cards, "No, Yellow. That is a butterfly. This…" He held up a card with a Litten on it, "This is a cat. C-A-T. Cat."

"Hey, I can call it whatever I want!" Yellow barked, levitating a random rock to smack Red in the face.

 _Viridian Girl Yellow used Rock Throw! Woah! How did that happen?_

Leaf gasped, "Wait, you have-" Yellow blushed, smiling, "Yeah… It's a secret to everybody…" Red nodded, "I understand. Don't worry. I forget stuff like this after the battle." "Alright! But it's not over yet!"

 _Char used Ember! Char's attack missed!_

 _'_ _Kitty' used Needle Cannon!_

Suddenly, a boy in blue teleported in, firing a few plasma bolts at the butterfly, "Excuse me, Official Capcom business here. Yeah, Kitty, You can't use that move. It is 100% copyrighted by Needle Man, so… I'm going to have to sue."

 _Megaman used Copyright Laws! It was Super Effective on Kitty's Wallet! Capcom's money increased slightly! Veeeerrrrryyy Slightly…_

Megaman nodded, teleporting away, "Have a nice day, and only buy legal Capcom products."

(A.N. I do not own Capcom, or Mega Man. If I did… *Laughs evilly*)

Red nodded slowly, "Uh, sure… Leaf, what about you? I mean, you-" **"KAAAMMEEEEEEHAAAAMEEEEEE-"**

 _Viridian Girl Yellow sent out Mewtwo! Holy shit, you're fucked!_

Leaf gulped, "Red, we don't know what we're up against! Mewtwo's impossibly strong, and Char's too small to stop him!" Our hero smiled, as did his Pokemon.

Suddenly, 3 yellow triangles appeared around Mewtwo's crotch. Char began strafing around Mewtwo, before jumping and slashing at his crotch repeatedly. Mewtwo let out a scream, falling to his knees, as Char finally punched him in the face.

 _Char used Z-Targeting!_ _ **Hey! Listen!**_

Yellow gaped, as Red shrugged.

"What? It was a massive boss against a small hero. What was I supposed to do, fail?"

(Pokemon Red- Battle Complete!)

 **[You defeated** ** _Viridian Girl Yellow!_** **]**

 _"…_ _How does that even…"_

 _Char learnt Never Use Copyrighted Moves!_

 _Char learnt When All Else Fails, Z-target!_

 _The Reader learnt Screw The 4 Move Rule, This Is How I Roll!_

Red got _1000PKD_ and _Yellow's Manga Collection (200000PKD)!_

* * *

(Kid Icarus Uprising- Dark Pit)

Yellow shook Red's hand, "Nice fighting you! I hope we meet again!" Red nodded, before his soft side showed for a brief moment, "Can I… Hug you? You're so damn cute!"

"Of course!"Red hugged Yellow happily, as the Red X Yellow fanbase laughed to itself. There, I did it. Red and Yellow hugged. Happy? Good. Leaf smiled, ruffling Yellow's hair, "Well, see you later… _Amarillo!_ Tootles!"The duo mounted their bike once more, riding into the forest.

Yellow smiled, " _He's going to be a wonderful hero one day._ _ **I believe it.**_ "

Agreed, Yellow.

 ** _"_** ** _Wanna go eat a buritto?"_**

Why not?

(Pokemon Red- Viridian Forest)

Red sighed, "Well, this chapter was a bust. Sure, we got to fight someone famous, sure, and I got this sweet box set of this manga called _'Pokemon Adventures'_ , but other than that, this sucked. I didn't even catch a Pikachu!"

Leaf smirked, "Actually, while you were beating up Amarillo back there, I actually found one hidden right over… There!"

Red skidded his bike to a stop, flawlessly jumping off and throwing a Pokeball at the Pikachu. It was captured without even shaking. Leaf's jaw dropped, _"How did you…"_

 _Red smirked, "Woman,_ _ **I'm freaking Red.**_ _"_


	4. Pewter City-Put him back in his place!

**Chapter 4: Pewter City- Somebody better put him back into his place!**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Gym)

 **"** **When we last left our 'heroes', they were kicking ass in Viridian Forest, met a famous girl from another dimension, and caught their first Pokemon! That's awesome, even though that last part was shoehorned in. That was random. But sue me, why don't you? I was tired! I was running out of ideas for the chapter! Anyway… We now return to Red, who is on his way to fight his way through his first Gym! HUZZAH! Will he make the cut? Will Leaf actually start doing something other than commenting on Red's predicament? Will the Red X Yellow Fans have their thirst satiated again (No. Sorry.)? FIND OUT NOW!"**

* * *

(Pokemon Fire Red- Pewter City)

Red drove into town, whooping, **"ALRIGHT! NOW TO ACTUALLY KILL SOMEONE FOR A GOOD CAUSE!"** Leaf blinked, "Uh… Sure. Whatever.I'm sure that you'll have no moral qualms about beating up a guy who is short-sighted and has to take care of his siblings because his own father is too busy selling _rocks_. Genius."

Red didn't respond. He was handing over a few hundred dollars for a glowing stone on a necklace.

Leaf slapped him, "IDIOT! You wasted cash on a rock!" Red hung it around Char's neck, "Leaf, this is a **Charizardite X**. When Char here grows and becomes big, strong and sexy enough, he'll be able to **Mega Evolve**!" "Yeah, but that'll take too long! And besides, you need to be using your own Mega Stone to power it up!"

Red sweatdropped, "I forgot… Stupid rock seller! One day, I swear I'll cut him."

* * *

After doing some weird stuff like attempting to moonwalk (I can't either. Sad times...), Red finally entered the Pokemon centre. There, he decided to sing a song! Why? Because he was bored? Yeah, let's go with that…

(Pokemon X- Pokemon Centre)

 ** _"_** ** _Hot Damn, Nurse Joy, you so sexy!"_**

Leaf stared at Red, "Huh?"

 ** _"_** ** _Please will you give me your number!"_**

The nurse blinked, confused, as Red continued.

 ** _"_** ** _Screw healing my Pokes!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I wanna make love with you!"_**

The Nurse Joy stared, mortified, at Red.

 ** _"_** ** _Please give me you number, bitch!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _So I can stalk you in you sleep!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Give me your number today!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll break in your house!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _And rape you with my eyes!"_**

Leaf finally slapped Red, "Sorry. He's been seeing a psychiatrist about it. Please heal." The Nurse nodded, "Um… Okay."

(A.N. Made that up myself. Which gives you an idea what I think about when I'm procrastinating... :D)

* * *

Red stepped outside, holding his Pikachu's ball, "Alright! Let's look at this! **Go! CHEAP PLOT DEVICE!** " He tossed it on the ground, and lo and behold, **A PIKACHU CAME OUT!** What were you expecting, **John Cena?**

If so...

(John Cena- The time is now (U can't see me)!)

 **"DAHDAHDAH DAAAAAH!DAHDAHDAH DAAAAAAAH!"**

* * *

Red poked the Pikachu repeatedly, "I'm gonna call him **Trump**! You can't stumph the Trump!" The Pikachu, who was actually a girl, slapped him, "PIKA PIKA!"

Red blinked, "Uh... How about **Hikari**? I'm pretty sure it's Japanese for 'light', and Japanese names are the shit..." Leaf smiled, "Perfect! Now, let us take on the gym!"

(A.N. Megaman Battle Network... I don't own it. Just before anyone notices...)

(Metal Gear Solid 2: Main Theme)

Our heroes marched towards the gym, as the sun shone down upon them. Nothing would get in their way now! No man, no Pokemon, no enemy, no one! The legend was awakening!

Redneck adjusted his cap, standing before the gym doors, **"Ladies first."**

Leaf smirked, trotting in.

* * *

(SSB4- Ryu's Theme (Street Fighter))

Before them was a long wooden footpath made from bamboo, raised slightly over a floor made of solid rock. At the end of the path was a generic trainer… And the short-sighted squinting devil himself, **Brock**.

"Red, be careful!" Leaf explained, checking her strategy guide, "Brock may be the first Gym, but he fights hard! Hard like the rocks below you! Hard like his Onix's body! Hard like his di-" Red nodded, "I will. Alright, here I come!"

Red marched bravely towards his goal, fire in his eyes. This was it…

 **"** **Hey! What do you think you're doing?"**

Piss.

* * *

The generic trainer ran up, "You came to challenge Brock? **Forget it! You're a million Light Years from being as powerful as him!** " Red poked his chest, "Light Years measure distance, not time. And according to me…" The story paused, as I stared at the screen, counting the few pixels that stood between me and my first shiny.

"…I'm only literally about 20 pixels away. Meaning 20 metres, if Game Theory is correct… **Go back to school!** "

Red pushed him aside, and approached the boss, "Alright, battle time. Let's dance!"

* * *

(Megaman 3- Protoman's whistle)

 _Brock turned to face the challenger, "Hmm… A challenger. What brings you here?" Red smiled, removing his red cap to reveal his black hair, blowing in the wind,_ ** _"Talk is cheap."_** _Brock smiled, "Alright, show me your moves!"_

* * *

 **[Battle!]**

 **VS BROCK!**

(Pokemon Red- VS Gym Leader)

 _Brock sent out Geodude!_

Red replaced his cap backwards, a fringe of black hair flopping over his right eye, "Alright! Let's do this! Go! **Char!** "

The Fire-type looked over the floating orb, growling menancingly.

 _Geodude used Tackle! Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark!_

 _Char used Ember! It wasn't very effective…_

Brock laughed, "Ever heard of type advantages, kid? Your fire isn't effective against the power of my rocks! Geodude, **STRENGTH!** "

 _Geodude used Strength! Let's hope Obamacare is up to it…_

Char groaned, clutching his bleeding arm. Red turned to him, "Char, I need you to heat up a fireball. Hotter than it has ever been before! As hot as the sun!" His starter blinked, confused, before smiling in realisation.

The gym leader glared at Red, "C'mon! Is that all you have?" Red bowed his head, "Ever heard of _physics_ , kid?"

The fireball in Char's hands turned a bright red, then a blue colour.

Red pointed forwards, _"FIRE!"_

 _A rippling wave of blue energy burst forth, blasting a hole through the rock-type, molten rock in its wake. Simultaneously, all the fire extinguishers exploded from water pressure, water raining down on the battlefield. The ball of energy kept flying, before striking the gym's power supply in a massive explosion. Water turned to steam, and the lights exploded. The arena was bathed in darkness…_

Red smiled, "Plasma bolt beats rock."TheGeodude shook, before falling to the ground.

 _Char used Plasma! It was uberly effective!_ _ **SUCK ON THAT, MOFO!**_

Brock's eye twitched, "You... **KILLED ROCKY?! I BEAR YOU NO REMORSE! ONIX! GET 'IM!"**

 _Brock sent out Onix!_

Leaf smirked, "I'm going to make the obvious pun that that was _Onixpected._ "

(Rimshot)

The Gym leader groaned. Red smirked. Char smirked. The Abra Mariachi Band smirked. The author smirked. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

Red retrieved Char, "Since my main is out of commission, I'll have to hope my Secondary trusts me enough... **JACK IN! HIKARI!** "

The Pikachu jumped onto the playing field, cracking her fists. Red fell before her, "Look, I know it has been really sudden, but I need you to beat the living crap out of this rock snake. **Please?** "

Hikari blinked, before zapping Red out of the way grumpily, "Kachu. Piku." Red gulped, "Uh... Was that a yes?"

The Pikachu giggled, shaking his hand, "Ka!"

Which meant, "Okay!" in Pikachu.

(Queen- We Will Rock You)

 ** _"Buddy you're a boy make a big noise, "_**

 ** _"Playin' in the street, gonna be a big man some day!"_**

She ran straight at the Onix, screaming a battle cry. Her cheeks sparked as she leapt into the air.

 ** _"You got mud on yo' face,"_**

 ** _"You big disgrace!"_**

 ** _"Kickin' your can all over the place!"_**

 ** _"Singin'!"_**

A burst of rocks blasted past her. The Pikachu dodged the rock shards, briefly stopping in place to raise a shield of electricity to break apart a falling stone. With that out of her way, she leaped higher into the air, a piercing light in the darkness of the gym.

 ** _"We will, we will rock you!"_**

 ** _"We will, we will rock you!"_**

Hikari scaled the titan, her small eyes blazing with fury as she jumped up the shadow of the colossus. The Onix's head slowly turned to face her, spitting out rocks at the yellow warrior.

 ** _"Buddy you're a young man, hard man,"_**

 ** _"Shoutin' in the street,"_**

 ** _"Gonna take on the world some day!"_**

 ** _"You got blood on yo' face!"_**

 ** _"You big disgrace!"_**

 ** _"Wavin' your banner all over the place!"_**

A small crowd gathered around the battle, due to the gaping hole in the back of the gym. Leaf cheered, as the Abras led the crowd in singing the song.

 ** _"We will, we will rock you!"_**

 ** _"Sing it!"_**

 ** _"We will, we will rock you!"_**

Red dunked his fist, and yelled over the defending roar of the crowd the next lines of the refrain.

 ** _"Buddy you're an old man, poor man,"_**

 ** _"Pleadin' with your eyes,"_**

 ** _"Gonna make you some peace some day!"_**

Hikarigrappled the beast, pounding its massive eyes with her tiny electrified fists. The monster fell to the ground, a cloud of dust obscuring both combatants. It was between the two Pokemon now.

 ** _"You got mud on your face!"_**

 ** _"Big disgrace!"_**

 ** _"Somebody better put you back into your place!"_**

 _Hikari landed a solid hit on the Onix, but was struck back in the legs by a massive rocky tail, breaking all the bones in both extremities. She gasped, as the Onix rose above her, ready to slam down on her..._

 ** _"We will, we will rock you!"_**

 ** _"Sing it!"_**

 ** _"We will, we will rock you!"_**

 ** _"HIKARI! NEVER SURRENDER! NEVER GIVE UP!_** **NEVER LOSE A BET!** ** _"_** _her trainer screamed, the motto for his life cutting through her head. The cheering intensified, nearly deafening the electric mouse._

 ** _"Everybody!"_**

 ** _"We will, we will rock you!"_**

 ** _"We will, we will rock you!"_**

 _In one decisive action, the wounded pokemon forced herself to unleash all she had at the beasts head, before using an electric blast to dash headlong through the air._

 _The Onix never stood a chance._

 _Like a bullet, she tore through the rock, shards flying away from the hole she blasted between its eyes._

 _Pikachu used Skull Bash!_ _ **HEADSHOT!**_

 ** _"ALRIGHT!"_**

Hikari fell back to the ground before Red. She tried to get up, wobbling on her broken legs, before collapsing back on the ground. Red picked her up, "You okay? I'm really sorry-"

She smiled weakly, raising her paw. Red chuckled, fistbumping her, " _That'll do, mouse. That'll do."_

With that, Red picked up a random Buster Sword he had, swung it around, before sheathing it on his back.

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

 **[YOU BEAT BROCK!]**

 _"You fought...um...Well, I suppose... It's a way of fighting... I guess? Um... Here's your badge?"_

 **[BADGE GET!]**

 **[1/8]**

 _Char learnt Plasma!_

 _Hikari learnt Skull Bash!_

 _Red got 2000PKD and Brock's Badge!_

* * *

Red shook Brock's hand, "Well, I'll be off now! Don't worry about the Pokemon. I figure the Nurses can get them patched up easily." Brock blinked, "You melted half my Geodude's face off." "Details." "You shot my Onix in the head." "More details. Whelp, I'll be off now!"

The black haired trainer adjusted his cap, "C'mon, Leaf. Nice meeting you Brock."

Just as he was leaving, Red paused, "Actually, I feel bad for you. Seriously. I'd be a real jerk if I didn't help you out."

Red pulled out Leaf's Team Healer, setting it up and healing both rock types to full health. Brock smiled, "Thanks. Well, I guess it's back to breeding Pokemon for me. Maybe this whole battle thing isn't cut out for me."

The scarlet trainer gave a wry smirk, "Tell me what **PokeSex** is like, okay?" Brock high-fived him, "No probs!"

Leaf rolled her eyes, "Oh, brother..."


	5. Mt Moon-One Hundred and Fifty

**Chapter 5: Mt Moon- I would walk One Hundred and Fifty Miles!**

* * *

(Pokemon Red: Gym)

 **"Last time on Pokemon Redneck Version, our 'heroes' killed some guys, Red sang a song and bought a rock! Yay him... Yeah... Has it ever occurred to you that nobody gives a crap about what I'm saying? Besides, this chapter is in a cave, and that's BORING! Caves are icky and full of Zubats! I don't like them! Well, now that's done... I should be doing something here... Um...FIND OUT NOW! Yeah, that's it..."**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Pewter City)

You know the drill by now, Red did some shit in Pewter City, visited the Pokemon Centre, laughed at a model of the Space Shuttle, and bought a tent for him and Leaf to sleep in!

Leaf tapped her brother on his shoulder, "Red, we should get moving." Red paused, as he was pissing on a random statue of Ash, "What?"

"Y'know, the plot?"

He poked a random Bug Catcher repeatedly, "To be honest, I'm a little tired now. Why can't we take a little nap?"

"...Red, I heard the next Gym Leader is a girl."

That was enough.

(Sonic the Hedgehog- Green Hill Zone)

Red slapped the random kid he was trading with aside, "Really?! I mean, **REALLY?!** " "Uh huh!" Leaf smiled, "When we get there, I'll stay out of the Gym so you can... 'battle' without me watching."Behind her back, she crossed her fingers.

 **"I'M IN!"** Red screamed, running down the path towards the next city.

* * *

As he ran down the path, he bumped into a blue and yellow glass capsule! Seeing as his bladder desperately wanted emptying, Red figured it as one of those fancy Porta-Loos, and undid his fly. This, however, was a mistake, as, suddenly, a blue hologram of Professor Oak appeared!

(Megaman X- Dr Light's theme)

 _"Red, step into-_ _ **HOLY MAGIKARP! PULL YOUR PANTS UP, BOY!"**_

 ** _"WARK!"_** Red yelped, quickly doing up his fly again.

Oak shook his head, "Red, I borrowed this capsule from... let's say a colleague of mine. This capsule has the Dash Boots- I mean, the **Running Shoes**! They have the ability to increase your running speed to twice as normal!"

The redneck cocked his head, "Um... How?"" **Steroids, my boy!** Simply hold down (B), and the shoes will inject steroids into your feet, allowing you to dash- I mean, **run** quickly! **Now, go X! Destroy the mavericks!** "

(A.N. I don't own Megaman X.)

With that, Oak vanished. Red blinked, "Um... Okay?"

He undid his fly again and stepped into the capsule. Suddenly, he was bathed in a bright light. His shoes shone, before they returned to normal, now a red colour with a white sole.

(Megaman X- Stage Clear!)

Red struck a triumphant pose, raising a fist into the air.

 **[You got Dash Boots- I mean, Running Shoes! Press (B) to activate Steroid Injectors to Dash- I mean, Run!]**

With that out of the way, Red finally pissed in the capsule, did up his fly, and dashed off to Mt Moon! **HUZZAH!**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Route 3)

Leaf drove over, hastily hopping off the saddle of the ATV, "Oh, thank Arceus!"

She ran into the 'Porta-Loo', undid her fly (Does her skirt have a fly? Seeing as I'm not a creeper, I'm just going to assume it does.), and peed inside the capsule. There was a flash of light, and she too became equipped with the **Dash Boots!** ...By that, I mean the **Running Shoes**.

Leaf admired her new shoes. Unlike Red, they were white, with a red stripe running horizontally across them.

"Cool beans." she nodded, hopping back onto her ATV and speeding off down Route 3.

* * *

If there's one thing Red hated, it was unnecessary battles.

Route 3 seemed to have a fetish with the thing.

The bug catcher everyone knows and loves walked up to the seething hero, "I liek shorts! They're comfy and easy to ware!" Red shot him a deathly glare,growling, **"Go to hell."** The kid shrugged, "Okay!"

 _He vanished into a dark, firey portal._

(The X-Files- Main theme)

Red's eyes bugged out. Had he had half a brain, he would've realised that he had essentially _doomed a random civilian to death in the underworld forever, never to wake up from an_ _ **eternal nightmare, forever aflame, crying and bleeding to death.**_

But he didn't.

(Pokemon Red- Route 3)

 **"Hey! He spelt 'Like' wrong!"** Red realised.

The kid reappeared, perfectly fine, " **DANGIT!** So I can't go to hell! Battle Time!" "Actually, I prefer your eternal damnation to this. Screw you." Red flipped him off, walking away.

The Bug Catcher rolled his eyes, "Dick."

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Pokemon Centre)

The Nurse Joy hummed quietly to herself the Legend of Zelda theme, while playing Skyward Sword behind the counter. As you might expect, the general peace was destroyed when Red busted in, dashing through the door like X himself.

 **"** **SIGMA!"** Red declared, handing his balls to the nurse, who silently healed them. When you are a trained nurse, this sort of thing is normal. "We hope to see you again. Now, buzz off." she mumbled, as Red snatched up his team and dashed through a wall.

Soft cries of, "Ow, my fist!" could be heard outside.

* * *

(Star Fox Zero- Return to Corneria)

A white figure entered the centre, looking distressed. Her head and body was covered by a brown cloak, as she desperately asked the Nurse, "Please, tell me! I'm being chased by Team Rocket! Tell me where I can hide!"

The Nurse smiled, ignoring her, "Very funny. You should be a comedian."

Suddenly, a white hand grabbed the front of her dress, as panicked lavender eyes met hers.

 **"Please! I need to escape!"**

 **"THERE SHE IS!"**

 _Bullets tore up the counter. The hooded figure gasped,"No... Not...!" The Nurse grabbed her mandatory shotgun, "Get to Mt Moon! I'll distract them!" "Thank you, human!" the white figure bowed briefly, before flying out of the hole Red smashed in the wall._

 _The Rocket Grunts, having never seen a weapon more powerful than a shock-stick, backed off,_ _ **"SHE'S GOT A GUN! CHEESE IT!"**_

(A.N. DUN DUN DUNNNN!)

* * *

The puzzled Nurse sat down again, trying to comprehend what just happened. Shrugging it off, she returned to Faron Woods.

"Damn Kiwis. They are so damn insufferable!"

* * *

(The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass- Linebeck's theme)

 **"NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!*Gasp*NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!"**

Red fell to his knees, screaming for all that was holy that it wasn't true. Alas, all his prayers fell on deaf ears.

The sign remained, "Entrance to Mt Moon, only way to Cerulean City." Taunting him mercilessly, forever luring him into that blasted cave, to where he would most definitely get assailed tirelessly by Zubat upon Zubat. Truly, he had encountered the bane of his journey! This was it! The straw that broke the Camerupt's back! He quit! **He would have none of this 'cave' business!**

Leaf slapped Red, **"QUIT YOUR BITCHING AND GET OVER IT! IT'S JUST A GODDAMN HOLE IN THE GROUND!"**

Red rubbed his cheek, "Yes, but it's a _scary_ hole in the ground that requires a useless TM to navigate it, it's icky and full of Zubats, _and it's full of random encounters!_ _ **I LOATHE RANDOM ENCOUNTERS!**_ "

Leaf sighed, "You noob, what is this, a Video Game? Alright. What scares Zubats away?"

"Light. And sound, too, I guess."

"Good. Now, what do we have that creates lots of light and sound?" she asked, motioning to their ATV, "Hint hint!"

Red's face lit up with illumination.

(Pokemon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire- VS Wally)

 **"I...I can do this!"**

Red stood up, heroically raising his fist skyward, **"Enough fooling around! The time has come for me to face all my fears! The 'Hero of Kanto' can't be terrified of a cave, especially when he has the ability to get through it! THE TIME HAS COME! THE TIME IS NOW! HEAR THAT, CAVE?! I'M NOT AFRAID OF NO ZUBAT!"**

 **"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"** Red screamed epically (Gaily), running into the cave. Leaf beamed, "He's learning. Hold on a sec..."

 **"HE FORGOT THE ATV!"** Leaf realised out loud, hopping on and driving after her idiot brother.

* * *

(PeanutButterGamer- I'm in a cave!)

 ** _"I'm in a cave! It's wet!"_**

 ** _"I'm in a cave! It's dark!"_**

 ** _"I'm in a cave! Let's jet!"_**

 ** _"I'm in a cave! There's Mark!"_**

Red marched along, as the Abra Mariachi Band followed behind him, blasting out Angler's Tunnel from Link's Awakening as they travelled. It appeared that light wasn't necessary for the singing quartet. Red's drunken singing was more than enough to cause all the Zubats, Trainers and Grunts in the area to fall onto the ground, praying for relief from his brutal rape of the song.

Leaf breathed a huge sigh of relief, watching her brother march along calmly committing mass genocide of the Zubat populations in Mt Moon simply using his voice.

 ** _"I'm in a cave!"_**

 **"OH SWEET ARCEUS MAKE IT STOP!"**

 ** _"Yes, I'm in a cave!"_**

 **"MERCY!"**

 ** _"YES, I'M IN A CAVE THISISTOOHIGH!"_**

The Team Rocket Squad before him sighed, as Red paused briefly.

Note _briefly_.

 ** _"I'm in a cave! It's wet!"_**

 **"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

* * *

(Megaman Zero 3- Everlasting)

 _The hooded figure hid in a dark corner, as a squad approached her. She started crying, huddling in the corner shuddering. A grunt wielding a syringe approached her slowly, "I'll handle the defect. In just a few seconds, it'll all be over!"_

 _She could see the sadistic look in their eyes, as she weakly attempted to attack in self defense..._

 **"HEY! FATTY!"**

A roughish voice.A blur of yellow lightning and orange flames. The syringe containing the deadly serum fell to the ground, shattering. While the grunts were attempting to fight off the interfering variable, the hooded figure opened fire with blazing energy balls of purple psychic power.

The hero in red stared at her, amazed, "Cool! Who are you?" Her mental thought processes flashed at a million lines of code a second, as she attempted to work out the best response to his statement. To summarise the billions of lines of analysis the hooded person went through:

 **-Subject in awe of power.**

 **-Female Subject terrified of previous version. Must clarify identity.**

 **-High chance of being a civilian.**

 **-Saved me from death. Gratitude is best course of action.**

 **-In possible confusion at events, however mental scan shows that is his standard state of mind.**

 **-Mental scans of brain reveal he has no evil intentions, despite mental instability.**

 **-Joining team for defence in case Team Rocket returns again appears to be best course of action.**

 **-...He's cute.**

The hooded figure shook the last thought out of her head. The humans would not approve of such a human-pokemon relationship.

(A.N. Oh yes we would. Trust me, I've seen more obscure pairings.)

The pokemon bowed, "Sorry. I had no protocols for that previous situation, so I was analysing. I shall introduce myself;" In a bright flash of light, her cloak burnt off, as Red and Leaf wisely shielded their eyes. Red peeked out...

(Pokemon: The first Movie- Brother, My Brother.)

A white figure stood before the duo, her light-purple tail flicking in the air silently, as she levitated slightly over the ground. Her body was covered in a glowing purple aura of psychic energy, as she hung her head, eyes shut...

The head flicked upwards, the eyes opening suddenly to reveal lavender irises.

 _ **"Mewtwo."**_

(A.N. _Mewtwo?_ ** _What madness is this?_** )

* * *

Leaf's mouth fell open, "M...Mewtwo?! **AND WILL YOU CUT THAT MUSIC OUT?! SHOULDN'T WE HAVE SOMETHING SCARIER HERE?! WE'RE TALKING TO A FREAKING NUKE HERE! WHAT IS THAT SONG FOR?! FREAKING HIPPIES?!"**

Red pulled a bong out of nowhere, now talking in a thick Jamaican accent, "I dunno, I'm good with this, mon!" Leaf slapped it out of his hands, **"YOU DON'T EVEN SMOKE!"** "I do now!" Red shot back angrily.

"Listen, you two..." Mewtwo began, tears coming to her eyes, "I heard what others have often said about me, but we must put our differences aside now. I am **Mew 2.05** ; a modified version of the **Mewtwo**. However, if you wish to designate me as 'Mewtwo', I believe that will be sufficient. I sincerely apologise for my past self's actions. I was unrefined, uncontrollable, emotionless. However, after running from Team Rocket for the previous 18 years since my birth, I have since grown; both in age, as well as my conscience, remorse and gender."

Red coughed out a piece of the popcorn he was eating, the half-eaten kernel bouncing off Mewtwo's head, **"HOL-EE CRAP!** You mean, you changed from a boy to a girl?! That is- Leaf, are you sure that we can allow a Trans on our team yet? Because I'm not ready-"

 **"Do not interrupt me."** the Psychic snapped, "Sorry. I was getting to that. I was recaptured in the past two years, effectively stopping time for me for those two years. During those years, they attempted to change my code to serve them, and them only. Luckily, since I had developed a conscience of my own, I was unable to be changed. All they could change was my gender and give me this voice. Besides that, they attempted to recode me to become 100% loyal at every chance they got. I resisted. For two long years. Eventually, I gathered what little strength I had, and teleported away yesterday. I resumed my escape, ending up here."

She stood straight before Red, "Red! That is the name the other humans call you. I wish to... 'Join your team'. I believe this involves my capture within a Pokeball." Red blinked, putting his popcorn aside, "A nuke this early? Wait. This wasn't in the script! You find Mewtwo in Cerulean Caves, not Mt Moon! Well, I guess that this place is close... but still...You must be some sort of **glitch**! That's it! I'll call you **Glitch!** "

He turned to face the camera, " **It also rhymes with** ** _Bitch_** **."**

Red, you dirty man, you.

* * *

Red shook Glitch's hand, "Alright! You're on! Hold still and try not to struggle." Glitch nodded, "As you say. I trust you entirely. And, I hope you two trust me too."

Red tapped his ball against the Mewtwo's head. A flash of red light covered Glitch, shrinking her into the ball almost instantly.

It didn't even shake before the three familiar stars shot out, signifying Mewtwo had been caught. Unfortunately, the ball was still in Red's hand, and stars are burning balls of gas and plasma, so...

 **"AGGGGHH! MAH DANG HAND! IT'S BURNING!"** Red screamed like a little girl, smashing a hole out of the cave straight into the exit leading to Route 4, A.K.A **THE PLOT! HUZZAH!**

Leaf rolled her eyes, driving out of the cave after Red, "Wait up!"


	6. Cerulean City-Wet Dreams

**Chapter 6: Cerulean City- Wet Dreams.**

* * *

(Pokemon Red: Gym)

 **"Last time on PokemonRedNeck, our 'heroes' visited Mt Moon, Red sang another song, shit happened, and bam! Mewtwo appeared! Seriously, I couldn't take it anymore. I honestly wanted her to appear when Red talked to the guy in Viridian City then surfed along the coast of the Seafoam Islands, but that would've taken too long, so I decided on making Mewtwo a fugitive. THREE CHEERS FOR BEING THE AUTHOR! Anyway, now that's outta the way, let's see how Red's doing now! Will Red be able to control his hormones long enough to battle Misty without getting a massive boner?Will he actually win a lifetime's supply of Chicken McNuggets™ by beating all 5 trainers on the bridge? Will Leaf actually leave Red alone in the Gym with Misty? Will Glitch ever stop being so depressing? Will Bill ever get turned back to a human, despite Red's incompetency? Will I ever stop talking? FIND OUT NOW!"**

* * *

(Super Mario Bros.- Castle theme)

 **"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Red promptly dove into the nearby river, disappearing in a flurry of bubbles and water below the surface.

Leaf and Glitch stared for a few seconds, before Glitch finally asked, "Is he coming back up yet?" Leaf tilted her head slightly, "Um... Hmm... It appears he has drowned. I should feel remorse, yet... _I...feel...nothing..._ "

 _Well, that's all, folks! Don't forget to review! Happy 2016! Bye_ ** _BYEEEEEEE!_**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Cerulean City)

Red surfaced, spitting out water 20 metres into Leaf's face, "Hey, my hand stopped burning!"

Aw, puddlenuts.

He climbed out of the river, shook himself dry, and headed off to the city, where his next victim- I mean, Gym lay! **W00T!**

Leaf turned to Glitch, "...What just happened?" "I believe this is what you call 'Plot Protection', in which the author of the story does not permit the death of the protagonist, unless stated otherwise." Glitch stated, checking TV Tropes inside her head (Somehow, Mewtwo can surf the internet in her head. She found it very empty.). "... Am I covered by Plot Protection?" Leaf asked. "You are the secondary lead, so yes, indeed you are." came the reply.

"Excellent!" Leaf happily skipped off. What made this action even more amazing was the fact she was still riding the ATV.

* * *

(Ridin' Dirty- Chamillionaire)

 **"It's high noot."**

Blue and Red stared each other down, as both rivals prepared their weapons; Blue reached for his SMG, while Red slowly reached back for his trusty shotgun. It was never actually explained why Red and Blue hated each other, actually. Let's find out, shall we?

 _It's time for a_ ** _FLASHBACK!_**

* * *

 _Three Years Ago in the Pallet Town Pub..._

 _Red accidentally knocked over Blue's tankard of beer, "Oops." Blue glared at Red,_ ** _"YOU BASTARD! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"_** _Red drunkenly swung his fists around, "Well, it looks like this town isn't big enough for the two of us..."_

 _The duo proceeded to turn the walls of the pub into Swiss cheese with their firearms, before swearing a blood oath to become sworn rivals, in memory of Blue's drink. And from that day on, they were!_

 _Well, back to_ ** _THE PLOT!_**

* * *

Blue smirked, after the two had sufficiently peppered the ground with bullets and rock salt (Red didn't exactly have enough money to blow on buck shot), "Well, this is a fine mess we've gotten ourselves in. Out of ammo, and you're still alive." **"NOT QUITE, BITCH!"** Red screamed with a sadistic grin crossing his face, whipping out a box of **actual** shotgun shells out from his pants.

Yes, I meant pants. Not pants pocket.

Blue edged back, his eyes growing as wide as dinner plates, "Uh... How about we have a Pokemon battle instead?" Red shrugged, stuffing the rounds back into his boxers, "Okay! **EM WAVE CHANGE!RED BUDWIENER,** ** _ON THE AIR!_** **"**

(A.N. I don't own MegamanStarforce. If I did, Geo would team up with Lan more often and Operate Shooting Star would be released in America as Operation StarForce... But I don't, so no English Battle Network Remake for me...*sigh*)

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 _Trainer Red was challenged by Rival Blue!_

(DeathBattle- Main Theme)

 _Blue sent out Blastoise! Wait, what the-_

Red froze, "H...Hold on! How did you manage to evolve your Squirtle to be like that so quickly?!" "Easy! I used my Pokemon more than my firearms!" Blue smirked, "Maybe you should have levelled up yours more, eh? **HYDRO PUMP!** "

Red gritted his teeth, sending out Charmander, "Char, **DO A BARREL ROLL!** "

 _Char did a Barrel Roll (Z or R twice)! The Hydro Pump was reflected!_ _ **HOLY SHIT!**_

Blastoise groaned as he took the full brunt of the hit. Char cockily waved his finger at him, "Char, cha man **MAN-DA!** " Red repeated the action towards Blue, "Oh, no you **Did-ANT!"**

 _"AGAIN! RAPID FIRE!_ _ **DO NOT LET RED OR HIS CHARMANDICK REMAIN ALIVE! ELIMINATE ALL THREATS TO MY SUPREME VICTORY! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!**_ _"_ Blue barked angrily, and Red could've sworn his eyes were glowing red. If there was one thing Red had learnt from his vast knowledge of Naruto, Dragon Ball Z, Sword Art Online, One Punch Man, and Ouran High School Host Club, red eyes were a bad , and Daleks. Daleks reminded Red of that one time he tried to eat a salt shaker, but ended up swallowing his dignity instead. Oops.

But that isn't the immediate problem now, is it? No, the immediate problem was that water was blasting everywhere, and as that one item description from the first Battle Network game rightfully stated, despite being used out of context here; 'This is no squirt gun!'

Or something along the lines of that. I forgot.

Whatever, there was a shit ton of water, and Red was being shot at. And that's all you really need, other than food, water, air, and a bunch more other things I also forgot.

 _BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! BLASTOISE USED HYDRO PUMP! YOU GET A HYDRO PUMP! AND YOU GET A HYDRO PUMP!_ _ **EVERYBODY GETS A HYDRO PUMP! YAAAAAAAAAY!**_ _Wait, I mean..._ _ **NOOOOOOOO!**_

Both Char and his trainer took cover behind a random rock™, "We really need to stop mocking enemies and actually start beating them up! Char, **PLASMA!** "

 _Char used Plasma Bolt!_ _ **BOOM, BABY!**_

Blue watched the water turn to steam, as superheated material met the Blastoise's shell. Luckily, it wasn't powerful enough to tear a hole in the tough material, only make the Blastoise scream in agony as he was boiled alive in his shell, **"DANGIT!** I'll give you that point, but the battle isn't over! Blasty, use your own secret attack! **WATER BOOST!"**

The Blastoise retracted its tail, firing a powerful stream of water out of his butthole. Red gaped, as the Blastoise used the water to propel it higher into the air, "Wait! You can't use that attack! It was copyrighted by Green!" **"NOT ANYMORE, BITCH!"** Blue chortled evilly, as the giant tortoise flew at Red.

Inside our hero's small mind, he made several quick deductions about his situation. Char couldn't reach the Blastoise while it was in the air, and it was too dangerous for him to approach the beast...

Red snapped his fingers, "Got it!"

(Stan Bush- The Touch)

(A.N. This song somehow works well with the current situation. Huh. Who would've thought.)

Hikari ran up alongside Char, as Char frantically ran around in circles to escape certain watery death. The Pikachu grabbed his shoulders, charging up a negative charge in her body.

The two took off into the air, flying up before the astonished Blastoise. Char flew straight at him, electricity and fire around his fist. He punched the Blastoise in the face, shattering most of his cheekbones. The Blastoise swung back at Char, but the airborne lizard rolled around behind him, smashing a fist into the back of its head. The Blastoise countered with a roundhouse kick, but the Pikachu clinging on Char's back blasted his intimate parts with electricity, making the turtle fall to the ground.

More specifically, into the river.

 _Char and Hikari used Reversed Polarity Jetpack! L33T!_

Blue smirked, "You think you've won, but water is **Blasty's** domain! He'll be able to take you out from there instead!" Red tugged his cap's brim, "Pfft. Screw that. Hikari, **FINISH HIM!** "

Blasty stood up in the river, laughing at the duo standing by the shore. Hikari simply smirked, placing a finger in and charging it up.

Insert sound that sounds like a giant turtle getting electrocuted unconscious here.

 _Hikari used FATALITY! HIKARI WINS!_

Blue's mouth fell open, " **WHAT?!** But water is effective against electric!" Red bopped Blue's head, "Silly Bogan! This is logic! Water conducts electricity, so therefore, I just turned Blasty into Koopa Stew! **HUZZAH!** "

Blue returned Blasty to his ball, "Fine! **Kadabra** , take him out!" The Abra Mariachi Band suddenly all pulled out burning pitchforks. Yes, _burning pitchforks._

Blue sweatdropped, "I mean... **Rattata!** "

 _Blue sent out Rattata!_

Red blinked, "Wait, the one I'll kill later? **SWEET!** Char, aim for its crotch! USE **FALCON PUNCH!** " His rival scoffed, "Really? Only Captain Falcon can-"

(F-Zero Anime- The Meaning of Truth)

 **"FALCON PANCHI!"**

(A.N. If my extensive research into anime has shown anything, any attack is made 99.999999999999913469999% more powerful when yelled in Japanese.)

The fist collided with the Rattata's crotch, blue flames and sparks blasting out of Char's hand. The Rattata went blasting off backwards, slamming into Blue and causing him to become a massive ball of fire that tore across the Nugget Bridge, knocking out all the 5 trainers in the way because I'm too lazy to write each and every battle down.

In short, Red did some stuff and Blue was sent usual.

 _Char used_ _ **FALCON PUNCH! SHOW ME YOUR MOVES! C'MON!**_

Speaking of the devil, Red looked around quickly, decided that discretion was the better part of valour, and ran away.

Not before looting Blue and taking incriminating photos of him, of course.

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Theme)

 **[You PWNed Blue!]**

 _"..." (I think he's dead, tho.)_

 _Char learnt Barrel Roll!_

 _Char learnt Physics-Based Attacks Rule!_

 _ **What?!**_

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Evolving!)

 ** _Char is evolving!_**

Red looked at Char's rapidly changing shape, flashing brightly. He wisely donned sunglasses, as Char finally flashed brightly once more...

 _ **Congrats! Your Char evolved into Charmeleon!**_ _Not that that's actually an improvement, though. I mean, Charmander is cute, Charizard is da bomb, but Charmeleon is just... bleh. I don't like it. Just my opinion though..._

Red held up Char, "W00T! Now I can **Really** shrekt sum skrubs!"

 _Char learnt Japanese Attacks Are Stronger Than English!_

 _Hikari learnt That Sometimes, Paying Attention In A Physics Class Helps!_

 _Red got 10000PKD and Blue's Wallet! That is one fucked up looking condom..._

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Route 25)

Red happily strolled down Nugget Bridge, whistling everyone's favourite Pokemon Theme Song as he strolled along for no other reason than that it was funny. He heard from TravelKantoBecauseYouCanPlusItsThe20thAnniversaryAndItIsSymbolic .com that if he beat each and every one of the 5 trainers on the bridge, he'd win a lifetime's supply of Chicken McNuggets™, and since Blue had already accomplished that goal for him, there was not a snowball's chance in hell was he going to pass that up! **THOSE CHICKEN MCNUGGETS™ WERE HIS, AND HIS ALONE! NOBODY COULD TAKE THEM FROM HIM!**

"Well, it appears you've won our lifetime's supply of Nuggets." the random dude on the end of the bridge deadpanned, "Huzzah. Let's all have a party." Red cocked his head slightly, "You don't seem to be too excited to be giving me all this food. Is this your lunch?"

(Metal Gear Solid- Alert (!) Sound Effect)

The guy tore off his shirt to reveal a black jumper with a red R sewn on the front, "No, but I'd be a lot happier if you'd join **Team Rocket**! We're a criminal organisation dedicated to evil with Pokemon!"

(Metal Gear Solid- Encounter)

Red scoffed, "'Evil with Pokemon?'Really? You gotta present your company in a better light, dude. I can see why you are so depressed now. Everyone here's an idiot!" The grunt glared at Red, "I'm warning you, kid. Join us now, and I may spare your life!"

The grunt got into a fighting stance, as the boy in red raised his fists, "Hey, wait a sec! I may still be suffering from a hangover, but I know you! You're the 7-Up™ guy!"

The Rocket Grunt facepalmed. Char facepalmed. The Abra Mariachi Band facepalmed. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

"Wait, no. You're that team dedicated to 'evil' with Pokemon! And by that, I don't mean Braixen pictures on Deviantart, even thought they're close!" "Huh?"

 _Team Rocket Grunt was confused! Wait, aren't they always?_

Our hero swiftly transported his foot into the grunt's ass, launching him into the river. The grunt never learnt how to swim, so he, uh, **DROWNED!** Sad for him, but happies for Red!

Red snatched up his pile of Chicken McNuggets™ as he fell, "Jackpot! Nothing can stop me today!"

(Metal Gear Solid- Mission Complete!]

 **[You beat Stupid Grunt #1!]**

 _Red got 1000PKD and a shitload of Chicken McNuggets™, not to mention SWAG!_

* * *

(EarthBound- Being with friends)

"Oh, so that's what you look like in real life. No offence, but I imagined you as shorter... and fatter."

"You too! Oh, but wearing a yellow singlet and red suspenders."

"Why would I-? Sorry, that's just silly. You wouldn't see me dead wearing something like that!" **Misty** laughed, as Leaf chuckled to herself.

"Agreed. Anyway, Red, that's my idiot twin brother, if you remember, will be coming here. You ready to bust some heads, despite being obligated by the plot to lose for the sole purpose of progressing the story?"

"I sure am- Wait, what was that about me being obligated by the plot to lose?"

Leaf looked around shiftily, "Nothing..."

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Route 25)

 **"FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"**

Red angrily stormed down the road. Any trainer rushing towards him expecting a pokemon battle was soon pegged in their butts by rock salt, making them double over in pain, regretting they ever crossed paths with Red. As for the bastard himself, he was extremely annoyed. How **dare** the game designers put so many annoying random encounters in his game?! Sure, he could stop and level up his pokemon by fighting each one sequentially, but for crying out loud, this story didn't list the Level, XP Points, Combat Power, Limit Break or any other stats for any of his pokemon... Unlike some other reasonably good fanfics...

(A.N. Originally, I considered putting in levels, XP Points, E.C.T, but I decided they got in the way of the plot, so I left them out.)

 **"I DESPISE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING HERE WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BODY!"** Red declared, setting everything and anything in range on fire with his flamethrower (Before you ask where he got it from, remember; IDKFA.). The rampaging trainer finally pulled out his BFG 9000 again, aiming it at a random Jigglypuff.

 **"DIE, KIRBY!"** he screamed deliriously, charging up a shot.

 **"STHAP! AM NOT KIRBY!"** the Jigglypuff yelled at Red.

(Needle scratches record)

The Abra Mariachi Band froze. Red continued charging his gun. Glitch froze. Char froze. Hikari froze. Ash stared at Serena's chest... This is getting old now, isn't it?

Glitch shook inside her ball, _"That's no ordinary Jigglypuff. I have no recollection of them being able to talk in human language."_ "Of course I'm a Jigglypuff!" the pink puffball replied, "Look, I can sing; **_YoUGoTtHeToUch! yOuGoTThE PoW3R!"_**

Instead of falling on the ground unconscious and getting scribbled on the face by the Jigglypuff's marker, its singing caused all the trainers and pokemon to fall to their knees, crying out futilely to whatever gods they believed in for the horrible rendition of the 2007 Transformers theme to stop. Not Red, though. He decided that his plasma cannon simply wasn't sufficient for the situation, and was arming his steamroller gun (Again, IDKFA.) to fire.

It's a gun that shoots steamrollers. That is all I'll say for now.

The Jigglypuff stopped, "So, what do you think?"

(F-Zero- Mute City (SSB4 Ver.))

 **"THE WORLD!"**

A full clip of steamrollers rapidly approaching the mutant was Red's response. The Jigglypuff's eyes grew even wider, if that is even possible, **"HOLY SHI-"**

 **"WRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!"** Red screamed.

* * *

With a small grunt, the boy in red loaded the massive gun back into hammerspace, peeling the now-flattened Jigglypuff off the ground, "I win again! I **am** on a roll today! Misty will be no problem at all!"

All Red's pokemon sighed.

Spotting a nearby hut, he figured he'd go in and A). Loot all that loser's shit, B). Set the house on fire, and C). Figure out how to cook and eat Jiggypuff. Oh, and drink more booze. Booze was always a good idea.

Confident in his life choices, our hero confidently strode in.

* * *

(Queen- Another One Bites The Dust)

 **"Heeeeeey!A giant microwave!"**

Glitch stared at Red, who was busying himself by emptying another flask of alcohol, "Red, I have analysed the giant machine in the centre of the room, and I deduce it cannot be an oversized microwave oven. It appears to be a-"

Red slapped her aside, tossing the Jigglypuff inside the capsule to his left, " **Shuddap!** It's a microwave now! Now, insert food here..." He noted the microwave was rigged up to a computer, therefore that must be how he turned it on!

His reasoning was amazing.

He switched on the laptop, clicking 'Cell Separation System'. "Must be some fancy, sciencey microwave with a million settings." Red scoffed, hitting Enter, "How stupid! All I want in a microwave is to turn it on, nuke mah burritos, and turn it off again later! Stupid microwave maker!"

 **"Ahem."**

He turned around, coming face-to-face with a **VERY PISSED** Bill. However, Red was still in a drunken state, so he assumed he was just another hallucination!

"Heeeeeey... Look, Glitch! It's **Zubatman**!" Red slurred, pulling his Mewtwo over by her tail.

(Adam West Batman Theme)

Bill's eyes grew as wide as they were when he was a Jigglypuff, " **Holy pepperoni!** You know my secret identit- I-I mean, uh... Please tell me you saw nothing! I'm not Zubatman!" At his voice, the Zubatmobile lowered from the ceiling. Glitch stared at Bill, "...I am not convinced." "Seriously! I'm not Zubatman! Why would you say-"

The entire floor of the room lowered into a dark cave filled with technology of every kind, a giant penny and a random butler. Not to mention Zubatman's various cowls, Zubatarangs, Zubatwing, Zubat computer, e.c.t., e.c.t.

Our hero's eyes bugged out, now fully sober, " **Woah!** Zubatman lives in Bill's basement?!" "No. Bill lives in Zubatman's attic." Bill replied, "I mean, uh... Don't tell anyone, please! I'll give you this **S.S. Ticket** if you don't!"

Red nodded, "Okay- **WOAH!** The Armoured Zubat suit! Sweet! Can I keep it?" "No." "Can I be Robin?" "Robin is a girl's name." "Can I ride the Zubatbike?" "No." "Can I keep a Zubatarang?" "No- Maybe." "Please sign it! I'm a massive fan!"

* * *

 _One hour later..._

Red walked out of Bill's house, his new S.S. Ticket in his wallet and autographed Zubatarang tucked in his belt, **"Nanananananana ZUBATMAN!"** Glitch followed, casually waving goodbye to Alfred the butler as she left.

Bill slumped in his armchair, "Alfred, have you got any of that stuff that guy was drinking? I might need some..."

* * *

Red arrived at the Gym, smashing open the doors with his fists, " **NANANANANANANANANAH!** ** _ZUBATMAN!_** " Misty and Leaf jumped, the latter falling into the pool.

Leaf spat out some water, "Holy crap, Red! Why the heck did you do that?" "Sorry. Just wanted to..." Pixellated sunglasses floated onto Red's head, _ **"Make a splash."**_

* * *

(Darude- Sandstorm)

 ** _"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_**

Severalpokemonandtrainers evacuated the premises, as a random avalanche occurred in a nearby mountain, crushing a dojo full of ninjas. Oops.

The ninjas all survived though. Why? **Because they're freaking ninjas!**

* * *

(Megaman Star Force- Shooting Star Ver.3)

 _Misty rose from her chair, turning to face Red, "So, you wanna go pro, right? Each trainer needs their own strategy if they wanna be the very best. What is your strategy?" The Water-Type Gym leader flipped 30 metres through the air and landed perfectly before Red, "My strategy is an all out offensive with water types! Don't go easy on me because I'm a girl!"_

* * *

 **[Battle!]**

 **VS MISTY!**

 _Misty sent out_ _ **Starmie!**_

Red unclipped his trusty Pikachu, "Go get 'im, **Hikari**!"

Suddenly, a flurry of bubbles hit the electric mouse, and she short-circuited, twitching around uncontrollably. Leaf blinked, "How's that work? It's an organic organism. If it was a robot, then it would make sense..."

 _Starmie used Bubblebeam!_ _ **Owowowowowowow!**_

Hikari stood up again, creating an electric shield in front of her just as copious amounts of water blasted at her. Red turned to her, "I have an idea! Throw that fucker like a boomerang! **DO IT!"** The Pikachu stared at her trainer, then at her shield and shrugged before tossing the electric disc at her enemy.

The Starmie shook violently, literally burning alive, before Hikari finally launched her first ThunderBolt in the story!

 _Hikari used Elec Shield!_ _ **Wowsers!**_

Red adjusted his cap, "Alright! Once more! Thunder!" Misty flinched, watching as her pokemon fell, "Gah! That thunder... _It looks familiar..."_ Shrugging it off, she sent out her second Pokemon.

Leaf pulled out her strategy guide, "Red, be careful! Her Staryu is an evolved form of-" **"HIT IT!"**

(Mermaid (Chinese Comedy film, 2016)- Invincible)

(A.N. Oh yeah, did I mention that I'm partially Asian myself? You learn something new everyday. Well, this song is sung in Chinese, and I can't remember the lyrics in English well, but I remember it being something like **_'Invincible is so lonely! On the highest mountain, all alone!'_** or something along those lines... Hey, just because this song fit the situation perfectly, that didn't mean everyone has to like it! I like it, okay? I say no more.)

"Go! **STARYU!** "

 _Misty sent out_ _ **Staryu!**_

" **CHAR!"** Red screamed, sending out his Charmeleon, **"FIRE BLAST!"**

Leaf put a hand on her forehead, "Idiot! Charmeleon can't learn Fire Blast at this level, let alone use it-"

 _Char used_ _ **FIRE BLAST!**_

The giant chinese character for 'large' blasted at Misty'sStaryu, whose front gem became fried instantly. Leaf's jaw fell open, before the girl fell to the ground, **"FINE WORLD! KEEP PROVING ME WRONG, WHY DON'T YOU?! DAMN YOU!"**

Red sniffed the air, "Huh. It smells like Dim Sum in here." Misty interrupted his possibly racist comment with a well aimed Swift to Red's head.

 _Staryu used Swift!_ _ **NOT THE PLASMA BALLS AGAIN!**_

Red jumped into the water, **"AAAAAAAH! MY HAIR! OH, AND MY BRAIN'S GETTING FRIED TOO!"** Leaf shook her head, watching him drown again, "Idiot. Well, he's dead now. Nobody, especially an idiot like him, could survive that. Good riddance!"

"Hey, Leaf."

 ** _"WARK!"_**

Leaf nearly fell into the water herself, when Red waved to her as if it was the most natural thing to have drowned to death a few seconds ago. **"AFUFUFFUUFUFFWQOIAHOSHIDONOHRIDKAFADAIHAVEADHDWTFAMIDOINGHEREWOJOJDWDNEWMWWHA?!"** Leaf gibbered incoherently, becoming cross-eyed, **"HOW?!"**

Red smirked, "Woman, **_I'm freaking Red_**."

He proceeded to walk the talk, eliminating the pokemon with two expertly timed Fire Blasts.

 _Char used Fire Blast! Char used Fire Blast!_ _ **He fusro' ed and Starmie DAHED!**_

Misty pointed at Red, "Hey! You aren't allowed to use two moves in one turn!" Red tapped his foot impatiently, "Look, I'm trying my hardest not to get a boner here, and you aren't helping! So, let's just say I won after an epic and amazing battle so I can go home and look at Pokeboy!"

All the girls in the area glared at Red, **"W...WHAT!?"**

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Theme)

 **[YOU BEAT MISTY!]**

 _"Just take the damn badge and get the hell outta here, perv!"_

 **[BADGE GET!]**

 **[2/8]**

 _Char learnt Fire Blast PWNS!_

 _Red got 2000 PKD, AND a massive boner!_ ** _DANGIT!_**

* * *

Leaf stared at Red, "Um... Was that really a gym battle? I mean, it just whizzed past and-" **"THE CHAPTER NEEDS TO PROGRESS!"** Red declared, before promptly flying out the door thanks to his Dash Boots- I mean, Running Shoes.

Misty sighed, "Actually, I might take you up on those clothes, Leaf."

"You called, Master Red?"

(The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword- Fi's Theme)

Mewtwo floated before Red, as our hero moved his Wiimoteclunkily to the option labelled 'analysis'.

"Up ahead is **Saffron City**. It is currently under attack by my previous owners, **Team Rocket**." Glitch pointed out, "I suggest you, being the hero of this story, venture to that location to save the city from its captors. However, I should warn you that the security outpost before the city is quite adamant. Your inventory is currently **Badass-Based**. Suitability to current situation: 0%."

Red shrugged it off. He wasn't gonna be stopped by no guard. Heck, he was _The Hero of Kanto_ , or at least will be. He couldn't be stopped by one guar-

(Needle scratches record)

* * *

 ** _"Sorry, the road's closed. Gee, I'm sure thirsty though! No wait, you can't pass."_**

Piss. Again.

(Pokemon Origins- Blue's theme)

The Officer Johnny (It's the male version of Officer Jenny, or so Red heard) briefly looked up from his GBA at the fuming Red. Red took in a deep breath to calm himself, "No, I'm pretty sure you're shitting me, and you're just too lazy to open the gate." "No, seriously, the road's closed." he replied, putting the handheld under the desk, "You can't get through here." Red raised his fists, "Alright. I didn't want to go all GTA on you, but-"

Then the policeman noticed Red's flask of alcohol, "Wait, you have booze? Can I have some, please?" Glitch shook her head, "I believe it is unwise to be drinking on the job-" "Quiet, you!" Tom (The officer) snapped, "Haven't you heard the old adage? **Alcohol first, important life decisions later!** " Red smiled, "Hey, that's my line!"

The guy shrugged, "Whatever. You're free to pass now! I can't wait to share all this with the other chaps!" "Other... guys?" Glitch shuddered at the thought of the entire security force drunk, "The Kanto Police force is-"

A Team Rocket Grunt ran in. With one swift movement, Tom leapt over the desk, got into a marksman's crouch, and tasered him with deadly accuracy, " _VERY_ skilled."

He wiped some tequila off his lips, "Also, tipsy. W00T!"

(A.N. No, I'm not insulting any actual policemen out there. Sorry. Views expressed by this fanfic are not those of the author.)

Glitch sighed, stating the obvious; _"The end is nigh..."_


	7. Vermillion City- Bogan's Revenge (NES)

**Chapter 7: Vermillion City- Bogan's Revenge (NES)**

* * *

(Pokemon Red-Gym)

 **"Last time onPokemon Redneck, our 'hero' took out a female Gym leader/ Ash companion/ Bae! And that's good, I think. Also, drunk Chicken McNuggets™. God, I love that trademarked symbol, for some reason. DON'T JUDGE ME! In this chapter, we take out the trash, Red will fight a retired general, and I shall attempt to remember the lyrics to a song by The Megas! BTW, I loved those guys. Seriously, if you ever see me offhandedly singing lyrics while playing MegaMan, it is probably the lyrics to one of their songs. Shame they didn't make a Megaman X album... Will they ever? FIND OUT NOW! Or TO THE STORY!"**

* * *

(Metal Gear Solid- The Best is Yet to Come)

Red exited the tunnel, coughing. His eyes adjusted to the light outside, as he glanced around, reaching for his Pip-Boy- Wait a sec.

"Dang, right. This isn't Fallout."

Shaking his head, he wheeled the ATV out, Leaf slumped over the saddle in a semi-conscious state, "Why... Did you... Think driving a vehicle... That spits out exhaust... While in an enclosed space... Was a good idea?" Red shrugged, "It was a good idea at the time. Anyway, that doesn't matter now. What does matters the fact I am going to head for the next gym now. And I heard the guy running this joint is just up my alley. Why don't you... Hmm..."

He pulled out his visitor's guide, "Ooh! Free Bikes at the Pokemon Fan Club! You can get one, hock it for cash, and get yourself your own ATV! Then I won't need to go everywhere with you hugging my ass all the time." Leaf had already taken off at the words 'Your own ATV'.

With a small smirk, Red kicked the sides of his trusty steed, roaring towards the Gym.

* * *

(Halo- Main Theme)

 ** _"The Red has started to move!"_**

 ** _Lt Surge_** _sat up in his chair, as the spotter outside the fortress-like gym notified him. He had done some remodelling ever since a boy in green managed to point out several flaws in his defence systems even he had not spotted. And according to this kid..._ _ **Blue**_ _, was it? Yeah, Blue... He needed to use them to take down a boy in red that was approaching his base. Already, the guy had taken down and shamed two gym leaders, and Surge wanted himself not to suffer the same fate._

 _He turned to the guards, "Seal the doors. Engage perimeter turrets. Now!""Yes, Sir!"_

* * *

Red marched onward, before a bolt of electricity zapped the earth beside him. Red looked up, "What the fu- **Oh. Oh CRAP!** "

Several large guns had folded out of a massive concrete wall, blasting copious amounts of electricity at him. The hero of this fic dodged another blast, narrowly frying his cap, "Nope, its almost like they don't want me to get in!"

A gunner ran along the defensive wall, _"Don't let him in! Shoot him down!"_

"Okay then." Red skidded to a stop, a courageous smirk crossing his face, " _I'll play._ " He then did the unthinkable. Well, to Surge's guards, anyway. He dashed straight at the wall.

Electric blasts flew around him, as he pulled Hikari out of his bag, "Hold on to my arm! When I pull on your front left leg, fire a pulse!" The Pikachu obliged, becoming an ad hoc electric arm cannon.

He dashed at the wall, leaping up, kicking off, boosting back on, kicking off... To the observer standing beside the wall, Red was executing a wall jump, ala the Megaman X series. The guards watched in amazement, as Red repeatedly jumped upwards, tearing barbed wire aside with a chainsaw he held in his free arm.

"That kid's crazy! Look at him!" a guard yelled, firing his electric rifle repeatedly at Red, and missing. Seriously, I think they were all retired Storm Troopers.

* * *

 _"Impossible! Lieutenant, he must be some sort of Spartan Warrior or something to make it up here!"_

 _The Gym Leader watched as Red brawled his way through all the guards atop the wall, amazed, "Luckily, I have planned for this! All armoured units, advance!"_

 _A team of guards clad in blue armour ran up the wall, climbing up ladders and running at the intruder._

 _Surge lit a cigarette. This would be good._

* * *

Red meleed a guard with his chainsaw, knocking him out, before more ran up to him. These ones looked harder, more armoured and prepared. Red smiled again, pulling out his BFG, "Meet a girl I like to call 'Payback.'"

The green energy bolt blasted them all off the wall, as the air rippled around the red devil's gun.

He took a swig of his alcohol, _"Payback's a real bitch."_

The guards took one look at the man holding the gun, before wisely running away. Said man amused.

"Hey! I'm not done yet! **GIT BACK 'ERE, DOGGIES!YEE HAW!** " Red whooped, switching to his shotgun and blasting down any stragglers. Behind him, Char snatched up a electric rifle, checked the batteries, and began taking out all enemies behind his trainer.

* * *

 _"He's beating up all the guards as if they were nothing, sir! How-?!"_

 _Surge spat out his cancer stick, watching as each security camera on the premises dissolved into static. This couldn't be happening. A boy- a civilian, no less!- was evading all his traps and defences! Was it all in vain?!_

 _Staring down a possible defeat, Surge spat out his first response._

 _ **"Impossible!"**_

* * *

Red smashed through the gym doors, now wielding a grenade launcher. Surge stood before him, guarded by a laser fence.

The drunken maverick scoffed, "Oi! Guile clone! I'm here to **FINISH YOU!** " **_"Impossible!-_** Wait, that's not even the same franchise!" Surge realised, before remembering two other important facts; Red had successfully gotten in, and he was openly insulting his idol.

Surge turned around with a deathly efficiency, "Well, whatever! I set this little puzzle myself for smartasses like you who manage to blow their way in! These laser beams won't turn off unless you flick both switches, hidden under these trash cans! Flick the wrong switch, and the gates reset! It's a genius-"

The wall **BESIDE** the gate blew open, and the shadowy figure of Redneck, wearing goggles to protect his eyes from debris, stood in the hole. Plaster and concrete rained down around him, as he removed his red cap to reveal a grey headband.

Red smirked, raising his goggles, _**"You've been waiting long, huh?"**_

* * *

(Metal Gear Solid- Encounter (SSBB Ver.)

 _Surge glared down his new challenger, "Blue told me you were coming, kid. He also said you had defeated the first two. Big deal! When I was in the war, my Electric-Types shocked my enemies into submission. Just like they shall do now!" He tore off his jacket, revealing his yellow uniform, "Prepare yourself!"_

* * *

 **[Battle!]**

 **VS LT SURGE!**

(The Megas- You've Sparked a War (Sparkman's stage- Megaman 3))

(A.N. The lyrics to the song may seem a little odd, but then again, consider this; **It's being sung by a robot hell-bent on killing every human in sight** (In this case, Sparkman) **.** It's a recurring theme in their songs about MegaMan. Get used to it. Oh yeah. Don't own The Megas either. If I did, there would be a remix of Megaman X's Central Highway theme.)

 _Surge sent out Voltorb!_

 ** _"We are the city, We are the heart!"_**

 ** _"We are the life-force, We are the spark!"_**

 ** _"It's because of us, if we cut the chord,"_**

 ** _"We break the program; they live no more!"_**

Red tossed a single ball to the ground, his Mewtwo emerging, "Take 'em, **_Glitch!_** "

 _Voltorb used Spark! Mewtwo was paralysed!_

 ** _"It's lights out, lights out for you!"_**

 ** _"LIGHTS OUT!"_**

 ** _"I think you've sparked a war!"_**

 ** _"It's lights out, lights out for you!"_**

 ** _"Humans are no more!"_**

Mewtwo gave an involuntary jerk, "G..Gaah! Para...Para...lysed!" Red nodded, "Struggle through it, Mewtwo! Psychic!"

 _Mewtwo used Psychic!_

She giggled, "Surge, you've been playing Metal Gear Solid again, haven't you?" Red snapped his fingers, "I got it!" He spun around, found a bust of Surge, and blew the straps attached to the statue off with a pistol.

Surge shook his head, "Kid, that's not very effective. I'm not **THAT** kind of boss!"

 ** _"I can feel my hands turning into fists."_**

 ** _"I see my brothers, they will be missed!"_**

 _Voltorb used Self-Destruct!_ _ **SON OF A BISHARP!**_

Red dove in the way of the blast, shielding Mewtwo from the blow, "Ow! That's twice I've saved your hide now!" Glitch smiled, surprised at her trainer's courage, "T...Thank you." "Also, I wanted to test if this worked!", he replied, pulling out a metal tin full of food. He promptly shoved it down his throat, leaving both Lt Surge and Glitch speechless.

 _Red used RATION! All good!_

 ** _"We are the chosen, we are the pure!"_**

 ** _"They are the virus; we are the cure!"_**

 _Surge used MAX FREAKING REVIVE!_ _ **DAMN HIM TOO!**_

He smirked, throwing the living bomb at Glitch. Having enough of this nonsense, Glitch held it up in the air, flinging it with such force at Surge's bag that it exploded instantly on impact, **_"FEAR THE GREAT AND SEXY MEWTWOOOOOOOO!"_**

 _Mewtwo used The Force!_ _ **KABOOM- I mean, uh... EXPLOSION SOUND!**_

She froze, "Wait, why did I say that?" Red nodded, "I'm growing on you."

He was promptly met with a Mega Punch to his face.

 ** _"It's lights out, lights out for you!"_**

 ** _"LIGHTS OUT!"_**

 ** _"I think you've sparked a war!"_**

 _Surge sent out_ _ **Riachu!**_

 ** _"It's lights out, lights out for you!"_**

 ** _"Humans are no more!"_**

Glitch folded her arms, allowing her cockiness drivers take over, "A Riachu? What a twist! Whoever knew an **Electric-Type POKEMON GYM** would have one of those?! Egad!" Red smiled, "I've trained you well, _Gakusei_!"

 _Mewtwo used Bitch Slap!_

The Riachu watched on in confusion, as his opponent kept repeatedly slapping her trainer. .

 _Riachu was Confused!_

Glitch stopped at last, letting out a soft 'aww', her more human side showing as she leaned over to scratch the pokemon's chin, "Aww, lookit da widdleRiachu! Who's a cutie here? You ar- **AGAAZZAZGAZGAZAZGAZAGZAZAZZAZAZZAZAZAZAZAZAZAZA!** "

 _Riachu used Thunder! At point blank range!_ _ **Hot damn!**_

Glitch roared, **"ASSHOLE! I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY! THAT'S IT! NO MORE TALKING!"** Out of nowhere, she pulled out a fogger, and when the smoke cleared, she was gone.

 _Mewtwo used Her Mad Ninja Skills! Where'd she go?!_

Both combatants frantically looked around the arena, as the Riachu attempted to locate his enemy. But it was all in vain. The psychic cat was nowhere to be seen.

 ** _"We will fight him,"_**

 ** _"We are the city."_**

 ** _"We will fall,"_**

 ** _"We are the heart."_**

 _Riachu used Thunder! A wall was destroyed! Riachu used Thunder! There goes part of the roof! Riachu used Thunder Bea- *Notices Megaman and Elecman tutting increasingly loudly. And they're both holding copyrights.* Ugh, fine. Thunder._

As you can guess, the Riachu gave up and resorted to zapping everything in sight with his electricity. He didn't, however, notice the cardboard box hiding in the corner.

But his trainer did!

 **"SHE'S HIDING IN THAT BOX!"** the soldier barked, **"SHOOT IT!"**

 ** _"His life will leave him,"_**

 ** _"We are the life-force..."_**

The box slid over, lifting up to reveal a packet of C4. Both the Riachu and Lt Surge's eyes widened, "Oh, **FU-** "

 ** _"He will hear us call,"_**

 ** _"We are the..."_**

 ** _"SPARK!"_** Glitch screamed, slamming her thumb (Wait, she only has 3 fingers... Eh, a finger.)on the detonator. **CissionMomplete!**

 _Glitch used C4! Foxhound? More like BOXhound!_

(A.N. I don't own the fanfilm 'Boxhound'. It was good, though.)

In what might've been a slight overreaction, the blast decimated part of the wall violently. The Pikachu was slammed into the ground, before fainting. Surge gasped, as Mewtwo began teabagging the unconscious mouse, "W00T!W00T!W00T!"

(Metal Gear Solid- Mission Complete!)

 **[YOU BEAT LT SURGE!]**

 _"Impossible! How could a civilian be so skilled? He must be some sort of snake to get through!"_

 **[BADGE GET!]**

 **[3/8]**

 _Mewtwo learnt Cardboard Boxes Kick Ass!_

 _Red got 2000 PKD and the Infinite Ammo Headband!_

* * *

(Halo: Combat Evolved- Title)

Surge sighed, "Maybe the war-path isn't the life for me..." Red shrugged, calmly exiting the gym with his new shiny pinned under a white lapel, "To Lavender Town! Sure, I could visit the S.S Anne now, but I don't **NEED** Cut! I have a chainsaw for that! See ya later, N00B!"

Mewtwo smiled to herself, glad to have been of service.

* * *

(StarFox Assault- Katina)

 **"YAAAAAHHHOOOO!"**

Leaf skidded across the surface of the water, 'buzzing' the S.S Anne. Her new ride was a modified ATV, this one having several aquatic functions installed. She still had no idea how she managed to acquire it, but it had something to do with selling a million-dollar Bike somewhere down the line.

Red stood on the shores, "HEY! Where did you- Oh, right. Bike." **"DAMN STRAIGHT, BRUTHA! WHOOOOOO!"** Leaf screamed as she grabbed her brother's arm as her jet-ski-like vehicle roared past. Red was dragged along, screaming for sweet bacon or something along those lines. The duo eventually veered around too tight a corner, sending Red flying into a truck parked on a nearby harbour.

Leaf blinked, "Uh... Oops?"

* * *

(Metroid- Title)

Glitch floated over, sighing. Suddenly, she sensed something. A great force...

Red tugged his head out of the door of the truck, "Ow, that hurt- Hey! Under the truck!"

The Mewtwo pulled the fragile mortal back, reaching nervously into the darkness...Her hand found something. Two cold stones. The psychic cat held stared at both, her mind in disarray, "M...M... _Mewtwonite...?"_

Red blinked, "What's that, a type of alcoholic beverage?" The psychic smiled, "No. My Mega Stone. I can Mega Evolve now!"

A few seconds passed between the trio. And when they were up...

(The Lego Movie- Everything is Awesome)

 **"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"** Red whooped, pulling out dual SMGs and firing them into the air. Both his companions shrieked, ducking for cover from the hail of lead. I think we best leave this chapter at that, eh?

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Blue's theme)

Blue grumbled, waiting on the deck of the ship. According to his extensive stalking of Red on Poogle™ Plus, he would be arriving here any second now. But he wasn't. And that was a problem.

"That's odd. He should be here by now. Raticate, find him!" The rat nodded, about to head off, when a stray bullet hit its head, killing it instantly.

(2SED4U)

Red's rival fell to his knees, **"DAISY MAE! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I WILL AVENGE YOU!"**

And that, true believers, is how it should have ended.


	8. Lavender Town- Death by music

**Chapter 8: Lavender Town- Death by music.**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Lavender Town)

 **"When we last left our 'heroes', they- Oh. OH! AAGGGGGGHH! NO! NOT THE FAAAAAAACCCEEEE! I CAN'T TAKE IT! NO! DON'T TOUCH MY DUMPLINGS! I SPENT GOOD MONEY ON THOSE DIM SUMS! AAAAARRRRRRGGGHH!FINDOUTNOWAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!"**

 ***Insert several gunshots here.***

* * *

Red strolled into Lavender Town confidently, leaving Rock Tunnel behind him. Red had a flashlight, therefore had no trouble navigating the cave, even without Flash. This was excellent already, as he decided that he would require no 'plot devices' to enter anywhere. He had brains, he had-

 **"FLYING POSSESSED ZAMBIES TRYING TO EAT MAH BRAINZ! GAAAAH!"**

(Luigi's Mansion- Main Theme)

That, too.

* * *

Leaf screamed, as Red blasted his shotgun at the possessed, **"ACK!** GET YO HANDS OFFA MAH SISTAH!" Glitch nodded slowly, "It appears they are coming out of Pokemon Tower here. The ghosts of the Pokemon cannot rest, as **Team Rocket** Grunts have taken over the tower and forced them out. It is quite the situation." Leaf shivered, "D...Does that mean we have to fight **GHOSTS?!** "

Glitch sighed, "Or, since this town has no gym, we can head on to the next one-"

 **"Mister, can you help us?"**

Red looked down, to see a little girl tugging at his jeans. He crouched over, "Yes? Is this a death threat again, because I had it with you spirits being little girls trying to lure people in with your cuteness." The girl rolled her eyes, "Alright, you got me. _I am actually the ghost of a Marowak._ "

Leaf shrieked, jumping into a tree, as the Abras played the theme to Psycho.

Our hero smiled, "Cool! What do you need me to do?" "My baby... ** _Cubone_**... I have failed in protecting him." the girl explained, " **Team Rocket**... _They tried to take our skulls to sell for a high price. And... I fought bravely, but... I died defending my son... I hold regrets that I was unable to save him..._ _ **My spirit shall not rest until justice has been served!**_ "

The trio looked on in silence, shocked at this revelation. Even Red seemed to have been muted. The Scarlet Trainer pulled out an ocarina, _"Maybe this can help..."_

 ** _Left down right left down right..._**

(The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask- Song of Healing)

As soon as he finished playing the last note, the Marowak's restless spirit looked upon him, "What a soothing song...Red... If you are a hero... Please... _Fight Team Rocket!_ "

 ** _"For Kanto!"_**

Red watched as her life vanished in a shower of white pixels. Finally reassured that someone was willing to avenge her death, she was able to pass on to the otherworld...

The boy crossed his chest, "I promise, Marowak... For you... and for Cubone."

 _Under a tuft of brown hair, a single tear rolled down his cheek. 'This... is how a life is lost...' Red thought, standing up._

 _He had found a new goal today. He would repay in full what those bastards had done..._

 _ **"I won't forgive Team Rocket!"**_

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Pokemon Centre)

Leaf was in silence, watching her brother wait for someone. The latter was sitting by the door, playing on his 3DS, "Hmm. Odd." Glitch broke the silence by asking, "Who, exactly, are we waiting for? And who did you just call?"

Red smiled, "I can't blindly charge into that tower. I'd get my ass kicked. So, I called over a penpal of mine in the area. Are you ready to find out why this is a Pokemon X Misc Games fanfic?" The other two blinked, "Huh?"

(A.N. Who is it?)

 **"I'M HERE!"**

A boy in red kicked the door open. His brown hair brushed against his arm as he wiped sweat off his forehead. This brought attention to an oversized white watch attached around his wore shorts and red sneakers, and didn't look much older than ten.

"He came! I can't believe it!" our hero laughed, motioning to the boy, "Leaf, meet **Nate**!"

(Yo Kai Watch Opening theme- Geragerapō no Uta)

(A.N. **Yo Kai Watch's** (Now referred to as **YKW** ) Male Protagonist, 'Nate', to be specific! Why him? Well, Red will explain. Also, that makes this fic a **CROSSOVER** now, if it wasn't already! Oh yeah... I have only a rudimentary grasp of Nate's background and combat style... So...Uh... I hope I don't screw up.)

Nate scratched the back of his head, shaking Leaf's hand, "Nice to meet you! I heard all about you from Red!" Leaf raised an eyebrow, "Who is this guy? Why is he needed?"

Red began to explain, "Nate's watch can be used to track Ghosts down. Where he comes from, which is in a really far-off land I cannot remember, ghosts possess- I mean, **INSPIRIT** , people on a daily basis without them knowing. Now, I myself am a little unsure how he manages to take them down, but hey! Whatever works for him!" Nate rolled his eyes, "It involves a battle using-" "Anyway! Between his watch, and my Proton Pack..." the trainer dug into his bag, pulling out a massive nozzle connected to his bag via a hose, "We are unstoppable!"

"...Where did you-" "The internet. Now that's over, let's do this!"

* * *

They approached the tower, Red talking to Nate quietly, "Alright. So… How does it work?"

"What?"

"The… _Spirit Watch_. How does it work?"

The boy chuckled, "Easy. I use it to fight by using various Ghosts. When I beat someone, I become stronger, and if they're strong enough, they evolve!" Red patted his back, "Kid, you're just stealing my sthick. Fight stuff, they evolve, e.c.t, e.c.t."

A red cat-like creature suddenly ran up, **"HEY! NAAATE! YOU FORGOT ME!"** Red hoisted his Proton Pack to fire, "Can I kill it?"

Nate blinked, "NO! **Jibanyan**! You can't be here- Wait, Red."

"Uh huh."

"You can see him, right?"

"As clear as day."

"But normal people can't see them!" Nate gasped, scanning Red for any ghosts. None came up, making both the boy with the watch and Leaf panic more, "O…Oh my…"

Red shrugged, "Dude, **_I'm freaking Red._** Of course I can see them. Also, I can also see that we're wasting time here. Let's move, people, I don't have all 2016! I need this thing ready by Christmas!"

Nate nodded slowly, "O…Okay? Well, this is one of my companions. He's-" "I'm calling him Jib now." Leaf muttered to her Ivysaur.

"He's another Yo-Kai. A ghost. I brought him along in case I needed to fight." Nate explained quickly, as he readied his watch, "Alright, let's do this…"

* * *

(Ghostbusters- Main Theme)

 _The trio entered Pokemon Tower, Red holding his Proton pack ahead, "Alright. We have quite a big job ahead of us! Let's hit the road!" Immediately, he was assaulted by hundreds of Gengars,_ _ **"FIRE! FIRE!"**_ _Nate facepalmed, and in a burst of blue flames, they all burnt up._

 ** _"_** ** _If there's somethin' strange in your neighbourhood!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Who ya gonna call?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ghostbusters!"_**

 _Red dusted himself off, "Nate, remind me to get one of those sometime." Nate smirked, "Know any sacred trees with capsule dispensers? Didn't think so!" Leaf picked up Red's gun, firing it at a random Haunter that had sneaked up behind them, "Less chattin', more attackin'!"_

 ** _"_** ** _If it's somethin' weird an it don't look good"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Who ya gonna call?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ghostbusters!"_**

 _Red tossed her another pack, "Strap it on. I managed to get another one by using IDKFA again." He approached the stairs, firing the stream around him to eliminate all targets in the area._

* * *

 _Second floor seemed okay to the team. Well, until a random guy ran up to them,_ _ **"Give…Me…BLOOOD!"**_ _Leaf shrieked,_ _ **"AAAAAAAAHHHHH! NO! I NEED THAT TO, LIKE, LIVE!"**_ _Nate pulled out a pair of random glasses, "He's Inspirited by another Haunter! Allow me!" Red pushed Nate aside, "You did the scanning. I'll handle the blasting!"_

 ** _"_** ** _I ain't afraid a no ghost!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I ain't afraid a no ghost!"_**

 _Red's beam fired at the Ghost-Type floating above the possessed victim, eliminating it with great prejudice. Purple ectoplasm stained the walls, as Red wiped it off his face, "Easy." Nate smirked, "Agreed! Looks like they got..."_

 _A large group of possessed channelers circled them._

 ** _"If you're seein' things runnin' thru your head!"_**

 _"Everyone. Take 'em out!" Leaf barked, firing her Proton Pack wildly. Nate scanned the area again, "More people are in the tower... Red, I have a theory."_

 _"What?" our hero asked, dodging a fist._

 ** _"_** ** _An' invisible man,sleepin' in your bed!"_**

 _"_ _Well, there can't just be this many people inspirited in this tower alone!" Jib explained, "Therefore, someone has been planting copious amounts of spirits in here!" Leaf's eyes widened, "Team Rocket!"_

 ** _"_** ** _Oh who ya gonna call?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ghostbusters!"_**

 _"_ _Makes sense." Red muttered, using his nozzle to knock out a possessed, "They must be on the top floor!" Nate turned to face him, "How can you tell?"_

 _"_ _Call it a hunch."_

* * *

A Team Rocket grunt guarded the top floor, holding a torch. Below him, he heard several yells and explosions.

The guard pulled out his radio, " **Giovanni** , he's coming."

 _"_ _Is the hostage still tied down?"_ the leader asked through the crackly radio. "Yes. And the giant Ditto is ready, sir."

 _"_ _Excellent…"_

* * *

 _But what about our heroes?_

 _Red stormed the next floor… This is getting redundant now, isn't it? Well, let's fast forward a bit, when he gets to the top._

 ** _"_** ** _I ain't afraid a no ghost!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I ain't afraid a no ghost!"_**

 _He kicked down the doors, holding his gun in one hand, "One more time- Ooh. Holy…"_

* * *

 _The giant- no, I mean-_ _ **GIANT FIGURE OF GIOVANNI**_ _casually waved at Red,_ _ **"Hello, annoying bitch."**_

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

 _Nate scanned it with his watch, "I….I can't attack it! This isn't a ghost! Red,_ _ **DO SOMETHING!**_ _"_

 _With that, the boy curled up into the foetal position, whimpering and hugging himself. Meanwhile, Leaf fainted at last._

 _Red fired several rounds of buckshot at the giant, flipping him off as he did. However, these had next-to-no effect on it,_ _ **"DIE, YOU FREAK OF NATURE! YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH- OOF!"**_

 _That was the sound of a massive finger slamming into Red's poor, long-suffering intimate parts. After doing a test jerk-off to ensure he could still reproduce, Red stared down his enemy, "_ _ **HEY! DON'T HIT MAH PEANUTS!**_ _I was planning to spare you all, but now,_ _ **BLOOD MUST BE SPILT!**_ _"_

 _With that, he bravely dashed headlong into danger, only to get swiped aside by a massive finger. Red coughed out some blood, "Alright... Not my blood, specifically, but that's close enough."_

 _Giovanni laughed,_ _ **"YOU FOOL! YOU HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD BEAT ME?"**_

 _"Kinda." Red responded, eliciting a glare from Giovanni._

 ** _" I am Giovanni, Leader of Team Rocket! You took something of ours and messed her up, so we want her back!"_**

* * *

(Megaman Battle Network- Main Theme)

 _Our hero raised his fists, "Mewtwo?! You are trying to get her back?" "No. We are to terminate her." Giovanni replied, malice in his voice, "Her emotions are a weakness. A weapon has no emotion. You have fostered her heart, and her free-will is her weakness. All Pokemon exist for us. We_ _ **WILL**_ _conquer all!"_

 _ **"Having a heart is not a weakness! You are wrong, Gio! Pokemon are to be shared! They are just like us! They are not just guns!"**_

* * *

 _Glitch, Char, Hikari and Leaf stared at Red, amazed at his sudden outburst. Ash stared at Serena's chest._

 _Leaf began, "Red..."_

 _Red stood, raising a Pokeball, "Pokemon are allies! They are companions, partners! We may capture them, but we do it to support them! We give protection, care, food and...Relationships. You are just... I know you are wrong!" Giovanni stared down Redneck, "Maybe...But you are in my way! Prepare yourself for the hell I condemn you to!"_

 _Red whipped out his Proton Pack,_ _ **"NATE, LEAF! Let's finish this! Time to go!"**_

 ** _Time to PWN._**

(Fall Out Boy- Ghostbusters (2016))

 _The trio lined up before the giant, readying their various weapons. Red ran ahead first, firing his particle beam at Gio's back, "There has to be a weakness!" Leaf tilted her head slightly, "Found it! Gio's using a bunch of Dittos to make that giant thing! If we eliminate them with a powerful blast, we can win!" Nate was slapped into a wall by a massive hand, "How?! We don't have anything remotely that powerful!"_

 _He scanned the group, "He's using a ghost to inspirit them all at the same time! It's like a hive mind! If we beat the ghost, we can defeat him! But each of our tools are too small to-" Red smirked,_ _ **"Leaf! We need to cross the streams!"**_ _Leaf turned to face him, "Are you insane?! That has never been tested! We could-" "We have to try!"_

 _Leaf aimed at the Dittos, as did Red. The effect was instant._

 _The beast let out an unearthly scream, as it began exploding. Leaf's eyes filled with hope,_ _ **"IT'S WORKING!" "HOLD TOGETHER!"**_ _Red yelled._

 _The Haunter, unable to control itself anymore, exploded. Ditto lined the walls._

* * *

(Ghostbusters- Main Theme)

Leaf popped out of the unconscious jellies on the ground, whooping, **"That... Was... AWESOME!"** Red smiled, **_"Busting makes me feel good!"_** Nate gave a tired grin, "Ghost defeated! We did it... Wow... Well, that's my job done." Red handed him a few dollars, "Thanks. You really saved my hide out there!" "No problem! If there's a Yo-Kai you need to fight, you know who you're gonna call!"

With that, he happily strutted out to god-knows where. And that was the end of that.

Or at least, it would've been.

 _"Child... Have you beaten them yet?"_

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed- Lavender Town)

 _Red looked ahead, and saw an old man, tied up to a pillar. Red walked over, freeing him with his pocket knife, "Yes. It's over." The man smiled, looking at Red, "Son... I sense... You carry..._ _ **Mewtwo**_ _, am I not mistaken?"_

 _Red sent out Mewtwo, who stood before the man, "Y...Yes?" The man reached out, stroking the pokemon's face, "My creation... My child... Finally alive... Walking... Soothed... Truly, you are a hero."_

 _"My name is_ _ **Dr Fuji Iwata**_ _. I used to be a scientist, but... My last experiment, creating Mewtwo... Team Rocket seized it. They used it to create a war machine... I created her for peace... Look at what she has become." he waved his hand over to Mewtwo's terrifying figure, "But... Her heart...She has a pure heart... I know... Red, Hero of Kanto... Within you... lies a great power... the power to save this world... to be greater..._ _ **Take... these... For it is dangerous, the path ahead, to travel alone.**_ _"_

 _He pulled out a flute and a pair of bracelets, "This... is my gift to you._ _ **The Pokeflute... and the Mega Bracelets.**_ _When the bonds of both hero and Pokemon are at ease with one another... Their true power shall be unleashed..."_

 _Red blinked, "So… like steroids?"_

 _The retired man stood, "Take them... I believe they will be of great use to you… Now… My child,_ _ **Mewtwo…**_ _"_

* * *

(Megaman Zero 2- For Endless Fight)

 _He turned to face Mewtwo, "My child... I created you to make a choice...I hoped the world would let you choose a peaceful life... However, the modifications to your mind and body are too great... I'm afraid you'll have to fight... But sometimes, Peace is the greatest thing you need to fight for."_

 _He stroked Glitch's cheek lightly, "Mewtwo... No, my daughter... Never give up. We have been fighting so long, but the end is never in sight... Fight... For a world...that we can only hope and dream of one day... Where human and Pokemon shall be one... I leave this world to you."_

 _Glitch smiled, "Father... You made me to bring a new era of Pokemon. I shall do as you say! When an enemy appears, I'll retire it! I'll use my powers to fight for justice!"_

 _Fuji chuckled, "Wonderful... But more than that, I want you to protect the people around you... For Kanto...No, the World..._ _ **For Everlasting Peace!**_ _"_

 _He stood up, walking away into the darkness. Mewtwo shed a single tear from her lavender eyes._

 ** _How much longer will she keep fighting?_**

 ** _How much longer will her pain last?_**

 ** _..._**

* * *

(Megaman Zero 3- Everlasting Red)

 _Red turned to his sister, "Time to head out. Next port of call is Celadon City..."_

 _Glitch ran over to her trainer, embracing him, "Yes. Let's go!"_

 _Red coughed, "Can't... breathe..."_

* * *

 _Blue coughed, "I missed him again… My plan for vengeance shall never come to fruition if I keep missing him like so… But maybe…"_

 _Dark laughter filled the room._


	9. Celadon City- Casino (Battle) Royale

**Chapter 9: Celadon City- Casino (Battle) Royale!**

* * *

(Pokemon Red: Gym)

 **"When we last saw our 'heroes', they were doing all kinds of shit in Pokemon Tower, Yo Kai Watch guy came (Nate: HEY!) and Red got the Mega Bracelet! Now, they are approaching the first Terrorist base in Sell-a-ton City! By that, I mean Celadon City. Will they be able to kick some terrorist ass? Will Red manage to use any Megas in combat now? What is Giovanni's evil plan for the city? And how will Red get into Erika's sexist gym of DOOM?! FIND OUT NOW!"**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- VS Wild Pokemon!)

 ** _"MEGA STONE POWA! MEWTWONITE Y!"_**

 ** _"GRRAAAAH!"_**

Red was enjoying his new-found 'steroids' massively. The Caterpie in the grasses of Route 8 stood no chance, as the Mega Mewtwo Y fired a shadow ball at him, blasting him into the skies.

 **"MUHAHAHA!"** Trainer and Experiment cackled, enjoying their new power, **"WE HAVE THE POWER! NOBODY CAN STOP ME NOW- Waaaaaiiiit."**

(Needle scratches record)

Glitch froze, reaching her hand back to her head, "...Why is my butt now stuck to my head? This is in no way as funny as I imagined it to be!" In panic, she ran-erm, floated around tugging at the tail now mounted to her head, before slamming into a tree and knocking herself out.

Leaf snickered, "I guess I can call her a real ass."

(Rimshot)

Red rolled his eyes, sending out Char, "We're a few minutes away from Celadon City. There is a famous casino there which I intend to visit. Leaf, you go chat up the Nurse Joy."

"Hey! Just because I was a nurse once doesn't mean that I enjoy that! Why should you get all the fun?"

"Well, I suppose that Celadon Shopping Centre wouldn't interest you." he shrugged, scratching Char's belly, "I mean, seriously, you don't really want to visit the biggest store in Kanto, I guess-"

(Super Mario Bros.-Starman!)

In a tornado of brown hair, excited shrieking and dash boots, Red found himself getting **CARRIED** into town on the blue blur that was Leaf! The girl was squealing excitedly like some stereotype at the prospect of new clothing. Now, I think it's a little weird, but I also enjoy getting new clothes for some reason… That was irrelevant.

Mewtwo softly groaned, "I feel asleep…"

* * *

(ACDC- Back in Black)

Red walked up to the gym, shades donned. It was time to beat another gym and collect another badge, and badges were Red's bread and butter. He needed them to get into the league, and get into the league he would!

Then he noticed an old man looking into the window of the gym, jerking off. Red walked up to him, "What are you looking at?"

The dirty bastard smirked, "Hehehe… This Gym is my favourite! It's full of girls!" Red wiped some dust off the window, and peered in as well. He was right. There was nobody in there but females.

With a small shrug, Red strolled in. This would be easy, right? What could a gym of females do that could be so bad?

…Not to be sexist…

* * *

 **5 seconds later…**

 **"** **AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH-OOOF!"**

A lot, actually.

Getting up after being launched out of the gym, Smash Bros. style, Red massaged his back, "Okay, let's see. They only let other females in, and the gym leader's a samurai. That's cool, I can handle this. I have a plan. I have a plan. I-"

He fell to his knees, sobbing, " **GOD DANGIT I DON'T HAVE A PLAN! I FIGHT STUFF!** Since when did Gyms require **EFFORT?!** "

 ** _"_** ** _Maybe I can help."_**

(Pokemon Ω Ruby- Zinnia's theme)

He looked up, and saw a girl in a cloak watching his outburst. She had flowing black hair, and wore clothes that may have been slightly too cold for the weather. She helped Red up, "Name's **_Zinnia_**. I'm from Hoenn, and I was coming here to challenge **_Erika_** as well…In a sense... And I have a plan."

"…Is it a good plan?"

"I have **a** plan."

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Pokemart)

 **"** **YAAAAAY!"** Leaf whooped, buying herself a new Battle AR. She had been incredibly pleased with her share of Red's winnings, and was spending it all on increasing her electronic peripherals.

A man in black approached her, "Excuse me, miss… Leaf. I heard that Red called you." Leaf smirked, adjusting her new shades, "That's nice."

The man grabbed her, "You don't understand. You need to come with me."

(Metroid- VS Ridley)

Leaf scoffed, kicking him in the groin. Hard.

"That's bullshit, and I know you're probably some Team Rocket grunt here to kidnap me. If so, just get on with it. Your retarded disguise annoys me."

The grunt rolled his eyes, tossing off his disguise, "Alrighty then."

 _ **With that, Leaf was, uh… KIDNAPPED! OH NOES!**_

* * *

The trainer guarding the doors sighed, pouring herself some more coffee to stay alert, "I don't get paid enough for this…" A whirring sound could be heard behind the Gym doors. She raised an eyebrow, "What the…"

Cue charge shot.

* * *

(Theme of Samus Aran, Space Warrior- Super Smash Bros. Brawl)

 _The doors exploded open, and dust flew everywhere. When the smoke cleared, a figure stood in the remains of the door. It was clad in gold, a red helmet upon its head. A green visor was inlaid within the helmet, and a green arm cannon covered its arm. The arm cannon smoked, as its user marched forwards._

 ** _"_** ** _Hey guys."_**

* * *

(Nintendo Land Soundtrack - Metroid Blast- Invasion (Brinstar Theme))

Red smiled under his neon green visor, "That's right, people! I'm crossdressing as Samus now! Whoo!" One of the girls in the gym blinked, "There's no way that's allowed! And he's dressing as _Metroid_ , not... Whoever."

(Needle Scratches Record)

Another trainer slapped her, **"YOU FOOL! THAT'S SAMUS ARAN YOU ARE INSULTING!"** Red blinked, **"SHE CALLED SAMUS METROID! GET 'ER!"**

A giant fist came out of the skies. Written upon it in golden letters was 'Metroid Fanbase'. It plummeted into the first trainer, blasting her into the distance. And that was all.

(Music continues)

Red blinked, "Uh... Okay?" He marched through the trainers before him, whistling the Brinstar theme.

Now, the building may have been a hedge maze full of trainers, but he didn't need to fight any. Why? Simple.

The Morph Ball rolled directly in front of Erika, unfolding to reveal Red standing before her, gasping, "How... How is Samus able to do that?!" "Bird DNA, Red." Zinnia explained, poking her head out of the armour to climb out.

Red folded his arms, "Yeah, because we all know how you scare a bird in the parking lot and it just **_CURLS UP INTO A BALL AND ZOOMS AWAY!_** "

" _…_ _Alien_ bird DNA, Red."

 **"** **THEN F THAT PLANET AND ITS BIRDS!"**

Before the DeathBattle reference could continue, the bickering duo were interrupted by small yawn.

* * *

(Metroid Prime- Title)

 _Erika stood up, yawning, "Hello. Welcome to my gym." She looked at Red, dazed. "My, you are tall, aren't you?" she mumbled, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to have a fully armoured trainer in front of her. Red nodded, "G'day." She started, shocked, "ACK! My gosh...Where did you come from?!" Zinnia motioned to the smoking door, "We let ourselves in. Now, both of us want to fight you, him to get a badge, and me because I have a membership I need to renew. Get on with it!" "Oh, is that so?" Erika smiled at Red, "Then,_ ** _have at me!"_**

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS ERIKA!**

(One Punch Man- Hero)

 _Erika sent out_ _ **Bellsprout!**_

Red waggled his finger, "Hey, don't you know? You're supposed to banter with your enemies first before beating the crap outta them!" "Actions speak louder than words." Zinnia replied, "Red, be careful! Sempai here is very-" **"Time's up! Glitch! Model X!"** Red yelled, slamming two fingers on his Mega Bracelet.

Mewtwo shone, before appearing once more before Red, now spectacularly buff, "Aww yeah. Now we're talking! But… Return! Mewtwo! Get 'im, **Char!** "

Char soared out, setting fire to the grass around him. The Charmeleon ran straight at the Bellsprout, instantly burning it.

 _Char used Fire!_ _ **CHEAPSHOTZ!**_

Erika flinched, watching her Bellsprout faint, "Oh dear…" Red scoffed, "Let's get this over with. Char! Flamethrower!" "Go! **Goom!** Or something…"

 _Char used Flamethrower!_ _ **SM0K3 W33D 3V3RYD4Y!**_

(Snoop Dogg- SM0K3 W33D 3V3RYD4Y)

A white cloud of smoke drifted up from the fainted pokemon. Red raised an eyebrow, before realising the implications, "Waitaminute…."

Red switched on his oxygen filter, clamped a gas mask over Char's mouth and offered one to Zinnia, "We need to finish her off quick! This gas could be…" Red opened up his scan visor.

 ** _[Gas- Possibly Marijuana. Sniffing may cause a high.]_**

Red sighed, "A Gym leader, a samurai, and a druggie. Just what I always wanted." Zinnia sighed, "How the mighty have fallen. Red, put her out of her misery." **"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!"** Erika yelled, her eyes moving in separate directions. Yep, she's high. And I've hit a new low…

 _Erika somehow sent out_ _ **A Really High Venusaur!**_

Red stared at the Venusaur, who looked really, really out of it, "I…I can't fight this. I have an unfair advantage." "Screw it. I don't even remember signing up." Zinnia muttered, tearing up her membership card, "As for the battle… Red, how about you take that helmet off if you really feel you have an 'advantage'." Red shook his head vigorously, clutching the red helmet, "No thank you. I prefer to only be hung over, not high."

 _Venusaur used Drugs! This chapter does not condone drug use, drugs are BAD for you. Do NOT take drugs._

Char dodged the cloud of purple gas, but fell straight into another. Luckily, his gas mask made it have no effect on him.

Red snapped his fingers, " **Got it!** Char! Ember!"

 _Char used Ember!_

The Venusaur instantly fainted on contact with the flames. Red smirked, "Hah! The drugs make them more susceptible to their weakness!" Erika woozily slurred, "Can yuoureepeeat that? But lwwesslousd, pleased becauesa the drugs aareamkeinfg my lollypopefaieires eat abccion…" "…Um… Let's finish her before she makes a fool out of herself even more." Zinnia replied, losing all respect for the grass-type Gym Leader, "After this, my cloak's gonna smell like Walter White for weeks…"

 _Erika sent out… Um… ah…_ _ **Oddish!**_

 ** _"_** ** _You have no chance to survive make your time!"_** Erika taunted, wobbling a bit. The Draconoid lore keeper fell to the ground, face palming, **_"What you say!"_** Red pointed ahead decisively, **"** ** _Take off every Fire attack!"_** Zinnia nodded, **_"For great justice."_**

 _Char use All The Fire Attack! It Super Effective!_

Erika rolled her eyes, before collapsing to the ground in a twitching heap, **_"Uh oh! The truck have started to move!"_** Red blinked, "I have no idea what she's saying."

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory theme)

 **[YOU BEAT ERIKA!]**

 _"_ _A WINNER IS YOU."_

 **[BADGE GET!]**

 **[4/8]**

 _ **Wait, what the fuck mate?!**_

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Evolving!)

 ** _Char is Evolving!_**

There was a flash of light, as Char began pulsating with a holy light. Red gasped, beckoning towards Char, **"YES! COME TO PAPA! COME TO PAPA!"** The pokemon continued to rotate,before in one final flash of light, it became…

 ** _Congrats, mate! Your Char evolved into Charizard!_** _All your enemies shall cower in fear before you! Powered up by your Mega Stone,_ _ **YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE! YOU ARE SUPERMAN! CHARIZARD! CHARIZARD!**_

Red chortled _,_ ** _"Now I can REALLY, REALLY KICK ASS!"_**

 _Char learnt Drugs Are Bad For You!_

 _Red got 2000PKD and Erika's Badge!_

* * *

 _Meanwhile…_

(Metal Gear Solid- Tank Hangar)

Leaf slowly sat up inside the concrete cell, dazed, "Wow… That was some party last night… Wait, I don't even drink! What the fu-"

A man wearing a black tuxedo walked up. On his breast pocket was a red R, and on his head sat a toupee.

The man laughed evilly, "At last… Leaf Budwiener, we meet at last! **MUHAHAHAHAHA!** " Leaf raised an eyebrow, "Who the hell are you, and why are you wearing such a lame toupee?" The man groaned, **"EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME!** How is everyone able to tell my toupee is fake?! It's not my fault my head is so damn egg-shaped!" The girl in the cell rolled her eyes, "It's pretty obvious. For starters, the price tag is still stuck on it."

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

(A.N. This song will be Giovanni's theme in Redneck, so it'll be playing a lot.)

The man glared at her, "You shall regret ever having insulted **Giovanni** , **Leader of Team Rocket!** I am a genius! I shall use this trap to ensnare yobrutha, and **THEN I SHALL TAKE BACK WHAT IS MINE!** ** _MEWTWO!_** " Lightning flashed behind him for emphasis.

Leaf scoffed, "Glitch will never rejoin you, moron. She is her own… Pokemon." "If she won't, I, **Giovanni Testa Di Cazzo** shall **FORCE HER TO!** " "…Dickhead?" "What the hell are you talking about? Anyway… Red shall soon be here, and then… He shall be mine!" Giovanni made his evil (gay) laugh again.

Our secondary lead sighed, "Sure… Has it ever occurred to you that I don't care? Also, your suit looks dumb."

 **"** **DAMN YOU!"**

* * *

 _Back with our heroes…_

(Pokemon Red- Celadon City)

 _"_ _Leaf!"_

Red turned to face Glitch, "Leaf? Is… something…" The Mewtwo shook her head, "It's horrible… Red, I sensed Team Rocket activity in that casino over there! They took Leaf!"

Red perked up, "Sorry, you had me at 'Casino'. What was that?" Zinnia suddenly popped out of a bush, **"Oh my god! They took Leaf!"**

Our hero angrily swung his fists, **"Those bastards! Hold on, sis, daddy's comin'!"**

With that, he threw all caution to the wind, running into the Rocket Casino. Glitch turned to Zinnia, "You should follow him. I'm sure this is all a trap to take me." The Draconoid nodded, "Gotcha." With that, she followed in…

Red walked into the Casino, completely forgetting what he was thinking about, "Hmm… I could've sworn I was looking for someone… **Aw, what the heck!** I wonder if I can win that Porygon…"

Zinnia slapped him, "Red, focus! And take off the Varia Suit, you don't need it!" "Do I **have** to?" he whined, removing the arm cannon. "Duh! Now, put this on!"Zin said, holding a Codec radio, "I have another plan…"

Red shrugged, "Can't be too bad, can it?"

* * *

(Metal Gear (NES)- Jungle theme)

Red held up two fingers to his ear, _"This is Red. Zinnia, do you hear me?" "Loud and clear."_ She responded _, "The codec is working well. Now, on to my plan:"_

 _"_ _You are to make your way to the very bottom floor undetected. Any wrong move will attract hundreds of guards to your location. Be careful, okay?"_

Red smirked, "Sure."

He ghosted around a corner, spotting the poster, "A poster?" _"Red. The switch to enter the base is behind that poster."_ Zinnia replied, _"However, there is a single guard guarding it."_ Our hero nodded, "Don't worry. I have a plan."

The guard yawned, "I'm feeling sleepy… I feel asleep." Suddenly, the boy in red ran at him, getting him in a headlock and strangling him unconscious. Red dropped him to the ground silently, and a box of cigarettes fell out.

Red tucked it into his pocket, "I don't even smoke, but Ok."

* * *

Giovanni was annoyed.

Not only had his creation, **HIS** Mewtwo, been able to predict his trap and evade it, but the Big Boss of his operation was in a bad mood. And to see someone as powerful as Giovanni fearing is a terrible sight. It means that there was someone bigger, someone even more evil than him.

…That's not good.

A hydraulic sounded. Giovanni groaned. The switch behind the poster had been thrown, revealing the secret entrance into his base. The Boss on the screen sighed, " **You fool!** You let him in. I know from… _personal_ experience that he is powerful. Rally your guards! Stop him!" Giovanni saluted, "It shall be as you command, Boss."

The Big Boss glared at the red blur, sneaking around the corridors, _"Ah… Soon, he will be mine. Soon, all will be mine!"_

 _He ran a hand through his orange hair._

* * *

(Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater- Snake Eater)

 ** _"_** ** _What a thrill…"_**

 ** _"_** ** _With darkness and silence through the night…"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What a thrill…"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm searching and I'll melt into you…"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What a fear in my heart…"_**

 ** _"_** ** _But you're so supreme!"_**

Leaf sang to herself, waiting for her brother to arrive. She wasn't afraid of being trapped at all. She had all her gear (The Team Rocket Grunts were very incompetent), and she could easily break out if needed. However, she needed more information, and being the incompetent morons that they were, her guards were going to give it to her.

 ** _"_** ** _I give my life!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Not for honour, but for you!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _In my time!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _There'll be no one else!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Crime!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's the way!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll fly to you!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm still in a dream!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Snake Eater!"_**

A grunt walked over to the cell, "Here's a new cellmate. Little bastard's going to be executed next Thursday. Have fun." He tossed an Eevee with two tails inside the cell, storming off. The poor thing looked up at Leaf, scared.

The Nurse smiled, "Hey there, lil' guy. What have they done to you?" The Eevee purred, edging away. Leaf sighed, "Alright. Sure. Don't worry. Soon, I figure Red will save us both. I know he will. What's your name?" The Eevee let out a soft, "Ev…"

Leaf nodded, "Okay. Got …That's a cute name. Says it all, … We're in this together." She held out a hand to the Eevee, who softly nudged her head against her open palm.

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _Some days, you go through the rain!"_**

Red snuck around another concrete corner, spotting an enemy, "Crud." _"Hide, Red! We can't afford to get you-"_

He pulled out a cardboard box, ducking beneath it. The guard rounded the corner, glanced around, and walked back to his original location.

 ** _"_** ** _Some days, you feed on a tree frog!"_**

"That's gross." Red muttered to the Abras, "Got something a little… Better?"

They looked at each other and shrugged.

(Metal Gear Solid- Tank Hangar)

Red smirked, "Better."

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _NOT BETTER AT ALL!"_**

Our hero began running as fast as his legs would carry him after accidentally sneaking into a room full of grunts. The band, picking up on Red's subtle hints, started to play again.

(Metal Gear Solid- Encounter)

He ducked into a store room, pulling out some grenades and lobbing them out the door. A satisfying explosion sounded, as he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he realised where he was.

Hundreds of pads lined the floors, with arrows printed on them. Red opened his strategy guide, "Oh, Damn My Life. We have the spinny panels of doom!" With a resigned sigh, he hopped on one and braced his stomach.

* * *

Giovanni rolled his eyes, "He should be here by now…" "I can see he has successfully navigated the room next to this. Giovanni, please stand aside and let me handle this." the figure on the screen beside him barked.

"Yes, sir."

There was an explosion, there he was.

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

Red stood up slowly, "…" The Big Boss laughed, "So! We meet again, Red!" "…"

"When we last met, you defeated me easily, but now, I am unstoppable! You stand no chance to-" **"BLURK!"**

Both terrorist leaders flinched, as Red began violently spewing out the contents of his stomach. Spinning rapidly had not done good things to his stomach.

"… Okay, what was- **YOU!** " Red exclaimed, shocked, "No way…"

 **"** **BLUE?!"**

* * *

(Attack on Titan- Opening 1)

Blue laughed, "That's my name, don't wear it out!" Red looked at the readers, **"PLOT TWIST ALERT!"**

 _"_ _All this time, I was scheming to take over this flawed world! First, I exhorted gym badges from each Gym Leader, so I may defeat the Kanto League, and then,_ _ **THE WORLD!**_ _You have halted my plans for the last time, 'Hero!'"_

Red glared at him, "You... You bastard! How can you do this?! Why are you-" "This world is flawed. There are criminals everywhere, and crime runs rampant. How can you not see it? The only way to right all this madness is to **_purge the world!_** " Blue rasped, **_"I am the true hero here! Enjoy your time while you have it!"_**

Giovanni spoke up, "Mess with us, and _Leaf_ gets hurt!" Red gasped, **_"No!" "YES!"_** Blue yelled, as another screen turned on.

Leaf was picking her nose in her cell, humming, " ** _If we die like trampled flowers..._** Huh? Oh!" She stopped picking her nose, grinning and waving, "Heya! Don't worry about me! Just blast those guys into tomorrow!" **"What the-"** Blue turned at Leaf, "You should be terrified! You should be screaming in pain at your inevitable demise!"

The female protagonist chuckled, "Why? You gotta stay upbeat, mon!" **_"SILENCE!_** " Giovanni yelled at Leaf, "This is foolish! Cease your happy talk at once! Scream in pain!" "Look who's talking, Mr Stupid Toupee!" Red and Leaf yelled in unison, before laughing at the coincidence.

Leaf took on a serious expression, "Red, ya gotta get me outta this whack cell, ASAP. You know, 'cos I'm important to you and shit. Head to Saffron City, Silph .Co is under attack." Red blew her a kiss, "On my way, sis! Hang in there!" She smiled once more, saluting, **"TTFN!"**

The screen turned off, leaving an embarrassed Giovanni and an enraged Blue, "..." Red shrugged, "Sweet."

 **"GIOVANNI! Eviscerate that fool slowly and painfully!"**

"Huh? Oh, got it! Prepare to die, kid!" Gio yelled, as Blue's screen switched off.

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

 _Giovanni took up a battle stance, as Red did the same, readying his Pokeballs. Gio laughed, "Are you ready to lose?!" Red nodded, "Sure... Not like I have better things to do." "I shall crush you like the fly you are!" Our hero laughed, "Sure! I bet you'd know all about flies! There must be a million living in your toupee!" "That-_ ** _YOU DIE NOW!_** _"_

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS GIOVANNI!**

" **RHYHORN!** ** _END HIM!_** "

In response, Red hurled **Hikari** 's Ball, "Alright! It's battle time! Use... **Secret Attack.** " Giovanni laughed, "Madness! Sending out a weak Electric-type to fight my powerful Ground type?! How fool-"

Hikari stabbed a sword made of electricity into the Rhyhorn's horn, killing it instantly.

 _Hikari used Slash!_

Giovanni glared at Red, "Alright... **KANGASKHAN! MEGA PUNCH!** "

 _Kangaskhan used Mega Punch! Miss!_

Hikari dodged, as Red sent out Charizard, "Alright! Let's do this!" Char held both hands before him, as Red activated his Mega Stone, **"Seigen Wa Yabura Reru Tame Ni Imi Shite Imashita!"**

 _Char used Mega Evolve!_ _ **MEGA CHARIZARD X!**_

(Pokemon X- Super Training!)

Giovanni gawked, "How did he... Impossible! This can't be... ** _Mega Evolution?!_** _"_ The terrorist boss turned to his Pokemon again, "Try again, with more effort!" The Kangaskhan raised his fist...

 ** _"This ends here!"_** Red declared, his face lit up by the blue flames, ** _"FIREBLAST!"_**

Suddenly, a voice sounded through his head, ** _"...R..Red...Valour..."_**

Red blinked, "Huh?"

 ** _"...Ad..nt...ures..."_**

Red shrugged it off, holding his arm with the glowing Mega Bracelet out before him, his hand in a fist, **_"LET'S DANCE!"_**

 ** _Then, it happened._**

 _A red burst of energy flew out, becoming the shape of a boy who looked almost exactly like Red, except for the black fingerless gloves on his hands and his plain red cap, worn backwards._

Red started freaking out, **_"WHAT THE HECK?!"_**

 ** _Special Red_** _joins the Adventures!_

 ** _"Here I come, Giovanni! Venusaur, Solarbeam!"_** the spectre yelled in a slightly squeakier version of Red's voice.

 _Special Red sent out_ _ **Venusaur!**_

Giovanni's eyes widened, " ** _What?!_** Where did that-"

 ** _"SOLARBEAM!"_** the boy yelled.

 _Venusaur used Solarbeam! Hot diggity!_

 ** _"He's all yours!"_** the boy told Red, vanishing.

Red blinked, staring at his Mega Bracelet for a second, before commanding a final Fire Blast to finish the terrorist off.

 _Char used Fire Blast!_

The Kangaskhan teetered for a few moments, before collapsing.

Red looked at his bracelet, "... Did you do that?" There was no response...

Giovanni glared at Red, "You... You may have won this battle..." Our hero perked up, "Really?! **YEAH!** "

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

 **[YOU BEAT GIOVANNI!]**

 _"What the hell?!"_

 _Red got_ ** _Special Red_** _!_

* * *

 ** _Home series: Pokemon Adventures/ Pokemon Special Manga_**

 ** _Real name: Fire 'Red' Red (20)_**

 ** _Misc info:_**

 ** _-Hero of Kanto._**

 ** _-'Died' twice._**

 ** _-In romantic relationship with Yellow Amarillo (19) in his canon._**

 ** _-This version appears to only use his Venusaur._**

 ** _-Leads the 'Rainbow Four', a team of four trainers in Kanto (Himself, Yellow, Blue and Green)_**

 ** _-Owns a house on Mt Silver._**

 _ **Current status: Travelling between the regions in his canon with Yellow and two other, unidentified people...**_

* * *

(SSB4- Ryu's Theme (Street Fighter))

Red stood on the battlefield, looking at the glowing bracelet, _"...What the..."_

Giovanni glared at Red, "We will meet again... And when we do... _There will be no one left to save you!_ " Red's Mega Stone shone once more, almost as if the glowing boy was yelling at the terrorist leader.

Red tapped his Mega Bracelet, "You said it, me! **_We'll always stop you! No matter what!We'll always stop you! Any continuity, any timeli-_** Oh, he's gone."

While Red was busy monologing, Giovanni managed to escape from the base. Our hero shrugged, turning to Char, now back in his normal form, "C'mon, partner. Let's go home- Wait."

Cue obligatory load-bearing boss's load in 3...

 _2.._

 _ **1.**_

 ** _"Self-Destruct System Activated. All Rocket Personnel, please vacate area, or SCREAM FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY THAT YOU WON'T DIE, COS YO BASE IS ABOUT TO BLOW THE HELL UP, BYOTCHES! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

* * *

Red grumbled,"Oy vay... Obligatory escape sequence...!" Suddenly, he realised where he was.

 ** _Right in the centre of the blast!_**

Red began to do the most advisable thing to do when escaping enemy bases. He ran.

(Doom- Level 1)

Red started running, dodging falling debris left, right and centre. Somehow, a single self-destruct mechanism can cause an entire base to start collapsing. Suddenly, his Mega Bracelet shone, and the boy's voice echoed out again, **_"This way! Hurry! I can help you out!"_**

In a flash of light, he appeared, running before Red, "We don't have much time!" Our hero nodded, "Okay, me! I have no idea where I am, but with my help, I can escape!"

Special Red, now to be referred to as Fire, stared. Char stared. The security cameras stared. Ash stared at Serena's chest...

 **DANG IT FEELS GOOD TO TYPE THAT AFTER ALL THIS TIME!**

Red ran up to a broken door, "Trapped! We can't get past!" Fire turned to him, "There has to be a way through! Look for something!" RedNeck hefted his rocket launcher, "Aw, to hell with this!"

One satisfying explosion later, the duo was through. Fire shrugged, "That works too. Hey, you remind me of E-"

Another blast rocked the base. Red gasped, "No time! Hey, and what did you mean by 'E'?!" "Aw, check the main series!" Fire barked, mowing down several grunts with his fists, "There's too many of them! We need to get out of here ASAP!"

The Manga version of Red kicked down a door, grabbing Red in an headlock, **"TIME'S UP, LET'S DO THIS! EXXXXXTTTTEEENNNNNNNNDDDDEEEEEEEDDDD ADVENTURES!"**

 **With those words of courage, he charged headlong into danger like the hero he was, smashing walls and kicking ass! Red screamed, his face squished into Fire's sleeve to muffle his yelling! And that was how to escape a 'sploding base in style, folks!**

 **Or not…**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _PUT ME DOWN, YOU RAPISTS!"_** Leaf yelled, getting hurled into the escape helicopter. Her gear was still securely with her, however, including a note she wrote to Red. A plan was hastily formulated.

 ** _"_** ** _EV! CATCH!"_** she yelled, tossing the mutant the message in a ball. The Eevee caught it. Leaf smiled, "Use the power! You know, that secret one that you showed me in the jail cell that the viewers never saw!"

The Eevee transformed into an Espeon, teleporting away. The grunts ran to catch it, but ended up slamming into each other.

Blue, watching this, blinked, "Oops."

* * *

(Vilvaldi- Four Seasons)

The city was peaceful, and all was well. Well, as well as a city under attack by terrorists can be. I say well too often. A random civilian sipped her tea, watching the Team Rocket helicopter take off from a nearby woods, "Ooh. Good thing nothing **bad** is happening nearby."

Jinx in 3, 2...

* * *

(Lonely Island- Like a Boss (Preferably Clean Version))

(A.N. Custom Lyrics! **LIKE A BOSS!** )

 ** _"Smash a door!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Frozen in ice!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Saved by Girlfriend!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Become a statue!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Saved by Emerald!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Fight Helicarrier!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Ed and Kate!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Spoil the guests!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Nate and Katie!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Lan and Geo!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Ash Ketchum!"_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

 ** _"Satoshi Tajiri!_**

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

Fire marched out of the base, Red still under his arm screaming. Fire was singing the lyrics to the song as he marched away, as the casino exploded behind chips and cash rained down upon him, as he inexplicably put an oversized necklace around his neck, a pair of shutter shades appearing on his head.

Red tapped his shoulder, "We made it! But still... People died..."

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

"...Are you listening?"

 ** _"LIKE A BOSS!"_**

"...Idiot."

Fire straightened out, **"HOLY SHIT!** Did... I do that?" He collapsed into Red's arms, "Red... _I did a bad thing..._ " Red blinked, "Um... We **did** warn them."

* * *

(Ryu's theme- Street fighter II)

 ** _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH_** _\- Oh, guys! The base is about to explode under the casino!" Red yelled, still being carried through the hall of the casino over Fire's shoulder. Fire then jumped through the casino door,_ _ **smashing it open!**_

 _One of the patrons turned to another, "What was that?" His friend shrugged, "Just something about the base underneath exploding. Nothing important." They resumed playing Street Fighter._

 _The guy in the red headband started, "Wait,_ _ **HOLY SHI-**_ _"_

 _ **KRAKABOOOOOOM!**_

* * *

(One Punch Man Theme- Hero)

Fire stood, "Oh, okay. Anyway... I am but one of three spirits waiting to be awakened within your Mega Bracelet. The legendaries have sensed that a great evil is rising, and it's up to you to stop it!" "...Blue?" Red asked.

"You heard me." Fire Red replied, "Blue... He has dark intentions, and it looks like you're the only man who will fight to stop him. As such, Arceus has prepared 3 spirits of a different world and time to help the... _'Hero of Kanto'_."

 _"...Me?!"_

Fire nodded, _"Three heroes... One with great_ _ **Valour**_ _... One who trusts his_ _ **Instincts**_ _... and One who is from a_ _ **Mystical**_ _future..."_

 _Fire bowed before Red, "I am the Knight of_ _ **Valour.**_ _Be courageous, Red! Fight..."_

 ** _"Just like I shall to defend Yellow..."_**

Red stood at attention, "Okay! Hey, you have a world to go back to after this, right?"

Fire shrugged, "Yes. When the time is right, I shall return, and this bracelet shall become normal... Well, a normal Mega Bracelet. Until then... Good luck! Toodles!"

He vanished in a red light back into the stone.

(Halo 3- One Final Effort)

Red walked over to Zinnia, standing beside Glitch. Zin cocked her head, "So... You didn't get Leaf back, eh?" "No, but I know where she is. Glitch, how far is Saffron City?" Red asked his psychic companion.

"Next chapter." Glitch smiled, "I sense... another one with you... A familiar presence... One I have never felt, yet it is so familiar..." "... Aw, screw that!" Red chuckled, slapping her on the back, "We have to move out soon. Zin, you coming?"

She smiled, procuring a bow from behind her back, "I'm going to finish the fight."

Red nodded, then felt something brush his leg. He looked down, and spotted a twin-tailed Eevee, "Huh? A survivor from the lab's explosion?" It held a Pokeball in its mouth, which Red took and opened.

A letter fell out:

* * *

 _Dear Red,_

 _Listen, I know I've been caught, so I'll make this brief; in case I die, please... Avenge me. If I don't, remember..._

 _While you may act like a jerkass, while you are an idiot at times, just know that, to me, you always are the Hero of Kanto. I know it's dumb, considering the shit we went through, but hey. Treat your Pokemon like allies- No,_ _ **Best Friends-**_ _not guns, and they'll take you places._

 _Just one thing I learnt from being Nurse._

 _Thank you..._ _ **Red.**_

 ** _Leaf Budwiener_**

 _P.S. This little guy is_ _ **Ev**_ _. He's a little scared of Team Rocket, but... He is special. He can transform into all the Eeveelutions, and then transform back. He's a friend I made. I told him all about you, too! Please take good care of him!_

 _P.P.S. You'll save me, right? You always do!_

 _P.P.P.S. Actually, this is the first time, but still._ ** _COME SAVE ME!_**

 _Footnote:_ ** _WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL READING THIS DAMN LETTER?! SAVE MEEEEE! T_T_**

* * *

 ** _Red folded the letter up, picking up Ev over his shoulder, "...Best Friends, not Guns..." The Eevee turned to face him, twin tails flicking about innocently. Red looked at the now-setting sun, silent._**

 ** _So... This...was his story._**

 ** _He was the Hero of Kanto now. He had to save his sister. He had to beat Blue. He had to fight Giovanni and end Team Rocket once and for all._**

 ** _"...You're my friends... In this world...I must defend."_**

 ** _Red smiled, "Alright! Let's do this!"_**

 _ **He's got his work cut out for him, eh?**_

* * *

 ** _To be continued..._**


	10. Saffron City- Silphie!

**Chapter 10: Saffron City- Let's all take a Silphie!**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Gym)

 **"Last time... on** _ **Pokemon RedNeck...**_ **Our 'Hero' found himself faced with a great task. His sister, Leaf, had been kidnapped, and his Rival, Blue, turned out to be the Big Boss behind Giovanni and Team Rocket's evil schemes. Out of his league, he discovered a hidden power... The usual, really. But anyway, enough of my rambling. Will Red save the day? Who is the next Hero, the one of** _ **Instinct**_ **(Stole a page from Pokemon Go, BTW. But you already know that.)? Will Red defeat Blue? Will Zinnia STOP BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE (No.)? FIND OUT NOW!"**

* * *

(ACDC- Back in Black)

Red drove into Saffron City, hopping off his ATV, " ** _Silph Co…_** Sounds foofy." Zinnia nodded, dismounting behind Red, "Who named it anyway?" Glitch scanned it and gasped, "You do not want to know…"

Red sent out Char, "Alright. Char, let us in."

* * *

The grunt guarding the doors sighed, pouring himself some more coffee to stay alert, "I don't get paid enough for this…" A whirring sound could be heard behind the building's doors. He raised an eyebrow, "What the…"

 **"** **HOO HA!"**

* * *

One explosion later, Red, Char and Glitch stood in the smoking doorway. The grunts in the room froze. Red smirked, **_"Don't worry loves, calvary's here! "_**

 _And so it began..._

* * *

Leaf spat at Blue, " **Blue!** You were behind this all along!" The antagonist shrugged, "So, how do you like being the cheese for the moue in the trap?" Our heroine flipped Blue off, "Well, look at the rat, calling Red a mouse! Why are you doing this, anyway?"

 _"_ _Isn't it obvious? Look around you! This world is flawed! It is corrupted by fools who run this land! They think Pokemon are 'friends', when they are truly weapons! Now that I have been shown the truth, I shall bring order to the chaos!"_ Blue yelled, _"Now, watch as I do so by becoming ruler of the world!"_

Leaf stared at Blue, before letting out some news that shattered his heart, "I never wanted to go out with you, asshole. If we weren't genetically related, I'd be with Red. You're an asshole, Blue."

 _'_ _That should stun him for a few minutes, Red.' Leaf thought to herself, smirking._

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

"Unless, of course, he does **this**!" Leaf yelped, as her cage was slowly lowered into an incinerator, "I'm going to die of fire! This isn't as epic as I imagined this! Red, you better hurry your ass down here!"

Unable to stand anymore due to the heat, Leaf collapsed on the floor of the cage, _**"Agh!"**_

* * *

Red smashed down a door, "I sense... a disturbance in my sis..." He grabbed a grunt, **"WHERE IS SHE?!"** The worthless grunt said nothing. He was only on the job because he needed the cash.

Red hurled him aside, storming the room. He pulled out his shotgun, turning to Char, "Follow me!" With that said, he kicked down the doors...

And found himself in the middle of quite a predicament.

 **"** **AGH! SPINNY TILES OF DOOM! TELEPORTERS! GRUNTS! OH MY!"**

(StarFox 64- Boss Battle 2)

A grunt standing on the other end of the room laughed, **"MUHAHAHAHA! Your romp through our base ends here, Red Demon!** I have placed before you these traps, and you shall never get past them... **Sane! MUHAHAHAHA!** "

Our hero rolled his eyes, "Fuck this shit, I have a BFG." He hoisted the gun out of his magic satchel, firing it at the grunt. The black-clothed grunt fell back, **"MY EMPEROR, I'VE FAILED YOU!"**

(StarFox 64- Mission Accomplished)

 **[YOU BEAT STUPID GRUNT #1346!]**

 _Red got 2000 PKD and a Massive Dildo!_

Red blinked, "Uh... Sure." Tossing the fake dick over his shoulder, he advanced.

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Blue's theme)

Blue glared at the screen, "Amazing... So, even now, he refuses to turn from his ways? Even as I burn his own sister, he still dares defy me?" He turned to two grunts standing in the room, "You two! Get the base evacuated to **Johto** , like I planned! Giovanni, Grunts #1- 100 and I will remain in Kanto!" The grunts nodded, sending out commands to the helicopters.

Grunt #1002 turned to Blue, "Sir, what about you? I understand that Red is your enemy, but _**what if the Johto Team is defeated?**_ "

* * *

(Megaman Zero 4- Freesia)

 _Blue mulled this over for a moment. Johto was the home of tons of possible 'heroes'. However, his guns were surely enough to eliminate them. It wasn't as if_ _ **history was going to repeat**_ _, and his entire organisation was going to be_ _ **defeated entirely**_ _by_ _ **another boy in red**_ _, right?Right._ _ **Gold**_ _was all he cared about._ _ **Silver**_ _medals of surrender were never his goal._ _ **Crystal**_ _clear._

He turned to the grunt, "Don't be silly! I swear on Ho-oh that it'll be fine! If not, ** _then may Gold strike me down!_** _"_

 _Ho-oh would hold him to that promise. Little did he know about_ _ **another hero...**_

 ** _A Soul Slayer._**

(A.N. Possible Sequel...?)

* * *

Glitch turned to Red, "Leaf... She is under serious trouble now! Blue is trying to burn her to death!" Red grunted, **_"That bastard!_** _I'll show him to mess with one of my family!_ Erm, where is Leaf?"

Suddenly, a familiar evil (Gay) laugh echoed through the hallway they stood in. Red whipped around, **_"YOU!"_**

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

Giovanni stood before Red, "So! You decided to follow us here! You've got guts, kid! However, it is all in vain! **_You're just in time to watch Leaf burn!_** " Red raised a finger, "Uh, I can just teleport in there using Glitch, save her in the nick of time and get out." Glitch turned to Red, **_"Hey, why didn't we do that?"_**

(Music stops)

Giovanni stared at the author. Char stared at the author. Red stared at the author. Glitch stared at the author. Ev stared at the author. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

I shrugged, "Narrative drama." Red shrugged as well, "Oh, that makes sense."

(Music continues)

Giovanni advanced on Red, "I have waited long for this moment... Sure, it was only last chapter when we fought, but still, you get the idea."

* * *

 _Giovanni raised a fist, "Prepare yourself for the next life, 'hero'!" Red tipped his cap, "The only person who's dying..._ ** _Is you!_** _"_

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS GIOVANNI!**

 _Giovanni sent out_ _ **Rhyhorn!**_

Red turned to Char, "Char! I'm out of clever plans involving physics! Quick, set him on fire!"

 _Char used_ _ **Fire!**_ _When all else fails, set it on fire!_

Giovanni, watching the battle, decided to be witty, "What? That barely tickled! You trying to be funny? I'm sorry, but this is no joke! This is adult business! I have you now..."

Glitch turned to Char, "Hey, Char? **SHUT HIM UP!** " Char dashed forwards, Red activating his Mega form. The Fire-type became cloaked in flames, punching the Rhyhorn into a wall.

 _Char_ _ **Mega 'Volved!**_

The Rhyhorn stood up again, charging at Char horn-first. The Charizard dodged swiftly, grabbing it and smashing it into the ground. Even then, Char wasn't satisfied. He began pounding the Ground-Type repeatedly with blue fiery fists, before snatching him up, ploughing him through the roof of the building. Higher and higher he flew, until he reached the curvature of the Earth's atmosphere. The grey pokemon blinked, floating in the air for a few seconds, before Char slammed into him, making a re-entry, flames licking the sides of the Rhyhorn's armour as they flew back to the planet. Was that it?

Nope!

Char ploughed a clean hole through **Mt Silver** with the Rhyhorn, slammed him into **Sprout Tower** , dunked him into **Mt Chimney** , then dunked him into **Lake Verity** , slammed him into **N's castle** several times (N was all like, "What the fuck?!"), flew up to the top of **Prism Tower** and speared his opponent on the antenna on top and finally smashed several random cars into him in **Alola**. Making a stop at **Ferrum** , Char slammed Rhyhorn into the **Pokkѐn Arena** repeatedly, using his face to literally sweep the floor, took to the skies and flew over to **Orre** , using him as a sledgehammer to helpfully destroy the remains of the **Team Snagem Base** , much to the pleasure of Wes, observing the chaos. Finally, he dashed all the way back to **Silph Co.** in a matter of seconds, slammed another hole in the roof, and threw the enemy to the ground.

All this happened in the space of 5 seconds. He was **THAT** brutal. Needless to say, Rhyhorn was defeated.

 _Char used_ _ **Gratuitous Violence!**_

The terrorist boss gritted his teeth, "Next one! **KANGASKHAN!** " Red turned to Char, "Aim for the crotch!"

The Kangaskhan roared, before Char Shoryukened it in the crotch.

 _Char used_ _ **SHORYUKEN!**_

"Nice try, kid! Is that all you got? I got more!"

 _Kangaskhan used_ _ **PUNCH!**_

Char grabbed his genitals, falling to the ground crying. Red turned to Gio, **"YOU BASTARD!** You can beat us up, sure, but **NEVER IN THE CROTCH!** " Giovanni laughed, "Well, that nothing to me! What are you going to do without Char? That's right, **you little Weiner!** Nothing-"

Red's eyes became filled with fire, **_"THAT TEARS IT! YOU AND YOUR SKINNY DIPPERS ALL DIE NOW!"_**

He pulled out… No… Oh god… _It can't be…_ _ **OH ARCEUS NO!**_

 _Red used_ _ **THE HOLY ALMIGHTY ALL-SMITING HELIX FOSSIL OF SMITING! ALL HAIL THE HELIX! HELIX AKHBAR! HELIX AKHBAR!**_

The fossil shone with a holy light, before smiting **ALL** of Giovanni's pokemon, even the ones on his belt.

Gio blinked, "How?! I was… No… ** _NOOOOO-_** "

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

 **YOU BEAT GIOVANNI!**

 ** _"_** ** _-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_**

 _Char learnt_ _ **GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE!**_

 _Red got 2000 PKD!_

* * *

Giovanni glared at Red, "This… **_THIS ISN'T OVER!_** _I will return… I curse you…_ _ **That a reincarnation of my plan shall forever follow heroes like you!**_ _"_

Red smiled, "Sure. Hey, grab your last bit of dignity up, lardass, and get the hell out of my sight."

With a final yell, Gio ran away.

 ** _"_** ** _I'll be back!"_**

Our hero blinked, "Did he seriously try to impersonate Arnie?"

* * *

Leaf groaned. Her clothing may have been practically invincible, but she was already starting to feel the ever-increasing heat. ' _Logically_ ', she wondered, ' _I should be dead by now… but I'm_ _ **OHGODTHISBURNSIMONFIREARCEUSHELPMEIMGOINGTODIEOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!**_ _'_

All of a sudden, a loud yell sounded throughout the room, and the fires died out. The sound of a door breaking echoed through the room. Several .22 shotgun blasts rang out, followed by the Wilhelm scream. Finally, a grappling hook latched onto her cage, and Leaf ran over, **"What the-"**

(Attack on Titan- Opening 1)

Red grabbed Leaf under his arm and fired his hookshot at another wall, swinging over with ease. He then slid down the wall with his bare hands, reaching safe ground at last.

He placed Leaf on the ground, gasping, "Thank all the Legendaries you're okay! You were almost a Leaf Sandwich!" The siblings hugged each other for a few seconds, before Leaf brought up an important point, "Hey… Wouldn't I be baked alive by now? I mean, I was in an iron cage, over an incinerator. And we all know that barbequing meat is easy! We do it on national holidays! So seriously, why am I not-" Red shoved a water bottle into her mouth, hefted her over his shoulder, and ran further into the base.

"Must be heatstroke."

 _Red got_ ** _Leaf!_**

* * *

(SSBB- Space Battleground (StarFox Assault))

Blue sat up in his chair on the top floor of Silph Co., **_"Red just deactivated the obvious control panel of my incinerator, and saved Leaf!"_**

A random grunt (# 87) ran in, **_"Sir!He's penetrated the defences in the floor below and is freeing the Pokemon!"_**

Another grunt (# 11) ran in, **_"Sir! He's somehow getting through the annoying spinny tiles of DOOM!"_**

Stan (#SOUTHPARK) ran in, **_"Sir! Oh my god, they killed Kenny!"_**

Kyle (#MEMESKICKASS) ran in, **_"Sir! That bastard!"_**

Blue turned to the grunts, "Grunt 87, tighten security leading into this chamber! Grunt 11, get the **Rocket Brothers** to defend the door!" **_"SIR YES SIR!"_**

The two ran out of the room, leaving only Blue in the room. He turned around, facing the massive pipe organ he had erected in the last 5 minutes, "Now, when Red comes in, I'm going to be- Wait. I just remembered."

He sighed, **_"I don't know how to play the piano."_**

Stan ran up, "Oh! I do-"

 ** _GUNSHOT SOUND! GUNSHOT SOUND!_**

Blue holstered his pistol, "I reiterate: leaving **_only_** Blue in the room." Kicking the two random kids out the window, Blue immediately received the hatred of every single South Park fan in existence.

Good thing he's getting his ass kicked. Not that I watch South Park myself… Hey, wait. What does that have to do with the plot?

* * *

(Animal Crossing (GCN)- Title theme)

Grunts #12-15 were four perfectly generic brothers. So generic, that they don't even have names. They are just collectively called 'The Rocket Brothers'. That's nice and generic. So generic, I bet they're not actually individual or more important than any other grunt. I'm pretty sure they're just kinda labelled like that to scare away intruders. How generic.

Blue just called them up to guard the door leading into his chamber. Just like any other generic guard in his generic mafia. Well, there was Grunt #666, but he evacuated to Johto, so we don't talk about him.

Here, let us listen to a conversation they're currently having now instead.

Grunt #12 turned to Grunt #13, "Generic question?"

Grunt #13 nodded, "Generic reply."

Grunt #14 agreed with this, "Generic agreement."

Grunt #15, however, had different ideas, " **Generic disagreement!** Generic argument supporting disagreement."

Grunt #12 rolled his eyes, "Generic objection. Generic argument supporting objection."

Grunt #13 yawned, "Generic statement of tiredness."

Grunt #14, feeling rather left out, slapped Grunt #13, " **GENERIC COMMENT TO WAKE PERSON UP!** Generic exposition as to what we're doing and why it is important to not fall asleep while doing said action."

All the other 'Brothers' stared, before Grunt #15 complained, "Generic complaint about long windedness."

Grunt #12 was feeling rather lonely, so he cracked a joke, "Generic gag about previous statement!"

All four of them snickered, "Generic reaction."

This is getting boring, isn't it? It's a little generic, I'd say.

 ** _Suddenly, Red!_**

(Pokemon Red- Battle! VS Trainer)

Red blew down the door! **_GENERIC EXPLOSION SOUND!_**

"Okay, that's enough of that!" Red cracked his knuckles, "Time to PWN." The grunts all pissed their pants, "Generic shocked cry!" With a loud battle cry, Red grabbed the pokemon one of the random scientists he saved gave him, "Now, **DIE! GO!**... ** _Magikarp_**."

The Magikarp on the ground before him blinked in confusion. The grunts couldn't stop laughing, "Generic **Laughter!** " Grunt #12 decided to make a joke, "Generic comedic statement on how your pokemon sucks!"

Magikarp roared, suddenly using Strength to smash the floor in front of the grunts. Everyone in the room watched in shock as it then used Surf to launch all four grunts out the windows.

Grunt #15 screamed, **_"GENERIC AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"_**

 **GENERIC SPLAT! GENERIC DYING SOUNDS!**

Red stared. Leaf stared. Grunts #12-15 stared. Char stared. Ash stared at Serena's chest. Again.

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

Leaf whooped, **"HOLY SHIT! THAT'S AWESOME!"**

Red held up the 'Karp, "Kid, what else you got?" He pulled out his dex for the first time in this story, and scanned the Magikarp.

* * *

 ** _Magikarp (LVL 100)_**

 ** _Possibly on Steroids?_**

 ** _Moves:_**

 ** _Fly_**

 ** _Surf_**

 ** _Cut_**

 _ **Strength**_

* * *

Red blinked, "All the HM moves… It's like a utility belt, but a Magikarp! I'll call you **UtilitKarp**!"

The Magikarp smiled, before flopping uselessly on the ground once more. Leaf did a double-take, "Wait, _FLY_?!" Red shrugged, slapping his red box several times, "Must be a glitch in my dex. I mean, Fly? That's-"

The Magikarp began flapping his little flippers up and down at ungodly speeds, slowly taking to the skies. It flew past Red and Leaf, before smashing through the doors before the two, leaving concrete shards around them.

Leaf's jaw dropped, "…Holy…" Red shrugged, "Well, let's keep moving."

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Blue's theme)

 _Red marched into the room, coming face to face with the shadowy figure on the other end of the room, "So…You're behind all this…" The shadow sat up from his dark throne, "We meet once more. Persistently, you stand before me."_

 _Our hero scoffed, "I stand for Kanto. I said I wanted to fight Team Rocket, so that is what I'm doing now!"_

 _Blue glared at Red, wielding a single ball, "Prepare to meet your maker, Red! You have meddled with my affairs for the last time! Now, perish with your fight!" He whipped out a revolver... and_ _ **fired.**_

 _Red yelled, falling…_

Not… Dead?

* * *

(Pokemon Season 1- Main theme (Gotta Catch 'Em All!)

The Mega Bracelet on Red's hand shone, and a husky voice spoke, **_"Heh. Got you outta a pinch!"_** Red gasped at the familiar voice, "No… Freaking… Way…"

 ** _"_** ** _ASH?!"_**

 _ **Ash** catches a role in the story!_

* * *

 _Red got_ ** _Ash Ketchum!_**

 ** _Home series: Anime (Main Series)_**

 ** _Real Name: Ash Ketchum (20, but appears like he's still 10)_**

 ** _Misc info:_**

 ** _-Uses Botox._**

 ** _-The main face of Pokemon who really shouldn't be the main face._**

 ** _-This version of Ash appears to be his Kalos version._**

 ** _-His Pikachu is a plot device that can be extremely powerful or unbearably weak, should the plot demand it._**

 ** _-Has literally NO LUCK with female companions; he's had 4 or so now, and he still hasn't found a girlfriend. I mean, seriously, they came close in X and Y, but nooo, Serena wanted to go to Hoenn! IT WAS MEANT TO BE! DARN YOU, 4KIDS! DARN YOU! DDDDAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRNNNNN YYYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!_**

 _ **Current status: Staring at Serena's chest.**_

* * *

Red suddenly felt a new power taking over. Blue kept laughing, " **HAH!** You've gotten so desperate, you've called in **ASH?!** That's hilarious-"

Without pause, Red fired his shotgun.

(Pokemon: Season 1- Burning Battlefield (Kanto Trainer Battle theme))

Blue dodged, "What the-" With a battle cry, the Scarlet Trainer pulled out his pair of SMGs and fired them at him. Blue kept dodging, watching as the red blur was able to keep his guns blazing, each arm chasing his rival around the room. Red then leapt into the air, twisting around as several revolver bullets flew past him, "Cool! I feel like Neo!"

Blue glared at Red, "Fine! Enough fooling around! **DEPLOY!** "

For a few seconds, nothing happened.

Time suddenly seemed to slow. Red noticed the plaster on the roof coming down over Leaf. He dashed over, snatching her up in one hand. Just seconds later, an explosion blasted a hole in where the girl was standing.

Leaf glared at Red, " ** _What the hell_** \- Oh. Thanks. A lot."

A helicopter blasted the roof open with its missiles, and lowered a rope. Blue grabbed the rope, raising himself into the aircraft, "I may have got my licence yesterday, but I will defeat you now! Prepare yourself, **_RED!_** "

Ash's voice sounded again, **_"Red! Use the stereo speakers to listen where the helicopter's coming from!" "I DON'T HAVE STEREO!"_** Red shrieked, doing several cool flips while dodging missiles. This was a lie, as he did happen to have a rather nifty pair of headset in his magic satchel somewhere, but he was too lazy to dig them out. Red, you bastard.

Blue cackled insanely, **_"THAT'S RIGHT, FOOL! DANCE! DANCE OR DIE!"_**

Synapses fired in Red's brain. Suddenly, like he did on rare occasions, Red was struck with **an idea!**

* * *

Red blinked, " **Dance?** That's it!" He pulled out a boombox and donned a pair of shades, "Blue, **_Prepare to get DAOWN like it's TWEN-TEE TWELVE!"_**

He flicked on the boombox.

(PSY- Gangnam Style)

Blue's eyes widened, "No... **NO!** "

(A.N. **OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!** )

Red began doing the dancecraze from four years ago, "That's right, **_BYEOTCH! FEAR THE POWER OF... K-POP!_** " Blue fired several missiles at Red, "Perish!" Our hero smirked, as Ash helpfully slowed time again, _"Oh, is that so?"_

 _Red backflipped over the missiles, fuelled entirely by the power of_ _ **Korean music!**_ _Blue gasped, "Impossible!_ _ **WHY WON'T YOU JUST DIEDANGIT!**_ _" Our hero vaulted off a missile, using the explosion to propel himself towards the helicopter._

 _Leaf watched on in amazement, "It's the Matrix all over again!"_

 _Red realised a few missiles were heading towards his twin sister. He flipped over a missile, firing several pistol rounds into the rockets, making them explode in mid-air, "Let's keep this between you and me, Blue! Speaking of which... How about we throw down_ _ **outside?**_ _"_

 _With this, he air-dashed into the helicopter, punching it out a wall into the skies outside._

Leaf blinked, "Guys? You forgot me..."

Blue glared at Red, **"This is the end! PREPARE TO DIE!"** Red smirked, performing the dance on a missile, **_"Make me!"_**

He paused, "Wait."

Bullets fired where he was standing, destroying the missile. Red jumped off, surfing on another towards Blue.

Blue dodged the missile with his chopper, "What the hec-"

 ** _"_** ** _AAAAAAAAAYYYY SEXY LADY!"_**

"Stop that! I'm trying to-"

 ** _"_** ** _AAAAAAAAAYYYY SEXY LADY!"_**

 _"_ _I'm going to kill yo-"_

 ** _"_** ** _GANGNAM STYLE!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _THAT'S NOT EVEN HOW-!"_**

Blue was unable to dodge in time, before the missile scored a direct (*Reggie pose here*) hit on him. However, instead of exploding into fire and all that, it exploded with **_MORE MUSIC!_**

Blue screamed, **_"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"_**

Red smiled towards the readers, **_"C'mon! Join in!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _GANGNAM STYLE!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OP, OP, OP, OP!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _GANGNAM STYLE!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OP, OP, OP, OP!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _AAAAAAAAAYYYYYY SEXY LADY!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OP, OP, OP, OP!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _AAAAAAAAAYYYYYY SEXY LADY!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OP, OP, OP, OP!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _AY-AY-AY, AY-AY-AY!"_**

Blue fired his helicopter's guns, but Red simply jumped off the bullets, breaking the rules of physics, **_"POWAAAAAA!"_**

With a final swift motion, he smashed in the glass cockpit of the helicopter, smashing the controls with his fist.

A yellow flash shone, and a glowing Pikachu fired a thunderbolt exactly where his fist struck.

The force of the electric and K-pop enhanced blast launched Blue to god-knows-where, becoming a white dot on the horizon, **_"I'm blasting off again... *ding!*"_**

Red walked on the column of smoke left back into the hole in the side of Silph Co. Messing with particle physics is getting to me now, so let's have Ash return the flow of time to normal.

He paused, and turned to face Blue, _"I guess you can say I'm quite the;"_

Shades on _,_ ** _"Rocket Launcher."_**

 _ **YYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!**_

* * *

 _Grunt #47 looked at the building and gasped when he saw the hole and his boss getting launched into the distance,_ _ **"OH GOD! 9-11 ALL OVER AGAIN! RUUUUUN! AAAAAAAAAAA-"**_

 _Just as he was doing that, several police cars and a SWAT team van skidded up. One rammed into the grunt, launching him away as well!_ ** _WASTED!_**

 ** _"_** ** _FREEZE! THIS IS THE COPS!"_**

* * *

 _All the Team Rocket grunts and scientists inside the building froze, as several heavily armed police officers wielding batons and shotguns stormed the building. The grunts, being terribly incompetent, were all arrested easily. After freeing several trapped Pokemon, the SWAT team headed up to the next to the next floor._

* * *

 _Random Grunt #21 leaned over to Random Grunt #32, "The guys downstairs… They still need our help." Random Grunt #32 shrugged, "Hey, quit yer bitchin'! The cops here are nothing butta bunch of Jennies! They'll never-"_

 ** _"_** ** _BREACH!"_**

 _The door blew open, and a female figure stood in the smoke, "You're both under arrest under suspicion of working with a terrorist team!" One grunt wolf-whistled, "And you're-"_

 _Swiftly, the girl fired her tranquilizers around her, eliminating every single grunt in the room. She spun her pistol, replacing it in her holster, "_ ** _Orran_** _, thank you very much!"_

* * *

 _The SWAT Team finally breached the final floor, discovering that the Boss of Silph co. was busy kicking ass with his new shotgun. The female Orran mentioned above walked towards him, "Are you okay? We came as soon as we-" The president looked at her, "You look like the girl who was with the_ _ **red boy**_ _earlier! Do you know him?"_

 _The girl paused. The chances of that were… remote._

 _"_ _No, I don't. I'm just a hired mercenary who's helping bust these guys. You need to come with me, quick!"_

 _The president smiled, "No, I'll be fine, thanks to the red boy…"_

 _He looked out the smoking hole in the wall, "Thank you… Red…"_

* * *

 _"_ _The President then explained that he and his company was saved by a boy in red, wielding a shotgun and an almost unlimited arsenal of various weapons. We are still searching for this mysterious savior. The Team Rocket Grunts known as # 10-100 were apprehended, but most of the forces managed to escape to Johto."_ the reporter mentioned, _"As for the ones left in Kanto, they are apparently led by a boy named_ _ **Blue Oak**_ _and the infamous mafia boss,_ _ **Giovanni**_ ** _Testa Di Cazzo_** _. Anyone with information should call Crime Stoppers."_

The Saffron City residents in the Pokemon Centre stopped watching the news on the small TV and turned to face Red, bewildered.

Red chugged down some Tequila, "Wonder who that was, huh?"

* * *

(The Legend of Zelda- Wind Waker- Dragon Roost Island)

Zinnia looked between the two reunited siblings, "Well, that's my good deed for the day done! See ya in a couple of generations!" Red shook her hand, "Never change, Zin! Except for the part where you stole Ruby's Mega Bracelet. And the part you kicked Sapph off a shuttle. And the part where you stole those tickets. And every single time you tried to flirt with- Actually, forget what I just said."

Zinnia paused while she was walking away, looked over her shoulder and smirked, "Nah. That was fun."

Leaf and Red stared at the draconoid in disbelief, before Leaf voiced exactly what Red was thinking, _**"That Bitch!"**_

* * *

(Pokemon Ω Ruby- Zinnia's theme)

Zinnia continued to walk down the endless road to tomorrow. Who knows what she was thinking as she walked away to the endless fight? I certainly don't. Probably something about lunch or something.

Oh, wait. I'm the author! _**MIND READ POWARZ ACTIVATE!**_

* * *

 _'_ _I could use a holiday after all this. And a few cookies. That Wes guy I met visiting Orre yesterday sure has a cool weapon, doesn't he? Hey, what's for lunch? Man, I forgot Esper. Hope she doesn't eat my favourite sandals like last time I left her at my house. I never actually replaced those, did I? No, didn't have enough tim- Oh, that's right. I was having some of that nice coffee in Kalos for lunch on my way back. Wait, focus on the task! I need to stop being so scatterbrained all the time! I PLAY POKEMON GO EVERYDAY! Wait, that was random. Okay, seriously Zinnia Lowell, focus on what's important. Come to think of it, it's odd I even have a house in the first place.'_ Zinnia thought, whistling her theme song, _'Aren't I supposed to be some sort of fugitive? Eh… What was I thinking about? Oh, right. Vacation. The Battle Tree in Alola sounds nice…'_

After checking Poogle™ Maps, she called for Rayquasa, and saddled up for the long journey home.

 _'_ _Good to see I got my ADHD in check.'_ Was her final thought as she fell asleep exhausted as the green dragon flew her home. Well, actually to Kalos for coffee first, then back home.

* * *

Actually, let's not see what she's thinking. Let's get back to our heroes.

(Pokemon Red- Gym)

Red opened the doors to the gym meekly, shuffled inside the gym, and looked at the official.

The man blinked, "Hey, what's up? Something's wrong, isn't it?" Red shook his head, "No. I got a call from the **Doorway Enthusiast Republic Persons Society** , or **DERPS**. The **DERPS** wants me to stop my mistreatment of doors." "Bummer." "I know! I mean, I didn't break too many doors, right?!"

 _ **On the contrary...**_

* * *

(The 1812 Overture)

 _The Nurse Joy hummed quietly to herself the Legend of Zelda theme, while playing Skyward Sword behind the counter. As you might expect, the general peace was destroyed when Red busted in, dashing through the door like X himself,_ _ **"SIGMA!"**_

 **Door count- 1**

* * *

 _Red arrived at the Gym, smashing open the doors with his fists,_ _ **"NANANANANANANANANAH!ZUBATMAN!"**_ _Misty and Leaf jumped, the latter falling into the pool._

 **Door count- 2**

* * *

 _Red smashed through the gym doors, now wielding a grenade launcher. Surge stood before him, guarded by a laser drunken maverick scoffed, "Oi! Guile clone! I'm here to_ _ **FINISH YOU!**_ _"_

 **Door count- 3**

* * *

 _A boy in red kicked the door open. His brown hair brushed against his arm as he wiped sweat off his forehead. This brought attention to an oversized white watch attached around his wore shorts and red sneakers, and didn't look much older than ten."He came! I can't believe it!" our hero laughed, motioning to the boy, "_ _ **Leaf, meetNate!**_ _"_

 **Door count- 4**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _I ain't afraid a no ghost!"_** _He kicked down the doors, holding his gun in one hand, "One more time- Ooh._ _ **Holy…**_ _"_

 **Door count- 5**

* * *

 _The trainer guarding the doors sighed, pouring herself some more coffee to stay alert, "I don't get paid enough for this…" A whirring sound could be heard behind the Gym doors. She raised an eyebrow, "What the…"_

 _Cue charge shot._

 _The doors exploded open, and dust flew everywhere. When the smoke cleared, a figure stood in the remains of the door. It was clad in gold, a red helmet upon its head. A green visor was inlaid within the helmet, and a green arm cannon covered its arm. The arm cannon smoked, as its user marched forwards,_ _ **"Hey guys."**_

 **Door count- 6**

* * *

 _Red ran up to a broken door, "Trapped! We can't get past!" Fire turned to him, "There has to be a way through! Look for something!" RedNeck hefted his rocket launcher,_ _ **"Aw, to hell with this!"**_

 **Door count- 7**

* * *

 ** _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH_** _\- Oh, guys! The base is about to explode under the casino!" Red yelled, still being carried through the hall of the casino over Fire's shoulder. Fire then jumped through the casino door,_ _ **smashing it open!**_

 **Door count- 8**

* * *

 _The grunt guarding the doors sighed, pouring himself some more coffee to stay alert, "I don't get paid enough for this…" A whirring sound could be heard behind the building's doors. He raised an eyebrow, "What the…"_

 ** _"_** ** _HOO HA!"_**

 _One explosion later, Red, Char and Glitch stood in the smoking doorway. The grunts in the room froze. Red smirked,_ _ **"Don't worry loves, calvary's here! "**_

 **Door count- 9**

* * *

 _Red smashed down a door, "I sense... a disturbance in my sis..." He grabbed a grunt,_ _ **"WHERE IS SHE?!"**_

 **Door count- 10**

* * *

 _All of a sudden, a loud yell sounded throughout the room, and the fires died out. The sound of a door breaking echoed through the room. Several .22 shotgun blasts rang out, followed by the Wilhelm scream. Finally, a grappling hook latched onto her cage, and Leaf ran over,_ _ **"What the-"**_

 **Door count- 11**

* * *

 _All four of them snickered, "Generic reaction."_

 ** _Suddenly, Red!_**

 _Red blew down the door!_ _ **GENERIC EXPLOSION SOUND!**_

 **Door count- 12**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _I mean, Fly? That's-"_**

 _The Magikarp began flapping his little flippers up and down at ungodly speeds, slowly taking to the skies. It flew past Red and Leaf, before smashing through the doors before the two, leaving concrete shards around them._

 _Leaf's jaw dropped,_ _ **"…Holy…"**_

 **Door count- 13**

* * *

Red blinked, "Oh. Nevermind... **WAIT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!** "

He fired his RPG at the gym doors, blowing them to cinders. The official looked at Red, shocked, "What you'd do that for?!" "13 is unlucky when you're taking on a psychic gym." Red explained, ** _"I don't like bad luck."_**

 **Door count- 14**

* * *

(The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess- Temple of Time)

Red eyed the walls before him, "Hmm. A wall. There are teleporters next to it, and as such, I can deduce the game designers placed those teleporters to go to seemingly random places in the gym, requiring me to find out which teleporter goes to which room, while also tactfully and stealthily making myself unseeable from the trainers 1 metre vision directly in front of them hiding in each room as I skilfully make my way to the end..."

He rolled his eyes, pulling out his trusty BFG, "Or I can do this!"

* * *

(One Punch Man- Hero)

 ** _Sabrina_** _opened her eyes,_ _ **"So... You came. I was expecting you."**_

She looked at the smoking walls behind the scarlet trainer, "... However, I was not expecting you solving my puzzle in such a violent manner." Leaf shrugged, leaning on Red, "Deal with it! We don't do things by the book. Well, to be more accurate, we tear up the book, shoot it several times with a missile launcher, set it on fire, pee on it, feed it to MissingNo, salt it then heat it on high for 1:30 minutes!"

Sabrina looked at Red, ignoring his sister's instructions on how to make 'the book' into a delicious dessert. Her very eyes stared into his soul, "I... I see your heart, Red. You're... **_A VERY DIRTY MAN._** "

Our hero rolled his eyes, "I've been called that before."

Sabrina kept staring, **"You are also drunk.** "

Red snapped his fingers, "Ah, and you are ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober."

 _Red used_ _ **CHURCHILL BURN! Damn, son!**_

Sabrina opened her mouth to return with yet another burn, but decided against it and instead sent out her only pokemon, "I shall beat you with only one Pokemon." Leaf blinked, "I didn't know you wore a wig."

Annoyed at the anime references, Sabrina began her obligatory intro.

* * *

(Megaman Zero 4- Falling Down)

 _"_ _I have sensed you, even as you left Pallet Town. I saw you defeat all else." she said, gaze lifeless. It sent chills down Red's spine, but the boy steeled his courage. The creepy psychic approached him, and thats when Red and Leaf realised something even more terrifying; her feet were not touching the ground, but levitating above it like a ghost. Ignoring the duo, she leaned up in Red's face, "From a young age, I had amazing powers. I fostered them, bending spoons with my mind. Now, I am powerful beyond your imagination." Red soiled his pants, before realising something, "Wait, were you that kid who travelled across the world with 3 other people and saved the world from an evil alien? Or the blond kid who lost his mother? Or the brown-haired one who went literally to hell and back with a skeleton for company while trying to kill an evil flow-"_ ** _"SHUT UP!"_** _Sabrina snapped, telepathically smashing the wall,_ ** _"PREPARE TO BE…DELETED!"_**

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **[VS SABRINA!]**

Red blinked, "…Deleted? That's… an odd thing to say…"

 _Sabrina sent out_ _ **Porygon!**_

"Ah. **Char!** "

 _Red sent out_ _ **Char!**_

Sabrina smirked, as a screen turned on behind her, **_"PHASE SHIFT!"_**

 _Porygon used_ _ **PHASE SHIFT!**_

Both combatants vanished in a flash of light. Red blinked, **"...WHA?!"**

Suddenly, Charizard appeared on the screen on the wall, assaulted by Porygon. Leaf gasped, **_"...OH COME FREAKING ON!"_**

Sabrina cackled like the witch she was, **"MUHAHAHAHA!** I simply perfected a move that sends both attacker and victim into cyberspace, for as long as the attacker lives! And I encoded the most powerful Cyberspace AI ever! Attack, **_Mewtwo .EXE!_** "

Red gasped, "We're doomed! I can't attack in cyberspace! This is the end!"

The polygonal Mewtwo approached Char, charging up a Shadow Ball...

Our hero gave a wry smirk, "Or, ** _I would be._** "

 ** _"_** ** _Battle Routine, Set!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Execute!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _SHOTGUN!"_**

* * *

(Megaman NT Warrior- Opening)

(A.N. What, you thought I was kidding when I 'spoilt the guests'?)

A flurry of shots hit Mewtwo .EXE, sending him flying into a wall in the digital arena. A blue figure ran in, his left arm covered by a tube of some sort, "Let's do this!"

He wore a blue helmet with yellow circles on the sides, and a- **_Doh! Blue guy! Internet! Battle Routine Set Execute! Way too much yelling while plugging in a USB!_** It's **_Hub 'Megaman .EXE' Hikari_** , everyone! You expecting the Kool-Aid Man? ** _Get with the schedule!_**

(A.N. Battle Network. Don't own it. Again. I love Team .EXE's Megaman Abridged Warrior series, as well as Piclone's Mega Man Star Force Abridged Parody (MMSFAP), so I was inspired to put them in here. I don't own them either. You can find both series on Youtube. For now, though...)

A screen flickered on beside Hub's head. A boy wearing a blue headband and an orange vest waved to Red, "Sorry I was late! The tech in Kanto is really behind the times! Took me a while to jack in to the Gym's Network, but I'm here!"

Sabrina gaped, "Who are you?!" "The name's **_Lan Hikari_**!" the boy greeted, "And Red called me in to chew ass and kick bubblegum!" "Hell yeah!" Hub yelled, "Red, your Charizard looks like it may need some help!"

Red smiled, pulling a red cable out of his dex and leaping into the air, "Got it! **_Jack in! Charizard .EXE, Power up!_** _"_

 **[Network Transmission Beginning... JACKED IN!]**

(Megaman ZX- Innocence)

Sabrina scoffed, "How's that going to-" **_"Battle Chip! Cannon A, B, C! ADVANCE CANNON! EAT HOT DIGITAL SHELLS!"_**

Charizard's left arm transformed into a blue cannon, pleasing the Fire-Type greatly. It held it in front of him and blasted away at the opposing program.

 _Char used_ _ **Program Advance! CANNON!**_

Lan cheered from his end of the Network, "Megaman, brutha! Are we gonna get shown up by a Kanto boy? ** _Battle Chip in! Long Sword, Wide Sword, Sword! ADVANCE SWORD, BITCH!_** "

Hub pulled out his sword, running headlong at Mewtwo .EXE and slicing, **_"SLICE!"_**

 _Megaman .EXE used_ _ **Program Advance! SWORD!**_

 **[VIRUS BUSTED]**

Sabrina groaned, "This was uncalled for! Go! **_Kadabra .EXE!_** "

 _Sabrina jacked in_ _ **Kadabra .EXE!**_

Red scoffed, "Is that really it? Time to use... **_Z-Saver!_** "

Luckily, Red had a copy of Megaman Zero 3, so...

 _Char used_ _ **Z-Saver!**_

A green triangular sword appeared in Char's hand, and the dragon flew forward, slashing into Kadabra.

 ** _"_** ** _Entrusting my wish to these wings that can't fly,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _How many roads not on the map would I need to walk down,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _To be able to meet you?"_**

Char looked behind himself, realising the Abra Mariachi was standing behind him in digital forms and were singing as usual. With a small shrug, Char continued to fight.

 ** _"_** ** _If I have the dreams and hopes I carried in my arms,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Could I destroy the infinitely spreading doubt,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _To change something?"_**

Sabrina smiled, snatching a chip from out of nowhere, "Two can play at this game! **Hero Sword!** "

 _Red smiled, "It's on!"_

And when the text becomes Italics, you know he's triggered.

 ** _"_** ** _Softly, I melt into this night."_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's so much deeper than loneliness."_**

 ** _"_** ** _With this endless conclusion,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll change that future into limitless strength."_**

 _Kadabra's left arm transformed into a purple sword of psychic energy. Hub blinked, "...Protoman's Sword? Whatever!"_

 ** _"_** ** _The other side of unwavering time,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Reflects the me who resolved not to escape from my overlapping memories."_**

 ** _"_** ** _My emotions overflow."_**

 _Char and Kadabra clashed in a shower of green sparks. Kadabra rolled around behind Char, back-flipped onto him, and slicing his right arm. Orange pixels scattered from the wound._

 ** _"_** ** _The promise I kept with these hands,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Is that now, I just…"_**

Red grabbed his ad-hoc Personal Terminal, "Gah! Screw it! **_Shotgun X2!_** " Hub gasped, "Wait! But his arm is-"

 ** _"_** ** _In the sky I woke up to after my long slumber,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Where should I put,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _The sins that clung to the abyss of disappointment?"_**

 _There was a blinding flash of light, forcing the other two navis to cover their eyes..._

 _When they opened them..._

Hub's jaw dropped, **_"...Woah."_**

 _Char used_ _ **RedNeckShotgun!**_

 ** _"_** ** _The beats repeat."_**

 ** _"_** ** _If I lose my heart in the illusion I touched,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I may as well bring them to zero."_**

 _Char's cut-off hand had transformed into a smoother stylised version of Red's shotgun, double barrels, shotgun pump and .22 calibre barrel. Char smiled, raising his new firearm. Kadabra raised his sword. Char pumped the shotgun, two expended shell casings flying out and clinking on the cyber ground, before vanishing in a flash of pixels._

 ** _"_** ** _Bearing the pain that coils around my chest,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I want to make everything come true."_**

 ** _"_** ** _With these thousands of shattered sadnesses,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll change that future into an unending bond."_**

 _The two charged at each other, Hub providing cover fire for the dragon as he fired digital lead into the sword-wielding Psychic. The ground became littered with spent shell casings, each vanishing in a flash of pixels._

 ** _"_** ** _On the other side of the darkness that won't return,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No matter how many times I shout the words that interrupted the unerasable marks,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _My feelings won't reach."_**

 _Char jumped over Kadabra, dual barrels blazing as he used the shots to propel himself over his opponent._

 ** _"_** ** _The truth that was engraved into my eyes,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Is that now, I just want to protect you."_**

Sabrina glared at Red, "You fool! You are destroying my perfect plan to end you! What makes you think you are so powerful?"

Leaf turned to her brother, expecting an angry response. However, Red just shrugged;

 ** _"_** ** _We can't protect without breaking anything."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Still, I want to break it to save someone."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That's the way I live my life. And I will never forget..."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Every step that I have made."_**

 _Red looked at the psychic Gym leader with a cocky grin, "So, let's finish this!"_

 ** _"_** ** _On the other side of the time that won't come apart,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm searching for the singing voice that inherits the incomplete gene."_**

 ** _"_** ** _My feelings echo."_**

 _Char ran one final time at Kadabra, shotgun raised,_ _ **"CHHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!"**_

 _The Kadabra stood firmly, despite knowing... This was the end._

 ** _"_** ** _The promise that was sworn on the light,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Is only that now..."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I just want to protect you."_**

 _The shotgun blast blew a clean hole through the Kadabra. Pixels flew from its chest, as it wavered._

 _Then, it finally fell._

* * *

(Megaman Battle Network- Virus Deleted!)

 **[YOU DELETED SABRINA!]**

 **Busting time: 02:11**

 **Busting level: A**

 **[You got PsyBadge!]**

 **[5/8]**

 _Red got_ ** _PsyBadge_** _and_ ** _2000 PKD!_**

* * *

Sabrina fell to her knees, as Red jacked out Char, the dragon re-appearing in the real world. The dragon gave a small sigh, looking forlornly at his right arm, now back to normal. Red patted him on the back, "There there, Char. I'll get you another one." He reached into hammer space and handed Char another shotgun, pleasing his main once again.

Sabrina then smiled, looking up upon Red, "You…You fought well." "Hey! I did stuff too!" Lan yelled.

"But… The road ahead is dangerous. You are hardly prepared. Until you unlock **_the power inside you_** , it will be impossible…"

Leaf smiled, "Nothing we haven't handled before!" Red nodded, "Yeah! See you then!"

With that, the duo walked out to their next challenge.

* * *

 _Hub blinked, "So… What do I do now?"_


	11. Fuchsia City- Birthday Party of 6

**Chapter 11: Fuchsia City- Birthday Party of 6**

* * *

(Pokemon Red: Gym)

 **"** **When we last saw our 'heroes', Red saved Leaf! Huzzah! Now we can continue on with… Um, the Plot! In this chapter; Ninjas! Sneaking around! More ninjas! Sniping! Did I mention Ninjas? Oh, and the next badge is here too! Also, we celebrate my birthday, as well as Sun's journey beginning! Will Red be able to successfully find that old guy's teeth? Why is the house on Route 16 a 'secret base'? Will Ed be able to celebrate his birth by teaming up with his most insane creation yet?! And how will Redneck handle KOGA'S POISON –TYPES OF DOOMINGNESS?! FIND OUT NOW!"**

* * *

Red stepped out of the previous Gym and stretched, "Well, I'm ready to take on the next one! Let me at 'im!" Leaf nodded, "Yup! Back on the road again! No getting kidnapped, and no need for you to-"

 **"** **IT'S THEM!"**

(Rick Astley- Never gonna give you up!)

Suddenly, the duo were swarmed with dozens of adoring fans. It appeared after Red inadvertently 'saved' Saffron City from Team Rocket, a large fanbase had been created in the 5 minutes following his absence. Word sure travels fast.

One girl jumped out excitedly, **_"MARRY ME, SENPAI!"_**

Red yelped, **_"AAAH! FANGIRLS!_** I'm deadly allergic to them! It's worse than hayfever! ** _"_** Leaf turned to him, **_"GET TO THE BIKES! WE CAN ESCAPE IF WE HURRY! AAAAAAAH!"_**

Red paused, "Wait. There's something I must do." His sister groaned, "What-"

Our hero pulled out a surfboard, jumping onto the masses of fans, **"HANG 151, SKRUBS! W00T!"**

* * *

(Hawaii Five O- Main Theme)

 _And so, Red began literally crowd-surfing through the masses towards Celadon City, leaving a wake of fans behind him, without a single pitch for a possible future series in sight! Nope, nothing here! Definitely not a sequel to RedNeck that takes place in Alola, 20 years after all this, with cheesy 80's cop shows as the theme for it! Nope, definitely not_ ** _Alola 5-0_** _! Nothing to see here! Move along, civilians!_

Leaf grinned, "Ooh! Will I be in it?"

...Maybe?

 _ **"**_ _ **Yay!"**_

* * *

(Megaman X- Central Highway)

Red surfed down Cycling Road, the large wave of fans holding him up not seeming to let up. He kept surfing, before coming across a small, out of the way house by the side of Route 16. He surfed over the short fence, picked up his surfboard and entered.

* * *

(The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time- Shop)

Once he was inside, Red was amazed by what he saw.

 ** _"_** ** _OH MY GOD! IT'S POT! ROWS AND ROWS OF IT!"_**

And pot was right! True enough, before our hero were hundreds of the green stuff, gro wing under their little grow lights! Red pulled out a gas mask and put it on. Then he took it off, retched at the smell of a Dragon Born who hadn't showered in three weeks, wiped it with a convenient wet wipe he found in his unlimited arsenal, and put it back on, "Whoever lives here is having one hell of a high time."

Red approached a random dude standing in the corner smoking two joints, "Excuse me, my good sir, would you please explain what the hell you are doing with all these drugs?"

The person turned to face Red, "Wha… Oh! You're the guy who came my gym while I was high!" Red gasped, **_"ERIKA?!"_**

Erika nodded, panicked, "Please don't tell anyone! I need the drugs to cure my crippling depression!" Red blinked, "You have depression?"

"Yes! The bug catchers keep pestering me, trying to make me their 'queen'! Just because I have the Grass Gym, it doesn't mean I support them! **THEY ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE, RED!** "

Our hero blinked, "Um… Okay then. I know a good counsellor in Kalos. Maybe he can help. For now, though…"

* * *

(Queen- Another one bites the dust)

The building exploded into hundreds of leaves, a grand mushroom cloud of narcotics rising into the air. It is said the cloud drifted over to Orre, thus explaining why everyone there seems to be high on W33D. However, this theory was never proven, so… Well, to tell the truth, when I used my magical author powers to fly after the cloud to follow where it went, I couldn't seem to stay focused. Shortly after, I got the idea to write this shit.

Weed is some powerful stuff.

Red strolled out of the house, as Leaf approached him, shocked, "What…" Red clamped an oxygen mask over her face, "I came, I saw, I **BLEW IT UP! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!** "

With that, he climbed on his ATV, patting Char on the back, "Great job with the C4 there."

* * *

(Pokemon X- Pokemon Centre)

Red walked into the Pokemon Centre, sending out Glitch, "Well, Glitch. Here we are, up to our 6th badge. Truly, we have come far." The Mewtwo nodded, "I noticed you have changed too. You aren't swearing as much, nor drink as much as you did before. You have grown."

Hikari jumped on his sleeve, "Pika Pika!" Red patted her, then turned to Leaf, "Leaf, you want Ev back?" The girl smiled, taking up the Eevee's ball, "Sure. What about UtilitKarp?"

Red held up its ball, "I…I have a plan."

The Nurse Joy fumed, "Okay, is it just me, or does **NO ONE** in these stories actually use Pokemon Centres to heal Pokemon?! I mean, we see them used for arranging your teams, sharing stories of your quest for the mega-whatever and sleeping in them, but healing your Pokemon always seems like some friggin after-thought! **USE THE DAMN HEALERS FOR WHAT THEY WERE MADE TO DAMN DO!** "

Red turned to the nurse, annoyed, "Alright, alright. Take the damn things."

 _Dah dah da da_ _ **DAH!**_

Nurse Joy handed them back to Red, "Good! Now, quitcher bitchin' and get **MOVING!"**

* * *

Red opened up a map of the town he got from the Pokemon Centre, "Well, now to go to the Safari Zone! And that is…."

He stared at the map. The map stared back. Leaf raised an eyebrow. Char coughed. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

 **"** **WHO'S BLOODY IDEA OF A JOKE WAS IT TO MAKE THE WHOLE BLOODY TOWN A FREAKING ZOO?! I CAN'T FIND MY WAY AROUND HERE FOR ALL THE BOOZE IN THE WORLD!"** Red yelled, shaking his fist at the sky, "Dammit, map designers!"

He grumbled, folding up his map and storming into the city.

* * *

(Team Fortress 2- Playing with danger)

 _A small red target in the green. Easy target for me._

 _The girl with the ponytail next to me smiled, patting my back, "Piece of cake. Just shoot it with this rubber bullet." I nodded, adjusting my scope, "Okay… Lining up crosshairs…"_

 ** _BLAM!_**

 ** _"_** ** _OW! OH, JEEBUS! AGGH! GOD! FUCKTARDS! FUCKTARDS! FUCK-FREAKING-TARDS! MY ARM IS FUCKING BLEEDING! OH, GOD IT BURNS! FUCK! FUCK! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"_**

(Needle Scratches record)

* * *

Redneck clutched his shoulder, over-reacting slightly. Leaf gasped, "Red! Are you okay?"

I gasped, standing up, **"KATE! We hit someone!"**

Kate blinked, "We did? Shit!"

Redneck marched over, grabbing Kate by the front of her shirt, "What's the big idea?! Sniping someone while he's trying to pee in the woods!" My female companion kicked his chest, backflipping off, before running at him, fists raised.

A sudden tug on her bag sent her falling on her back.

I helped her up, "Calm down. We're only here for this chapter, and we can't piss off Red."

* * *

(SSBB- Pokemon Red theme)

(A.N. This is essentially the theme song for Ed.)

I shook Redneck's hand, "The name's Ed. You're Red, aren't you?" The protagonist smiled, "Yup! That's me!" Leaf nodded, "Yeah. My idiot brother. Wait, you're the author, aren't you? Well, what brings you to this AU?"

I smiled, "This story has been cancelled."

* * *

Just kidding!

"I'm here to celebrate my birthday! 18 November, if you're wondering. And I brought some other guys, too."

 **Red (Main Series)** and **Yellow (Main Series)** walked out of the woods, looking rather dazed. Red had a blank look on his face.

Redneck pointed at Red, "Wait, you're **_Fire!_** "

(Pokemon FireRed- Teachy TV)

No response. Kate nudged Fire, "Um... Say something cool."

"..." was his response. I cocked my head slightly, "Is it trans-dimensional sickness, or something else?" Redneck sighed, "Hoo boy. I broke the biggest badass in the whole series! What is the PR team gonna say?"

I stopped him, "Firstly, I'm your PR team. Secondly, he's okay. Watch." I took a deep breath...

 ** _"_** ** _RED! ARE YOU AND YELLOW TRAVELLING TOGETHER, OR WHAT?!"_**

Still nothing. Redneck and Leaf exchanged glances.

Kate facepalmed, "You idiot, Ed! That makes them freeze up! Let me try."

 ** _"_** ** _RED-KUN! YELLOW-CHAN IS SOO KAWAII ~! (^3^)"_** Kate hollered, putting on her best 'creepy obsessed Japanese fangirl' imitation. The results, I must say, were instant and quite satisfying.

(Music Stops)

Fire snapped out of his daze, bellowing, _**"NO! DON'T HARM YELLOW! WE'RE NOT IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP! NO!"**_

(Skyrim- Song of the Dragonborn)

* * *

 _In an instant, he proved he was the one they all feared. The trees around him blasted away at the sound of his voice, flying into the air. A large crater was created where he stood, him glowing a holy white light. Dirt flew into the air, trainers fled from the power of the hero of Kanto. The boy himself remained in the centre of the vortex upon a single column of earth, dirt rising around where he stood._

 _And across the world, enemies trembled, as his voice echoed through the cosmos._

 _ **"**_ _ **NOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

* * *

(Music cuts out)

He blinked, looking around, "Hey, what happened?"

(Pokemon FireRed- Memory P)

 _He turned to face Yellow, who was blushing heavily, "Yellow?! Are you okay? Did they touch you anywhere you didn't want them to?" Yellow shook her head, "N...No!_ _ **It was just a bad dream... Hey, wait!**_ _"_

 _Fire chuckled, hugging his best friend and ally, "Good to see you're not hurt...Yellow."He turned around, "Hope no one saw that. Otherwise, Green would never let me live it dow-"_

(Needle scratches record)

The boy in red froze up, spotting a clone of himself, what looked like Green, Kate and I watching him, wide-eyed. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

His cheeks became the same colour as his name.

* * *

(Pokemon Go- Main theme)

 _Some long explanations later... VERY long explanations..._

Fire shook Red's hand, "Nice to meet you, Redneck." "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Fire." Red replied, randomly speaking in a British accent, complete with monocle.

Yellow hugged Leaf, "Hi, Leaf! I haven't seen you since Chapter 3!" Leaf returned the hug happily, _"Hi~! (^-^)"_

Kate flipped through her strategy guide, "Alright, now that we're introduced, our next plan can begin!" I turned to her, "Um... Where did you get that strategy guide from?"

Ignoring me, she pointed at the map, "In area 4, we can find the hidden hut, as well as the **False Teeth**. The hut holds the TM for **Surf** , which I believe will be important if Red wishes to... Progress the plot."

Red held up UtilitiKarp, "Got it!"I shrugged, "Alright. But we still need to head there to get the warden's teeth." Red whined, " ** _AWW!_** But I don't wanna!"

Kate snapped her fingers, "Got it! If you go, I'll have a drinking contest with you, with **_South Orran Tequilla_**!"

Our hero wiped his tears away, "Really?! But only 1 person was able to finish more than 12 shots a day of that, and she was a **South Orran Commando!** " The South Orran Commando smiled, "Exactly!"

Red whooped, "Even though you are carrying weapons like a commando and look South Orran, I'm sure I can beat you in a drinking contest if we're using **THAT! HAH!** I'll go!" He grabbed Leaf's arm, prancing happily into the woods.

I turned to Kate, "... We shall never speak of this day again."

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Route 1)

 ** _"_** ** _I'm starting to wonder if this is really worth seeing a South Orran Commando drunk!"_**

When I mentioned Redneck hated random encounters, I meant he **_HATED_** random encounters.

Sadly, the entire forest had a fetish with it. A really bad fetish.

 ** _"_** ** _LASER CHAINSAW GO!"_** Red yelled, slicing with great prejudice through tree after tree of... trees. Not to mention random Pokemon. Aw man, Team Plasma is really going to be pissed...

Fire adjusted his hat as the four of us followed the boy on his bloody swath through the forest. Leaf turned to Kate, "How strong is that alcohol, anyway?" Kate chuckled, her eyes glazing over as she was lost in an amazing memory, "Ah... Alcohol... What can I say about it? Alcohol does weird things to us Dexholders..."

* * *

(The Ramones- Wonderful World Cover)

 ** _"_** ** _ONWARDS TO ADVENTRUE!" Trainer Black_** _drunkenly screamed, driving directly off a cliff in his bumper car. The fact he was driving a bumper car wasn't what made it memorable. The fact_ _ **White**_ _was running behind it pushing it towards the cliff singing an out of tune rendition of 'The Staryu-Spangled Banner' made it funny._

 _ **Trainer X**_ _teetered off the edge of Prism Tower, attached to the top only by several rubber bands and masking tape. Still,_ ** _Y_** _holding the other end on the top of the tower was probably a mistake on both trainer's parts._

 _ **"**_ _ **I wonna be! Da vory bast! LIKE NO WON EVAH WOZ!"**_ _Orran hero_ ** _Rui_** _slurred into the karaoke machine,_ ** _Wes_** _standing behind her chasing his own shadow with an RPG._

 _"_ ** _Ash!_** _We need to film a new season! Are you ready?"_ ** _Todd_** _asked Ash. Ash nodded, "Coming! I just need to finish this last one!" The boy poured the final of his compulsory 1349240378729377598810487298874 bottles of hard liquor down his throat, then smiled dumbly,_ ** _"READY FOR KALOS!"_**

 _ **"**_ _ **But all this pales in comparison with a friend of mine's experience with Orran Tequilla..."**_

* * *

(Misha- I play Pokemon Go)

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go every day!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go every day!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go!"_**

 ** _Go_** _(female Pokemon Go character) drunkenly began singing, her voice being a horrible rape of the very song. Nature itself cringed, Darkrai screamed for sweet death, e.c.t., e.c.t._

 ** _"_** ** _When I wake up!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm grabbing my phone!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I wanna catch 'em all!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I wanna play Pokemon!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _All day long, all day long!"_**

 _Still in her drunken stupor, Go began doing the Numa Numa dance while singing. All the other patrons in the pub sobered up quite quickly._

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go every day!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go every day!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go!"_**

 _The patrons slowly edged away from the smashed girl._

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go every day!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I play Pokemon Go!"_**

 _Go belted out the final lines to the song, sliding on the ground head-first into a table. Then the girl slumped to the ground, unconscious._

* * *

 _"_ _...Sweet memories..."_ Kate sighed, looking up at the sky.

Leaf gave a short sigh of relief, "Thank Arceus, Kate! You were walking along staring vacantly ahead while drooling! I was worried you passed out while standing up!"

I leaned over to Fire, "Hey, do you have any experience with alcohol?" The manga Red shivered, "Don't tell me."

* * *

(Jaws- Main theme)

 _The first thing he saw was empty bottles on the night-stand._

 _Fire Red clutched his head, feeling a throbbing pain, "...Was I drunk?"_

 ** _"_** ** _...Uh..."_**

 _Fire looked down, and a small head of blond hair emerged out from under the sheets. The girl slowly sat up, registering the sights around her slowly..._

(Psycho Theme)

 _Yellow and Fire stared at each other. What didn't help was the stains on the bedsheets._

 _ **"**_ _ **AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"**_

* * *

 _"_ _Turns out we were so drunk, we poured tomato sauce all over our bed..."_ Fire muttered, _"...And it was dry-clean only..."_

Kate and I exchanged glances.

"You heard me!" Fire exclaimed.

* * *

(Deep Purple- Smoke on the water)

Rest house 3 was in a severe state of panic. The entire park was on fire all of a sudden, and the people, being the incompetent scrubs they are, were panicking like crazy.

 **"** **We're gonna die!"** a bug catcher yelled, his oversized hat on fire!

 **"** **Ahh! FIRE!"** an Ace Trainer screamed, running around in circles quickly!

 **"** **AAAAAAAHHHHH-lianz insurance!"** the ad went!

Red entered the house, "Woah! Who redecorated?!"

A man trapped in the corner, wearing a brown business suit and desperately patting out flames! Red pulled out a Splattershot (Splatoon Weapon) loaded with water and put out the flames, "Are you okay?!"

The man nodded, "I mead ma peeth!"

Redneck cocked his head, "Your false teeth?"

"Beah! I mead them, sho I kun bekum… **SQUIRTLEMAN**!"

Red nodded, "Got it! They're in Area 4! I'll fetch them for you!"

The man gasped, "No! Da phire! Poo dangerous!" Our hero scoffed, plunging into the flames, _**"LEEEEEROOOOOOOOY JENKINS!"**_

* * *

(Megaman Maverick Hunter X- Opening Stage)

Yellow escorted some civilians out a nearby exit, "Get outta here! Hurry!" I turned to her, reaching into my bag and pulling out my helmet, "I'm going in to help Redneck! You and Fire help the others escape!" Kate nodded, pulling out her assault rifle, "I'm coming too! This fire can't be natural!"

We ran headlong into the fire, attempting to find the boy in the dancing orange tongues.

Red skidded to a halt in area 4, looking around desperately, "False teeth… False teeth- **AH!** "

Through the flames, he spotted a small green box on the ground. He picked it up and opened it. Bingo!

He tucked it into his pocket, "Now to get outta- **You.** "

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

Through the flames was a figure in black, holding a flamethrower. He turned to face Red, fire reflected in his eyes. His black business suit contrasted with the furious orange, as he turned slowly and dramatically to face our hero.

Giovanni chortled evilly, "We meet again, fool! You have no chance to survive now!" Red's mouth fell open, "You started this fire?!"

"No, a passing Wobuffet in a top hat did. Of course I started it! What other genius is as amazing as I?"

(Needle scratches record)

Red stared. Char stared. Glitch stared. The flames stared. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

Red shook his head, "No, that's just dumb! Why would you set a perfectly good forest on fire? What does it add to your cause? That's just stupid." "Well, uh, clearly, um…" Gio blinked, scratching his head, "Actually, I didn't start the fire. I was just coming here to kill you with this random flamethrower I had on hand… And then this fire started."

Leaf ran up, shaking her head, "Red, stupid as he sounds, it looks like that must be the case." The scarlet wonder nodded, "Okay, well, good we got that sorted out. Now, what were we doing?"

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

 ** _"_** ** _DIE!"_** Gio yelled, setting fire to the ground around them. Leaf yelped, " ** _PTSD!"_**

Red loaded his shotgun, "I don't feel like a Pokemon Battle now. I'll take you on myself!"

Suddenly, copious amounts of water rained down from above!

 ** _"_** ** _Hey, watch it!"_** Kate yelled, running up with Blasty, her Blastoise, by her side, "People could've been hurt!" "That was the idea!" Gio began…

I jumped out of the bushes, a Mega Arm firing at the flamethrower. The modified Snag Arm destroyed the comparatively simple weapon in 3 blasts of Synergy, the Mega Core smoking as I hoisted it to attack, "Giovanni! Well, what a surprise."

The man blinked, "Uh... What? Whatever! You broke my new toy! Do you have any idea how much it costs to get one?!" Kate shrugged, "I dunno. How much does it cost to replant a burnt forest? I figure that makes us even!"

* * *

(Maverick Rising- On the Highway [MMX - Opening Stage]- Dominic Ninmark)

(A.N. Just got this OCremix Album. It kicks ass!)

 _I switched on my combat systems, metal and machinery sounding. Kate pulled out her weapons with a resounding click. Safety switches flicked off. Circuitry flashed on. Both our Battle ARs activated in a blue flash. My Mega Arm turned on, flashed off, then turned on once again when I smacked it with a gloved hand. Meanwhile, the one beside me opened the barrels of her grenade launcher, spun it and flawlessly loaded 6 shells in while it was rotating quickly._

 _We raised our weapons_ ** _, "Let's do this!"_**

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **Target: Giovanni**

Giovanni blinked, "What's with the different battle schematic?"

Kate nodded slowly, "Oh... I see. It's a combination of the battle style in the main series and this one." I laughed, patting her back, "Well, you worked that out quickly. Now let's see if we can take him down just as quickly!"

Giovanni sent out **Rhyhorn** , "Eat this!"

I threw a ball. The Rhyhorn ran at it, ramming into it repeatedly with it's head in order to break it and thus prevent a Pokemon coming out. An ingenious plan... ** _If it were a Pokeball!_**

 ** _"_** ** _EXPLOSION!"_**

It exploded, sending the Ground-type reeling. I switched my weapons flawlessly to **Char** (Charizard) and hopped on his back, "Kate! Make this burning battlefield... Not burning anymore, I guess... And I'll handle the wannabe Mafia boss!" The mercenary glared at me, "Will you stop with the one-liners?!"I swept into the Rhyhorn's path, "Haters."

Char dodged a **Horn Drill** , responding with a **Fire Blast**. The fiery shot sailed over Giovanni's head, **"AH! My Toupee!"**

 ** _Wait, what?! No, I mean... WHAT?!_**

We both went cross-eyed, **"YOU WEAR A TOUPEE?!"**

While we were both stunned, Char took several heavy hits from several **Tackles** , followed by a body **Slam**.

Kate slapped me out of it, retrieving Char for me, "Ed!" I nodded, **Locking On** to the enemy and firing a few bolts. My Mega Core **Sparked**. The Rhyhorn flinched visibly.

I turned to Red, "Say, why did it flinch when my core sparked, not when I fired Synergy bolts?" "Maybe it's because that **Spark** is a move, and Bolt isn't? So only legal moves are allowed in this battle!" Red smirked, "Except for when I fight, because I'm the protagonist, and it's funny!"

Makes sense.

I switched out my Synergy Shot for a different weapon; a Kalosian Beam Sabre from my own series. I ignited it, the blue blade coming from my right arm.

 **"** **SLASH!"**

The Ground Type slammed into a tree which **Took It Down!** It fainted, but Giovanni soon replaced it with a **Nidoqueen**.

I turned to Kate, "Kate, your turn!" No reponse.

She was leaning against a tree, eating an Apple casually, "Coming!" The Brunette Bomber sized up her opponent, pulling out her assault rifle and loading it, "Alright. This looks like the last one you have, Gio! Now to- **OH COME ON AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"**

The Nidoqueen grabbed Kate, **Flying** high into the air with a powerful jump! The girl only had seconds to react, so she thought swiftly. "If only Pokemon Attacks work... **TAKE THIS!** " she spat the apple seeds at it's face ( **Bullet Seed!** ) , making it drop her safely onto a nearby cliff. Our mouths fell open, _"... It was Super Effective..."_

"Huh. So that's why you should always eat healthy foods."

A fist slammed into the rocks behind her, but she **Swiftly** dodged, reaching into her bag and firing her guns at it! Amazingly enough, it caused the Nidoqueen to take damage, knocking it off the cliff.

She turned to face me, " ** _Payback_**."

The pokemon ran at her having scaled the cliff, but she blocked her advance with a single hand, giving it a **Mean Look**. Her fist slammed into its chest, causing it to fall off again. She opened her palm to reveal a Mega Stone, **_"Mega Punch."_**

Finally, she jumped off, firing her pistol with deadly accuracy and finally pulling out a commando knife and stabbing the Pokemon in the back. Of course, this is Redneck, so it only took damage instead of, you know, bleeding and stuff.

Kate wiped non-existent blood off her knife. Leaf cocked her head, "But your pistol and knife aren't-"

"Pokemon Attacks, no. But they were designed for **Close Combat**." A small smile appeared under her messy brown hair, "I got this."

The enraged Nidoqueen ran straight at her. In a final movement, she motioned for me. I smiled, pulling out all 3 Pokeballs from my belt.

 ** _"_** ** _Take this! Squirtle! Ivysaur! Charizard! TRIPLE FINISH- I MEAN, TRI ATTACK!"_**

 _A beam of all 3 elements shone, before firing and decimating all in it's way._

 _When it all was over…_

(Megaman X- Stage Clear!)

 **[BATTLE COMPLETE]**

* * *

I holstered my weapon, as Red applauded, "Bravo! You completed a battle!" I shrugged, "We better get those false teeth to that old guy. I bet he's missing them as much as I'd miss my retainers."

Kate and Red stared, **"You wear retainers?!"**

Leaf handed the old guy back his false teeth amidst the flames, "Here you go, mister. Though, now we're going to die of fire, which I didn't really want to-" The guy smiled, popping them in, "No, this is perfect! I'll handle the fire!" "How?" Leaf asked, "It's massive!"

"Not like this, but…"

* * *

(Superman Theme)

 _He began running, throwing off his glasses. He then removed his brown shirt, revealing a blue suit! On his back was a red turtle shell, and he jumped into the air, a powerful jet of water keeping him aloft!_

 _ **"**_ _ **This looks like a job for…Me."**_

* * *

 _Fire gasped,_ **"** **Look! Up in the sky!"**

 _Yellow gasped as well_ _ **,**_ **"** **It's a Pidgey! It's a Plane!"**

 **No, it's…**

 ** _SQUIRTLEMAN!_**

* * *

Leaf blinked, "… **Wat.** "

* * *

 ** _Faster than a spinning Pokeball!_**

 ** _More powerful than a Taurus!_**

 ** _Able to leap Prism Tower in a single bound!_**

 ** _It's SQUIRTLEMAN, Water-type of Tomorrow!_**

I looked overhead, as the Man of Squirtle fired water around us, putting out all the flames, "Woah…" Red smiled, "Ditto, but with more empathsis!" Kate shrugged, sucking up her dignity, before crying out in the most effeminate voice she could manage, **_"HELP ME, SQUIRTLEMAN!"_**

The wet superhero flew down, grabbed us and flew off, "Can do, citizen! **UP, UP AND AWAAAAAYYY!** "

* * *

We landed outside the burning forest, as Squirtleman lowered us back to the ground safely, "You're safe now!" I smiled, "Thanks, Squirtleman! But what about Giovanni?"

He smiled a cheesy smile, "Don't worry! My Squirtle Hearing shall find him! Now, stand aside, citizen!"

He flew off, using his Bubblebeam Breath to put out fires.

Kate fell to her knees, "…The whole world is going to hell…" Red proudly smiled, **_"And I'm driving the bus!"_**

I flinched.

 **"** **WHAT?! THAT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!"** Red suddenly received the bitch-slapping of his life as a kevlar and iron woven glove repeatedly smacked his face. 5 minutes of continuous slapping later, I took pity on the redneck, and pulled Kate off him. Kate kept struggling forwards in my hands, but I managed to barely pull her back.

Fire stared at the scene, Yellow beside him trying and failing to stifle her laughter. Eventually, the couple gave in and collapsed on the grass laughing.

Kate glared at them, "What's so funny?"

Yellow smiled, "You're cute when you're angry."

 _ **"**_ _ **W…WHAT?!"**_

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Gym)

We entered the Gym, Fire talking to Red.

"Okay, let's go through the plan again." Fire explained, "The Gym has invisible walls leading to the centre, which has Koga. If you look carefully at the floor, you can see that there are little lines showing the invisible walls?"

Glitch blinked, "How?"

"Huh?"

"How are there invisible walls?"

(The X-Files- Main theme)

Redneck shrugged, "There are many things that don't make sense in this world. Why don't all the terrorist teams unify and start a global plot to break reality itself?"

Fire flinched.

"Why doesn't White just use the Light Stone herself to save Black?"

I flinched.

"Why doesn't everybody in Kalos use the Prism Tower as a massive conducting rod to fire a massive friggin' beam to shrekt stuff?"

Kate flinched.

Red shrugged, "Questions are dangerous things."

"...Back on topic!" Yellow yelled, "Red, I have psychic abilities. Therefore, I can..."

(Star Wars- Binary Sunset)

 _She shut her eyes, mentally reaching out with her mind. She edged towards the centre of the gym, carefully walking through the maze of invisible walls. She silently crept through invisible halls. She opened her eyes again, now at the centre of the gym._

"We're here!" she chirped happily, turning to face us-

(Needle scratches record)

Still standing outside the maze. Red was picking his nose, stopped when Yellow glared at him, and sighed, "Hoo boy..."

 ** _"_** ** _YOU IDIOT! WHY DIDN'T YOU FOLLOW ME?!"_** The Viridian Girl yelled, "Now how are you going to get-"

Red pulled out his rocket launcher, **_"Sasha love big boom."_**

* * *

(Team Fortress 2- Main Theme)

5 minutes of continuous blasting later, and we were in. Kate turned to face Red, "I still wonder how you're able to do that without reloading once." Red shrugged, "Don't listen to them, Sasha II! They just don't appreciate fine blasting..."

Ignoring us was **Koga** , who began his intro.

* * *

(Street Fighter 5- Guile's theme)

 _"_ _So, you came!" Koga declared, looking us over, "Redneck Budwiener! I have been informed by my sources that you have defeated 5 Gyms so far! But here, I,_ _ **Fenfir-**_ _I-I mean,_ _ **Koga Sakurai**_ _(Phew...) shall defeat you with my powerful Poison-Types, which have been passed down generations in my family!"_

 _We stared, before Fire piped up, "Did you say your name was_ ** _Fenfir-_** _"_ ** _"NO! NOW WE FIGHT AND I KICK YOUR ASS!"_** _Koga yelled._

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS KOGA**

Koga sent out **Beedrill!**

Red smiled, " **Glitch!** Use **Psybeam!** "

The Mewtwo launched a beam of psychic energy at her opponent, but the Beedrill swooped around and...

 ** _"_** ** _OWCH!"_**

Glitch fell to the ground, her rear end now sporting a rather large bruise. She fell on the ground, whimpering.

I glared at Koga, **_"_** _Oh no, you did_ _ **NOT**_ _just do that!"_ The Poison-Type Gym Leader looked away, "Can, and I did!"

Red ran over to Glitch, "Are you okay?!" The Mewtwo looked up weakly, her face covered in lumps and sores, _"...He stuck things in unhappy places..."_ Leaf winced, "Ow. I'll heal her quickly, but you're gonna need another fighter!"

Red turned to face Koga, who was randomly playing with a lighter. With a small shrug, he sent out **Hikari**.

(Pokemon X- Super Training!)

The Pikachu dodged the Beedrill's violating stingers on each hand, before slamming an electrified fist into it's crotch. The Beedrill gave a yell of pain, angrily trying to spear the yellow mouse on one of it's spikes. Unfortunately for the molester Bug-Type, the little mouse was way too fast.

Hikari crossed her arms, before unfolding them and yelling, " **PIKA...CHUUUUUUU!"**

A massive wall of lightning rained down from above, zapping the Beedrill into the ground. The Beedrill shakily stood up...

 ** _"_** ** _Oh no you don't! PIKA THUNDER!"_**

 ** _BLAM!_**

Out of nowhere, another Pikachu, this one wearing a weird black headset, appeared! The Pikachu fired a few more bolts at the downed opponent, before turning and saluting at Hikari. Red blinked, "Who...?!"

Fire shrugged, " **Pika**. My Pikachu. He's wearing a Translator."

Pika smiled, seemingly not noticing the angry bee rising behind him, "Yup! I helped Red beat the League! Not to mention helping him meet a hot psychic- **AAAAH! LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO!"**

The Beedrill had grabbed him, raising him into the air. It's left stinger came too close to his rear end...

 ** _"_** ** _HEY! GET OFF HIM!"_**

 ** _DBZ ZAPPING SOUND!_**

Another Pikachu, this one with a small bow on her head, not to mention the translator clipped onto her left ear! She got up quickly, helping up Pika, "Are you okay, Pika-Poo?"

Pika glared at her, " **Chuchu** , you know I hate that name, right?"

Koga sighed, _"You don't know how true that is for me..."_

Red stopped, "What do you mean?"

* * *

(Pokemon Ruby- Littleroot Town)

Koga looked surprised, "Y...You actually want to listen?" He shrugged, "Beats fighting."

"Okay." the ninja said, sitting on a random crate, "First off... _I hate being a Poison-Type Gym Leader._ "

 _"_ _When I was a kid, my parents told me that I was to be a Poison-Type fighter, whether I liked it or not! And did I get a say in it?! No! I was forced into it!" Koga sighed, "I never wanted to be a Poison-Type... My true calling was always_ _ **Fire!**_ _"_

 _Red looked down at Char's ball, "...Fire..."_

 _"_ _Yeah. Silly, I know. But as I grew up... I never got that chance! My parents always hated the fact I wanted to break away from tradition!" tears streamed from his eyes, "So I hid my true colours under a guise of anger... But in fact, I secretly still fostered it... and... and..."_

 _"_ _Thus the nickname '_ _ **Fenfir**_ _.'" Yellow mused, "So, that's why you were so shy to mention it..."_

 _"_ _Yep. And the sad thing is, I'm still bound by my blood to never break from the line! It's infuriating! I hate it!" he broke down entirely, "I want to set stuff on fire... Just like Blaine! Damn, that guy's awesome..."_

 _Fire sat next to him, "...Y'know, during my journey, I learnt several important lessons. One of which was... You are in control of your own life. And that will never change." Koga wiped away some tears, "...Where did you learn that...?"_

 _For a few seconds, memories flashed through his head. Memories of him and his fellow trainers... The_ _ **Rainbow Four**_ _, as Gold once jokingly nicknamed them... Fighting opponents far too big for anyone else to handle..._

 _"_ _Let's just say... I learnt it from a friend." Fire smiled, "But... Koga, you are in control of who you are. And if you wanna be Fenfir... You can be it! You just gotta believe in yourself."_

 _Redneck paused, "Actually... I feel a song coming on... Want to join in, Fire?"_

 _The Manga trainer smiled, "I'm thinking the exact same thing..."_

* * *

(Pokemon: Battle Frontier Theme)

(A.N. For some reason, I find this song incredibly cheesy, yet inspiring at the same time. Actually, not the second part. That's just the coke I drank talking.)

 ** _"_** ** _It's a battle win or lose!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's the friends you make!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's the road you choose!"_**

 _Red began to sing, as the area around him dimmed. A single spotlight shone down upon him. Everyone stopped and watched him._

 ** _"_** ** _You got the right stuff!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _So make your mind up!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Find the courage inside of you!"_**

 _Fire sang the next lines, Yellow joining in with him. A random Bug Catcher walked in, saw the amazing sight, and called a bunch of his friends into the Gym._

 ** _"_** ** _If you're strong, you'll survive!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _And you'll keep your dream alive!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's the Battle Frontier!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Pokemon!"_**

 _The crowd began to sing the chorus, as Koga wiped away his tears slowly._

 ** _"_** ** _Be the best you can be!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _And find your destiny!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's the master plan!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _The power's in your hands!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Pokemon!"_**

 _Red pulled a microphone from hammerspace, belting out the next lines. Glitch pulled a random guitar from Red's inventory, playing the guitar segment of the song._

 ** _"_** ** _You've got the strength to win it!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _So stay in it!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _If you're smart you can take it all!"_**

 _Fire and Red continued in unison, a random rainbow appearing behind them, which then caught on fire and exploded into fireworks!_

 ** _"_** ** _If you're strong you'll survive!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _And you'll keep your dream alive!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's the Battle Frontier!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Pokemon!"_**

 _Yellow's voice sounded throughout the room, backed up by Pika and Chuchu's voices, partially accented with static from their translators._

 _Koga smiled, joining into the song. The room exploded with fireworks!_

 ** _"_** ** _Be the best you can be!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _And find your destiny!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's the master plan!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _The power's in your hand!"_**

 _ **"**_ _ **POKEMON!"**_

* * *

Kate and I facepalmed.

(Pokemon Omega Ruby- Battle! VS Wally)

Koga stood up, "I feel like a new man! I'm not bound by fate! I'm my own man! **_I'll become the greatest Fire Trainer ever!_** " I smiled, "Awesome! You can start by admitting you started that fire earlier." **_Le gasp!_**

Koga blinked, "Woah. How could you tell?"

Kate shrugged, "It was pretty obvious. But before I tell you... Abras, music please."

* * *

(Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney- Pursuit- Cornered (Variation))

 _"_ _You see, Mr Koga, it was obvious the very second I saw you!" we declared, "From the evidence I gathered from Mr Giovanni, I carefully thought about the possible methods of igniting a fire, and we can see you're holding a can of gasoline behind your back! You kinda showed it to us when you turned around earlier."_

 _"_ _Well, I never left this Gym for the whole day, therefore-"_

 _Kate pulled out a handcuffed Wobuffet wearing a top hat, "I saw this trying to escape from the scene of the crime. After an interrogation, I found out it had been specially trained to light that fire. Trained by_ _ **YOU**_ _, Mr Koga!"_

 _"_ _...Not to mention you signed your name on his hat. That was dumb." I muttered._

 ** _"_** ** _TAKE THAT!"_** _both of us yelled at the same time, pointing forwards._

 _I began pacing, "But why? Why would you light a random forest fire in a wildlife reserve?"_

 _Koga practically yelled at me,_ _ **"I ALREADY TOLD YOU WHY DANGIT!"**_

* * *

(Music cuts out)

Kate and I sweatdropped, "Oh. Right."

(Megaman X- Cast Roll)

Koga rolled his eyes, handing Red a badge, "Here! Take this! I'm gonna start my career in burning stuff! **WHOO!** "

* * *

 _With that, a new pyromaniac was born! He went out unto the world to perfect the fine art of setting stuff on fire just for the sake of it! However, just as he set foot outside of his Gym, apparently a random white van slammed into him, knocking him out cold and making him completely forget what he was just doing. But that's just naysay, so let's focus back on our heroes!_

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

Red held up the Badge, "I got **Poison Badge!** **PARTY!** " Leaf smiled, "Kickass! That makes **[6/8]! Two badges left!"**

 **[BATTLE COMPLETE!]**

* * *

(Megaman Zero- For Endless Fight)

Fire paused, "Red. I'm going to have to leave the rest to you... Well, until the _finale_ , at least." Tears came to Red's eyes, "B...But... I don't want you to go! I'm not powerful enough, me!"

The older boy smiled, placing a hand on Red's shoulder, "Red. Remember... _You are never alone._ " "Yeah. You still have us watching out for you." Leaf smiled, "Besides, it's funny!"

Red hugged Leaf, "Thanks... Everyone."

I raised my shotgun and fired it. A shining ball of light flew out, creating a portal. I stepped towards it slowly...

I hesitated, "Red. You are a powerful trainer. But I must warn you; _you will die one day._ " Red blinked, "...I'll make sure to die fighting all that is out to harm the world... Because..."

 _He faced the sunset silently, "I'll always be…"_

 _ **"**_ _ **Red."**_

* * *

 _Meanwhile in Kalos…_

 _"_ _I can't help it, doc!" Erika sobbed, lying down on the couch, "It just keeps happening!"_

 _X noted this in his notebook, "Tell me about it."_


	12. Cinnabar Island-Red Strikes Back!

**Chapter 12: Cinnabar Island-Redneck Strikes Back!**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Gym)

" **Last time on Pokemon RedNeck, our 'hero' met with me! Hah! Self inserts are the beast! Anyway, now that's over… Red is going overseas! How will he handle the hell that is the Pokemon Mansion? Does Glitch really have indigestion?! How do you kill a Titan?What stupidly obvious quiz questions await Red? Is Blaine's arm really covered in Mewtwo jizz?! What will Glitch think of her evil clone? Will the trampled flowers be remembered? Will I ever stop spoiling the plot twists? FIND OUT NOW!"**

* * *

(Pokemon Sun- VS Red)

 _2016\. Cinnabar Island._

 _A random fisherman standing on the coast of the island spotted a small red blur rapidly approaching the island._

 _We zoom in on this blur. It is none other than our heroes. Leaf is riding on her ATV in aquatic form, while Red is Surfing on UtilitiKarp. This was it. The next-to-last Gym. Red gritted his teeth, "So… It's come to this. Time to_

 _Red adjusted his brown leather jacket, "Onwards, Sakura! Our destiny awaits!"_

Leaf stared,"Um… My name's not Sakura. If you're gonna use Japanese names, use _**Rīfugurīn -Chan**_ (Leaf Green) for me, and you can be… _**Satoshi-San**_ _!"_

Red scoffed, "Satoshi? What kind of anime name is Satoshi?"

Little did he know…

* * *

 **[ProgramLog]**

 **Init:  
System Start  
M2 .PKMN loaded  
TR .BAT loaded  
Fuji .DATloaded  
Fighting .DAT loaded  
RocketCore .DAT online  
Setting internal time…**

 **[-ERROR-]  
Previous System activation: Year 1996.  
Current time: Year 2016  
** _ **Capabilities are 20 years out of date. Ethical functions may be out of date.  
Lock Ethical function?  
**_ **Function Locked.** _ **  
Delete function?  
**_ **Function kept.**

 **Current status:  
Physical strength- 100%  
Mental status- Unconscious.  
Damage report- 100% HP**

 **Move status:  
PsyBeam: 22/22 PP  
Psychic: 10/10 PP  
Recover: 15/15 PP  
Misc: 100% PP  
Move assimilation capabilities: 100% **

**Memories loaded…  
Awaken…**

 _ **System Activation.  
Mission Start.**_

* * *

 _Lavender eyes opened._

 _He looked up slowly, slow breaths making his chest slowly, silently undulate._

 _He saw it. Red. Red as far as he could see. Fire in heartless eyes. His ever-vigilant senses scanned the area._

 _ **There was another**_ _._

 _Fury… Nothing like he had ever felt. They replaced him. He scanned the core of the other… And smiled. She was running a weak program… An old program, written by his original father… A weak heart. A weak body… And a weak trainer._

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- Let the Battles Begin)

 _He floated in the fluids suspending him in the glass capsule. A three-fingered fist reached back…_

Glass shattered. Liquid splashed all over the floors.

The shadowy figure stood, glowing with an unholy energy.

 _He was… He will be… and he forever was…_

 _ **Mewtwo.**_

* * *

 _Glitch_ gasped, standing bolt upright, "Red… I feel… as if…" Red slapped her back, "Calm down. It's your indigestion, I'm sure." "I don't have-"Suddenly, the Magikarp made landfall. Red hopped off, slamming a WWII combat helmet on his head and pulling out a shotgun, " _ **Storm the beach!"**_

Or, at the very least, the Pokemon Centre.

* * *

(Halo CE- Rock Anthem for saving the world)

Red looked at his map, pulling out a beer, "Alright. One final effort, guys… And failed abortion."

 _Glitch used_ _ **Bitchslap!**_ _I nearly typed '_ _ **Glitchslap**_ '…

Red rubbed his cheek, "Ow. Anyway, our first mission is the Pokemon Mansion on this island. We need to pick up the key for the gym, then…"

 _Again…_

Glitch flinched, "Agh… There it is again.. That familiar presence… Where have I felt it before…?"

Red shrugged, "Whatever! I bet that it's this island making your indigestion flare up." "I don't have- Gah, I don't care. Let's just go." Glitch sighed, walking away.

* * *

 _She's coming closer._

 _The shadowy figure flashed into view from out of nowhere, watching his sister and the two mortals beside her walking off. They were made to be immortal. They were made to be man-made gods. They had power beyond any other._

' _Yet… she chooses to align herself by their side like a slave.' He thought, 'She is an error… A…_ _ **Glitch**_ _in the system.'_

" _ **I shall end her. Today."**_

* * *

 **[ProgramLog]**

 **New objective:  
Eliminate Defective Model M2.05 'Glitch'.**

 **Mission Start.**

* * *

(Normal Battle - Pokémon Colosseum)

Spiders cobwebbed every nook and cranny in the mansion. A tanooki wearing a blue apron ran out of a corner, chased by hundreds of spiders. A bag of coins fell out behind him, as the spiders brutally eviscerated him, blood flying everywhere.

Red picked up the money, "Nice place! I'd totally live here, but I already have eyes on a small mansion on top of Mt Silver. I call it the _**Pimp-kemon Centre**_!" Leaf pulled out a brochure, "I heard Alola was a nice place to live! Maybe we can move there!"

Red scoffed, "Sure… As if! Not in a million years!" Leaf rolled her eyes, "Whatever."

 _Deeper and deeper the party travelled into the mansion. They ran into several small scuffles on their way to the basement, but a few shotgun blasts handled those..._

Red stopped, looking at a decayed table, "... Who used to live here?" He approached the table slowly, and blew upon it. A thick cloud of dust flew into the air, but when it cleared...

A worn leather book with a pokeball insignia on it in gold. Red held up the book, wiping off the dust, "Ooh. A book. I wonder if it is a comedy?" Leaf cocked her head, reading the spine, "The Diary of Dr Fujima Iwata. Red, this is someone's diary... Wait, wasn't it from that old guy in Lavender Town?"

Red smiled, "This'll be good." He opened the book...

* * *

(Megaman 3-Ending)

 _September 12, 1996._

 _We discovered a rather odd Pokemon today in the Orric Ruins. It said its name was Mew, apparently. It seems rather shy and won't talk to anyone but me. It always wears this happy, mischievous grin on it's face, and likes playing all kinds of pranks on the research team. In fact, when we found it, it practically destroyed most of our teams!_

 _That's another curious aspect: His power. He revealed to me that he is extremely powerful, and that makes him afraid of being used for evil purposes. He is worried about being used as a weapon... And he always seems so hesitant to fight._

 _Dr Blaine visited my tent while I was talking to Mew today. He seemed excited about the prospects of such power. He began talking about the 'Ultimate Pokemon', about how man-made Pokemon could be more than a Porygon..._

 _Mew is no weapon. I shall forever protect him..._

 _He's a friend._

* * *

 _September 17, 1996._

 _I got it!_

 _Mew said he could evolve further. I just want to see what he would look like if he was... fully grown. He said that he was excited for this too. So I devised a plan._

 _Using a specially designed capsule, I could safely speed up his evolution process using a basic, non-lethal form of Pokerus. Add basic programming to his mind to allow him to have a strong sense of justice, and bam! I have created a new being._

 _Blaine offered to help me program combat data into the new pokemon, but... I refused. Forever, Mew will be an instrument of peace, not war._

 _I hope to call the new body_ _ **Mewtwo.**_

* * *

 _September 21, 1996_

 _Tomorrow's the day! Mew is excited that he was going to become Mewtwo. Already, he was fawning over my coding for his new mind._

 _Blaine, however, was less than stellar. He simply stood and sulked. However, his experiments into fire caused the old labs to burn down, and that would be unsatisfactory if our PR had to present that he worked on Mewtwo._

 _What worries me though... Is the world ready for this advancement?_

 _Mewtwo... My child... Stay safe..._

 _I have no more for now._

 _I love you, Mew... Goodnight... And good morning._

* * *

 _September 22, 1996_

(The Megas- I want to be the one to watch you die.)

 _What has he done?_

 _Blaine... That rat! He secretly coded in the combat codes into the program! When Mewtwo woke, it was a massacre! He murdered everyone in the lab heartlessly. He went, for lack of a better term, insane!I only just escaped, but my left foot was heavily wounded. Then, just as I got to my car, there Blaine was, holding a gun to me._

 _He was part of them._ _ **Team Rocket!**_ _And he intended to use Mewtwo for their evil intentions..._

 _Then, just as he fired, a purple blur snatched me into the air and teleported me home._

 _Mewtwo... Is there still some good in you after all?_

* * *

 _November 24, 1996_

 _Final Entry._

 _Mewtwo is still out there. He's ravaging Kanto. It is as I feared, no force on Earth can stop him. He's a living computer program, forced to do whatever cruel task he is programmed to. I fear Blaine has killed Mew. And it is my fault. I was too hasty to see his second form... This nightmare that has fallen our home. I left my mansion today, and am moving to Lavender Town. There, I shall start a new life devoted to researching the bonds between humans... and Pokemon._

 _What an irony that a town of the dead is where I end up... I may live... But part of me has died._

 _Mewtwo, if you ever find this... Remember me. Cease your fighting. And never start again._

* * *

Red lowered the diary, "... Glitch, tell me you saw that." The Mewtwo nodded, "But... That wasn't me. I'm only a clone of the original."

Our hero tucked the leather book into his bag, "Might as well keep this, right Leaf?"

No response.

Red turned around, laughing, "Leaf, what's up- **Holy S***zballs.** Who remodelled?!"

Leaf slowly shuffled towards Red, a dead look in her eyes. Red stood back, "Leaf... Glitch, do we have a protocol for zombification?!" "No." Glitch responded, flipping out. Our hero ran through his choices. He couldn't fight Leaf, because he'd risk hurting her. And he couldn't attempt to reason with her, because she was a zombie. So, steeling his courage, he managed the most heroic thing possible.

" _ **RUN!"**_ Red shrieked like a little girl, flailing his arms, " _ **SAAATTTOOOOOSHIIIIIIII!"**_

* * *

(Attack on Titan- Opening 1)

Red ran down stairs, as Leaf suddenly started floating and wildly firing psychic energy at him. Red made a mental note to ask her later how she managed to do that.

Glitch stood before a door, "We're locked in!" Red fired his BFG 9000 at the door, blasting his way in, "Hurry!"

Glitch began to run, but froze up at the sight awaiting her through the door.

" _No... It can't be...!?"_ she screamed, " **NO!"**

 _ **Mewtwo**_ _turned around to face her,_ " _ **So... You're the clone of me."**_

* * *

 **[ATTACK ON MEWTWO!]**

He waved a hand, trapping Glitch in place, "You have the weak program; the original program. I have no such thing." Glitch groaned, "S...Sure... I've scanned your main processor, and there it is... _**Fuji's**_..."

" _ **Unknown are the names of the flowers that have been trampled..."**_

In a flash of light, Mewtwo grabbed Glitch's throat, " **Your scan deceives you! I am the original. You are a fake!"** Glitch struggled in his grasp, gasping for air.

 _Red used_ _ **Shotgun!**_

" _ **Birds have fallen to the earth and long for the wind..."**_

He turned to face Red, "You... You think mortal weapons can even scratch me? Blaine created me to be... **INVINCIBLE!** " With that, the rampant experiment attempted to knock Red out with mind control-

Mewtwo cried out in pain! Red jumped onto him, switching to his SMG and firing 4 entire clips into his back at point blank range. Several bullets bounced off, but some broke the tough skin and tore into the flesh.

" _ **Prayers won't change anything..."**_

The Prototype fired a psychic blast at Red, who safely jumped off his back, "You... **I cannot read your mind!** " Red smiled, " **My ADHD!** It's overloading your mental reader... thingy!" Glitch broke from her bonds, blasting Mewtwo in the back, "I don't want to fight you!"

Mewtwo stood back up, creating a sword of glowing psychic energy and stabbing at Glitch, "This ends here, flawed program!"

" _ **Only the resolve to fight can change the present!"**_

Leaf charged at the two, foaming at the mouth. Red smiled, pulling out his flask of South Orran, "Here I come! _**ALCOHOLLLLLL PUNCH!**_ "

He slammed the bottle into Leaf's mouth, forcing her to drink. Mewtwo shrieked in pain again as his senses became dulled by the effects of the most powerful booze in existence. Well, the most powerful on in this AU, at least.

" _ **Swine who sneer at our will to step over corpses and march onwards!"**_

Red placed Leaf aside, letting her sleep off the effects of his move. He wiped the foam and blood off her with his jacket, "Huh. So drinking does kill."

Mewtwo slammed into him, " _ **DIE!"**_ Suddenly, he was grabbed by his tail and smashed into the walls.

Glitch groaned, "You... _**Don't hurt my friends!**_ "

" _ **Enjoy the peace of livestock… false prosperity…"**_

 _The two clashed, a corrupted original against the copy. Psychic energy lit up the room, as Glitch summoned swords of her own in each hand, running headlong at the enemy._

" _ **"freedom" of the dying wolves that hunger!"**_

 _Mewtwo blocked the twin broadswords, smashing his fist downwards and making the entire mansion shake. Bricks began to fall around the two, one trapping Glitch beneath it. Mewtwo walked over slowly…_

A shotgun blast! Mewtwo turned around to face Red, "Why do you vainly attempt to kill me? Shotgun blasts cannot fall me." Red scoffed, "Please. I'm simply a- **PSYCHE!"** He dashed forwards, slamming his flask of alcohol into Mewtwo's mouth, overloading his main processor and making him fall back.

" _ **The humiliation of entrapment is our cue to counterattack!"**_

" _ **Beyond the castle walls lies a hunter."**_

" _ **With a surging impulse, scorching his body, he pierces the dusk scarlet."**_

" _ **With a crimson arrow!"**_

Glitch stood up, twin swords blazing with fury. She ran at the enemy once more, but a massive blast of energy held her back. She looked up, mouth agape. Mewtwo was growing to a massive size, using the debris around him to create a gigantic body.

The mansion shook, then caved in.

Mewtwo rose, glaring with disdain at his smaller foes, "Prepare to die, mortals!" Red smiled, "Not if I can help it!"Glitch and Red looked at each other, nodding. Red held a shining stone before him, " **MODEL X! MEGAVOLVE!"** A shining orb rose from the ruins, exploding and transforming into Glitch, now with a slightly larger body and swords.

* * *

 **[ProgramLog]**

 **Warning: Enemy Power Levels Maxed out!**

 **Power of opponent: Over 9000% Approx.**

* * *

Mewtwo looked shocked, " **W…WHAT?! OVER 9000?! Impossible! What is that?!"**

Glitch created a pair of hydraulic cylinders attached around her waist by a belt. On her swords, two triggers appeared on the handles. She jumped into the air, pulling a trigger!

Anime bullS*** activate.

" _ **Drawing his bow, he takes after his target; he won't let it escape!"**_

" _ **Releasing his arrow, he closes upon it; he won't let it escape!"**_

 _A barbed arrow flew from the belt, a strong cable connected to its end. It dug deep into the giant, which swatted at the tethered hunter. Glitch retracted the cable, running up the side of the body._

 _A crowd gathered below, gaping at the monster and the one who rose to fight it. Red looked around, shrugged and slipped on a brown leather jacket, putting on his own 3DMG, "Call me Eren now, Bitches!_ _ **YAAAAAAAAHHH!**_ "

" _ **He bends his bow to its limits, the string on the verge of snapping!"**_

" _ **He'll release it, time and time again, until it draws its last breath!"**_

Glitch swung around the side of Mewtwo, twin swords shining, before driving them deep into the monster's skin. Red swung around, "Hey, Glitch, I've been thinking."

The Mega Mewtwo blinked, "Huh? Really? That's rare, isn't it?"

" **I can think whenever I like!** But anyway…When you get a cut, is your blood purple?" Red asked.

Glitch stared at him, before nodding, "Yes, actually. Are you asking me if I bleed?"

" **EXACTLY!"** Red screamed, dodging debris thrown at him as he dove straight for the core!

" _ **What truly kills a prey are not blades, nor your skills at using it."**_

" _ **But your own sharp killing intent!"**_

Mewtwo flinched, hurling a massive chunk of concrete at Red. Red yelped-

Suddenly, his eyes glazed over, "Hoo boy. Hope that it's not a flashback-"

* * *

" _ **The Titans are not invincible."**_

 _Red stopped drumming his fingers on the table, "Wait, wha-" The teacher continued, pulling out a diagram onto the board, "Normally, they are able to regenerate when they are wounded, however, when struck in the nape, they are unable to do so and perish."_

 _Red raised his hand, "Miss, when are we ever going to need this knowledge?" The teacher pointed her chalk at Red, "The Titans are a deadly race that only eat people because they enjoy it. You saw how quickly the first wall fell when they struck! They killed most of the people in the outer town!"_

 _Eren, sitting in the seat next to Red, leaned over, "Uh... You're... not from around here are you?" "To be fair, I don't even remember being in this class at any point of my life!" Red mumbled, as the teacher went on to explain how to operate a 3DMG and the two sword thingies, "What is the point of this?"_

 _Eren shrugged, placing a hand on Red's shoulder, "Never mind._ _ **Just keep in mind that a Titan can be killed by stabbing it in the neck.**_ _You never know. It may be important."_

 _Redneck stared, "...Um..How hard-" "Also, don't hate me for this." the boy added, before slapping Red._

* * *

"-Now. **EREN YOU BASTAAARRRRDDDD!"**

Red suddenly remembered his teacher's words of wisdom, "Glitch! Get the neck! _**Hurry- OW MY SPLEEN!**_ "

Glitch gasped, watching helplessly as Red was thrown upwards by the hit, falling towards the mouth of the Titan, " **RED!** "

Our hero screamed, as the massive jaws closed around him...

" _ **Attack on the Titans."**_

" _ **The boy from back then will soon take up the sword."**_

" _ **Who only laments his powerlessness won't be able to change anything."**_

" _ **The boy from back then will soon take up the black sword."**_

" _ **Hate and rage are a double-edged blade."**_

" _ **Soon, one day, he will bare his fangs against fate."**_

 _Glitch's eyes glowed, as she glared at Mewtwo, "You..._ _ **YOU HAVE HELL TO PAY!**_ " _Mewtwo laughed, "You now see the truth! The one you call your trainer is gone, and you are weak! Now,_ _ **Perish!**_ "

 _The female Mewtwo raised a sword, running towards the neck, slicing through falling rubble and dashing. She had to save Red. Mewtwo took aim at her with a psychic blast..._

 _A memory clicked in Glitch's mind._

* * *

 **[M2.05 SYS LOG]**

 **Fuji .DAT unlock.**

" _ **To whom it may concern... You have discovered the files that drive the Mewtwo units. I fear that Mewtwo must have become hostile and has become rogue. Luckily, I have a copy of his earliest memory files that may be used to calm, or at least stun Mewtwo. To make him forced to access these files..."**_

 **[ERROR404]**

 **M1SS1NGN0. ERROR**

 **error details: 101011001101011010110101010101010101010101010010101001101001111010101011010101010110101110101101**

 **shutting down M2.05...**

* * *

(Attack on Titan- EN)

Glitch gasped, her internal processor starting to close down, "N... **No! Not..so...soon...** " She lunged forwards in one final mad dash...

Her lavender irises flickered, becoming white. Her Mega Body vanished. Mewtwopointzerofive faltered.

 _She fell._

 _The limp body tumbled off the side of the massive beast, lifeless like a ragdoll. The crowds below gasped. Their saviour hit the earth with a slam, all the bones in it breaking. Purple blood exploded out, staining the ground._

 **Unit M2.05 Deleted.**

 _Mewtwo cackled,_ " _ **NOW! THERE IS ONLY ONE! No one shall stop me now!"**_

* * *

 _..._

 _ **Installation complete.**_

 _ **Time taken: 20 Years.**_

 _ **Human Emulation Program starting...**_

 _ **Please wait...**_

 _ **Recoding body type...**_

 _ **Programming transformation data...**_

 _ **Engaged.**_

 _ **Wake up…**_

* * *

 _ **Glitch's eyes flickered once again, this time with brown irises; the same brown as Red's. Her body shone, morphing into something new...**_

 _ **She stood once more, glowing and transforming back into her Mega Mewtwo X form. Her body shone, as she now felt a new emotion.**_

 _ **The Copy ran forwards, "I WON'T LET YOU!"**_

(Attack on Titan- Opening 2)

* * *

 **[ProgramLog]**

 **WARNING! WARNING!  
Unit M2.05 outputting incredible power values!  
Rerouting energy to defence!  
Chance of survival given current situation: 40%**

 **DOES NOT COMPUTE!**

* * *

 _Glitch kept running, blood-stained swords in hand at the enemy. Her internal power-supplies were blazing with energy, eventually giving out and exploding, resulting in Glitch becoming cloaked in flames._

" _ **O, my friend!"**_

" _ **Now, here is a victory."**_

" _ **This is the first glory."**_

" _ **O, my friend!"**_

" _ **Let us celebrate this victory for the next battle!"**_

 _Warning lights in her head processor sounded. Energy caps engaged, and disengaged. Glitch felt no pain now, no hesitation. She locked onto Mewtwo._

" _ **"It was a pointless death.""**_

" _ **Nobody should say that…"**_

" _ **Till we're down to the last man…"**_

 _She rocketed up the side of the massive beast, diving at it. Purple energy flew into and around her, wounding her. But still she kept soaring, before letting out a final cry,_ " _ **Shisutemu Risetto!"**_

" _ **The enemy is cruel…"**_

" _ **We are bringing!"**_

" _ **The enemy is enormous…"**_

" _ **We are jumping!"**_

 _ **Mewtwo heard the words, and deep within his old memory, a decades old program started for the first time.**_ _A wave of light blue data flowed over his red core, installed by his old Team Rocket masters. Mewtwo faltered, gasping as he attempted to raise his firewalls. But it kept travelling on, a cyan arrow piercing the core of Hades._

* * *

 **[SystemLog]**

 **SYSTEM RESETTING...  
ERROR! UNAUTHORISED SYSTEM RESET!  
ERROR MISSINGNO. !  
ALL YOUR PROGRAM HAVE BEEN SET THE BOMB!  
CLOSou2103820489327rfe99uqc9y294r8c398yr93uc9u93?wqur1j9831fjdo308ue310du1du0i310iejd3d983130**

* * *

" _ **With glory in our hands, we sing of victory, bearing the wings of freedom upon our backs!"**_

 _A single second ended the decisive death battle. The lavender arrow pierced his massive neck, just as a massive explosion blew his chest open._

" _ **Clenching our resolve to our hearts, we tear through the spiral of foolishness!"**_

 _Both Mewtwo were still for that single second. Both their faces were covered in shadow, blood streaming down…_

 _Or in Mewtwo's case…_

 _ **Tears.**_

* * *

 **[SystemLog]**

 **System Reset complete.**

 **Fuji .DAT running.**

* * *

" _ **Brother…"**_ _Glitch breathed, before falling to the ground…_

 _Mewtwo looked down at his hands,_ "… _**What have I done…?"**_

" _ **Let us dance in the clear skies-"**_

" _ **With our Wings of Freedom!"**_

 **[finis.]**

* * *

(Pokemon X- I'll go with you)

Smoke rose from the battlefield… The Pokemon mansion was damaged beyond repair.

But from the ashes came a groan.

Red suddenly blasted out of the wreckage, RPG aimed downwards, " _ **BANZAI!**_ I knew that he couldn't keep this bad boy down! Also, the fact he had no digestive system was a plus… Wait, _**Glitch!**_ "

He dove into the wreckage, searching for her. Alas, it was all in vain. Red looked up to the skies, "No... This can't be happening... There's no reason to go on... Wha... **WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR?!** "

Suddenly, a soft grunting sound and a white tri-fingered hand on Red's shoulder. Red looked up…

 _Mewtwo spoke, "She is okay, but will need medical attention. I shall accompany you to the Pokemon Centre… I apologise."_

Red pissed his pants, his left hand over his shotgun's trigger…

' _Eh, what the hell.'_

He smiled, shaking Mewtwo's hand, "I forgive you! That was possibly the most epic battle yet!"

* * *

Leaf nodded, switching off the portable X-ray, "Well, they took a few hits, but they're okay! Their cells are already regenerating; wounds are closing up… Then again, I suppose they are war machines, so of course they'd heal fast." She turned to face our hero, now leaning back on a chair and chugging down some VB, "As for me, despite a slight hangover, I'll be fine… Red, great going with overloading the Mewtwo's processor… mind. That has got to be the best victory in our journey!"

"But it came at a cost." Red sighed sadly, looking down at Glitch, now back to normal. She was still unconscious, an oxygen mask clamped over her face. Her vitals were flat-lined, but that was just because she never truly had a heartbeat to begin with-

Wait.

Red rubbed his eyes, squinting at the heart-rate monitor. Another blip. The line now had a small hump. Yet another. A larger bump appeared. The beats became more regular…

Glitch rolled over in her sleep, small breaths sounding.

"Huh? Mewtwo breathing?" Leaf muttered, "But… The only reason why she breathed before was to cool her internal processor… She's a living computer processor, wasn't she?" The Scarlet Trainer gave her a look. The Nurse shrugged, "I did a Uni Course on Mewtwo."

Red ran his fingers across Glitch's right arm, "She…I know this sounds weird and stuff, but… _**She's Alive!**_ "

Mewtwo sighed again, "… Alive? …I was meant to have lived, 20 years ago…"

Red looked up, "No point waiting around. Leaf, take care of Glitch here. I have a Bastard to kill."

" _ **Blaine is going down. Today."**_

* * *

(SSB4- Minor Circuit Theme (Punch Out!))

Red entered the arena, Char by his side, "Alright. Be careful. This Gym is not affected by fire. I'm sure there's a workaround…" Char scoffed, walking up to a door and preparing to punch it open…

" _ **Woah there! Wait!"**_

A trainer walked up to Red, "These doors are only opened when you answer these quiz questions here, see? You can't force your way in!" Red sighed, calling off Char, " **Dangit.** First Question it is, then… I hope this doesn't become a recurring theme in the other guys stories…"

* * *

 _Kalos, several years later…_

Trainer Z approached the front doors of the Luminose City Gym, "Alright! Time to bust down the- Woah woah woah. What is this."

Bonnie, in her little quiz-show thingy, waved, "Answer the questions to go through!" Z sighed, " **Dangit."**

* * *

 _Unova, several years earlier before several years later…_

Trainer Black approached the doors of the Nacrene City Gym, "Alright! Time to bust down the- Woah woah woah. What is this."

"Answer the questions to go through!"

Black sighed, " **Dangit."**

* * *

 _Hoenn, several years earlier before several years earlier before several years later... Ow, my head hurts…_

C'mon, do I really need to tell you what happened?

Ruby sighed, " **Dangit."**

* * *

 _Now..._

 **1\. I am untouchable by human hands. Who am I?**

 **A). Space.**

 **B). Light.**

 **C). MC Hammer.**

 **You answered C.**

 **... Correct! You may pass!**

* * *

 **2\. I cannot be seen by human eyes. What am I?**

 **A). Darkness.**

 **B). John Cena.**

 **C). Radiation.**

 **You answered...**

 **JOHN CENA! (DAH DA DAH DAAAAAAH!)**

 **GO THROUGH!**

Char scratched his head. Red blinked, "Is this guy really a researcher?"

* * *

 **3\. Complete this statement:**

 **According to all known laws of aviation...**

 **A). Aircraft can only function under an atmosphere.**

 **B). It would take a large amount of power to mass to power an ornithopter.**

 **C).** **There is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.** **(Continues on for several pages)**

Red stared, let out a long, drawn-out sigh, and tapped C.

 **Correct!**

* * *

 **4\. What was the inspiration for Trainer Ed?**

 **A). SSBB Pokemon Trainer.**

 **B). The Author.**

 **C). Both, with a tiny bit of Redneck.**

Red smiled, "Well, everything is 50% better with me in it, therefore it's C!"

Char stared at him. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

...Well, don't go complaining to me that it was too short!

"I know. Don't worry! I'm not egotistical at all!" our hero smirked. The fire-type let out a sigh.

 **Correct!**

* * *

When Red entered the next room, he was met with a shock. A bottomless abyss lay before him, a single bridge to cross it hanging across. It was too far to fly across, and as for trying to walk on the bottom... Forget it!

An old man stopped Red, " _ **Stop! You must answer these questions, three, and the other side you may see!"**_ Red shrugged, "Got nothing to lose. Well, nothing more..."

"What is your name?"

"Redneck Budwiener."

"What is your quest?"

" **TO KICK ASS!** Oh, and to beat the League before 2016 is over."

"What..." dramatic pause, " _ **IS THE FLIGHT SPEED OF A PIDGEY?!"**_

Red blinked, "What Pidgey are you talking about? Name the Generation. Gen 1? Gen 2? Orran, perhaps?"

The old man cocked his head, "Hmm... I don't know." Suddenly, an invisible force picked him up, and hurled him into the pit below, where he'll fall for god knows how long. Well, that's the end of that.

Red shrugged, strolling across the bridge, "Well, that was easy."

* * *

(Detective Pikachu- Main Theme)

 _Red entered the last room, where he found the man himself._ _ **Blaine**_ _turned around slowly, "So... You're the one who defeated the Mewtwo out there. I'm impressed. Thank you... Red, was it?"_

 _The Red Wonder spat, "Quit the faking! I know what you did! You programmed combat data into Mewtwo despite being told not to, forced him to kill for Team Rocket, and made Dr Fuji go into hiding while you became all famous!" Blaine looked surprised for a few seconds, before a malicious grin crossed his face, "So... You found his diary. The one I spent so long attempting to destroy. I almost succeeded, all those 20 years ago, but my old... 'friend' locked it within a safe. Today, Mewtwo's awakening was supposed to destroy it once and for all... Yet, you found it. I shall now relieve you of it!"_

 _Red pulled out the leather journal, smirking, "If you want it, come and fight for it, old man! Today, I'll fight to end this 20 year mystery, and I will bring you to justice!" The fire-type Gym Leader chuckled, "What a child..."_

" _My name is Blaine..." he suddenly produced twin handguns from under his labcoat, and began to perform a 1 hour pistol spinning act. Red just watched on for the first 15 minutes- A new record for him focusing on anything- before tuning out. Blaine finally finished his thing, "...The Gym leader of Fire... And..."_

" _ **My rage burns beyond any flame!"**_

* * *

(Metal Gear Solid 4- Metal Gear Saga)

 _The floors shook, and a gigantic grey monstrosity emerged, standing upon twin metal legs, a flamethrower mounted on the left, a missile launcher on the right. Blaine effortlessly scaled its side, "Behold the cream of the Orran Defence Units: The_ _ **Orre Gear**_ _! I acquired this from the funding I received from Team Rocket, and modified it. While the first prototype is... Well, lying in the corner of this room, this Orre Gear,_ _ **Orre Gear RAY**_ _, is itching to fight!_ _ **Have at me, Red! I hope you have Burn Heal!**_ "

 _He climbed into the cockpit. The mechanical monster rose with a loud whirring sound._

 _Okay, let's see. Red has a Fire-type, a mascot, a HM Slave, and guns. Blaine has a freaking_ _ **Metal Gear**_ _, not to mention Fire-Types._

 _Red sighed, "Aw hell."_

(A.N. I don't own Metal Gear Solid. That would be Kojima.)

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS BLAINE**

 **AND**

 **ORRE GEAR RAY**

* * *

Blaine marched towards Red, firing missile after missile. Explosions rocked the arena.

Red called out his main, " _Go!_ _ **Char!**_ "

 _Red sent out_ _ **Char!**_

The orange dragon flew up towards RAY, spiralling to avoid shells and various other hurty things. He punched at the cockpit.

Char's eyes widened at the resulting crack. He fell back, holding his bleeding fist. Red looked it over, before spraying it with a Super Potion, "The armour can't be damaged by your fist? Well... _**S***.**_ "

 _Blaine used_ _ **Flamethrower!**_

Both hero and dragon hastily attempted to make their escape, as Blaine's flamethrower made the arena's insurance practically invalid. Red took this time to wonder what type of insurance the mad scientist had in the first place, while Char was thinking of tacos. Oh, now he's drooling. That's wonderful.

 _Char used_ _ **Drool! It was Super Effective!**_

The mech flinched, reeling back. Our hero stared, before realizing that, logically, Drooling could be considered a Water-Type move! Red gasped, "Char! Keep thinking about tacos!" This pleased the Fire-Type greatly, as he began salivating even more. And as for Red, a quick plan was formulated.

Blaine groaned, "You... You will never beat Team Rocket! I have the-" "Yeah, we get it, superior genes, whatever, Liquid." the boy in red yawned, sending out another Pokemon and running for the corner of the room.

Meanwhile, Char was leading Blaine towards the centre of the arena, now resorting to peeing on the mech. Blaine locked onto him with a rocket, blasting the Fire-Type, "You honestly think that you and your trainer can defeat me?!"

A missile scored a direct hit, blowing Char back...

Suddenly, just as Blaine was gloating about his win, a missile hit his back, "What the...oh... **No!** "

* * *

(Metal Gear Solid 2- Main Theme)

Behind him stood another Orre Gear, this one in rougher grey armour. On one side it had a cylindrical power core, and on the other a rail gun. A minigun stuck out from under its cockpit.

Red smiled, "As it turns out, this one wasn't quite out!" Blaine choked, "... **Orre Gear REX?!"** Our hero nodded, "I just jump-started it again using Hikari's electricity as jumper cables, and turns out it still has a bit of fight left in it! Now... **It's on!** "

The two mechs ran at each other, but at the last moment, REX dodged surprisingly swiftly for a robot dinosaur. RAY was sent into a wall, slamming against it. Blaine let out a cry as warning lights of all kinds flashed on, "You... You use my own failures against me? Forget it! _Prepare to die, Snake!_ "

REX roared, railgun blazing as it marched swiftly forwards. RAY got up, slamming into the front of the Gundam. Sparks flew, as a super sized sumo match began. Red groaned as he was pushed back, annoying sirens sounding from REX's cockpit, "C'mon, you piece of metallic crap! Do something...!" Blaine chortled maliciously, "It is useless to pray now, Red! Your mech is using a nuclear power source, while mine uses a Mega Stone Core! You have no hope of stopping it."

Y'know what Red liked about the baddies? They gave him detailed instructions on how to beat them!

Red slammed his Mega Bracelet against the control panel, "I hope this works..."

 _Orre Gear REX shone with a blinding light all of a sudden, its railgun began shining brightly. Blaine gasped, "What... Where did you find all that power...?!"_

 _Orre Gear REX became_ _ **Mega Gear REX!**_

Round 2.

Red fired his charged Railgun, blowing off RAY's flamethrower. This was followed by REX spearing it's opponent on its gun, holding it up and swinging it into a wall with unlimited power. The Minigun, rusted with age, slowly clanked into life, firing the last of its clips at Blaine. The scientist gasped, as his power core went critical, "No! **REEEEEEEEDDDD!** "

A massive explosion rocked the building, as RAY's power core gave out, and it collapsed to the ground.

 _REX stood, it's engines purring, like the battle mech was still looking down upon his fallen brother. Then, on rusted, worn legs, it slumped on top of RAY, satisfied that it had finally proven its worth._

Red emerged from the wreckage, cracking his fists, "Alright Blaine! Time to end this!" Blaine stood, his clothes burnt off, save his pants, "Agreed! Go! _**Growlithe!**_ "

(Dragonforce- Ring of Fire Cover)

Char emerged, grenade launcher in hand as it approached the battlefield. Suddenly, a purple flash flew in, firing blazing energy balls around it, " _ **Allow me to handle this!"**_

" _ **Love is a burning thing."**_

" _ **And it makes a fiery ring."**_

Mewtwo stood, glaring at his creator, "So... we meet again... 'Father'." Blaine smiled, "Good! Kill Red! Now!" The Psychic-Type shook his head, "No. My conscience forbids me to harm a human."

" _ **Bound by wild desire."**_

" _ **I fell in to a great ring of fire!"**_

Red and Char gasped, "M...Mewtwo?!"

Mewtwo dashed at Growlithe, as the firey hound attacked the psychic cat. The scientist watching this gasped, "No! Rocket Core init! Activate memory buffers!" Mewtwo showed no sign of stopping, swiftly delivering a burst of psychic energy blasts around him.

" _ **I fell into a burning ring of fire!"**_

" _ **I went down, down, down!"**_

" _ **And the flames went higher!"**_

" _ **And it burns, burns, burns!"**_

Mewtwo dodged a Fire Blast, "Blaine, I think you'd like to know I am no longer bound by code, nor programming! I am now a living being. I am no longer your experiment!" Blaine gasped, "No! Impossible! Fine, I shall kill him myself!"

Blaine drew his pistols, and Red raised his shotgun.

" _ **The taste of love is sweet."**_

" _ **When hearts like ours meet."**_

Bullets bounced off synthetic skin, as Mewtwo advanced on Blaine, fire in his eyes. A glowing sword appeared on his left arm, and several swift movements later, Growlithe fell.

" _ **I fell for you like a child."**_

" _ **But I jumped right in,"**_

" _ **And the fire went wild!"**_

Blaine backed away from his creation, switching clips rapidly as he ran slowly out of ammo. Mewtwo kept advancing, "Blaine, you attempted to control me with my own programming. The Mewtwo were created to be the first synthetic pokemon that could think, feel and act for themselves. You tried to take that away."

" _ **I fell in to a burning ring of fire!"**_

" _ **I went down, down, down!"**_

" _ **And the flames went higher!"**_

" _ **And it burns, burns, burns!"**_

" _ **Ring of fire!"**_

A shadowy figure approached Blaine from behind...

Blaine gasped, as the doors before him flew open, and several SWAT Team members stormed the room. Red gasped, "You guys!"

"...Who are you guys again?"

The dark figure spoke, " _ **It's been a long time, Dr Blaine Wily."**_ The gym leader gasped, " _ **Dr... Fuji?!"**_

* * *

(Megaman Zero 4- Freesia)

The old man shook his head, "Blaine... It has been 20 years, yet you refuse to give up. You cling on to the last pieces of Team Rocket, hoping that their plan to reset the world will benefit you." Blaine snarled, "It will! You are so blind as so not to see it that way! Mewtwo was the first! He would stop meddling bitches like you interfering with our plans!"

The Orran officer from Chapter 10 slammed her handcuffs on him, "The way I see it, you defamed Fuji as the man who created this nightmare, sided with a mafia boss and a _**complete psycho**_ just to be important, tried to kill an innocent-" she paused, looking at Redneck, "Alright, _**not so innocent**_ but still quite friendly citizen of Kanto in giant war robot, which you stole from the Orran Militia I should add, and dug a hole to hell. In your gym."

An officer popped his head out of the bottomless hole, "Hey guys! I found my way back up thanks to this guy living down there. Cool guy, him. Called himself _**Chuck Norris**_." Norris waved.

The officer flicked her chestnut hair, "Not to mention your various other crimes, such as your innumerable war crimes, tax evasion, 290183098407340290921810 unpaid parking and speeding tickets, attempts to destroy the world with a massive ancient super weapon (Wait, wrong file.), rape, creating an antimatter time and space rift off the coast of the Seafoam Islands, inhumane experimentation on pokemon and humans, bribes to important political figures in the regions, defacing the statue in that one tower in Kalos- How did you draw a mustache that big, anyway?- and finally, you hacked Pokemon Go. **DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO FIND THAT CP 9000 ARTICULNO?! AND THEN THE SERVER RESETS AND AAAAAGGGGGGGGHHH I CAN'T TAKE IT! YOU GOIN' DOWN, PUNK!"**

The girl breathed in deeply, then exhaled, "You're under arrest. Anything you say will be used against you in court." Blaine smirked, ripping off the handcuffs, "I think **not!** _**LATER, BITCHES! WHOOOOOOOOOO-**_ "

 _ **SLAM!**_

Red held out his shotgun, clothes lining Blaine perfectly. The mad scientist fell to the ground, unconscious.

 **[YOU BEAT BLAINE!]**

* * *

The Officer looked at Red again, whistling, "Not bad. I take it you're the same guy from the Silph co. incident?" Red nodded, "Yeah."

She smiled, shaking Red's hand, "Nice to meet you. I'm _**Sgt Rena**_ from the 21st Kanto Unit. I... used to be a mercenary. Until about a few days ago. And I have to say, you may have a promising career in this whole 'crime fighting' thing. Not that the brass would approve, but... Hey, whatever."

(A.N. Rena from **Pokemon Origins** , actually. She appeared in Episode 2. I noticed she was one of the lesser-talked-about characters in Pokemon Fanfics (Probably because so many people passed her by in the games, not to mention not many people consider Pokemon Origins as a separate canon/ write fanfics about it, since it is a retelling of Pokemon Red already). Well, here she is, so... Hm. Yay for her...)

Fuji smiled, "Rena is my adopted niece. She was one of the many children orphaned during the Great Orran Civil Wars. I actually first met her in the middle of a battlefield while I served as a field medic there back in the year 1999..."

He continued on, as Red and Rena watched on. The female sighed, "Great. You got him going on about his adventures as a field medic. Now he won't shut up for hours." "Actually, you triggered him, so..." Red began.

Rena shrugged, "Whatever. Let's go out." Our hero smiled, "Wow. I'm that good."

"...Outside, I mean." she blushed.

Red stopped as she walked out, noticing something shiny on the ground, "Ooh! **SHINY!** "

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

 **[BADGE GET!]**

 **[7/8]**

 _Char learnt_ _ **Something Witty Should Go Here!**_

 _Red got_ _ **200000 PKD**_ _(Inexplicably)_ _ **!**_

* * *

(Pokemon Theme (First Movie Ver.)- Billy Crawford)

Leaf ran up to Red happily, "Red! Glitch made a full recovery!" Our hero smiled, "And it seems like Mewtwo is just as happy too! Plus, I got a new bae!" Rena scoffed, "I'm **not** your bae."

Leaf looked at Red's new badge, "Wow, 7 badges already! We've come so far already!" Char made a happy sound in agreement.

Red puffed out his chest, "Thanks Leaf. I feel like this calls for a speech; _We will make Kanto great again by building a wall! We will stop the boats and make the greatest deals! We shall impose a carbon ta_ \- Wait, where's Mewtwo."

(Needle scratches record)

Rena and Leaf simultaneously looked at Red in a mixture of bewilderment, shock and terror. Leaf spoke first, "You mean to tell me... You let a _**literal walking nuke that just tried to kill us, not to mention the whole of Cinnabar Island... ESCAPE?!**_ "

Red scratched the back of his head, still smiling dumbly, "Yup. Will that be a problem?"

Leaf and Rena exchanged glances. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

" _ **YOU IDIOT!"**_

Several wild Pokemon chose this moment to flee the ocean around the island. This caused a large catch of fish off the coast of Kalos.

That is how yelling helps the seafood economy. Now back to the plot.

Red winced, as he received the second bitchslapping of his life for the second time in the story, " _ **OWOWOWOWOW! OKAY! I'LL GO FIND HIM!"**_ Rena put him down, and Red stormed off.

* * *

(Super Mario Bros.- Overworld theme)

"Sheesh, he can't have wandered off too far." Red mumbled, kicking a random can (That beaned someone in the head, knocking them out, before landing in a trash can and exploding), "I mean, seriously! Where would a **psychotic** , **murderous** , **psychic** , **teleporting** , **prototype** , **maverick** , **crazy**..." Gears began to slowly rotate in Red's head, "...Cat hide... **ARCEUS SAVE MEEEEEEE! WAAAAAAAAH!** "

(Super Mario Bros.- Castle Theme)

While Red was trying to find a suitable bed to hide under, Rena turned to Leaf, "Is he always this dense?" Leaf shrugged, "Could be worse. _Could be Ash_." The two girls shivered at the thought.

Suddenly, Red saw it. Not a bed, but...

" _ **Heeeeey~! Mewtwo!"**_

* * *

(Megaman X- Ending)

 _The psychic cat sat on the sandy beach in reconciliation. He looked out at the now-setting sun, trying to find purpose for his existence. He wasn't a war machine. However, he had ended too many lives for him to be considered a peace-bringer by mankind. His sins could never be forgiven. It was all his fault._

 _He wasn't a killer. He wasn't a pacifist. His coding was gone, his objectives in life... removed._

 _Who was Mewtwo?_

 _Red's party observed him sadly gazing out to sea, the ever-rolling waves lapping on the shore._

 _A soft presence sat on the sands beside him. He rotated his head slowly._

 _His copy- no, his sister, sat beside him. In her hands was a simple wooden guitar._

 _Glitch began to play._

* * *

(Pokemon: The First Movie- Brother, My Brother)

(A.N. I may have changed a couple of lyrics to fit the situation, but its all good, mon! Also, prepare for the single most fluffiest and cheesiest musical number ever to be written in one of my fanfics.)

" _ **Brother, my brother."**_

" _ **Tell me, what do we fight for?"**_

" _ **We've got to end this war."**_

" _ **We should love one another."**_

" _ **Oh, can't we just pretend this war never began?"**_

" _ **We can try..."**_

" _ **Brother, my brother"**_

 _Program Log._

 _Why...?_

 _Why is she...?_

" _ **We face each other from different sides."**_

" _ **The anger burns; but you can't remember why."**_

" _ **It's kind of crazy to cause such pain."**_

" _ **Our foolish program makes us hate this way."**_

" _ **We watch our world fall apart."**_

" _ **Tell me, what good is winning when you lose your heart?"**_

 _What purpose does it serve her to be sitting by my side, playing music on such a basic human instrument? What does she gain by doing so?_

 _Statement redacted. Maybe... What is she attempting to tell me?_

" _ **Brother, my brother."**_

" _ **Tell me, what are we fighting for?"**_

" _ **Isn't life worth so much more?"**_

" _ **We should love one another."**_

" _ **Oh, can't we just pretend this war never began?"**_

" _ **Tell me why!"**_

" _ **Brother, my brother."**_

" _ **We can try!"**_

" _ **Brother, my brother."**_

 _Memory banks have been analysed. Solution to current situation..._

 _Close console. I enjoy being with her. She is of my own DNA, my own blood. Ergo, she is my sister..._

 _And I am her brother._

" _ **Let's take a moment and look deep inside."**_

" _ **Say we're willing to give love a try."**_

" _ **We're not as different as we seem to be."**_

" _ **There's so much more to me than what you see."**_

" _ **We don't have to be this way!"**_

" _ **Think about the consequences!"**_

" _ **Turn around and walk away!"**_

" _ **Brother, my Brother..."**_

 _Glitch finally stopped singing, looking over at her male counterpart, "Feeling better now?" Mewtwo nodded, "Yes... However... Will you choose to keep on moving... fighting on alongside the one you call your 'trainer'...? Or will you stop fighting and attempt to reforge peace between us and the humans?"_

 _Glitch closed her eyes..._

(Pokemon Origins- Gym)

" _No. I have decided to head on." Glitch replied, a grin crossing her face, "After analysing my trainer's mind and movements for so long, I have come across the conclusion; sometimes, it is required to fight for everlasting peace. Sometimes, battle is the only thing that can bring about peace."_

" _Besides, the whole 'reforging peace' thing sounds like too much hard work! You do that!"_

 _Mewtwo growled, "Why you..."_

 _Everyone shared a laugh, as the sun set on another day in Kanto..._

 **PSYCHE!**

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- Let the battles begin!)

Rena's radio sounded. She answered it, "Sergeant Rena here- Oh. I see. Well... **S***!** I'll call you bac- What's that? Oh, I'm sure Reggie's body is. Okay, **BYE!** "

Trembling, she shut off the radio, "N...Not good! _**Blue... just became Champion of Kanto!**_ " Red and Leaf gasped, " **NO!** After all we did...?!" Rena nodded, "Wait, there's one last hope! If we defeat his final stronghold in **Viridian City**... We can stop him!"

Red pumped his shotgun, "Where?! I won't let anyone destroy the peace we tried hard to keep!" Rena looked at her notepad, "Blue 'Oak' isn't actually related to Oak. His parents were killed in the war by Kantonian Allied forces. Blue's real name is **Blue Sepiroth**."

Leaf and Red exchanged glances, before Red spoke up, "That'd explain why 'One Winged Angel' keeps playing whenever we meet him. But my question..."

"The only empty lot in Viridian City is the old Gym. It was bought a few days ago by a _**Mr G.O. Vanni**_."

"That sounds familiar... The 7-up guy? No, someone else..." gears slowly spun in Red's head, as he mulled the evidence over. Ash stared at Serena's backpack.

 **Click.**

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

 _Red realized it all of a sudden, him and Leaf crying out the name of their old enemy._

" _ **GIOVANNI!"**_

 **DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!**

* * *

 **To be continued...**


	13. Viridian City-One Wanged Asshole!

**Chapter 13: Viridian City- One Wanged Asshole!**

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Gym)

 **"Last time on Pokemon Redneck, our 'heroes' made a quick trip to Cinnabar Island, stopped Mewtwo from killing everyone, and saved the world from a giant battle mech! Alright, maybe not the world, but who cares?! They are now on their way to Viridian City, where an old foe awaits them! Will they stop him? What trials stand in their path for victory? Will I EVER get this story done in time?! FIND OUT NOW!"**

* * *

(Halo Combat Evolved- Brothers in Arms)

 **"All units! This is Sgt Rena speaking! Prepare for active deployment!"**

Several armoured vehicles stopped outside of the Viridian City Gym, before a lone ATV darted between the sea of grey armour. Red climbed off, adjusting his hat, "Alright... What's the plan, Rena?" The cop smiled at Red, "We know nothing about Team Rocket, or Giovanni. You do. As such..."

She saluted, and the officers behind her repeated the action. Red's eyes widened, "You want me... Little old me... to lead you into a terrorist base?!"

"KICKASS!"

Leaf sighed, "Oh, brother..."

The doors opened, and the squad of SWATs and Red entered the Gym. One SWAT lowered his assault rifle, "Hey, what's this? The floor panel here's all glowy with a little arrow." Red swatted his hand back, "That's a Spinny Panel! If you touch it, you go all spinny towards another, then another, until you touch those rubber mats there! Best avoid thooosssseeee ** _AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!_** "

When one gives an explanation, he normally looks away from what's directly in front of him. This was how Red and Leaf ended up on the other end of the room, depositing most of the contents of their stomachs on the floor.

Rena sighed, "Alright. Guys, deploy hacking device!" A Magnemite clamped onto a breaker panel, using its magnets to deactivate all the spinny panels.

Leaf's jaw dropped, "Woah..." Red scoffed, "I could do that."

* * *

 _Giovanni watched the SWAT team storm the hallways of his Gym in disbelief, led by his mortal enemy._

 _"Impossible... All units! Deploy!" Gio called into his comm, "Don't let any through!" Blue, watching this from his ever-present screen, scoffed, "Giovanni. I have urgent business to attend to. Hold Red off for me."_

 _Gio gasped, "But he destroyed all the spinny panels! What should I do!? **I'M NOTHING WITHOUT SPINNY PANELS!** " Blue flicked his hair, "Quit being a pansy!. Just take on Red yourself." "But he beat me! Twice!"_

 _"Are you saying you're inferior to that trash?" Blue asked, a sentry turret on the wall locking onto Gio, "You are the leader of Team Rocket. Are you saying your team is inferior to a single redneck? I don't do weak links, Gio. Fail, and you're dead meat. Literally."_

 _The man gulped, "Y...Yes, Blue!"_

 _"I'm Blue on a good day. Refer to me as Sir." Blue glared, Gatling gun barrel slowly rotating._

 ** _"ACK! S..SIR YES SIR!"_**

* * *

(Halo Combat Evolved- Rock Anthem for Saving The World.)

 **"INCOMING! ALL MARINE UNITS, ENGAGE!"**

"Bitchin'!" Rena, as well as several other SWATs in white armour whooped. Red turned to one, "What do they mean by... Marine Units?" The guy chuckled, "Let's just say that we're finishing the fight!"

The Marines ran forwards, switching to stun ammo. Team Rocket Grunts ran around the corner, "Prepare for- Oh, hell."

All of a sudden, the marines pulled out their assault rifles, as the lead Grunt's eyes shrunk. Red's mouth blossomed into an evil grin.

 ** _"Surprise, MotherF***er. Again."_**

* * *

And so the battle raged on. It was a beautiful day for the Kanto Police Force, as they showed Team Rocket they were more than just Officer Jennies or drunken gate keepers. They were warriors. At least for that one second where they ran around the corner. The Grunts all fainted out of pure terror instantly, leaving the Marines looking at each other confused.

Red dashed into the fray, holding the Halo Magnum Pistol in one hand, "SPARTANS! Let's move on to the core!" The Marines saluted, mowing down grunt after another in their wake with death stares.

* * *

 _Giovanni gasped, **"They beat all of them! I can't believe it!"**_

 _Blue spat, "Red... He's playing his check by calling in the cops... But I have my own. Giovanni! Attack! Directive to kill!" Giovanni gasped again, "K...Kill?! Sir, the mission was to hold out this Gym, not kill Red!"_

 _The orange-haired boy activated the guns, "And my guns are programmed to kill **YOU** if you fail! Now! **KILL HIM! END HIS LIFE! FIGHT AND BE VICTORIOUS... OR DIE!** "_

 _The man nodded again, sweating, "S...Sir yes Sir."_

* * *

 _Blue sat back in his throne he erected in his room of Indigo Plateau, now fully taken over by his team. The Elite Four joined his side easily, and now, he was unstoppable._

 _But still, a single redneck stood in his way to his new world. A single stain upon the tapestry. An ant fighting a losing war against the eagle. A knife in a gunfight._

 _He must be killed._

 _Lance walked in, "Sir. Victory Road has been weaponised, as you asked. Nobody shall get through." Blue smiled, sipping from the wine-glass in his hand, "Excellent. Are you quite sure he has no human way of surviving with your arena's... modifications?"_

 _Lance bowed, "Yes, Mr Sepiroth. All arenas are now impassable death traps."_

 _Blue's eyes burnt with fury, **"Fabulous."**_

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

 _Red blasted down the doors to the boss chamber, "Hey, One Winged Angel's playing. That means..."_

 _Giovanni emerged from the shadows, as ominous lightning flashed behind him!_

 _He glared at Red, **"YOU!"**_

 _Red pointed at Giovanni, **"YOU!"**_

 _Leaf glared at Giovanni, **"RAPIST!"**_

 _Rena glared at Giovanni, **"TERRORIST!"**_

 _Ash stared at Serena's chest, **"8008132!"**_

 _Gio slowly approached the small group, "So, Red. You stand before me once more. You hope to finish me off now, in the hopes of collecting my badge, as well as 'stopping' Team Rocket. That gives me double the reason to fight you!"_

 _Red raised Char's ball, "Giovanni! You stand before me once more! You hope to finish me off, in the hopes of holding futilely onto your shiny and keeping Team Rocket 'running'! That gives me double the reason to PWN you!"_

 _His sister tapped him on the shoulder, "Um... Isn't that a bit redundant?" Gio stopped, "No it's not!" Red agreed, "We said two completely different reasons as to why we- Wait, this is your Gym?"_

 _The man in the black suit nodded, "Yeah. Amateur Gym Leading is a hobby of mine. So... where was I? Oh, um... DIE!"_

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS GIOVANNI!**

* * *

 _Giovanni sent out **Rhyhorn!**_

Red sent out Hikari, "Alright, Hikari! Time to show the bastard who's boss!"

 _Rhyhorn used **Horn Drill!**_

The much swifter Pikachu dodged the attack, small black eyes calculating the next course of action. She quickly made her choice, electricity flying as she attacked. Giovanni gasped, **"RHYHORN! SLAM!"**

 _Rhyhorn used **Slam!**_

Hikari jumped over her opponent, as parts of the concrete began flying. Unfortunately for the little yellow mouse, Rhyhorn then followed this up with grabbing her tail and slamming her forwards and back into the ground repeatedly, almost turning her into minced meat. Why didn't he? He lost his grip and threw her into a wall.

The Pikachu wobbled around, dazed and making incoherent noises. Her mind then focused on the task at hand, as she used her electric powers to short circuit the sprinkler system, a trick she learnt from this anime she once watched.

The two combatants glared at each other, before yelling battle cries and running towards each other...

Hikari suddenly felt a weird stabbing sensation. She looked down, and realised her lower body was being impaled on Rhyhorn's horn. Rhyhorn then jumped impossibly high, horn skywards, not unlike that one scene in FFVII: Advent Children. Y'know, the one where Sepiroth stabs Cloud and flies directly up? Actually, never mind.

Our hero summoned her sword (Damn my dirty mind!) and suddenly leaped off, slashing repeatedly at Rhyhorn.

'They're fighting for their lives!' Red thought, 'It's serious! Too serious!'

Red looked on with some confusion, "That's not right... Gio, is something wrong?" "N... Okay, **_Blue's threatening to kill me if I don't kill you!_** " Gio yelled, "I have no choice! Red, I just want to escape to Johto so I can continue my operations there!"

A minigun folded out of the wall.

Bullets flew. Gio dodged, Red diving in the way of the shots with reckless abandon and taking the bullets to his own body. Luckily, since he was the main protagonist, his body reflected most of the bullets, the most damage they did to him was slightly scraping his skin. Red stood, bleeding slightly, "Blue! You son of a bitch, get the hell out here and face me like a man now!" Blue's face appeared on a nearby screen, and everyone, save for Giovanni, gasped.

* * *

The left side of Blue's face was crossed with neon blue lines, his eyes now glowing the same colour, "You called... ENEMY?" Red rolled his eyes, "Okay, obvious question first; What the hell is up with your face?! Has playing too much Tron gotten to you?"

Blue smiled, "No. I simply infused the power of the Mega Stone with myself! You wear that ridiculous toy of a stone on your arm, but my arm, as well as my left face, for some reason, is now more powerful than that!" Red's jaw dropped, "Your face is a Mega Stone?!"

Blue laughed maliciously again, "No. I am overflowing with Synergy Power... I have the power of a god now! And you still play under my throne, hoping to end my inevitable reign! I am no longer Blue... I am... Omega Blue!"

Red rolled his eyes, "For those playing at home, adding a Greek letter to the start of your name does not automatically make you a final boss." **_"SILENCE!"_** Blue yelled, his voice echoing in the arena, "Giovanni! **_Kill him now!_** "

Gio nodded shakily, "Yes Sir..."

Rhyhorn dashed forwards again, but Char grabbed it and threw it upwards. The force of the throw was enough to send it flying into orbit.

Giovanni gritted his teeth, "I...I only have one more... Then... I'm dead!" Blue glared at Red, "So... You can defeat him, and he dies... Or you die!" Red scoffed, "Or I can do this!"

(Pokemon Origins- VS Gym Leader's Last Pokemon)

Giovanni threw out a Kangaskhan, "Please...!"

Char grabbed Kangaskhan, sweeping him into the walls, pipes and wires in the walls falling open, sparks flying. Blue glared, "What's your plan?!" Our hero smiled, "Just wondering; does your giant gun and screen use Wifi?"

 ** _"WHAT KIND OF QUESTION-_ ** Wait." Blue's image began to break up, **_"BULLS***!"_**

Char returned, holding the crushed and burnt remains of a Wifi router in his hand. Red chuckled, "Good job! We took out his gun!"

 **"WARNING! DEFENCES ELIMINATED. SELF DESTRUCT ACTIVATED."**

Red and Gio exchanged glances. The mafia leader handed Red a small shiny, "Here. Take this. I'm getting the hell outta here!" With that, he screamed like a wuss, running away with arms flailing in the air.

* * *

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

 **[YOU BEAT GIOVANNI!]**

 **[BADGE GET!]**

 **[8/8]**

 **Quota met!**

 **Time to battle the League!**

 _Hikari learnt Ash Strategy!_

 _Char learnt Cheap Plot Device!_

 _Author learnt Short Chapter!_

 _Red got To Get The Hell Outta There! Oh, and 2000 PKD too._

* * *

Our hero looked at the badge in his hands, then where Gio was standing a few seconds ago. He began to ponder what the man was thinking. Perhaps there was still some good in him after all. Perhaps he was only being controlled by Blue, so that was why he did what he did. Perhaps he even-

Leaf groaned, hauling Red over her shoulder and making a break for it as the room erupted into flames.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Leaf, Rena and Red collectively screamed, shards of concrete raining from above onto the team. The SWAT and Marine teams stared at them, lowering their random flasks of tea.

Rena stopped, gasping for air. A Marine helpfully gave her some important information, "We captured all the grunts here, Ma'am. Team Rocket in Kanto is officially dissolved!" Rena gave a weak smile, "...Well! Excellent! Mission Complete!"

Leaf placed Red back on the ground safely. Our hero dusted his shirt off, "Well, that happened."

Rena turned to Red, "Red. Since Giovanni is no longer a threat, I'd say we focus our efforts on your rival; Blue. If he continues to go unchecked..." Our hero saluted, "I know. We are gonna kick his ass... A few chapters from now."

* * *

(The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword- Groose's theme)

Leaf and Rena stared at Red, shocked, _**"W...WHAT?!"**_

Our hero shrugged, "What? I need a chapter to go through Victory Road, four more for the L33T 4, and then Blue's chapter! I know it seems like a long time to wait, but consider this; each chapter takes place over the space of one day. One day. About half a day for short chapters like this one. That means in about..." Red began counting on his fingers, "Um... 5 days, Blue is getting his ass kicked! What d'ya say?!"

The small crowd had fallen asleep, except for a Bug Catcher. Red blinked, "You understood all that?"

The boy shook his head, "Nope! I just linger around awkward situations to catch crickets!"

* * *

(Crickets)

 **"GOT ONE!"**


	14. Victory Road-The Beginning of the End

**Chapter 14: Victory Road- The beginning of the end of the beginning of the end.**

* * *

(Pokemon Red: Gym)

" **When we last left our 'heroes', they managed to defeat Giovanni once and for all... I... I'm actually a little sad 'bout saying this now... But I'm afraid this is the last time I'm doing the intros! After this, it is just battle after battle, one battle a chapter! And I'm afraid that for those, I'm not needed to say the intros! Well, I guess this is goodbye... So... I'll just say what's going to happen over the next few chapters...** _ **Will Red be able to finally defeat his rival, save Kanto and become the hero Kanto needs? Is this truly the final time we'll see Red? What about Leaf, Nate, Zinnia, Lan and all the other random guest stars who appeared? Will they get a time in the limelight? Find out... Now.**_ "

" **I...Actually prepared a little song that I was gonna sing as I left. So here goes!"**

(Vera Lyn- We'll meet again.)

" _ **We'll meet again!"**_

" _ **Don't know where!"**_

" _ **Don't know when!"**_

" _ **But I know we'll meet again!"**_

" _ **Some sunny day!"**_

" **Nice knowing y'all!"**

 **-Ash Ketchum, Announcer's voice.**

 **Day 14 of Redneck's adventure, 2016.**

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed- Victory Road)

 _So, this is where it came to._

"We've come so far, readers!" Redneck smiled, chugging down copious amounts of alcohol, "8 Gyms! A heck of a lot of Plot Devices and Holes! Crippling depression! Anime jokes! Memes! Cheap battles! Man, I can just remember the day I set off! Not that I did any of the things you thought I did, y'know, like killing... Pidgeys... But **don't change the subject!** It makes my hangover hurt more... Wow, I've grown so much..."

He hopped onto his ATV, "Here I go! **MISSION START!** "

* * *

(Independence Day Track #14- End Titles)

The small motor vehicle left the Viridian City Gym, as a path was cleared through the cheering crowds. Redneck waved to his adoring fans, as they wished him the best of wishes for the final leg of his adventure.

Let's listen to a few.

" **REDNECK BUDWIENER! DON'T DIE ON ME! YO' MOTHA AND I DIDN'T BUST OUR HUMPS TO WATCH YA DIE OUT THERE!"**

" **RED-KUN! SAVE KANTO!"**

" **RED? RED? REEEEEEDDDDDDD!"**

" **MAKE KANTO GREAT AGAIN! MAKE THE GREATEST DEALS!"**

" **STOP THE BOATS!"**

" **GO, DRAGON WARRIOR! SAVE THE VALLEY!"**

" **SEMPAI NOTICED ME! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"**

" **I still think this thing sucks."**

" **Agreed."**

" **KICK HIS GUM, AND CHEW HIS ASS! Wait, what?"**

" **WHY ARE WE ALL STANDING HERE?!"**

" **WYNAUT!"**

" **I GOT ALL YOUR ACTION FIGURES!"**

" **GIVE ME A R! E!D! N! E! C! K! WHAT DO YOU GET?!"**

" **A PILE OF LETTERS!"**

" **YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH- Wait, what?"**

Redneck Budwiener cleared his throat, " _ **Friends, Kantonians, Countrymen, Pokemon, ladies, gentlemen, and beings of... dubious gender, lend me your ears!**_ Not literally, though, because that's gross. Anyway, I'm glad we are all here today, because over the next few days, we shall end the devil's reign. Blue Sepiroth may be the greatest threat we face, but with our resolve, we shall pull through! We are gathered here today to salute those who fight for peace; for justice. To correct the evils of enemies in the world. For **VALOUR! INSTINCT! AND Mystic** , apparently... huh... **GO KANTO! FOR ENDLESS LIGHT!** And now that I've ripped off the Team Rocket Motto, I can continue with my epic speech! Blue may take your lives. He may take your family. He may take your pokemon. But he shall never take away two things; Our freedom..."

Red dumped the rest of his beer on his head, " **OR OUR TESTOSTERONE! HOO HAH!"**

The crowd whooped, still as shallow as always.

The boy in red saluted, " **THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY SOUTH ORRAN TEQUILA™! NOW AVAILABLE AT YOUR LOCAL BOTTLE STORE!"**

Leaf rolled her eyes, "Red, are we leaving yet?" Red stopped her, "Wait! But I haven't even gotten to the musical montage!" The nurse slapped Red, " _ **NOW, RED!**_ " " **AH! OKAY! DON'T HURT MEEEEE!"** Red yelped, gunning the engines and speeding towards Victory Road.

* * *

(Megaman 2- Wily Castle Stage 1)

 _Blue sat in his throne room, pissed. He zapped a wall, "Ugh. Bored. I wonder how Red's doing?"_

 _He switched on his StalkerCam™ and gasped at what he saw._

" _ **GASP! HE'S ENTERED VICTORY ROAD, DESPITE MY DEFENCES!"**_

 _Lance ran in, "Sir! Terrible news! The defences have been defeated by a Kantonian air strike! The road's undefended!" Blue cursed,_ " _ **DAMN THAT REDNECK! ACTIVATE THE HARD LIGHTS! ACTIVATE THE GHOSTS! DEFEAT HIM, AND HIS LITTLE DOG TOO!"**_

* * *

(ABBA- Waterloo)

When we last left the Budwieners, they were entering Victory Road. Well, turns out that some moron left the door locked, so Red used some charges to politely blow the door open. He couldn't decide how many to use, so he just went with his gut.

Y'know the meteorite from ORAS? Well, about that...

* * *

The first guard stopped Red, "Stop! Only those with the BoulderBadge may pass!" Leaf looked at Red, "Where did you put all your badges, anyway?" The protagonist gave a dirty smirk, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

He reached for his pants...

And unclipped a small black box from his belt, opening it and showing it to the guard. The man smiled, "I see you have the badge! Pass!"

* * *

About 10 metres away, Red encountered another guard, "Wait! Only those with the WaterBadge may pass!"

Red reached for the badge, but the guard smiled, "I heard you got the badge, so you can pass!"

"Oh, okay! Thanks!" Leaf smiled.

* * *

Another 10 metres away, Red was surfing on Utilitikarp over a small river, when a guard standing on a small island stopped him, "Only those with the SparkBadge may-" He sniffed the air, "Wait, I can smell you have the badge! Well, pass!"

Red and Leaf exchanged glances, "...Um... Okay?"

* * *

"I still have no idea how you managed to emerge from the water all of a sudden." our hero scratched his head, "How long were you down there?"

"GrassBadge..." the guard began running his hands suggestively over Red's body. Red yelped, swatting him away, " **WHAT?!"**

"I felt you had the badge! Pass! **WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!** " the man laughed maniacally, ducking back under the waves.

Leaf couldn't stop laughing, "I love Kanto."

"Shut up, Leaf."

* * *

The next guard licked his lips, "Mmm... Tangy..."

Redneck stared, "... I'm guessing you want the PsyBadge, right?"

"Oh, no need." the man smiled, "I tasted it. You may pass... Mmm... So tangy..."

"...Oh my god."

* * *

Leaf braced herself for the next guard...

"I thought you had the SoulBadge! You can pass!"

"That was quick." the Scarlet Wonder commented.

Detective Looker smirked, "Well, you know..."

* * *

" _ **Oh! That's the S***! Aw, yeah!"**_ the guard smiled, "Pass! Ah, that feels good!"

Red stared at the FireBadge, now covered in...um...huh...

"... You just... Oh my... Sweet Arceus..."

His sister repeatedly kept throwing up the contents of her stomach into a nearby dumpster for a solid 1 hour.

* * *

Yoda opened his eyes, "On you, the EarthBadge I sense. Pass, you may. Heheheh!"

Red dunked his fist, " **HELL YEAH!** All that remains is for us to... head... into... a cave... **OH S***!** "

"Right, Oh S*** is!"

"Shut up, Yoda."

* * *

Red whistled to himself, " _I wanna be, the very best! Like no one ever-_ Woah. When did this happen?"

(Pokemon Red- Battle! VS Trainer!)

A row of glowing holographic cannons appeared before him. Glitch, from her ball, frowned, "Red, these are hard light projections; highly advanced programs that work like holograms, but can affect the physical- **WATCH OUT!** "

" **PISSBUCKETS!"** Red yelped, as an explosion blew up behind him. Both him and Leaf dismounted their bikes, ducking for cover behind several rocks. Leaf pulled out her pistol, "Red! My bullets aren't doing anything to them! We can't blow them up!"

Red groaned, before noticing the ground beneath him was metallic. He dusted off some dirt, revealing a circular metal pad.

He cocked his head, "Hmm? Well..." His brain got to work assessing the situation, before he came to a conclusion.

" **EGAD!** These buttons must be the switches for the cannons! I shall place a heavy rock on each, and then they shall deactivate!" His sister stared, "That is literally... The **DUMBEST** idea I heard in this entire adventure! What is this, The Legend of Zelda?"

(The Legend of Zelda- Title Theme)

Red pulled off his hat and put on a floppy green cap, "Worth a shot! Go! UtilitiKarp!"

He grabbed the Magikarp in one hand, whacking a reasonably sized round rock repeatedly with the fish, " **USE STRENGTH!"** Amazingly enough, doing so actually caused the rock to move in the direction Red wanted it to move. After 2 minutes of repeatedly slapping stuff with a fish, the rock finally rested atop the button. Cue Legend of Zelda Secret Sound Effect.

The cannons exploded, dropping a green rupee. Red picked it up, " **Dah dah dah DAAAAH! You got one rupee! Too bad you can't use it here!** Wait a sec."

He glared at the green gem, "I hit a rock with a fish for two minutes straight... and only got **ONE RUPEE?! AND IT'S FOREIGN CURRENCY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO USE THIS! DARN YOU TAJIRI!"**

Leaf blinked, "The Legend of Zelda was made by Miyamoto."

"Oh, well... **DARN YOU MIYAMOTO!** "

Suddenly, a guy wearing a business suit and a fez ran past, snatching up the Rupee from Red's hands, " _ **MONEY!"**_

Leaf stared, "...Did that just happen?"

"No. Nothing happened at all."

(A.N. Gravity Falls Joke... :D )

* * *

Red continued his journey into the depths of the cave, his torch shining bright. Several more turrets appeared in his way, but several whacks of a fish later, and they went down. Suddenly, a massive cannon rose out of the ground dramatically.

Red sighed, "I can't see the switch. Aw well. Goodbye world, thanks for all the booze."

Suddenly, the giant cannon vanished. Red turned to face his sister, who was standing by the wall with a finger on what looked like a light switch. Red sighed, "You're no fun." Leaf smirked, "Whatever floats your boat! We got incoming!"

Red looked up, as hundreds of ghost-types approached him from every angle. Leaf pulled out her proton pack, "Red! Be careful! I'm not sure if I can handle them!" The scarlet trainer ran up to the ghosts, pulling out a massive gun, "When I said IDKFA, I got every Doom weapon! Since these ghosts are from hell... **UNMAKER GO! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** "

The following scenes have been removed for timeliness, but all can be summarised in two words; **LAZOR BEAMZ!**

After sending the things back to wherever the heck they came from, our hero advanced.

(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)

Suddenly, just as Red was about to reach the second floor ladder, his worst enemy appeared. The only thing Redneck feared. The thing that made him turn from the hunter to the hunted.

" _ **RANDOM ENCOUNTERS! AAAAAAAAAHHH!"**_

Zubat after Zubat surrounded him, these ones backed up by Onixes, Geodudes, Machamps, Dittos, and other miscellaneous wild Pokemon. Leaf whimpered, "H...Hey g...guys... M...Maybe we can..."

Red pulled out his shotgun, "We can't. Prepare for battle!"

The enemy closed in around them, as Red instinctively pumped his shotgun, " _We were destined for conflict, weren't we?"_

 _His eyes narrowed,_ " _ **But if I were to go down today..."**_

 _The hero of Kanto's enemies came upon him, covering the light._

" _ **I wouldn't have it any other way."**_

 _Cue deux ex machina._

* * *

(The Avengers- Main Theme)

" **BATTLECHIP IN! SHOTGUN!"**

" **JIBANYAN! ATTACK!"**

A blast from a nearby blue flash blew the advancing Pokemon back, as blue flames set them alight! Leaf blinked, "What just happened there?!"

Two boys walked out from the shadows...

 **Nate** waved, "Hi! I heard you managed to make it to the league, so I came here to help you out!" **Lan** nodded, "We even called in a few friends of ours!"

Red looked between the main protagonists of Yo-Kai Watch and Megaman Battle Network, "... Cool... But Lan... I'm not sure if you can handle fighting. I mean, you can hack and all that-" "Luckily, this entire cave is lined with hard light projectors!" Glitch reminded him, "Lan's wireless Terminal probably connected to the wifi in Victory Road, allowing him to fight with his... 'Navi'!"

Lan nodded, "She's exactly on the ball! I did just that. Only the holograms chew up my battery like crazy, so I can use it only in short bursts. But it's more than enough to pull off a few blows!"

Our hero smiled, "Science is so amazing!"

Our hero now looked at the gang of allies he had amassed during the course of his journey, "Lan... Nate... Together, we can stop Blue. I can't handle the Elite Four alone, so... Let's fight together! We are gonna rock this region today!"

Lan Hikari's PET flashed on, "Yeah! No matter what..." The Spirit Watch flickered, "No matter when..."

" _ **From beginning then..."**_

" _ **To days last..."**_

Red's Mega Bracelet shone with a bright light, " _ **We are gonna kick some Terrorist ass!"**_

The trio, having yelled their motto, charged into the fray, " _ **FOR KANTO!"**_

Leaf watched on, "Uh... Guys? You forgot me..."

 _2 minutes later..._

Megaman .EXE slashed at several Cannons, "We've deleted approximately 50% of all the cannons here! How are things on your end, Red?"

The person in question dodged a Tackle, Char rushing up behind the Zubat and smiting it with his mighty claws, "All good! We're making good progress with the incoming!"

Nate's watch shone, as he strategically eliminated Ghost-Types surrounding them, "I can see the exit! But it's blocked by a door." Red's sister thought, "Well, remember that button we saw at the start? I figure this door can only be lowered by finding another one and placing a rock on it. Guys, find the swit-"

 _ **BLAM!**_

Red's RPG smoked, "Too much effort."

Leaf looked at the door, shrugged, and approached it.

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed- Victory Road)

 _The quartet stood atop a cliff, as the midday sun shone upon them. Red adjusted his cap, looking down upon the castle before him. Finally, he was at the great place itself. The_ _ **Pokemon League**_ _lay before him, outstretched like a great carpet from his view upon the cliff. The main building's roof shone in the sunlight. It was like the gates of heaven itself..._

 _Our hero turned to face his party, "Lan... Nate... and Leaf... We've come this far. We're the very best, like no one ever was. I have sworn that training is my cause. And... This world... I_ _ **will**_ _defend it!"_

 _Red ran forwards to the building..._

 **Annnnddd END CHAPTER!**


	15. Elite Four 1- This is your sister on ice

**Chapter 15: L33T 4- This is your sister on ice.**

* * *

 **ELITE FOUR EPISODE ONE**

 **or**

 **What is it with Red getting saved by his female companion after being frozen?**

* * *

(Pokemon Colosseum- Normal Battle)

The first thing he noticed was the arena.

Red looked down at the floor, a wooden platform surrounded by ice. He shivered a bit, "Leaf, is it just me, or is it just a little too cold in here?" Leaf nodded, shivering, "This can't be right... Last I checked, the first arena had a moat of water, not- **RED! DUCK!** "

Red stopped picking his nose, "Where- **SON OF A-** "

 **GENERIC FREEZING SOUND!**

A ball of ice hit him, freezing him solid. Leaf gasped, "I told him to- **WOAH!** " Another ice ball whizzed over her head, freezing the back of her hair, "Wot, M8. That was cloase."

" _ **So... I missed one... Nevertheless, I shall handle you myself!"**_

 _A woman with brown hair wearing glasses jumped into the arena._

Leaf growled, " _ **ELSA?!**_ _**DANGIT DISNEY STOP BUYING ALL THE GOOD FRANCHISES AND BRUTALLY MASTICATING THEM!"**_

"...What? No, I'm **Loreli**. Y'know, the one from the L33T Four?"

" **Don't lie to me, you brutal rape of a German children's story!"** our heroine barked, " **Frozen was nothing like The Snow Queen! Disney butchered it like they did for EVERY SINGLE CHILDREN'S STORY EVER! YOU AND YOUR SKINNY DIPPERS DIE TONIGHT!"**

"But Elsa was blond... I have brown hair..." Loreli began.

Leaf's eyes burned with fury, " **YOU DISGRACE THE BRUNETTES BY DISGUISING YOURSELF AS ONE OF THEM, ELSA! By the light of the moon... I WILL KICK YO' ASS, FOO!"**

* * *

 **[BATTLE]**

 **VS LORELI**

(Sword Art Online- Opening 1 (Crossing Field))

 _Loreli sent out_ _ **Seel!**_

In response our heroine sent out **Ivysaur**. The Grass-Type stretched a bit, before assessing the situation.

Loreli smirked, "So be it, Red! Prepare yourself!" Leaf cracked her knuckles, "I'm not... Aw, what the heck! Ivy! Use **Solarbeam!** "

 _Ivy began to store energy!_

" **WHAT?! BULLSHITZ!** " the girl screamed.

 _Seel used_ _ **Ice Beam!**_

Ivy rolled out of the way, firing her attack! The SolarBeam flew forwards...

 _Ivy used_ _ **SolarBeam!**_ _Ivy Missed!_

" **DOUBLE BULLSHITZ!"** Leaf cried, "I call hax!" Loreli laughed, "Blue gave me a special power for this arena! I've lowered the temperature to Sub-Zero degrees! You and your Pokemon will slowly get frozen!"

Leaf pulled a jacket out of her bag, pulling it on, "So what?! We're getting colds? Big deal- **IVY!** "

The bulb on the Ivysaur's back was slowly withering up, the pokemon herself shaking wildly to attempt to heat herself up again. Leaf's nurse instincts kicked in, as she ran over, "Aw, **c'mon!** Ivy, don't fail me now... Wait, right."

She sent out **Ev** , who switched to her Flareon form and began melting the frozen arena. The Elite Four enemy before the party watched, "I see. So, you're using Flareon to heat up the arena to a safe temperature! However, you can't use her forever! Time is running out for you, Budwiener!"

"Ev! Try to hold it together for a bit longer!" Leaf commanded, "Ivy! Use **Razor Leaf!** "

 _Ivy used_ _ **Razor Leaf!**_

 _Seel fainted!_

Leaf dunked her fist, "Yes."

 _Loreli sent out_ _ **Jinx!**_

"For some reason..." Loreli muttered, "I carry a Jinx as part of my four Pokemon here... Why? It's not an Ice-Type..." The heroine of Kanto blinked, "Huh? Four? Shouldn't it be... Six?" "Well, new rules stated in the league that each trainer is only allowed four pokemon if they're in the Elite Four." the Ice-Type Trainer explained, "Don't look at me like that! Blue's rules! We must obey them, or we are not the Elite Four!"

"And for the sake of timeliness, too..." Leaf breathed, winking at the author.

(A.N. I have to write... Six chapters... in one day... Screw me if I take shortcuts!)

Jinx ran at Ivy. The Ivysaur grabbed her, her vines rapidly smacking it. However, the Psychic Pokemon didn't seem to focus on Ivysaur, but instead blindly charged at Ev, slamming a purple fist into her.

The Flareon gave a yell of pain, the temperature dropping slightly. Ivy's leaves shrivelled up again. Leaf ran at the Jinx, "You... Get off her!"

Ev set fire to the ground around her, becoming cloaked in flames and dashing forwards. Jinx dodged, allowing Ev to slam into a wall of ice. The Flareon whimpered, reeling back as ice began to fall, covering her. Just then, a purple hand grabbed one of her tails, pulling her back out again. Jinx held Ev in a choke hold, but the Fire-Type spat flames at her. Jinx took almost no damage, and repeatedly began using her powers to slam Ev into the walls, a creepy smile plastered on her face.

Leaf gasped, "No... This... This can't be... **Ev!** "

Just then, Ev flew into her, transforming into an Eevee due to her injuries. Trainer and Pokemon were sent flying into a wall. Leaf looked up, dazed, catching a glimpse of Ivy, freezing in a block of ice. "Aw hell." Leaf murmured, feeling her own body freeze over slowly, "S***." Loreli walked over, "You worthless piece of scum, you really think you can defeat me?"

The trapped girl yelled, "You... Asshole... I'll never... let... Blue..." She was unable to say anymore, as the ice overcame her. Loreli smiled, kicking the nurse, "Long live the king."

" ' **King?' Sounds like Rocket talk to me!"**

* * *

(Pokemon Origins- VS Gym Leader's Last Pokemon)

Suddenly, Red's Mega Bracelet shone brightly. Loreli gaped, as a shining blue light flew from the ring, hitting Leaf's frozen left wrist. Her hand shone, and a disembodied voice sounded, " **Hey, kid! If you don't wanna die, hold out your hand!"**

Leaf, shivering, shakily held out her hand. A blue light burst from her palm, covering her and her two Pokemon. All of a sudden, Leaf felt no cold. A warm sensation washed over her whole body, as the ice around her melted.

She smashed the last shards away, "Alright, Loreli! **Round Two!** "

Suddenly, a boy appeared by her side. This one wore a red shirt with grey sleeves, and a red cap with a single white semicircle, " _Here I am again..._ Your name's Leaf, right? I'm _**Satoshi! Satoshi Tajiri!**_ Nice to meet you!"

Leaf's jaw dropped.

"... Not that one." the boy chuckled.

 _ **Satoshi's**_ _Origins begin!_

* * *

Satoshi sent out a Charizard, "It's a little cold here, don't 'cha think? _Let's_ _ **heat things up!**_ "

Everyone stared at him.

"Get yer minds outta the gutter!"

(Pokemon Origins- Vs Trainer!)

The Charizard roared, as flames lapped the arena, melting the ice. Our heroine cheered, "Yeah! All the ice is gone!"

Loreli glared, "You... That power...! Where did..." The boy turned to Leaf, "Leaf! Now! While she's distracted!"

" _You got it! Ivysaur! Use_ _ **Vine Whip!**_ "

Vines shot out from Ivy's bulb, holding Jinx down. Satoshi's Charizard dashed forwards.

 _Charizard used_ _ **Mega Punch!**_

Jinx was defeated almost instantly. Ivy looked up at the Charizard, who let out a roar. ' _Odd... That roar sounded almost like it was from a Game Boy's speakers... Whatever.'_ Leaf thought.

" **Next one!"** Loreli barked, trying to hide the terror in her voice. Satoshi readied himself, "I beat you once, we can beat you again!"

 _Loreli sent out_ _ **Poliwhirl!**_

The mysterious version of Red jumped aside, as water splashed the sides of the arena, "Leaf! Poliwhirl is a Water-Type! Ivysaur should be effective!" Leaf nodded, "Got it! Ev! Use Tackle, Glaceon Form!"

The Eevee nodded, running forwards and transforming into the Ice-Type! The Poliwhirl ran forwards, eager to finish her off...

 **GENERIC FREEZING SOUND!**

The Poliwhirl was suddenly stuck in a frozen block of ice. Satoshi and Loreli stared at Leaf. The girl chuckled, "It was water, so a really cold attack froze it over! Logic is the rarest candy of them all! Heard that from a Dorkly short. Great motto, Rusty."

(A.N. Don't own Pokemon Rusty. Dorkly owns that. Hmm... Would this fanfic qualify as a variation for that, but for Pokemon Red?)

The Red variation shrugged, "Works for me." " **THE ONLY THING THAT WILL 'WORK FOR ME' IS YOUR DEFEAT!"** the Elite Four member screamed, "I know your weakness now, Leaf Budwiener!"

Leaf folded her arms, "What?"

" **YOUR PARENTS! MUHAHAHAHA!"**

Satoshi and Leaf exchanged glances.

"... No, that's Batman."

" **LESBIAN LOVE!** "

"Elsa."

" **THE MASTER SWORD!"**

"Ganondork."

" **FEMALE COMPANIONS!"**

"I was going to say Dr Who, but actually, that sounds more like Ash's." Leaf sighed, "So, beauty does go hand in hand with stupid."

Loreli thought, before she realised it, " **RED!** You love him... You care for him... He is your weakness!" She approached the frozen trainer, sending out **Lapras** , "Well, **HE DIES NOW! SLAM!** "

Satoshi and Leaf gasped. The latter ran forwards, " **NO! REEEEEEEDDDD!"**

 _The Lapras hit the ice, shattering it into hundreds of fractals. Leaf screamed in horror..._

" _ **REEEDDD-KUN!"**_

Loreli turned to Leaf, "My plan worked... **I just killed the 'legendary hero'! HAH! TAKE THAT, LANCE!** And he said I was a failed abortion! I'll showed him!" Leaf fell to her knees, as Lapras shuffled towards her, preparing to kill her...

Leaf muttered something. Loreli blinked, "Huh?"

" _...Look again."_

Loreli looked at the shattered remains of Red. There was a hole in the floor, smoke rising from the sides. Now it was her turn for her jaw to drop, "...?!"

" **HEEEERRREEE'S JOHNNY!"**

Red burst out of the floor holding a massive flamethrower, setting fire to anything in the general vicinity. He then randomly decided to start singing!

(Frozen- Let it go.)

(A.N. For better results, play a rock or dubstep remix of the song in this segment.)

" _ **The flames burn bright on the ignition tonight."  
**_ " _ **There'll be good eatins' for me!"  
**_ " _ **A reign of incineration."  
**_ " _ **And it looks like I'm the king!"**_

Loreli yelped, as flames licked at the walls, " **AAAHH!** Fire! My weakness!"

" _ **My heart is burning like the general surrounds!"  
**_ " _ **Can't keep me down, you're gonna DIEEEEEEEE!"**_

Red waved around his flamethrower recklessly, as the walls of the room were lit up in orange tongues of fire!

" _ **Let 'em in!"  
**_ " _ **Take on me!"  
**_ " _ **Be the asshole you always were to me!"  
**_ " _ **Screw the rules!"  
**_ " _ **Prepare to be..."  
**_ " _ **BARBIEEEEEEDDDD!"**_

" **WE GET IT!"** Leaf yelled. Red glared, "You do not ruin my epic parody, woman!" Satoshi shrugged, joining in with the song.

" _ **BURN IT DOWN!"  
**_ " _ **BURN IT DOWN!"  
**_ " _ **DON'T GIVE A S*** ANYMORE!"**_

A wall collapsed, but Red kept setting things on fire. He ran up to Lapras, switching out his flamethrower for Char. The Charizard punched Lapras into a wall, PWNing him!

" _ **BURN IT DOWN!"  
**_ " _ **BURN IT DOWN!"  
**_ " _ **IMA TAKIN' YOU TO TOWN!"**_

The roof began raining ash and burnt material down upon the combatants, as the ceiling gave a loud groan, cracking. Leaf gasped, "Uh... Guys? The roof-"

" _ **I DON'T GIVE!"  
**_ " _ **TWO DAMNS FOR THIS!"  
**_ " _ **BECAUSE FIRE IS INNATELY COOL!"  
**_ " _ **THE COLD PISSED ME OFF ANYWAYS!"**_

" **YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!"** Red yelled, as the roof finally gave way around him! A large cloud of dust covered the arena...

But when the smoke cleared...

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

* * *

 **YOU BEAT LORELI!**

 **[1/4]**

 _Red/Leaf got_ _**Origins Red!**_

* * *

 _ **Home series: Anime (Pokemon: The Origins and Pokemon: Generations)**_

 _ **Real Name: Satoshi Tajiri (20)**_

 _ **Misc info:**_

 _ **-Has mostly completed the Pokedex, unlike a certain boy whose name starts with 'A' and ends with 'sh'.**_

 _ **-Not the main face of Pokemon, but I really hope one day he will be!**_

 _ **-Still searching for Mew.**_

 _ **-Accomplished more in four episodes than a certain guy (*cough* Ash *cough*) ever did in 8 seasons.**_

 _ **-Probably in a relationship with Rena in his continuity, but not proven.**_

 _ **-Carries a Mega Stone in his pocket.**_

 _ **-Appears to be more based off Pokemon FireRed than Red.**_

 _ **-Travelled the world in less than 5 minutes or so via montage (Pokemon Generations, Episode 1).**_

 _ **-Doesn't believe in ghosts.**_

 _ **-Caught Mewtwo WITHOUT a Master Ball!**_

 _ **-This version only carries his Charizard with him.**_

 _ **Current status: Based on last time he saved-**_

 _ **Badges: 8**_

 _ **Pokedex: 150**_

 _ **Time: 35:46**_

* * *

(Pokemon Origins- Cycling!)

Leaf ran over to Red, glomping him, " **RED!** Never leave me again!" The Redneck ruffled her hair, "Who said I left you? I was right behind you the whole time! Literally and figuratively."

Loreli gasped, "H...How did you... Escape my perfect trap?!"

Red tapped his running shoes, now smoking, "Easy. I just dashed repeatedly, causing copious amounts of friction! This friction burnt through the wood, allowing me to escape out the bottom into water! From there, I found the cooling system for the room and I pulled out the plug."

Origins Red blinked, "Well. I was expecting something a bit more epic, but okay. See you later!" He shone, before he and his Charizard vanished back into Red's Mega Bracelet.

Loreli growled, "This isn't the end, Red! You have only gotten a taste of Elite Four power!"

Red pointed behind her, "Hey, Lorrie. Bus."

" **DON'T CALL ME-** Wait, wha-"

(Music stops)

Suddenly, an ice cream truck randomly ploughed through the debris, running over Loreli. The Elite Four member was swept away with a Wilhelm scream. Red and Leaf stared.

" _Where did that come from?"_ Leaf asked.


	16. Elite Four 2-A Piece of Peace

**Chapter 16: L33T 4- A Piece of Peace would be nice 'round here.**

* * *

 **ELITE FOUR EPISODE TWO**

 **or**

 **How to Operate Shooting Star!**

* * *

(Pokemon Colosseum- Normal Battle)

Rocks lined the next arena that the duo entered. The entire room seemed to resemble a cave of some sort.

As we all know, Red loathed caves.

" **AAAH! CAVE!"** Red screamed like a wuss, ducking under a cardboard box. Leaf slapped him, "Get a hold of yerself, Redneck!"

Red's female companion walked up to a rock, kicking it. It flickered. Leaf nodded, "Hard Light projections. The arena could change during battle." Our hero looked around, "I'm going to need some help here."

Lan Hikari slid into the scene, "Red, sorry 'bout the one chapter absence, but Nate and I got hungry, so we decided to go to a nearby McDitto's to buy some food." "Well, you're here now. Rather conveniently, I should add." Red nodded, "Say... Didn't you say you called in help or something?"

Hub smirked, "All in due time, Red! You'll see him. He's... come from quite a long time to get here."

"A long... Time? Aw great, do I need to explain the difference between distance and time to someone again?"

"No, It's... D'oh, you'll see!" Megaman .EXE replied, "Be careful, Lan... **HEADS UP!** "

 _A man jumped down from the roof, wearing a white gi!_

" _ **I AM BRUNO, THE FIGHTING-TYPE ELITE FOUR GUY!**_ " Bruno roared, "I have orders from master Blue to take you down! I am excited by your strength in the field of battle!" Red edged back, "Now, what 'field of battle' are we talking about?"

The man paused, "... Are you implying I'm gay?" Hub shrugged, "Look here, good sir. He wasn't implying anything by saying that. He just wanted you to-"

" _ **YOUR LEAGUE CHALLENGE ENDS HERE, ASSHOLE!"**_

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS BRUNO**

(Megaman Battle Network- Proof of Courage)

 _The arena shone around them suddenly, becoming the firey core of a volcano!_

 _Bruno sent out_ _ **Machomp!**_

The four-armed pokemon ran towards the party. Lan pulled his PET out of its holster, " **JACK IN! MEGAMAN .EXE, TRANSMIT!"** Red sent out **Char** , "Um... **GO! CHAR, ATTACK!** "

The Navi was projected onto the arena next to Lan, "Are you ready?" The boy nodded, "You bet, Hub! **BATTLE ROUTINE, SET!** "

" **EXECUTE!"** the party cried, running forwards to attack.

Char grappled with the beast, slamming it to the ground. Megaman .EXE wasted no time at all in pulling out his buster, charging up at an ungodly speed and firing. The Machomp took the hit, but hardly seemed wounded.

It stood again, as a large column of rock suddenly rose out of the ground, knocking both back. Red ran over to Char, "What was that?! He can control the battlefield too?!" Bruno waved his hand, holding a small white device, "Ha! Blue gave me the power to control the arena with this device!" Leaf took a closer look, "That's a Wiimote. Whoever made this system sure was a good hacker."

Machomp punched the ground. A massive rock wall appeared, barrelling towards the two combatants. Hub pulled a blue ball out of thin air, " **MINIBOMB!"**

He threw the grenade at the rocks, blasting them apart. Machomp blinked, clearly not expecting this outcome. And he never expected Char to dash forward, breathing out flames that burnt (Captain Redundant here!) and defeated him almost instantly.

Bruno growled, changing the arena again. The battlefield flashed, becoming lined with grey concrete walls. Red stopped, looking around in amazement, "Silph co!"

 _Bruno sent out_ _ **Hitmonlee!**_

Let's pause for a few seconds. Why is there a Hitmonlee based off Bruce Lee, a Hitmonchan based off Jackie Chan, but no Hitmonnorris to represent a certain American actor? Questions are dangerous things. Speaking of dangerous...

 _Hitmonlee used_ _ **ICE PUNCH!**_ _Aw S***, not again!_

Char cursed loudly as he was trapped in a block of ice. Lan turned to Red, "Hey, weren't you..." Red rolled his eyes, "So? Focus on the fight!"

Megaman .EXE ran forwards, charging his buster, "Hey! Let him go- **AGH!** "

The Hitmonlee grabbed him in one hand, running up to a wall and holding him against it. The Pokemon then proceeded to punch Hub Hikari repeatedly. The blue navi let out a pained cry, as his helmet cracked, " **LAN!"**

Lan gasped, watching his PET's HP meter slowly tick down, "Agh...! It's no use, Red! We can't hold out much longer! And my custom bar is still reloading... I can't send another battlechip to recover!"

Red grumbled, pulling out another pokeball, "Go! **Hikari!** "

The Pikachu landed on the ground, instantly charging up energy and firing it at the Hitmonlee! The Fighting-Type turned to face her, as an expression of dread filled the poor mouse's face. The giant monster stormed up...

" _ **BATTLECHIP IN! HERO SWORD!"**_

 _ **SLICE!**_

 _The Hitmonlee fell aside, defeated, revealing..._

Hub, standing behind it, drinking a Potion, "Maybe he should've looked behind him!" Bruno gave an enraged cry, "Wha- **WHAT IS THIS?! YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!** " The custom Navi waggled his finger at the Elite Four Trainer, "Well, first off, one can't die **twice!** Also, it turns out that the Potions help revitalise my systems just as well as a recovery chip! As for where I got this one from..."

Leaf tossed the few Zenny around in her hand, "So... How do I use this?"

Bruno yelled, " **D...DAMN YOU! HITMONCHAN!"**

(Megaman X- Zero's Theme)

While Hub was distracted, the pokemon kicked Hikari out of the way using a **Mega Kick** , before grabbing Megaman .EXE in one hand. Bruno gave a malicious grin, watching the Navi struggle in his grasp, " **You worthless heap of scrap metal, did you think you could defeat me?!"**

" _ **GATLING!"**_

* * *

(Rev Theory- Hell Yeah)

(A.N. For all those of you wondering, this is the song used by Piclone in the Mega Man Star Force Abridged Parody's (MMSFAP) opening. And you know what that means!)

Another boy in blue stood on the arena, his left arm a khaki gatling gun. His eyes were covered by a magenta visor, and his black hair stuck out from behind his helmet.

He raised it, firing it at the Pokemon holding Megaman .EXE hostage. The Hitmonchan dropped to the floor, as Hub rolled out of the way to avoid being grabbed again. The new boy ran to his side, helping him up, "C'mon! Let's take this thing out!" His left arm transformed into a blue wolf's head, green flames spouting out behind it.

Lan and Hub cheered, " **GEO!"**

Red raised an eyebrow, "Geo?"

The boy's left arm... head spoke, "Hey! Geo! Focus!" Geo nodded, "If you say so! Let's do this... **PHASE SHIFT!"**

The arena changed again, this time to an almost flat battlefield with a 3 by 6 pattern of tiles on the ground. Bruno gaped, "W...What is this?! My Arena control...!" Red looked over the edge of the playing field, spotting nothing but darkness.

"Lan... Who is this guy?" Red asked.

Then, the pop music began to play.

(Megaman StarForce- Shooting Star Ver. 3)

"This is a friend I met a couple of months ago." Lan replied, "His name is **Geo Stelar**. And, as it turns out, he's a time traveller from 200 years in the future. The blue head on his arm is actually an alien called **Omega-Xis** which he can merge with to become another Megaman! I won't go into too much detail but he said it involves an EM Wave Change or something like that... He's fought multiple threats in his time, like the time he single-handedly stopped an alien invasion of Earth by an alien race called the FM-ians-" "Stop. I get the idea." Red muttered.

Geo turned to Red, "Hi. You must be Red, right? I'm Geo. The talkative left arm is Omega-Xis. But I think Lan already explained that to you." Our hero shook his hand, "Aliens? The Internet? FM and AM radio? This sounds like my S***! **Let's bust this guy's ass to tomorrow!** "

Omega-Xis nodded, " **Bitchin'!"**

* * *

Megaman .EXE raised his buster, " _ **Charge Shot!"**_

Geo tossed a card into the air, which Omega-Xis... ate, apparently, " _ **Sword!"**_

Red, feeling a tad out-of-place by now, pointed forwards, " _ **Volt Tackle!"**_

The Hitmonchan sat up. The first thing he noticed was the green circle on it's chest. ' _Is that bad?'_ he thought, before looking up. A blue boy screaming, " **RYUUSEI!"** , holding a brilliant glowing blue sword, a giant purple plasma bolt and a flying yellow Pikachu covered in electricity were flying towards him.

' _Yes, definitely.'_ it thusly concluded, as all three attacks hit home, defeating it.

Bruno turned to Geo, "You... How did you break my Arena Control?!"

Omega-Xis spoke, "It was pretty easy. We simply went into your Wiimote (The batteries were running out, by the way.) and edited some stuff. Now, prepare yourself to Wave Battle like it's 21XX all over again!"

 _Bruno sent out_ _ **Kangaskhan!**_

Hub and Geo turned to each other, as Geo gave a quick battle plan, "Hub, hold off the Pokemon! I'll try to heal up that orange dragon over there. Doesn't look like he's enjoying the ice! _**HeatBall, GO!**_ "

An orb of pure fire appeared in Geo's hand, and he threw it at the frozen Fire-Type. Char burst out of his icy clutches, nodding at Geo.

(A.N. The following joke is from MMSFAP Episode 3, and belongs to Piclone. I repeat, I do not own this next joke.)

Geo and Lan ran forwards once more, " **Attack!"**

Bruno yelled, **"Attack** **!"**

Rocks flew into the air! Lan and Geo dodged rapidly, " **Dodge! Dodge! Dodge!"**

Geo then leapt into the air, " **Jump!"**

Kangaskhan repeated the action, " **Jump!"**

Geo pulled out his sword! Kangaskhan used **Slash!**

The two hit, " **Pit!"**

Geo glared at Kangaskhan, " **Look back!"**

Kangaskhan glared at Geo, " **Look back!"**

Geo landed, a cut appearing on his left shoulder **, "Land! CUT!"**

Kangaskhan landed, a cut also appearing on his left shoulder, " **Land! CUT!"**

Red groaned, " **This is the stupidest thing ever!"**

The two Megamen looked at Red. Lan looked at Red. Tsehc s'anereS ta derats hsA.

Geo rolled his eyes, "So impatient… Hey, Lan. Wanna do _The Thing?_ " Lan smiled, "Of course! _The Thing…_ " Our hero blinked, "Um… What is… _The Thing?_ "

" **You'll see!"** Omega-Xis grinned, " **It's time to kick ass!"**

Bruno yelled, " **That wasn't an- WHAT THE WHAT?!"**

* * *

(Megaman NT Warrior- Main Theme)

The boy from 21XX crossed his arms, charging up his buster, " **Charge!"** Megaman .EXE performed the same action, " **Charge!"** Red looked at his Mega Bracelet, and began focusing on it. It glowed, as did Char.

The Scarlet Wonder crossed his arms, " **Charge!"**

The trio uncrossed their arms, Lan and Geo pointing their shining busters forwards and Redneck swinging his arms behind him, " _ **GIGA ATTACK! OPERATE SHOOTING STAR!"**_

 _A charge shot hit Kangaskhan on his chest, knocking him backwards. Suddenly, a blue flash appeared behind him and a green circle appeared around his chest,_ " _ **RYUUSEI!"**_ _. A blue phase blade struck, knocking him into the air._

 _Megaman .EXE leaped up, armed with yet another charged shot, and blasted the Pokemon back down to the arena. The Kangaskhan got up again, only for a blue claw to tap his shoulder. Upon turning around, Omega-Xis delivered a swift punch to Kangaskhan's face, launching him backwards; straight into Char's claws. Char punched Kangaskhan back to Omega-Xis, and a fierce tennis match began between the alien and the Pokemon._

 _Then, Char Shoryukened the Ground-Type into the air, where it was then blasted repeatedly by Geo and Omega-Xis, before landing back on the arena._

 _Right in front of the trio. And all three had charged their weapons to the maximum power level, Char somehow holding the X-Buster._

" _ **HYAH!"**_

 _Char, Megaman .EXE and Geo Stelar used_ _ **OPERATE SHOOTING STAR!**_

Leaf and Red covered their eyes, as their vision faded to white…

* * *

When Red opened his eyes once more, the Kangaskhan had fallen, and the arena had returned back to normal.

Red dunked his fist, " _ **Yes."**_

* * *

(Megaman Battle Network- Battle Complete!)

 **[VIRUS BUSTED!]**

 **Busting time: 15:01**

 **Level: A**

 **You Defeated Bruno!**

 **[2/4]**

* * *

(Megaman NT Warrior EN- Piece of Peace)

Bruno shook his fist, "You… **You haven't seen the last of me!"** Red shook his head, "Yes, I have. You play no other integral role in the plot other than me beating you, thus meaning that I technically have seen the last of you. You can stop yelling now, too." Omega-Xis suddenly had a thought, "Maybe he keeps yelling because of some disorder he has?"

Surprisingly enough, Bruno nodded, "It's true… I have **Animeitis…** **I KEEP YELLING RANDOM S*** OUT WHEN I ATTACK!"**

The small group stared. Suddenly, the same ice cream truck from last chapter ploughed through a wall, running him over randomly!

Lan and Geo exchanged confused glances.

Red shrugged, "You get used to it."


	17. Elite Four 3-MISSINGCHAP

**Chapter 17: L33T 4- MISSINGCHAP.**

* * *

 **ELITE FOUR EPISODE THREE**

 **or**

 **Ghost-Type Busters!**

* * *

(Pokemon Colosseum- Normal Battle)

The next area was cloaked in shadow. Red and Leaf tiptoed forwards, before Red stubbed his toe on something. With a soft groan, he looked down.

It was a headstone. Upon it, Red saw his own, wretched name.

 _ **Redneck Buttwiener…**_

(Needle scratches record)

"I'm sorry, **BUTTwiener?!** " Red screamed at the rock, "I'm Redneck **BUDWIENER! BUD! NOT BUTT! DAMN YOU CHEAP TAIWANESE IMPORTS!"**

Leaf tried to calm Red down, "Now, now, Red. While the author may be typing this on holidays in Taiwan, that gives you no right to discriminate against them like that. But who… or what… made this headstone?"

* * *

(Megaman ZX- Snake Eyes)

" _ **The one who hides in shadow…"**_

 _A cold breeze filled the room. Leaf and Red screamed like wusses, ducking behind the headstone._

" _ **The one who nobody remembers, yet everyone knows…"**_

 _A horrible cry filled the room, as the cold ghostly presence drew ever closer… Red reached for his shotgun, quivering, "S...Stay back, Leaf!"_

" _ **The first, yet the last… The Alpha, and Omega."**_

 _The sounds became louder. Red's heart began pounding in his chest, as he leapt up and dashed forwards to attack. Lavender and white pixels blasted out before him, nearly engulfing him. One pixel beaned him in the head._

" _ **I am death…"**_

 _Red screamed, his voice now distorted as he ran headlong through the swirling vortex, "W...WhO aRe YoU?1 AnSwER Me!" His pokedex sounded as a flying shard struck its activation switch. What it said chilled the redneck to his core._

" _ **Entry Zero… No Information."**_

 _The pixels swept over him, and Red screamed in pain. His left arm was now covered in glowing pixels, decaying off and shattering…_

" _ **THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH!"**_

* * *

A red flash struck Red, and he fell to the ground. His arm was back to normal, albeit feeling a bit sore. Red groaned, as Leaf ran to his side, "Are you okay?!"

Red felt his belt, and gasped, "More...than okay…"

He opened his aluminium flask of alcohol, took a peek inside, and took a long swig. Then he looked up, smiling dumbly.

" _ **I NOW HAVE 999 BOTTLES WORTH OF SOUTH ORRAN TEQUILLA IN MY FLASK! I AM INVEENCIBLE!"**_ Red cheered, pouring the contents of his literally unlimited alcohol supply on his head, "And my shotgun ammo has been also maxed out, apparently, but… What's the point of that if my arsenal is already limitless?"

Red opened his backpack, now filled to the brim with shotgun shells, "Huh. Well, ammo is no problem now, but who saved me?"

" _ **We did!"**_

* * *

(Gera Gera Po- King Cream Soda)

Nate jumped into the arena, watch shining as he advanced, " **WHO YA GONNA CALL?!"**

Leaf blinked, "Um, you aren't the GhostBusters, as much as you want to be..." Nate sighed, "I know… But is it too much to ask for a man to dream? Is it too much for I, **Nate Adams** , to imagine that he is a professional ghost hunter?" Red smirked, "Well, I'm ready to bust an ass today! **Let's do this!"**

 _ **"Y...You… Redneck… Buttwiener…"**_

Our hero whipped around, pulling out his shotgun, " _ **ARCEUS! IT'S BUDWIENER! NOT BUTTWEINER! BUDWIENER!"**_ "I'm sorry, dearie! My stalker senses are not quite what they used to be!"

A rather old woman walked out of the corner, looking at Red with curiosity, "Well! Oak certainly wasn't a fool when he chose you, young Butt!" Both Budwieners' pouted. Nate snickered with Jib quietly.

Leaf growled, "And just who are you, creepy old woman?!" "I beg your pardon, **Leak Buttwiener!** " the woman snapped, silencing Leaf instantly, "Speak up! My hearing isn't getting any younger! I am **Agatha** of the Elite Four! Now, I assume you're going to try to defeat me in battle, right, you whippersnappers? Well, with age comes experience, and with experience comes skill, and with skill comes **VICTORY!** Now, I may be going deaf here, but I can sure read, and this place, Victory Road, is where your victory will take you places!"

The female lead blinked, before collapsing on the ground in a sobbing mess, "Y...Yes, Sempai! Forgive me!" Our hero walked up, sizing up his opponent. She looked about a million years old! About as old as the Prof himself.

"Who is this Oak you're talking about, anyway?" Red asked, "The smart, albeit slightly crazy guy, or the stupid and incredibly crazy guy?"

"The first one! But he isn't crazy! Well, he wasn't when I knew him…" Agatha sighed, "He was everything a woman like I could have ever wanted! Good looks, smarts, and of course, a massive-" Red went cross-eyed, " **I DON'T WANNA KNOW!"** The Elite Four trainer scoffed, "I was going to say 'a massive pack of abs', but having sex appeal was another aspect of him! May I tell you of some of my great experiences with him involving making Daisy?"

" _ **AAAAAHHHH!"**_ a young girl screamed, jumping out of the shadows all of a sudden. She wore a white shirt and light-blue shorts. On her back was a small backpack. She dashed behind the nearest thing she could find and hid behind it timidly. Said object was, awkwardly enough, Nate.

Red eyed the young girl, sizing her up, "Hey there little one. You lost or somethin? I got candy in my van." Leaf slapped Red, "We don't have a van." The random ice cream van ploughed through a wall, flying out the other end of the room.

Red winked, " **WE DO NOW!"**

As the female lead made a short mental note to eventually find out who was driving said van, Nate and Red sat down in front of Agatha in order for her to finish her introduction.

* * *

(Yo Kai Watch -Final Battle theme 1)

" _The old doctor was a great man… Yes, he was… But now, look at the fool! He wants to research Pokemon with his little Pokedex, when clearly they were meant for battle! Yes, the thrill of battle… That is what drives me, Red!" Agatha smiled, as the arena dimmed,_ " _ **Show me what you're made of, young one! I shall not lose! PREPARE TO FACE ELITE FOUR POWER!"**_

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS AGATHA**

JIbanyan ran forwards, " **EYE OF DA TIGER! YAAAAAAAAHHHH!"** Glitch leaped into the fray, " **Time to tip the scales!"**

 _Erika sent out_ _ **Haunter!**_

Jib ran forwards, fists flying rapidly, "Paws of fury!" Glitch chuckled a bit, powering up and crouching.

 _The girl hiding behind Nate peeked out, gasped when she spotted the pokemon, and went very pale,_ " _ **N...Nate? Who's… What's… What's going on?!"**_

The Haunter found himself on the receiving end of the rapid punches, blocking with a purple hand. While he was still recovering, Glitch dashed forwards, a purple sword in her hand as she began repeatedly attacking the Ghost-Type.

* * *

Leaf crouched down to the smaller girl's height, "Who are you? You don't look like a fighter…" The little girl nodded shyly, "My name's **Katie Forester**. Nate asked me to come with him to this weird place, and… **WAH!"**

A stray burst of purple psychic energy blasted past Katie's head, and she wisely ducked under it, curling up into a ball and quivering, "W...Who or what is that?! That purple energy is coming out of nowhere!" Leaf nodded, "A Haunter, to be precise. Can you see it?"

Katie squinted, brushing her brown hair out of the way as she peeked out at the arena, "No… I can't see it!" Leaf sighed, digging into her bag and pulling out a device that resembled a pair of Night-Vision Goggles, "Here, put these on. Good thing I bought one at the Silph Co. Gift Shop!"

* * *

The Haunter attacked Glitch, zapping her with psychic energy. Glitch fell back, smoking as her self-repair systems kicked into overdrive.

Jib glared at the Ghost-Type, "I… It's so strong…!" Nate nodded, "Yeah, even the Spirit Watch is heating up due to the sheer psychic power here! Red, what's Haunter's Power Level?"

Red held up a magenta scouter up to his eye, then lowered it and crushed it in his hand, " **IT'S OVER 9000!"**

Yes, I did just type that. Deal with it.

Agatha laughed, "Blue was kind enough to give me MISSINGNO, an experimental Pokemon that is powerful enough to bend reality itself to my wills! All I did was make my pokemon the most powerful ever! Now, with this power by my side, I shall vanquish you!" Red smirked, "Not if that random girl Nate called in can say something about it! **GO GET 'IM!"**

He reached behind Nate, holding up the young girl in his hands, " **ATTACK!"**

Katie screamed, " **AAAAAAHHH! LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO!"**

Red turned to Nate, confused, "This _is_ how I use this, right?" Nate facepalmed, slapped Red, and placed Katie back on the ground safely.

"Red, this is Katie… A friend of mine. Um… She can't fight." Nate explained. Red smiled, "Oh, so she's the informant! The girl who knows how to actually fight Yo Kai?" "Y...Yo Kai?" Katie asked, feeling terribly confused, "Aren't they some sort of Japanese legend? Oh… But they don't exist… Do they?!"

"W… Well, what about a healer?"

Leaf coughed, "That's **my** job!"

"A gunslinger?"

"Guns are bad! I don't like them!" Katie explained.

"Heavy- No, nevermind. She's so tiny!" Red muttered, "Well, Nate, what does she do?"

"...She's... Um… The mascot?"

Red's eye twitched.

Suddenly, a massive shadow ball fried his hat slightly, and he and his party ducked behind some random crates in the room. Dark energy lit up the walls of the arena, as purple energy battered Glitch. Glitch groaned, "I grow weary of this. **AURA SPHERE!"**

She raised her palms, charging up a ball of blue energy, before bringing her palms forwards, " **HADOUKEN!"**

* * *

Red glared at Nate, "Man, are you bleedin' _**INSANE?!**_ This ain't no picnic! We are at freaking war here, and you brought your best friend into it! We're fighting a war here, man! Now is so not the time for relationship problems!"

 _Agatha sent out_ _ **Gengar!**_

Nate sighed, "Sorry… Red… It's just…" "What on Earth possessed you to take me along, out of Bear and the other guys?" Katie asked.

* * *

 _ **Flashback…**_

" _Hey, Nate!" Lan waved, "So, you bringin' someone to help you out in the final battle? I asked Geo, and he said he could make the time jump back to our time!"_

 _Nate smiled, "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I just know what you mean!"_

" _Seriously, though. Nate, have you invited anyone?"_

 _Nate sighed, "...Not really. It's kinda hard when most people in my town don't know about my secret…"_

" _Then do what I do-_ _ **bring along a mascot!**_ " _the hacker smiled, "It's the perfect excuse for bringing along someone with Aquaman-Level usefulness to the field! No one's gonna beat you up for it!"_

 _ **End of Flashback…**_

* * *

Red glared at Nate, "I'ma gonna beat you up fer this…"

The boy sighed, "I know…"

Katie turned to Nate angrily, "I need an explanation, now!"

"Uh… Ghosts are real and I can harness their power through this ridiculously oversized watch on my hand and Red's in trouble if I don't beat the S*** out of these guys!" Nate quickly explained. "Oh, is that so?" Katie frowned. The boy nodded quickly, "Yes swear on all that is good and nice smelling and my random butler!"

A wall smashed open, " _ **DID SOMEBODY SAY BUTLER?!"**_

Nate groaned, "Not now, Whisper."

The girl sitting in front of Nate suddenly brightened up, "Why didn't you say so earlier?! We could have solved all kinds of problems! We could inspirit bad people and make them turn good! These ghosts can inspirit people, right?"

Red grumbled, "Whatever happened to saying 'possess'?"

The protagonist of Yo Kai Watch nodded, "Yes, but I can't order them to… At least, not yet. Besides, seemingly good Yo-Kai can cause some serious S***. I remember one inspiriting you for a day. You got mind reading powers, but it just landed us in more trouble!"

Katie perked up, "Alright! I think I know how this works now. This seems to make no sense whatsoever, but I can handle this. If you need me, I'll be sitting in that corner in the foetal position. Bye bye."

She did just that, whimpering.

* * *

Red cursed, "Uh… Glitch! Use **Shadow Ball!** "

Glitch swung her hands forwards, firing a dark ball at the ghost. Red then realised the clear problem with this strategy. Gengar absorbed the attack, firing back a massive shadowy beam from the charged energy. Glitch took the full brunt of the hit, screaming in pain.

"N...No! Hold together!" Leaf screamed. Red's mind then came up with an idea!

He pulled out some duct tape and a laser pointer, "I wonder… Jib! Here kitty kitty kitty…." Nate glared at Red, "What are you…"

Jib walked over, "Hey! What did you- **WAH!"** Swiftly, our hero duct-taped the light on his head, switching it on, "Wherever the light hits is history! Take 'im on!" Out of pure terror, the Yo-Kai ran over to Gengar, punching it repeatedly.

" **Soultimate! PAWS OF FURY!"** Jib screamed, fists flying around it rapidly. The Gengar eventually gave in, exploding randomly into ectoplasm.

 _It was Super Effective!_

Leaf blinked, "Wha-?!"

Katie giggled, "Of course! That enemy was a ghost, therefore it was afraid of light! That makes perfect sense!" Red smiled nervously. The actual reason why he used a laser pointer was because he reasoned that the Shadow Balls would go away if he shone a light on them.

Also, Jib was a cat. He does cat stuff. But Katie's explanation worked too.

Agatha smirked, "So, you beat my first two… somehow. But now it is time to die, Red! Go! **Ghastly!** "

 _Agatha sent out_ _ **Ghastly!**_

Katie walked forwards, "Must we fight? Why can't we settle this peacefully, Mr Ghost?" Nate gasped, "No! Katie! Don't-" But he was too slow.

The young girl pulled a small cupcake out of her bag, offering it to the Ghost-Type, "Here! I made this for lunch today, but you can have it if you like." The Ghastly smiled happily, swallowing the delicious treat.

What a happy resolution! Well, it would be, if Ghastly weren't terribly diabetic and react horribly when given sugar. And if this one specific one wasn't also allergic to eggs and milk.

 **GENERIC EXPLOSION SOUND!**

Katie's eye twitched, as she was covered in ectoplasm, "..."

Red patted her back, "Great work!" "It...It didn't like my cupcake?" she muttered, trying to make sense of the situation. Leaf pulled out a towel, wiping purple stuff off the younger girl's face, "It PWNed a ghost. That makes it the best cupcake ever."

Nate sweatdropped, "... Right."

Agatha was salty. So salty, she only needed to hold a potato in her hand to turn it to Mcdonalds fries, " **GAH! FINE! I didn't want to pull him out, but… Go! MISSINGNO!"**

 _Agatha sent out_ _ **MISSINGNO. ! Oh SHIT!**_

* * *

(Yo Kai Watch- Final Boss theme 2)

The beast rose above the arena like an angel of death. Agatha cackled, " **NOW! YOUR JOURNEY ENDS HERE, RED!"** However, as she was gloating, she never noticed the beast drifting closer and closer to her…

What happened next was so horrible, everyone who saw it swore never to speak of it again. So I shan't speak of it.

" _W...What are you- No…_ _ **NOOOOO!**_ "

Red gasped. Leaf went pale. Nate covered Katie's eyes. Glitch was scarred for life.

Agatha was gone. In her place was a massive… Thing.

* * *

 _The arena shook, parts vanishing into glowing lavender pixels. Red edged backwards, as the pixels began decaying rapidly into smaller glowing pixels. Leaf ran backwards,_ " _ **Red! It's too strong… I… I can't get any closer!"**_

 _Nate turned to Red and gasped at what he saw. Parts of Red himself was vanishing away in purple and white pixels. Red looked at him, "Wha-?" Then he noticed the damage, "Well, that can't be good. Aw what the heck! Glitch, attack that monstrosity!"_

 _Glitch collapsed on the ground, parts of her flickering. Red sized up his opponent, "...Missingno… A living glitch… With the ability to rewrite reality itself."_

 _Missingno floated closer to Red. Our hero felt his life force draining away, as the beast drew ever nearer._

 _Red fell back, unable to take much more abuse, fell back, clutching his flashing arm, "Agh… Too… Strong… I can't defeat it…. Ca...Can I?" He reached into his unlimited bag._

" _Wait a sec…Unlimited… bag…?"_

 _One could see the light bulb flash on above Red's head. Oh god._

 _ **Red held up his bag, emptying out his equipment from it.**_

 _Mountains and mountains of cash, booze and guns poured out. Red smirked, "All of a sudden, I feel like Deadpool." Missingno drew closer and closer, as Red hoisted his now-empty backpack, and let out a heroic battlecry,_ " _ **The future is in the past! ONWARDS AOSHIMA!"**_

 _With that, he clocked Missingno over the head with his rucksack._

 _There was a blinding flash stunning all in the room. Red's backpack shone, eventually ripping apart and revealing a limitless dimensional portal. Missingno screamed, struggling against the pull of Red's magic satchel. But the powers of the game engine were final!_

 _ **SHLORP!**_

Red wiped ectoplasm off his face, "Phew! That was gross. I never imagined he'd make that sound.

He paused, "Wait… **MY HAND IS BACK! W00T!** "

* * *

(Yo Kai Watch- Battle Complete)

 **YOU BEAT AGATHA**

 **[3 /4]**

* * *

(Yo Kai Watch Movie 1- Ending theme)

Katie blinked, "Um… Can someone please explain to me what just happened?" Red chuckled, "Well, Y'see, I reasoned that when two paradoxes met, they'd cancel each other out! My bag is limitless, thus making it a paradox. And Missingno. pretty much invented the word 'paradox'! Therefore, 1+1=0 and they deleted each other!"

"But now you have no bag!" Leaf pointed out.

Red scratched his head, "I was hoping you'd forget about that…"

 _Suddenly, Ed!_

* * *

(SSBB- Pokemon Red Theme)

I walked in, "Hello. It appears your backpack was destroyed by a dimensional portal. Would you like me to give you another?" Red nodded, "Yes please!" "That will be One Rupee, please." I smiled, motioning for him to pay up, "However, you can't get a Rupee here, because this isn't-"

Our hero pulled out the green Rupee, "Done."

I shrugged, "Aw well. A promise is a promise. Here."

I pulled a small leather pouch out of my bag, handing it to him, "Meet Unlimited Arsenal 2.0. It's smaller, more compact, and clips on your belt for convenience."

Red took it, holding it up in the air, " _Dah Dah Dah_ _ **DAAAAHH!**_ _I got a new pouch! It's smaller, more compact, and clips onto my belt for convenience! (Equip it from equipment screen!)"_

* * *

(Pokemon Red- Gym)

I glared, "That's what I just said… Aw, what the heck. Ed, _**VANISH!"**_

I pointed in a random direction, " _ **WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"**_ Everybody in the arena turned around. I used this opportunity to run off into a random portal.

Red turned back to face me, "Woah! Where did he go?"

Nate shrugged, "Well, that's my bit done. I'll be waiting for you in Blue's chamber. I bought three front row seats of Katie, Jibanyan and I." Katie perked up, "Ooh? Seats? I guess I'll cheer you on, Red! Go do your stuff!"

* * *

(Pokken Tournament- Main Theme)

Leaf and Red paused. Clearly, they were unaware that Blue, feeling rather lonely on his massive throne thingy, bought a few stands and sold tickets for the epic showdown. The tickets sold like copies of Pokemon Sun on release date, and it was only thanks to the mercy of the author that Nate, Lan and a certain other person got front row seats for it.

Of course, they didn't know that. Nor did they know that I, being just as bored, started a random chimichanga stand in the arena for some cash on the side.

" **One maca two maca three macarena! AYY CHIMICHANGA!"** I cheered, doing the Macarena.

Kate groaned, "You're so incredibly tone-deaf, you know that?"

What they also didn't know, but could probably guess, was what Ash was doing at the time. It was pretty obvious by now, and a reader like you should know!

Ash was in Alola! Duh.

...

...

...

...

… **Staring at Serena's chest via video phone! HAH!**

* * *

 _Meanwhile, back with our heroes…_

(Pokemon Red- Pokemon Centre)

Red turned to Glitch, who was dusting herself off, "Are you okay? Did Missingno. replace all the bones in your body?" Glitch giggled, "All vitals are 100%. Well, except for my psychic abilities." Both Budwieners stared, "...W…What is its level now?"

"Over limit. Waaaaay over limit!" she smiled, seemingly assimilating Red's personality thanks to her emulation systems, "Arceus… This feels too nice! I think I need to sleep this off, guys…"

She slumped over tiredly, "Yeah, definitely."

With that, she fainted.

Leaf looked over Glitch, "Wow. Poisoned, Confused, Paralysed and Sleeping. I didn't know a Pokemon could even have that many status conditions. Oh, nevermind that. I'm surprised she was even able to stand up!"

Glitch groaned softly, mumbling something incoherent. Red rubbed her forehead, "Leaf, how long will it take to heal her-"

" **I'm not finished.** Char and Hikari are in the same position. I don't think they fight for the next battle. I'll heal them, but for now…"

Redneck pulled out UtilitiKarp, "No Problemo! My trusty HM slave shall kill them all! Let's go, fish!"

(Ghostbusters- Main theme)

 _The trio strutted out, as the band struck up, playing the theme song. A random sunset appeared before the gang, as they continued strutting out to the beat._

* * *

 _Join us next time on_ _ **Redneck**_ _, where we take on a dragon-type trainer with the help of another dragon-type trainer and a guy who blew up his Boss's house, stole his stuff, got a chick by untying ropes, fought a Mirror Ball who uses crappy disco as his main form of attack, owns two Eeveelutions, fights hundreds of shadows in his spare time (Not his, though), is the proprietor of the most badass motorbike in the Pokemon series, lives in the desert, and for some reason always wears sunscreen on his face in these weird white lines. Fun for the whole family. Until then;_

" _ **Who ya gonna call!"**_

" _ **GHOST-TYPE BUSTERS!"**_

* * *

(Metal Gear Solid- Tank Hangar)

 _The debris on the ground stirred…_

 _A hand flew up!_

 _Agatha laughed, "Foolish boy! He may have defeated me, but Lance shall definitely end his challenge next! He has only felt a little bit of Elite Four-"_

(Needle Scratches record)

The Ice-cream van from the previous chapters ploughed through the walls, mowing her down.

" _Where did that come from?"_

* * *

" _AND SCENE!" Yelled a Scottish accent!_


	18. Elite Four 4-Dolvahkiin!

**Chapter 18: The trainer they call Dovahkiin!**

* * *

 **ELITE FOUR CHAPTER FOUR**

 **or**

 **Help from Orre?**

* * *

(Pokemon Colosseum- Normal Battle)

Red whined, " _Why is this room so freaking foggy?!"_

The duo looked down into the room, unable to see further than 1 metre in front of them due to thick fog, darkness and general gloom and doom. Leaf shivered, hiding behind Red, "R...Red…? I'm a little scared…" Our hero scoffed, "Hah. We've made it all this way, Leaf, and you too, readers! We can't be dissuaded by a little fog, darkness and general gloom and doom! I'm Red! I am destined to be the hero of Kanto! I never panic!"

" _ **DIE!"**_

 _ **A gigantic Hyper Beam soared out of the darkness!**_

"Of course, I frequently run away screaming like a baby! _**AAAAAAAAHHHH!**_ "Red screamed, dodging the beam as it zapped a part of the ground beside him. Our hero pulled out UtilitiKarp, using it to block the big zappy beam in case it came for revenge!

* * *

(Gravity Falls- Main Theme)

 _Out of the fog came a person, black cape flowing as he marched towards Red. He glared at the Redneck, scarlet hair blowing as he approached. He looked down at the hero with scorn and distaste,_ " _ **Red… What a pathetic fool you truly are."**_

 _Your Boi smirked back, "I'm Red, alright. But who the hell are you?!"_

 _The man spat on UtilitiKarp, "I am_ _ **Lance**_ _. I am the last of Master Blue's guards, and the one who shall stop you now! You appear to not be the one I was told to hunt down, though. You use a Magikarp to fight my ultimate Dragon-Types, one of the hardest types to tame and the most powerful. I was told my opponent was a demon of death, yet you are anything but!"_

 _Red fingered Glitch's (Empty) Ball, "Hmph. The Gen One Psychic-Types want their title back."_

" _Again with the comedy. You joke around to prevent your ultimate demise." Lance scoffed, "Truly, this battle shall take you down a notch!"_

 _Darkness fell. Red looked above, spotting a giant Serpent-like figure looming overhead. Our hero narrowed his eyes at it, "...Or… Will it take you down a notch, Lance?"_

 _ **Action Shots GO!**_

* * *

 _The camera rotated around Red, then Lance. The two stood at opposite ends of the arena, facing off..._

 _Lance threw a Ball! Red dashed forwards! Leaf cheered,_ " _ **KICK HIS ASS, RED!"**_

 _Ash stared at Serena's chest._

* * *

 **[BATTLE!]**

 **VS LANCE**

* * *

(Skyrim- Song of the Dragonborn)

 _ **Dragonborn, Dragonborn**_

 _ **by his honor is sworn**_

 _ **To keep evil forever at bay!**_

 _ **And the fiercest foes rout**_

 _ **when they hear triumph's shout,**_

 _ **Dragonborn, for your blessing we pray!**_

 _Lance sent out_ _ **Dragonite!**_

The dragon charged, enraged. Red steeled his courage, holding his Magikarp up like a shield. The Dragonite used Dragon Rage, a beam flying towards Red.

Swiftly, he lept out of harm's way, using Surf to blast himself towards his opponent, followed up by Cut to slice one of the whiskers on its face clean off.

Little Known Fact Time! A Dragonite's whiskers (AKA the Barbels), as documented in the ancient tome 'Fantastic Pokemon and How to Catch Them', help it to see better, and provide it with extra-sensory information. Without even one, a Dragonite's senses become horribly sedated and weakened, thus rendering it temporarily blind.

Red didn't know this fact. Probably because I made it up on the spot. But since I'm the Author, I can dictate what kind of S*** goes down in this AU. And I say that Dragonites have sensory bits in their barbels that help them see! So there!

The Dragonite weaved around, dazed. Red wasted no time in using UtilitiKarp's Strength to smack it out a window, " **AAAANNND HE'S BACK IN THE ROOM!"**

Lance stepped back, impressed, "Well…! You are more powerful than I thought! But is your power able to match mine, Redneck? _**Dragonair!"**_

The snake-like dragon took to the air, weaving around and firing at the ground with Hyper Beam. Red and Karp dodged repeatedly, but one managed to score a direct hit on them.

The duo was sent flying towards a wall, slamming against it. Hard. Red heard a crack as he collided with the concrete wall, blood spilling, " **AW C'MON! THIS JACKET'S DRY CLEAN ONLY!"**

 _Lance marched up, kicking Red's comatose figure, "So… Hero… This is where it ends. As it appears, you were a lot weaker than I expected. I am still the most powerful, but not quite as Master Blue."_

" _C...Coming from a guy beaten by a blond girl with a broken arm…" Red choked out, bleeding with each word._

 _The Elite Four Trainer's face was set. His response was final._

" _ **Kill him."**_

 _The Dragonair flew up in Red's face. The protagonist could feel hot air from its breaths in his face. The Dragon began charging a Hyper Beam at point blank range._

" _...You'll... Never win…"_

 _The blinding light from the beam shone brightly. Red groaned, "Strike...me...down… and I'll… be more powerful… Than ever…"_

" _ **RED! HOLD ON!"**_

* * *

 _The roof of the arena blasted open. A figure in a black cloak dropped in through the hole. The Dragonair looked up, and edged away._

 _ **The Dragon-Types were a proud race, but there was one other they feared.**_

" _ **FUS…"**_

 _ **In their tongue, they were The Draconoid.**_

" _ **...RO DAH!"**_

" _ **ZINNIA!"**_ Leaf screamed.

(Pokemon Omega Ruby- VS Zinnia)

The rippling shout blasted away the Dragonair. Before Lance could even think, a black haired girl snatched Red up, carrying him to Leaf's side and handing him a potion. The girl turned around, scarlet eyes meeting with Lance's brown.

The Lore Keeper spoke, "Hey there. I heard you were part of our club. Y'know, the Dragon-Type Trainer's club? Well, let's just say your membership just got revoked!" With that, she approached Lance slowly.

Lance glared at Zinnia, "... I've heard of you… The Draconoids... A filthy Gen 3 cult that worships dragons!" Zin was taken aback, "Well, least I believe in something more powerful than your ' _Master Blue'!_ He's a jerkass! He damn near killed my friend! You damn near killed my other friend of a friend!"

Red smiled weakly, "...Zinnia…" The Lorekeeper stared at him for a few seconds, "I was talking about **Leaf** , idiot."

Leaf blushed, "We use PokeBook to talk." Red glared at Zin. In response, Zin dabbed, before turning her attention to Lance, "So, you were saying?"

The Dragonair floated beside Lance, "However, I still prove to be much more powerful than you. What can you possibly do to even scratch me?!" Zin reached for her belt, withdrawing a flute, " **This!"**

She shut her eyes, drawing a deep breath…

 _Up Left Right...Up Left Right._

(The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of time -Epona's Song)

 _Suddenly, a loud roar sounded. The walls rumbled, but Zin stood firm, "I call it_ _ **Rayquasa's Song."**_

(Pokemon Omega Ruby- VS Zinnia)

 _Rayquasa plummeted in through the roof, roaring. Lance backed away, as Rayquasa simply launched a Hyper Beam at Dragonair, defeating it. Red gaped, "...Woah…"_

Zin looked over her shoulder, winking, "Who's the boss now?"

 _Lance sent out_ _ **Aerodactyl!**_

Zin looked up, jaw dropping, "Woah…. It's that ancient… Pokemon… It's beautiful!" Red gave her an odd look, "You are doing… What?!"

"Sorry, ancient code states us Draconoids have to revere and admire Dragons. Well, and hunt them too, of need be..." Zin shrugged, "I'll get back to the latter… soon…"

Seeing as the battle was going nowhere, Aerodactyl took advantage by using _**DRAGON PULSE, FOO!**_

Zinnia screamed as the lazor zapped her, setting her cloak on fire and launching her into the air. She slammed into the roof, before coming to rest back on the floor in a bloody heap. Red pointed at Lance, " **You used a Gen 6 move and killed her!"** Zin coughed out some blood, "I'm still alive 'ere, y'know…"

Lance scoffed, "So? You've been using illegal moves this whole fanfiction."

(Megaman ZX- Boss Theme)

Red became enveloped in scarlet flames, " **MAH NAME IS REDNECK, YOU USED A GEN SEVEN MOVE AND KILLED A FRIEND! IT'S HIGH NOOOOOONNN!"**

* * *

 _Anime cutscene begin!_

 _He pulled out a black ball without a button, but instead had an orange screen on the front with an E displayed. Our hero held it in front of him,_ " _ **MODEL E! MEGAMERGE!"**_ _The ball shone, nearly blinding everyone in the room. Lance covered his eyes…_

 _Red fell through a LSD Trip-Like dimension, with the general surrounds being red with white lines crossing it. He suddenly noticed an orange orb of energy next to him as he plummeted._

 _He shrugged, as his standard clothing faded away, and black armour materialised around him. Boots, white leggings, black breastplate, and black armour over his arms. His jacket became jet black._

 _FInally, a black helmet materialised around his head. It's amber forehead gem shone, before an orange face visor covered him._

 _He stood, wearing an all over black armour, with the orange face visor phasing out in a cyan flash to reveal Red's own face. He chuckled, as Lance was reflected in his eyes._

 _Anime cutscene end!_

* * *

(Megaman ZX Advent- Be One)

"Wow, so that's how it feels like. I feel tingly." Red muttered, "How do Vent and Aile make it so easy, anyway…"

Lance's jaw dropped, "That's...That's...That's…"

Red dusted off his armour, "Team Rocket and Flare Collab project ' _ **Model Essentia**_ '. It says so in the visor. It says it has a **chameleon unit, ability to hack pokeballs** … Nah, those will **never** come in handy! Not in a million years! Ooh! Hey! ' **Improved Agility** '?! I played Metroid once, and Samus has improved agility! I get to be freaking Samus! _**W00T!**_ "

"Don't you already have the Varia Suit in your arsenal?" Zin questioned, drinking a Potion.

Red gave her another odd look, "Ugh. Fine. I get to be Zellosuit Shamus. Happy now?"

" _ **THIS MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER! AERODACTYL, USE HYPERBEAM!"**_ Lance screamed.

Red dodged the lazor, running towards the dragon, " **YOU DIE… AGAIN!"** He wall-jumped up a wall, leaping off and climbing on the dragon, " **EAT PLASMA LEAD!"** Then he remembered he had no gun. He shrugged, " **TO THE LAST I GRAPPLE WITH THEE, AT HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THEEEE!"**

Our Protagonist began punching the Dragon in the face repeatedly. UtilitiKarp flew up beside him, using Cut to slice into the Dragon's body! The Aerodactyl roared, taking massive damage! Despite not being a crab…

Red groaned, "Agh! We're not doing enough! I wish that somebody would come in and help us out!"

" _ **DID SOMEBODY SAY 'SOMEBODY'?!"**_

* * *

(Pokemon Colosseum- Title Theme)

Suddenly, a boy wearing a blue cloak with a weird orange and black metal arm rode through a window in the arena on what seemed like a rusted hoverbike. The boy leapt off the bike, blond hair billowing in the wind, before swinging his iron arm back as he came at the dragon. His hand charged up with a weird shadowy energy.

Lance gasped, "What madness is this?!"

(Final Fantasy VII- Let the Battles Begin!)

" _ **THIS IS ORRE!"**_ the boy cried, punching the dragon in the face with his glowing arm, before spinning in the air and performing an uppercut.

The boy fell to the ground, his arm turning back to normal. He reached under his cloak, pulling out two Pokeballs, "Espeon, Psychic, Umbreon, Shadow Ball! **NOW!** " He lit up a cigarette, "This is the final battle of Orre, guys. Make it the best!"

He looked at the cigarette, then at the audience. He smirked, "You should know by now that I don't smoke." He hurled the stick at Lance, where it exploded into smoke like a smoke bomb.

Lance whimpered, " **MY EYES!"**

" **Smoking is BAD for you, kids!"** The boy pointed out, now standing behind Lance charging up his iron arm, "See? **SHORYUKEN!"**

Lance was sent flying into the air, but the oddly acrobatic trainer grabbed a rafter and slid down a support in the building back to the ground. Zin whistled, "Now isn't he one?"

Shadow Ball after Shadow Ball battered the Aerodactyl, before its eyes turned a deep lavender. Red took that as his cue to leave.

" **ARCEUS IS GREEEEAAAAATTTT!"** Red shrieked, plummeting towards the ground. The boy was right beneath him!

Gravity had its way with them.

" **Oof!"**

Red blinked, "Hey, I'm okay. Am I like Ashe now…? Can I just jump from great heights thanks to the power of awesome?"

"Y...Yer ass is crushin' mah face…"

Red stood up, as the boy slowly shook off the pain. Our hero took on a questioning look, "Okay, I think this is the time I ask 'Who are you?', and you say 'I'm Buttface McEveryone-can-tell!'"

The boy shook his head, "I'm Wes, Shadow Hunter Leo." "Oh, well, hey." Red shrugged, "I guess I just met you, and this is crazy, so call me may-" " **AAAAAAAAAHHH! DRAGON!"** Zin cried.

(Skyrim- Song of the DragonBorn)

Suddenly, a giant shadow loomed over the two. Red looked up, and gasped, 'Sweet mother of…" "Cripes…" Wes muttered, readying his Snag Arm, "Umbra, Espis! Regroup." Zin ran beside them, pulling a bow off her back, "About time I actually use this!"

 _ **There was a loud roar.**_ The shadow stood upright, before charging up an attack. A massive blast of water sailed over their heads, almost knocking Red's cap off. Our hero yelped, " **WHAT IN THE NAME OF HOT LEAF TEA IS DAT?!"**

Wes lowered his visor, "Scans… I can say the base is a pokemon, but it's been… corrupted. Kinda like a Shadow Pokemon." Zinnia drew her bow, "So what is that thing?!"

"I'm not done yet. Here's the weird part; _All signs on it are normal._ It's overflowing with… Light Energy, even."

Red whistled, "You can tell all that from a scan?" "Nah. I'm just jacking up the drama. But all jokes aside, I wonder why…"

 _ **Mega Gyrados**_ _rose out of the fog, giant fin like a sword threatening our protagonists. Lance cried out,_ " _ **NOW! FEEL THE POWER OF MEGA GYRADOS! PERISH, RED!"**_

"Oh. That's why." Wes sighed, " **ATTACK!"**

* * *

 _ **Hearken now, sons of snow, to an age, long ago**_

 _ **and the tale, boldly told, of the one!**_

 _ **Who was kin to both wyrm**_

 _ **and the races of man**_

 _ **with a power to rival the sun!**_

* * *

 _Zinnia drew her bow, firing an arrow at Gyrados. Wes motioned for his Espeon and Umbreon to attack, dashing forwards himself guns blazing. Red activated the drivers on Essentia and launched himself over the beast, drawing his shotgun,_ " _ **I'm going to shoot your face!"**_

 _The Mega Gyrados slammed Zinnia into a wall with a simple tail flick, and Red was only able to get in a few headshots before getting thrown off himself. The scarlet wonder's visor cracked open, smoking._

 _Mega Gyrados hesitated. That was enough for Wes._

" _ **SHADOUKEN!"**_

 _A ball of Shadow energy blasted at Mega Gyrados, severely injuring it. Wes dunked his fist, "You're too slow!" Just as Wes spoke, he was blasted down by a Hyper Beam._

* * *

 _Red shakily stood, as Lance approached, "Look at you. You're all alone. You are truly weak, Redneck. You rely on others just to beat enemies."_

" _Too...Weak…"_

" _ **What?!"**_

 _Red glared at Lance weakly, "Was the original Elite Four this weak?"_

" _Relying on 'powers' given to you by your 'leader', himself a criminal… You're just like how you see me." Red smiled, phasing out his suit, "And… You are… just as weak as I am… Right now..."_

 _Another Hydro Pump flew at Red, who reached onto his belt and loaded another shotgun shell. He wasn't going down without a fight…_

 **Bling Bling Blin Blin Blink!**

" **CHAAAAR!"**

 **GENERIC POKEBALL OPENING SOUND!**

 **GENERIC FIRE SOUND!**

 **GENERIC HISSING SOUND!**

Red looked up. Above him was a wall of flames, a literal **Flame Shield!**

" **Char! You healed!"**

Red's Charizard grabbed his trainer in a hug, and Red buried his face in the Dragon's body. Lance scoffed, " **AGAIN!"**

* * *

(Janne Da Arc- Neo Venus)

" **HELL NO! CHAR! PLASMA THE SHIT OUTTA HIM!"**

Plasma flew, burning the beast! Lance screamed, "No! Not the Plasma!" " **YES THE PLASMA!"** Zinnia screamed, backflipping back up and firing arrow after arrow at the beast.

Wes stood, shaking, " _I relied on many allies to help me beat Team Cipher. Rui… Even my old Snagem Allies to some extent… Red relied on people like us… It's because of the bonds between partners- No, Friends!- that make us powerful! Like Mega Evolution… However, since you only cared about power, your Mega Evolved Gyrados is weak!_ **ALL UNITS, ATTACK!** "

Zin blew into her Eon Flute, " **TACTICAL NUKE, IMBOUND!"** Wes charged up his modded Snag Arm, "Charging up! Umbra! Espis! **Formation Gladiator!** Just like back in '03!"

Red and Leaf looked at each other, before Leaf pulled out her pistol and Red pumped his shotgun, mounting Char's back, " **LET'S DANCE!"**

* * *

 _Gyrados roared, dashing at the airborne Red! Redneck took aim with his .22, blasting at an eye. The Dragon reeled, leaving it open for a fully charged Shadow Ball to blast it, sending it flying! However, a Water-type belongs not in the skies, something the true guardian of the air was only too happy to correct. Rayquasa used his Dragon Pulse to remove the intruder from his domain. The Mega Gyrados was sent on an earth-bound trajectory, slamming into the wooden arena once more. Umbra and Espis ran up, standing side by side just like they had done all those years ago. Umbra leapt into the air, running forwards and attacking rapidly with Quick Attack, falling back in time for Espis to use her Psychic powers to slam the dragon around. The duo then ran back, as Leaf shot her pistol at the Dragon._

 _The Mega Gyrados wasn't so Mega after that._

* * *

Lance fell, "No… No… **Blue, I've failed you!"**

Red smirked, "You got that on camera, didn't 'cha?!"

" **WHAT, YOU DIDN'T?!"**

 **YOU BEAT LANCE!**

 **[4/4]**

 **IT'S TIME TO KICK SOME BLUE ASS!**

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed- Credits)

Lance groaned, "You… You may have defeated me… But you'll never defeat…"

The ice cream van ploughed into him. There was much rejoicing.

Red took another swig of his alcohol, "Whoo! Well, this has been real fun! But now, it's finally time." Zin nodded slowly, approaching Red, " _Yes… Our time together may have been short, but I shall always remember…"_

 _She leaned up to Red, closing her eyes. Redneck chuckled, "I know…"_

" **ZOINK!"** Zin snatched up Red's Pokedex, " **Mine now! Haha!"** Our hero shrugged, "Okay. Just letting you know, the vibration function is really good! Oh, and it may be covered in my… Um…"

" **ACK!"** Zin yelped. Leaf made a disgusted face, "Ew! Red!" "Hey, I needed something to stir up all the mini cocktails!" Red shot back. Wes rolled his eyes, as his team joined him again, "I'll be rooting for you! All of Kanto is! You ready?"

Red pondered this, "2016 ends in only a few days. I'm not sure I can even make the cut!"Leaf smiled. Her brother had been through a lot recently. However, she knew him better than anyone. She knew he was dedicated to defend his home. She spoke with confidence.

* * *

(Pokemon Theme (Gotta Catch 'Em All!)

" _Redneck Budwiener, we've made it this far! Every challenge you faced, your courage pulled you through. You saved Mr Fuji. You saved Saffron City. You saved me, even. Well, to be honest, I kinda let myself get-_ _ **THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT!**_ _What is, is that you, like it or not, are to be the Hero of Kanto. 20 Years has come down to this. 20 Years. Seven Generations. We were the first. So let's show the world what we're capable of, Red."_

 _The girl in blue held the boy in red's hand, leading him onwards to his destiny._

" _Time to be the very best, like no one ever was. We've caught most of the terrorists. Well…_ _ **Time to catch 'em all.**_ "

 _A smile blossomed on Red's lips._

" _ **Gotta catch 'em all."**_

 _The doors of fate slowly swung open. Red took his first steps into the light…_

* * *

Zin stared at the Dex, "So, um… Is he going to need this?"


	19. VS BLUE- Red and Blue

**Chapter 19: VS BLUE- Red and Blue**

* * *

 _ **THE FATED DUEL  
Red VS Blue**_

* * *

(Pokemon Origins- VS Gym Leader's last Pokemon)

 _ **This entire Chapter is to be entirely narrated by Red.**_

 _Well, here you are, Red._

 _8 Badges later, and the weight of the whole region weighs on your shoulders. Where did I turn from a drunken A-hole to a hero?_

I entered the arena, and was nearly blinded by the cameras. I looked up, over the amazing crowds that had turned out to watch me fight. In the front rows, I saw all the people I had met in my journey, plus a few more.

Nate and Katie waved their flags, " **GO RED! DO YOUR STUFF! RED!"**

Lan and Geo sat beside them, Geo projecting a banner using his Transer's Hologram tech.

Zinnia munched down some popcorn, as a girl and boy, the girl wearing a red bandana, and the boy wearing a white one, cheered.

Wes saluted. Next to him was a girl I had never seen before holding a flag, a guy with the biggest 'fro ever holding a boombox, and a boy wearing a blue headband with orange hair waved. I waved back, and he gasped, before fainting.

I was that good.

Leaf stood by my side, "They're all here!"

I looked over the crowd, trying to find more familiar faces.

 _Then, I saw them._

* * *

 _My parents._

 _For the first time in 15 years of my life, my father had finally returned. He looked at me, smiling at my shocked look. I nearly fainted…_

A person passed by, and they vanished. Aw, nuts. I hate it when that happens.

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed LeafGreen Super Music Collection- Rocket Hideout (Remix))

I adjusted my cap, marching forwards. I was focused on the dark end of the arena now, the end where no one wanted to sit. The end corrupted by shadow. The end with… Blue.

 _Blue stood, walking towards me._

" _So… Red…. Persistently, you stand before me."_

 _I nodded. Leaf spoke, "Blue! What's gotten into you?! Are you high on evil?!" "No… I have the power to end this war now… I have the upper hand now, Red! You are all that I have been unable to kill and conquer!"_

" _My world… It is so beautiful… Except for the one speck. You. Now, we fight, and I shall end you, whether you like it or not, you are to die today! Red, I am the king. You are my enemy."_

 _He flicked his hair, "Let us make this quick, for I must return to ruling."_

 _So… Even when he knows I'll kick his ass with Mega Charizard, he still is in denial. Unless he has some ace up his sleeve…_

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed- Final Battle!)

 _ **Final Battle**_

 _ **Red VS Blue**_

* * *

 _Red sent out_ _ **UtilitiKarp!**_

 _Blue sent out_ _ **Alakazam!**_

 _One attack was all it took. The Magikarp fell easily. I cursed myself, and sent out_ _ **Glitch.**_

 _The Alakazam was shocked at the sight of the experiment. Glitch giggled, winking and vanishing. The Alakazam spun around, trying to find his opponent. All was lost when..._

" _ **STRAIGHT THROUGH THE CHEST!"**_

 _A sword flew into Alakazam, defeating it. Glitch smiled, waving to the crowd, "Heya! Nice to see you-_ _**WOAH!"**_

 _She yelped, as a_ _ **Hitmonlee**_ _hit her back. The Mewtwo spun, throwing a punch. Her fist was grabbed by the Fighting-Type, and Glitch was slammed into the floor repeatedly. She was flung at me. Now, I like Glitch and all, but I also like my life. And considering the a Hitmonlee can launch a fist at 200 MPH if needed, I'm sure that that Mewtwo could've killed me._

 _I ran over to Glitch, "_ _ **GLITCH!**_ _Are you okay?!" She weakly groaned, "Don't mind me, Red… This your fight. Finish it… With or without me…!"_

 _I crossed my heart, "I will."_

 _Blue laughed, "So! I have killed two Pokemon of yours already! And you only killed one! Hitmonlee,_ _ **END HIM!**_ " _Leaf skidded into play, "Not while I live!_ _ **IVY!**_ " _The Hitmonlee suddenly found itself rather tied up in a Vine Whip. Hah, see what I did there? 'Tied up?!' Oh, the power of bad puns._

 _Sorry, that was the booze. Moving on!_

* * *

 _I sent out_ _ **Hikari**_ _. She ran forwards, punching the Hitmonlee with electric fists, before launching a ThunderBolt. The Pokemon under attack convulsed, before falling limp._

 _Ivy went back into her ball, leaving only the Pikachu in the arena. She looked around, before hearing a loud cry above her. She looked up, realizing a Aerodactyl was circling around her._

 _She launched multiple Thunders in succession, but the Dragon-type swiftly dodged them. The Aerodactyl then dove into the fray, but at the last moment, Hikari used the item she was holding._

 _ **Blast Seed.**_

 _An explosion enveloped the duo, defeating both!_

 _Blue gave a sadistic smile, "Well, that makes us even. Let's end this with our evolved starters… Rival." I nodded, as the crowd started to scream for me to win._

" _ **RED! DEFEND KANTO!"**_

" _ **DEFEAT HIM!"**_

" _ **HERO!"**_

" _ **FOR JUSTICE!"**_

 _I ran at Blue, sending out Char. Blue sent out Blastoise, but his draw was too slow._

 _Char caught the Blastoise by surprise, knocking the Tyrant's Pokemon into the air. Fire surrounded his fists, as punch after punch struck Blastoise's chest. Suddenly, Char was caught in a Hydro Pump directly on the tail flame! The Charizard became incredibly pissed, grabbing the Blastoise and flying high into the air._

 _Char hurled him back to the ground, creating a giant crater._

 _Blue smiled, the blue tron lines on his face glowing brighter, "Wait, He's not dead yet! Prepare yourself!_ _ **OMEGA EVOLUTION!**_ " _The Cyan Criminal began to glow with an unearthly light, rising into the air. Some of the weaker willed members of the audience screamed, fainting at what happened next._

* * *

 _The Blastoise stood, now with white eyes and a glowing black aura. It now had only one massive cannon on its back, but two on his arms. But what sent shivers down everyone's spines was the fact half his face was crossed with neon blue lines, almost as if Blue had infected it himself! The demonic Pokemon screamed in pain with an unearthly cry._

 _Wes slowly stood, mouth agape as he lowered his visor,_ " _ **Sha...Sh...SHADOW POKEMON!"**_

* * *

 _I groaned, "Darn, he did have an Ace up his sleeve. Char!_ _ **MEGA EVOLUTION!**_ "

 _Compared to Omega Blastoise, Mega Charizard X was tiny! But he was our last hope. I swung my hand,_ " _ **CHARGE!"**_ _With that, I mounted Char, and we dashed forwards into the breach once more._

" _ **BLASTOISE! WATER BLAST!"**_

 _A massive burst of water shot at us. I tugged on Char, veering out of the way,_ " _ **STAY ON TARGET! BREAK FORMATION!"**_

 _We rolled out of the way of the attack, firing Fire Blasts at the Blastoise. However, we didn't even scratch his shell-_

 _Blue landed an attack on me._

* * *

(Silence…)

 _Pain coursed through my body, almost as if I was being torn apart limb to limb by hungry Rhyhorns. I screamed out to Arceus, however it was all in vain._

 _We fell._

 _The crowd gasped! Nate covered Katie's eyes. Lan removed his headband silently as a sign of respect. Zin hung her head, shedding a few tears…._

 _Blue laughed,_ " _ **PERISH WITH YOUR FOOLISH BATTLE, RED! YOUR WAR ENDS HERE!"**_

 _I couldn't hear him. I was without shape or form. For I was dead._

* * *

…

…

" _R…"_

…

" _Re…"_

…

" _Red."_

 _I slowly opened my eyes. I was floating in a white void. Before me were three figures…_

" _ **Fire…? Ash… and Satoshi…**_ " _I weakly called out, "I failed… Guys, I can't bleedin' believe it…" Fire glared, "No! You haven't failed yet." Ash nodded, "Second Place ain't so bad…" Fire slapped him, "Not helping, Ash!"_

 _Satoshi held out his hand, "Red! Listen to me! You haven't failed yet! You can still win this! Just focus on what's important to you…" "I don't know!" I cried, "It's always been like this…"_

 _Wait… I'm lying again, aren't I?_

 _I know what's important. Kanto. Her safety is vital to our lives. The honour of Pokemon Trainers. My destiny. Leaf. Nate. Lan. Zinnia. Everyone in Kanto... My Pokemon… Char..._

" _ **Then, do you truly believe you can defend them?"**_

 _I never would have made it this far without them. I started this journey alone, and I ended it with all these people by my side..._

 _ **HOLY SHIT! THIS STORY HAS A FREAKING MORAL! WOAH!**_

* * *

 _I smiled,_ " _ **Of course. I can't give up now… You're right! Time to fight!"**_

 _The world faded away around me…_

* * *

 _In reality, my body started to stir. Blue gasped._

(Pokemon Red- Title theme)

 _I floated into the air, glowing with a bright light. Then, I looked up. My red cap had a white rectangle on the front with a small badge on the bottom left corner with a small leaf in it. My jacket was red with white trim on the bottom, a white collar and two white pockets on the front. Underneath my jacket was a black T-shirt._

 _The clothing I had worn for my whole journey._

" _ **Arise… Classic Red!"**_

* * *

 _Red became- but always was-_ _ **Classic Red!  
Based off Red's first appearance.**_

* * *

 _I opened my eyes, landing on the ground. Blue glared at me, "What can you do to harm me?" I smiled, "Not so much what_ _ **I**_ _can do… but what_ _ **We**_ _can do!"_

 _I hoisted my Mega Bracelet into the air. The room was lit up in a blinding flash._

 _Fire, Ash and Satoshi appeared around me, sending out their primary Pokemon. Fire's Venusaur landed before him, letting out a loud roar. Ash's Pikachu hopped up on his shoulder, and Satoshi's Charizard let out a pixellated roar._

 _Blue gasped,_ " _ **Who… who are you?!"**_

 _We spoke in unison, voices unwavering._

" _ **Call us… Red."**_

* * *

" _ **ALL REDS! LET'S FINISH THIS!"**_ _Fire yelled._

 _Char landed by my side. I smiled, as Leaf ran up next to me as well, "Don't forget me!"_

 _Ash pulled out a boombox, "Here we go!"_

(Pokemon Season 1 theme- (Gotta Catch 'Em All!)

" _ **I wanna be the very best!"**_ _Ash sang._

" _ **Like no one ever was!"**_

" _ **To catch them is my real test!"**_

" _ **To train them is my cause!"**_

 _Pikachu charged up energy, running at Omega with a burning passion. He lept into the air, calling down a ThunderBolt from the heavens. Blastoise screamed as the bolt rained down upon him, dealing great damage!_

" _ **I will travel across the land!"**_ _Fire began._

" _ **Searching far and wide!"**_

" _ **Using them to understand!"**_

" _ **The power that's inside!"**_

 _Venusaur closed his eyes, charging up a massive SolarBeam. He opened his eyes, firing it at Omega with great prejudice._

" _ **POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH 'EM!"**_ _the crowd cried._

" _ **It's you and me!"**_ _Wes joined in._

" _ **I know it's our destiny!"**_ _I surfed toward the beast on Char, using FireBlasts to assault Blue and his creation. Red energy burst out of my fist. I translated this into a powerful punch to Omega's face._

" _ **POKEMON!"**_

" _ **Oh, you're my best friend!"**_

" _ **In this world I'm sworn to defend!"**_

 _Satoshi ran forwards, using his own Charizard. His dragon became a firey missile, striking Blastoise square on the head!_

" _ **POKEMON! Gotta catch 'em!"**_ _Leaf's voice came back into play._

" _ **Our hearts so true!"**_

" _ **OUR COURAGE WILL PULL US THROUGH!"**_

 _The four Reds stood side by side, their Pokemon preparing to use their ultimate attacks. Omega Blastoise prepared another attack, the Hyper Pump._

" _ **YOU TEACH ME!"**_ _Satoshi sang._

" _ **AND I'll TEACH YOU!"**_ _Fire cried._

" _ **POKEMOOOOONNNN!"**_ _Ash screamed._

 _All eyes were on me._

 _I took a swig of my alcohol, "Ahem…"_

 _Alcohol first, important life decisions later._

* * *

 _Well readers, we've made it this far. I have to say, I'm actually quite impressed on how I did for time. But, alas, all good things must come to an end. So, let's kick it off one more time, chaps._

* * *

" _ **GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!"**_ _I declared, running forwards as energy charged around my fist. Blue did the same with his corrupted fist._

" _ **POKEMON!"**_ _Char charged up a Fire Blast, and launched it just as Blastoise launched his Hyper Pump._

 _The arena glowed, as an orb of energy collected in the centre of the ring where all the attacks collided…_

* * *

 _ **TO BE CONTINUED…**_

" _Oh, C'mon! A freaking cliffhanger?! To end MY series?! LAAAAMMMEEE!"_


	20. Epilogue- Pokémon

**Chapter 20: Epilogue- Pokémon**

* * *

(Pokemon FireRed- Epilogue)

 _ **This is the tale of a legend, my friends.**_

 _ **Of Red and Blue.**_

 _ **Of hearts so true.**_

 _ **He could never do this all alone.**_

 _ **But it's over, so he went on home.**_

 _ **To Pallet Town.**_

 _ **Downed and Dead.**_

 _ **His coffin to be rusty red.**_

 _ **But it was never in vain.**_

 _ **He helped the hero through sun and rain...**_

* * *

The mourners gathered around the body. Some burst out in tears. Some fainted.

" _Out of the way! Out of the way!"_ Professor Oak yelled, pushing through the crowd. He looked down, "Now, what seems to be- Oh dear."

Leaf tearfully nodded, cradling Red's head (Rhymes! Yay!) in her arms, "He's…" Oak nodded, tears starting to stream down his own face, "No… All children and faint-hearted… Please, leave the arena."

The force of the explosion had taken its toll on the Scarlet Trainer. From under his body came a red liquid, staining all it touched. Devoted fans dipped handkerchiefs in it, wishing to take away some of the Redneck's memory. Some began to flip coins for his personal belongings and body parts.

However, all bore remorse in their hearts.

Especially Red.

* * *

Red sat up, sobbing, ' _ **Would ya lookit that?! They broke mah Tequila flask!"**_

The fans gasped. Oak gasped. Leaf got a short heart attack. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

Red blinked, looking around, "Was it something I said?"

(Pokemon FireRed- Victory! (VS Trainer))

 **[YOU BEAT BLUE!]**

 **[GAME COMPLETE! W00T!]**

* * *

The crowd burst into wild applause! Fireworks were fired off! However, some of said fireworks didn't go off until they landed in the middle of Viridian Forest, scaring the bejeebus out of a certain blond psychic who happened to be fishing nearby.

Red cheered, "I… am **AWESOME!** "

(Pokemon FireRed- Route 25)

Oak smiled, "Well done, Red! You have learnt how to treat Pokemon with respect and care." Red smiled, turning to his allies, "Well, I couldn't have done without those guys!" "I'm so glad that you managed to beat my grandson to a bloody pulp, and/or launch him to another region entirely." Oak continued.

"...You can't see what's wrong with that, can you?" Leaf asked, pouting, "Typical."

"Red. Your victory was not your own doing, you realize."

Red nodded, "It was a combination of allies, contrived Plot devices, and an Author!"

I smiled, chugging down a coke can.

"Red! Oh, and Leaf. Follow me."

Oak motioned for them to follow him. Red stopped, suddenly remembering the other three variations of himself. He looked around the destroyed arena, attempting to find them. Then, he looked down at his Mega Bracelet.

It still shone, only with less brightness than before. The trio were gone… The new champion smiled, whispering under his breath, "Thank you."

" _ **No probs."**_

He turned around, just in time to spot Fire strolling into a portal. The Manga trainer froze mid-step, gulped, and dashed in.

Red rolled his eyes.

* * *

(Pokemon- Season 1 theme)

Oak motioned to a giant computer in the next room, "Welcome, Red. This is the Hall of Fame. Here, we honour the many who were badass enough to beat the league. Now, give me your pokemon."

Red did so, closing his eyes, "... It's just like ma said it would be like…"

The balls were placed in a device, like a Team Healer, and photos were taken of each Pokemon quickly. Hikari stuck her tongue out at the camera. Glitch made the Peace sign. UtilitiKarp flapped his fins. Char dabbed. Ash… I really don't want to and don't need to explain at this point, do I?

Oak picked up the six balls, handing them back to Red, "All done! Now, the Champion's photo. Leaf, you shall be witness to prove Red was the Champion- and Hero- of Kanto."

Red and Leaf traded glances.

Red pulled his sister in next to him, "Smile!"

* * *

 **GENERIC SHUTTER SOUND!**

Oak's jaw dropped, "No! You screwed it! There can only be one Champion!" Red shrugged, "I dunno… Maybe you didn't notice that Leaf has been with me for practically my whole adventure? Also, I only use four Pokemon."

Oak looked at the picture and realised Red was right; with the entire of Red's team was Leaf's two Pokemon, Ev curled up cutely and Ivysaur wearing shades.

Red and Leaf's photo came in front of them. The photo was added to the team's photo.

The twin champions looked at each other and smiled. That was enough.

The tale was over.

" _ **By the way… About your Pokedexes…"**_

 **Piss.**

* * *

"It's incredible! You met every single Pokemon in Kanto!" Oak smiled, handing Red his cocktail-soaked dex back, "All that means… You're the best Pokemon Hunter in Kanto! I've modded your dex, so you can catch all… Hmm… 801 Pokemon in existence!"

(Needle scratches record.)

Red turned very pale, "... I can't even count that high! How many…" "151 down! 650 left!" Oak smiled happily.

Our hero glared at Oak, slammed his dex back into his hands again, and walked off without a word, "I'm going to update my Poogle Plus blog…"

Leaf shrugged, taking off, "I'm so going to Kalos after this!"

Oak sobbed, "I just wanna be loved…"

* * *

(Hatsune Miku- Rockman Zero 4: Freesia Remix)

Red walked outside, where Leaf stopped him, "So, Red… I guess this is goodbye. It was fun, but…" Red smiled, patting Leaf on the back, "We'll meet again. Perhaps… Yearly? Anyway, how about we Email each other!" The Heroine of Kanto nodded, "Okay. Until we meet again… Just tell me, where, exactly are you going?"

"I'm gonna travel all the eight regions via montage, then maybe settle down on top of Mt Silver, just like I always wanted to… in the **Pimpkemon Centre!** " Leaf laughed, "Alright. I figure I can work in a visit or two if I can… Um… Red. Even though we are so far apart…"

Leaf leaned in, and kissed Red.

" _I'll always be with you. Always."_

 _With that, Leaf Budwiener exited stage left._

 _Red smiled, "Goodbye..."_

* * *

" _ **If it's not the days I dreamed of, I'd rather have this…"**_

" _ **I can still feel your warmth on my fingertips."**_

" _ **I wrap it up in my palm."**_

* * *

(ACDC- It's a Long Way to the Top!)

(A.N. Finally, after all this time, Redneck gets his own theme song in his own series! Also, Pokemon Generations's Pilot kicked ass! Anyway, enjoy the montage, PokeFans! **WHOO!** )

Red finally adjusted his backpack, "Now that's over… **ON WITH THE MONTAGE!"**

* * *

" _ **Ridin' down the highway!"**_

" _ **Goin' to a gym!"**_

" _ **Stop in all the grasses!"**_

" _ **Gonna catch 'em all!"**_

* * *

 **Viridian Forest, Kanto**

The Caterpie on the road looked up. Red was standing over it, holding a ball. The Pokemon whistled.

Now, Pidgeys can hold grudges apparently, and they have Einsteinian leaps of logic when they really really **REALLY** hate someone.

Red was chased out of the forest, covered in tar, feathers and blood, chased by hundreds of Pidgeys. Now we all know how.

* * *

" _ **Grindin' levels!"**_

" _ **Potion spam!"**_

" _ **Gettin' badges!"**_

" _ **It's my brand!"**_

* * *

 **Ecruteak City, Johto**

Red sat in a meditative pose next to the river, "So, like this?" The ninja named _**Gold**_ sitting next to him nodded, "Yes. Now, wait here for next hour." "W...What?! A whole hour?! That's boring! When do I get to Hadouken stuff?" "Patience, student." Gold said, "Patience is a virtue."

…

"Yeah, and you know what? I'm too apathetic to sit here." Red yawned, "Laziness is the mother of all bad habits. However, she is a motha, and I shall **RESPECT HER! HU TAH!"**

He opened his eyes, shoved Gold into the river, and checked his Pokebook. Suddenly, a school of rabid Woopers tore him limb to limb.

In reality, Red was actually sitting on a stage in the town, and the river and rock were just drunken hallucinations. But Gold getting torn limb to limb was real. Except it was rabid Johtoese fangirls doing the attacking while in a zombie-like daze.

" _ **GAAAAHH! I SWEAR REVENGE ON YOU, RED! I WILL DEFEAT YOU ONE DAY! GUAAAHHH!"**_ Gold screamed.

Red shrugged, "Onwards, hot fangirls!"

* * *

" _ **Gettin' had!"**_

" _ **Gettin' took!"**_

" _ **I tell you folks!"**_

" _ **It's harder than it looks!"**_

* * *

 **Agate Village, Orre**

Red looked around, before running up to the Celebi monument. He angrily tapped on it, "Hello?! Mrs Celebi! I want to sue you! I mean, seriously! You say that you can remove shadows if I came here, and look at this! My shadow's still right here! Hello?! **I WANT A REFUND!** "

Celebi's eye twitched.

" **AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"**

That is the sound of Red getting chased out of town covered in Orran Tequilla, feathers and blood.

* * *

" _ **It's a long way to the league!"**_

" _ **If you wanna catch 'em all!"**_

" _ **It's a long way to the league!"**_

" _ **If you wanna catch 'em all!"**_

* * *

 **Weather Institute, Hoenn**

Red checked his map, "Zinnia? Are you quite sure this hand-drawn map will really lead to the Hoenn Booze institute?" He sniffed the air, "Also, I smell something burning."

He paused, observing Latios and Latias flying around him, "Ooh. Pretty!"

 **THEN** he noticed the log bridge he was standing on was on fire.

"Oh, snap."

 **GENERIC SNAPPING SOUND!**

" **NOT LITERALLY AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"**

* * *

" _ **If you think it's easy with your gen seven bangs!"**_

" _ **Try playin' in the Kanto grand!"**_

" _ **It's a long way to the league!"**_

" _ **If you wanna catch 'em all!"**_

* * *

 **Snowpoint Temple, Sinnoh**

Red happily skipped around the snow, and he was sure the **MASSIVE PROBOPASS CHASING HIM THROUGH THE SNOW** was having fun too.

" **ARCEUS DANG GEN FOUR STEEL-TYPES! AAAAAAAHHHH!"**

Okay, so maybe I wasn't close. Eh.

Red's screaming and general panicking made a Regigigas stand up, roaring, " **MY BODY IS RREEEEAAADDDDYYYY!"** It ran at the Probopass, landing a few **DIRECT** hits on it!

Red sighed, "I don't get paid 'nuff fer this…"

* * *

" _ **Fainted."**_

" _ **Beaten."**_

" _ **Make you wanna cry!"**_

" _ **Joys do the healin'!"**_

" _ **Don't know the reason why!"**_

* * *

 **Relic Castle, Unova**

Red dodged the wild Volcarona's attacks, protecting the very important package in his hands, "Gotta find somewhere to hide… Aw, **SCREW IT!"** He punched up a stone in the floor, flipping it up and making a shield against any attacks.

Red pulled out his McDitto's™ Poke Meal, shoving a handful of cholesterol-filled fries into his face, "Aw Yeah."

* * *

" _ **Gettin' old!"**_

" _ **Gettin' grey!"**_

" _ **One five one!"**_

" _ **Can't trade!"**_

" _ **Gettin' Missin!'"**_

" _ **Break my save!"**_

" _ **That's how it goes!"**_

" _ **Playin' my jams!"**_

* * *

 **Terminus Cave, Kalos**

The minecart clattered down the tracks swiftly.

That didn't mean Red was in it, though.

" **DARN IT! NOT AGGAAAAIIINNNN!"**

Our hero sprinted away from the attacking Noivern covered in Lumiose Galettes, feathers and blood. He continued running, before giving up and employing the master battle strategy known as 'Shoot it with a shotgun until it goes away.'

It worked, and Red exited the cave…

Zygarde stared at Red, "Who are you, and why are you covered in delicious pies?" Red pouted.

* * *

" _ **It's a long way to the league!"**_

" _ **If you wanna catch 'em all!"**_

" _ **It's a long way to the league!"**_

" _ **If you wanna catch 'em all!"**_

* * *

 **Pokken Stadium, Ferrum**

" **NO NO NO! YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG!"** Red groaned, as Char Shoryukened the Braixen in the face again, "I said **TEKKEN, NOT STREET FIGHTER!"**

Char nodded, and then jumped the Braixen and reached for her chest where her heart was. The fox whimpered weakly.

" **AND I NEVER SAID NOTHIN' ABOUT MORTAL KOMBAT EITHER!"**

* * *

" _ **If you wanna be the very best!"**_

" _ **Cartridge in!"**_

" _ **Take the test!"**_

" _ **It's a long way to the league!"**_

" _ **If you wanna catch 'em all!"**_

* * *

 **Iki Town, Alola**

Red screamed, covered in Malasada, sugar and jam and running away from a starving Hau, " **AAAAAAHHHHH SSSAAAAVVVVEEEE MEEEEEEE!" "COME BACK, JUICY FRESH MALASADA! YOU'RE MINE! ALL MINEEEEE!"**

Best not to ask.

* * *

 _Well, after a series of crazy adventures, Red moved to the top of Mt Silver, and was never heard from since. I honestly think the guy is all tuckered out from adventuring and all that shit. But I digress…_

 _He promised he'd never come down… Well, not anytime soon, at least._

* * *

"I'm only coming back if there is a sequel to this travesty of a fanfiction!" Red called to Gold, who was standing outside the Pimpkemon Centre, "If you go and beat the Johto League in a crazy sequel involving ninjas, cameramen and **EVIL CONSUMERISTS,** I'll think 'bout it!"

Gold stared at the door. Red stared at his copy of Pokemon Monthly. Leaf stared at Red via videophone. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

" _ **You heard me!"**_

* * *

 _ **POKEMON REDNECK**_

 _ **-END-**_

* * *

 _ **In commemoration of 20 Years of Pokemon**_

 _ **TRAIN ON!**_


End file.
